# Is it okay to spank a child (your child)? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 31, 2015, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547 "2015-08-31T21:38:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/141 "2015-09-16T16:29:55Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I’m pretty sure that’s for dogs going at it. Tantruming kids you rub peanut butter in their hair. Then the dog licks the kid’s hair, making kid giggle, and stopping the tantrum in its tracks ;). ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/142 "2015-09-16T16:31:37Z")
My husband and I reserved spanking for those limited situations that involved danger, ie, when our boys ran out into the street without looking, or when they grabbed things off a hot stove. The intent was not to inflict pain so much as it was to make an unmistakable point. Spanking a diapered child is useless - they don’t understand at that age and the sting of the spank doesn’t penetrate the diaper. But a willful pre-schooler who is told not to do something dangerous and does it anyway can benefit by the punctuation mark to a parent’s spoken “No” provided by a short, appropriate spanking. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/143 "2015-09-16T17:47:09Z")
> [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > My husband and I reserved spanking for those limited situations that involved danger, ie, when our boys ran out into the street without looking, or when they grabbed things off a hot stove. **The intent was not to inflict pain** so much as it was to make an unmistakable point. > > Spanking a diapered child is useless - they don’t understand at that age and **the sting of the spank doesn’t penetrate the diaper**. But a willful pre-schooler who is told not to do something dangerous and does it anyway can benefit by the punctuation mark to a parent’s spoken “No” provided by a short, appropriate spanking. (bolding mine) So is the intent to inflict pain or not? ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/144 "2015-09-16T18:46:18Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > (bolding mine) So is the intent to inflict pain or not? Not really. Pain implies an event that hurts for more than an instant or so. A proper spanking shouldn’t do more than sting a bit. Just enough of an impact to be memorable without lingering afterwards. If you are hitting your child enough to cause pain that lingers, you are not spanking, you are beating. ---
**Author:** ![Gothic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Gothic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gothic)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/145 "2015-09-16T19:27:27Z")
For those that spanked their kids, how would you describe your emotional state at the time? ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/146 "2015-09-16T19:55:16Z")
> [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > Not really. Pain implies an event that hurts for more than an instant or so. A proper spanking shouldn’t do more than sting a bit. Because everyone knows stinging isn’t pain. > [@](#): > > Just enough of an impact to be memorable without lingering afterwards. How long is afterwards? If the first “afterwards” doesn’t take, would the next be painless stinging for a longer “afterwards?” > [@](#): > > If you are hitting your child enough to cause pain that lingers, you are not spanking, you are beating. Have you the official rulebook on how long “lingers” is after a “proper” painless spanking? “I’ll give you a proper spanking!” Shouldn’t hurt a bit. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/147 "2015-09-16T21:29:16Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > Because everyone knows stinging isn’t pain. > > How long is afterwards? If the first “afterwards” doesn’t take, would the next be painless stinging for a longer “afterwards?” > > Have you the official rulebook on how long “lingers” is after a “proper” painless spanking? > > “I’ll give you a proper spanking!” > > Shouldn’t hurt a bit. Of course I don’t have a rulebook. Don’t be ludicrous. What I DO have are two well-adjusted boys who grew up SAFE because they were deterred from running into traffic without looking first and from pulling hot pans down off the stove. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/148 "2015-09-17T01:21:50Z")
> [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > Of course I don’t have a rulebook. Don’t be ludicrous. What I DO have are two well-adjusted boys who grew up SAFE because they were deterred from running into traffic without looking first and from pulling hot pans down off the stove. So did I, and I was never spanked. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/149 "2015-09-17T01:50:24Z")
> [@Gothic](#): > > For those that spanked their kids, how would you describe your emotional state at the time? I think most of the time I gave a spanking I was fighting not to laugh at the situation. Trying very hard to look serious. ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/150 "2015-09-17T03:12:41Z")
I am okay with the idea of a parent spanking their child. My mom made me write lines. I remember writing over and over again: “I will not destroy the pool floats.” I must have used 5 sheets of paper, front and back. Backstory: I pulled apart and chewed up one of those colorful Styrofoam floats called “noodles.” The line-writing was ineffective because I still bit chunks off of the noodles whenever the opportunity presented itself. Still do to this day, matter of fact. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/151 "2015-09-17T11:38:34Z")
> [@brovolone](#): > > My mom made me write lines. I remember writing over and over again: “I will not destroy the pool floats.” > I must have used 5 sheets of paper, front and back. In grade school I hated art class. I had no natural ability and thought it was a waste of time. So, the teacher made people like me write, “The art room is a workshop, not a playground” when she caught us goofing off. I believed in being prepared. One day she told me to write “the sentence” two hundred times. She was pissed off! I opened my notebook and pulled out four sheets, pre-written, twenty five lines to a side and put them on her desk. She was livid!! I was taken to the office, but acted totally confused. She gave me an assignment and I completed it, only more quickly then she expected. Eventually the principal saw things my way and took me back to class. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2015, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547/152 "2015-09-17T12:21:16Z")
Growing up in our home, the punishment for disobedience was spanking on the bare buttocks with a belt, hairbrush, or paddle to the point of sobbing. Occasionally it left marks. Sometimes it was deserved, sometimes not at all. The only lesson I learned is that when you get angry at someone, even for minor reasons, you can really gin up your rage and shut down your empathy so as to deliver a severe punishment. I cannot tolerate conflict, and react to it with avoidance, freezing people out, and harboring legendary grudges. I have trouble forming and keeping good personal relationships, and I feel poorer for it. I can imagine a protocol of a couple of gentle-but-startling swats might be appropriate for some families. But I’ve never spanked my kids and I don’t think I ever will. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-spank-a-child-your-child/729547.md?page=7)