# Is it okay to spank a child (your child)? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 31, 2015, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547 "2015-08-31T21:38:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![jsquire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ce73a5/32.png) [@jsquire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsquire)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/81 "2015-09-06T12:02:34Z")
I can’t help but think of Rosanne Barr’s joke… “They say you’re never supposed to strike a child in anger. Well, when ARE you supposed to hit them?” Given that this is The Straight Dope, I’m happy to see that any responses referenced research on the subject. I think it’s one of many ways to instill discipline, but if you’re using it as retribution then you’re getting into a situation where the effect it has may not be the effect you want. Discipline has to be age- and situation-appropriate and effective parenting will use a variety of means to adjust a child’s behavior. Here’s my example. I’m of the age where Saturday mornings were an hours-long cartoon extravaganza. I got a bad grade on a report card once–I think I was 8 or 9 years old–and I didn’t get to watch them again until the next report card came out. Nine long Saturday mornings of no Daffy Duck was interminable. That made me learn to focus on long-term goals at about the youngest age that I could, and that made a big difference for the rest of my life. Physical punishment would not have had the intended effect. On the other hand, three-year-olds don’t get subtlety. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/82 "2015-09-06T12:30:32Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Firstly, IMO spanking vs beating is a distinction without difference, all spanking is beating to me. Sure, it’s a “mild” beating, BFD. > > And no, it’s not OK. That’s a curious position to take. I’ve yet to come across a news report of the victim on life support after a spanking. I agree, **jsquire** , that being smacked would not have taught you a lesson regarding your uninspiring grades, but I wouldn’t have considered it the appropriate punishment. I regard a smack to be relegated to situations of immediate danger, or injurious crisis. ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/83 "2015-09-06T13:32:50Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Firstly, IMO spanking vs beating is a distinction without difference, all spanking is beating to me. Sure, it’s a “mild” beating, BFD. > > And no, it’s not OK. Do you see sending a child to their room as “mild” kidnapping? Do you see withholding dessert as “mild” starvation? ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/84 "2015-09-06T15:03:25Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > Every time it happened it was richly deserved and I am a better person for it People who believe this to be true are like battered wives who keep going back to their abusive husbands because they believe or say they believe that they deserved it. Adults who hit children should should have their arms broken. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/85 "2015-09-06T15:16:53Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > I’m talking about the “put them over your knee and deliver 3-8 smacks to their behind” spanking. > > Quite simply: Do you think it’s okay for a parent to do this to their kid? > > I think this will result in wildly (and very strongly) different opinions from the ends of both extremes. In a nutshell, yes. It should be done as a last resort, and it should be made very clear to the kid that it is happening as a direct result of their unacceptable behavior. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/86 "2015-09-06T15:35:33Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > Adults who hit children should should have their arms broken. Pretty much sums up the absurdity of this discussion. Absolute positions are tricky things. Especially when you factor in that pesky human frailty. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/87 "2015-09-06T15:46:53Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > Pretty much sums up the absurdity of this discussion. Absolute positions are tricky things. Especially when you factor in that pesky human frailty. How tricky and absolute would it be if an adult hauled off and hit you? Children’s pesky human frailty is the reason they’re hit. ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/88 "2015-09-06T16:42:53Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > How tricky and absolute would it be if an adult hauled off and hit you? > > Children’s pesky human frailty is the reason they’re hit. Not to speak for Wordman, but if someone hauled off and hit me, I MIGHT hit them back. If someone spanked me, which is what we are discussing, I think I’d look at them and say “WTF are you doing?” I’d expect a good explanation like a parent should do. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/89 "2015-09-06T16:58:13Z")
The object of hitting a child is to cause pain and injury— duh. Call it spanking all you want, but it’s hitting and assault and battery and is meant to cause pain and injury, as is any attack upon any adult. "Just wait “till your father gets home and gives you a hitting! You won’t sit down for a week!” “just wait until your father gets home and gives you assault and battery! You won’t sit down for a week!” ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/90 "2015-09-06T17:34:57Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > The object of hitting a child is to cause pain and injury— duh. Call it spanking all you want, but it’s hitting and assault and battery and is meant to cause pain and injury, as is any attack upon any adult. I agree with what **6ImpossibleThings** said: > [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > anyone incapable of differentiating hitting, beating, and belting from spanking or smacking, shouldn’t lay a hand on their kid. Or any living creature. So yeah, you don’t understand the difference, so you shouldn’t do any spanking. Me, I see a clear difference, and part of that clear difference is that spanking _doesn’t_ cause injury. If there’s any real chance of injury, you’ve gone beyond spanking. As for “any attack on any adult,” here are some possible adult versions of spanking: - You’re a woman, and a man is touching your body inappropriately. You smack his hand. - You’re a cashier, and a customer reaches his/her hand into the cash drawer (maybe to steal something, maybe just to mess with you). You slap his/her hand away. Would anyone get accused of assault and battery in cases like these? Also, since **6Impossible** brought up pups: animals (at least some of them) seem to understand the distinction between “hitting” and “spanking.” I’m thinking of cats who know the difference between taking a swipe at someone with their claws out vs. in, or dogs who can bite without breaking the skin, in play or in warning. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/91 "2015-09-06T20:26:10Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > The object of hitting a child is to cause pain and injury— duh. Call it spanking all you want, but it’s hitting and assault and battery and is meant to cause pain and injury, as is any attack upon any adult. > > "Just wait “till your father gets home and gives you a hitting! You won’t sit down for a week!” > “just wait until your father gets home and gives you assault and battery! You won’t sit down for a week!” Wow. No. No, not even close. If the objective is to cause pain and injury, then it isn’t spanking. How does a “swat on the tush” cause pain and injury. The objective of a spanking is to get a toddler’s attention as a last resort. There’s a…really not even close to fine line between causing pain and injury and making it clear that biting or running into traffic is not good for them. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/92 "2015-09-06T21:20:08Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > That’s a curious position to take. I’ve yet to come across a news report of the victim on life support after a spanking. [LMGTFY](http://raycomgroup.worldnow.com/story/23140195/bossier-city-toddler-on-life-support-after-family-says-babysitter-spanked-her). Anyway, like what the news reports say is a guide to anything - how many incidents \*started out \*as ‘spankings’ and turned into full-on ‘beatings’? Her’s a little thought exercise - _could_ you get charged with battery if you spanked an adult who wasn’t obeying your authoritah a couple swats on their ass? Would it be any _different_, legally, from the battery charge you’d get if you used a fist in their face? > [@Nars\_Glinley](#): > > Do you see sending a child to their room as “mild” kidnapping? Do you see withholding dessert as “mild” starvation? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/93 "2015-09-06T21:22:43Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > Wow. No. No, not even close. If the objective is to cause pain and injury, then it isn’t spanking. How does a “swat on the tush” cause pain and injury. Are you asserting spanking is supposed to feel _good_? Dude, that’s fucked up. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/94 "2015-09-06T21:24:53Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > **Thudlow Boink** , I think anyone incapable of differentiating hitting, beating, and belting from spanking or smacking, shouldn’t lay a hand on their kid. Or any living creature. Does that include the pro-spankers in this thread who were talking about use of belts? ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/95 "2015-09-06T22:15:40Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Are you asserting spanking is supposed to feel _good_? Dude, that’s fucked up. Yes, that’s exactly right, because the only other answer is the exact opposite. :smack: :dubious: It’s not worth engaging for that silly game. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2015, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/96 "2015-09-06T22:49:43Z")
The whole ‘But you wouldn’t do that to an adult!!’ argument is irrelevant. I also wouldn’t tell an adult whether or not he could have a cookie, or send him to the thinking corner. If I picked up an adult and put him somewhere he didn’t want to be, and made him stay there for one minute for every year of his age, and wouldn’t let him out till he apologised to his sister for smashing her Lego, it would be a crime. And yet I did that to my two-year-old just a few days ago, and I don’t feel one bit guilty. Like I said, I have no intention of ever spanking my kids, but that’s not because I wouldn’t smack an adult. ---
**Author:** ![PoppaSan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/poppasan/32/189_2.png) [@PoppaSan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoppaSan)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2015, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/97 "2015-09-07T00:55:21Z")
Be interesting to see how the viewpoints in here are differentiated between parents and non-parents. Reminds me of the phrase “everyone is an expert on children until they have one.” We only spanked if the munchkins ran away in the store or took off across the parking lot. Just one swat and a face-to-face (close) one sided discussion of what was wrong. Hitting others and throwing things were handled by bear hugs restricting movement. sometimes up to 10 minutes before they were let go. Spitting, screaming, biting handled by a one arm hug with the other hand over their mouth until the situation abated. Whining was handled by the repeated statement that we speak English and don’t understand whine. If they want something, ask in a clear speaking voice. Wife was into pinching them in Church if they were squirming about because “her parents did it.” Took me a while to break her of that as totally useless. I never shook them without having one hand behind there head. Again then you are close in their face. Now my kids are teens and up. They know they messed up when I swear. I didn’t use that tool until the oldest was in high school. Edit\> In regards to the OP, spanking a child 8 times is no longer discipline. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2015, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/98 "2015-09-07T13:05:38Z")
> [@WordMan](#): > > Yes, that’s exactly right, because the only other answer is the exact opposite. :smack: :dubious: Sorry, I just assumed you were taking the same (disturbing) tack as [Honey](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=18659127&postcount=54). > [@](#): > > It’s not worth engaging for that silly game. Nah, a silly game is alleging that something doesn’t cause any pain when it quite evidently does. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2015, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/99 "2015-09-07T13:15:40Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > The whole ‘But you wouldn’t do that to an adult!!’ argument is irrelevant. The issue for me isn’t with whether there’s a difference between what you can do to a kid vs an adult (although, note you _can_ manhandle adults _when you are in a position of legitimate authority over them_ e.g. police or MH orderlies, or when it is for their own safety - just like kids. So it’s not an ‘irrelevant’ argument) it’s whether the purely artificial spanking/beating distinction has any parallel in adult discourse. It seemingly doesn’t. There is the battery vs aggravated battery distinction, but that’s not the same thing, all spankings would be battery anyway. > [@](#): > > I also wouldn’t tell an adult whether or not he could have a cookie, or send him to the thinking corner. I would. Maybe it’s just the reprobates I game with… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2015, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/100 "2015-09-07T13:17:15Z")
> [@PoppaSan](#): > > Be interesting to see how the viewpoints in here are differentiated between parents and non-parents. Reminds me of the phrase “everyone is an expert on children until they have one.” :rolleyes: I’m a parent, I’m sure lots of non-spankers have mentioned their kids already in this thread. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547.md?page=6)