# Is it okay to tell a restaurant you're allergic to oysters if you aren't? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 24, 2019, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759 "2019-09-24T16:56:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2019, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/61 "2019-09-26T21:13:18Z")
> [@AlsoNamedBort](#): > > I don’t get how that bothers you. Are you worried they’re going to go into anaphylactic shock at the table or something? It supports the narrative that they’re not really allergic and encourages people to give people the stuff they’re allergic since it won’t really be that bad. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2019, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/62 "2019-09-26T21:24:43Z")
> [@AlsoNamedBort](#): > > I don’t get how that bothers you. Are you worried they’re going to go into anaphylactic shock at the table or something? > [@Kamino\_Neko](#): > > It supports the narrative that they’re not really allergic and encourages people to give people the stuff they’re allergic since it won’t really be that bad. ^ This. Because I don’t want some tool looking at me and saying “Well, my friend just takes a Benadryl and eats it anyway to be polite. Why don’t you do that?” or some variation of that. Also, yes, also, I don’t care to see anyone go into anaphylatic shock. Watching it isn’t as bad as experiencing it, but neither side of that equation is fun. Also, I’d prefer not to watch someone die in front of me again by any means, that’s not fun, either. ---
**Author:** ![Anglachel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Anglachel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anglachel)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2019, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/63 "2019-09-27T01:10:17Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Here’s a more complicated question: I’m intolerant of alcohol. Give me even a small sip of it, and I’ll get sick. This fortunately isn’t usually an issue at restaurants, because there are laws about selling alcohol, but it can come up at home gatherings: If someone offers me something with alcohol, I’ll say no, and explain that it’s because I’m intolerant. > > Now, what I have is not an allergy (I don’t think it’s even possible to be allergic to a molecule as simple as alcohol). I’m pretty sure it’s an enzyme deficiency. But most people don’t understand the distinction. So when I tell people “I’m alcohol-intolerant”, they’ll often say something like “Oh, you’re allergic?”. Is it worth trying to explain the distinction, or should I just nod and say “something like that.”? In my opinion, a legitimate medical reaction to something qualifies as something OK to claim as an allergy, even if the underlying mechanism isn’t biologically a histamine reaction. For all intents and purposes, you are “allergic” to it. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2019, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/64 "2019-09-27T01:47:47Z")
You guys are all making me want some oysters now. Thank god we’re back in the “R” months. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2019, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/65 "2019-09-27T04:38:36Z")
As mentioned earlier, some of the bewildered responses from people on the phone might be because they’re not equipped to answer such questions. Back when I was a teenager I worked at a pizza restaurant that served an all-you-can-eat buffet and a customer came in who had a problem with dairy. It was easy enough to accommodate him by putting pizza without cheese on the buffet. But then he asked me if one of the dessert pizzas had any dairy in it and by the way I stared at him like a deer in the headlights he must have thought I was a simpleton. I looked at the ingredient list and still wasn’t sure because while it didn’t list milk or cheese as one who the hell knows if something with an odd name comes from a dairy source? Looking back I can’t believe he put his comfort/health in the hands of a sixteen-year-old kid making a hair above minimum wage. ---
**Author:** ![TheMightyFro](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/themightyfro/32/20081_2.png) [@TheMightyFro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheMightyFro)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2019, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/66 "2019-09-27T13:37:23Z")
I’ve read your post over multiple times, and I still have questions. 1. Are you suggesting that you want the restaurant to substitute ALL oysters, and in effect, not serve oysters that day? 2. Can your wife not even stand someone else eating an oyster? 3. If she isn’t allergic, why wouldn’t you just NOT order the oysters? Or choose a different restaurant? 4. If her distaste for oysters was so strong, wouldn’t she be a little more aware of what dishes are likely to include oysters? 5. Why is the first thought to use subterfuge? Just honestly asking for no oysters is not an option? If not, why not? Just be aware you are forcing multiple people in the kitchen who are under a good deal of stress even on a good day to easily double that stress level, by going through their allergen protocol. All for, given what I can discern from your post, amounts to no reason at all. I realize you are from the UK, but in a seafood restaurant here in New England, it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for the manager of the restaurant to courteously suggest you dine somewhere else. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2019, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/67 "2019-09-27T14:44:41Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > ^ This. > > Because I don’t want some tool looking at me and saying “Well, my friend just takes a Benadryl and eats it anyway to be polite. Why don’t you do that?” or some variation of that. > > Also, yes, also, I don’t care to see anyone go into anaphylatic shock. Watching it isn’t as bad as experiencing it, but neither side of that equation is fun. Also, I’d prefer not to watch someone die in front of me again by any means, that’s not fun, either. Okay, that makes more sense. It would be better for them to never even announce they are allergic to something. Like I have an egg intolerance but I still eat them. I’m not going to going around saying, “I’ll have a fried egg even though it’ll make me feel bad later.” ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2019, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/68 "2019-09-27T15:46:53Z")
I have a mild allergy to eggplant, and a strong aversion to capsaicum. (bell peppers, hot peppers, but just to be confusing, I like black pepper, which is completely unrelated.) I have never had the problem the OP describes. > [@Broomstick](#): > > … > See, if the chef is leaving the oysters out of your wife’s meal but didn’t quite wipe every particle of oyster off a knife or spoon you likely won’t ever notice or know. If someone is _allergic_, though, even a small particle is enough to set off a reaction… That’s actually not true in my case. The allergy is mild, and I might not notice such a small amount. But peppers have a strong and horrible flavor, and I often do notice that, for instance, this tomato tastes nasty because it was cut with a knife used to cut peppers, which wasn’t washed. But, recognizing there are people like you in the world, I don’t tell restaurants I am allergic to either. I just avoid ordering anything with eggplant (which, like oyster, isn’t terribly common and is usually listed on the menu) and I tell the waiter I have an aversion to peppers. Sometimes they are confused, and I do carefully assure them I won’t get sick if some peppers are included, I just won’t finish the dish. It usually goes fine. > [@Wrenching\_Spanners](#): > > …The vast majority of restaurant bookings I make are via the Internet. Frequently, if the restaurants are offering a tasting menu or something similar, they’ll ask you to select it ahead of time. Also, these tasting menus aren’t always set ahead of time. They’re created by the chef based on ingredients that are in season, available, and that he wants to cook with. Sometimes you can leave a comment on an Internet booking if you have a special request, and I’ve tried this, but I’ve never had any indication that these make it beyond the reservation system. Roughly half of the restaurants I make a booking at will call me a couple of days ahead of time to confirm the reservation. Often, during this call, I’ll be asked if we have any allergies. A few times, when I was booking a table at a seaside or French-cuisine restaurant where I thought it was likely the tasting menu would include oysters, I replied that we had no allergies, but would prefer not to be served oysters. Each time, this seemed to confuse the person calling to confirm the reservation so I stopped doing it. I’d prefer to let the restaurant know ahead of time, but haven’t found a convenient way of doing so. And no, I’m not going to call the restaurant ahead of time, ask to speak to the chef and ask, just in case you’re planning on putting oysters on the menu, could you arrange a substitute for my wife. I see no reason to tell the restaurant in advance. This is a day-of thing for them. > [@Dingbang](#): > > Perhaps the real problem is that you’re talking to the wrong people. Anyone on the phone, or the greeter, is mainly concerned with getting you seated and comfortable. If you bring up a preference for no oysters, it probably rings alarm bells in their head about how important it is to respect allergies. That’s not something they usually deal with directly, so they’re confused that you’re asking for no oysters but say it’s not an allergy. They don’t want to do the wrong thing and accidentally kill your wife, but a mere taste preference is not usually part of their job. > > I’d keep quiet about it until you’re seated and then just politely explain to your server that your wife prefers no oysters in her meal. The server will ask if it’s an allergy, and you should state clearly that it is not, but she still very much does not want oysters tonight. Any decent restaurant can adjust for that request. Exactly this. Don’t bother to tell anyone until you get there. The waiter and the chef are the people who care, not the administrative staff. I’ve had mostly positive experiences avoiding peppers. The only time I remember having trouble, it was cheap place with a ton of people and I was mostly there for the company. So I just ate more of the communal chips and gave someone else my inedible entree. Had I been there by myself, I would have sent it back. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2019, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/69 "2019-09-27T15:57:03Z")
At a food-beer pairing, one course was a tiny serving of foie gras, which I loved. The five others at my table were repulsed by the foie gras, so I ate them. When the server came around to clear that round she announced to the room that, “this table over here is the liver lovers!” ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2019, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/70 "2019-09-27T17:08:37Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > As mentioned earlier, some of the bewildered responses from people on the phone might be because they’re not equipped to answer such questions. Back when I was a teenager I worked at a pizza restaurant that served an all-you-can-eat buffet and a customer came in who had a problem with dairy. It was easy enough to accommodate him by putting pizza without cheese on the buffet. But then he asked me if one of the dessert pizzas had any dairy in it and by the way I stared at him like a deer in the headlights he must have thought I was a simpleton. I looked at the ingredient list and still wasn’t sure because while it didn’t list milk or cheese as one who the hell knows if something with an odd name comes from a dairy source? _…dessert pizza?_. What th’ holy hell…? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2019, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/71 "2019-09-27T17:22:55Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > _…dessert pizza?_. What th’ holy hell…? I recently had dessert _humus_. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2019, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/72 "2019-09-27T19:13:33Z")
> [@Ukulele\_Ike](#): > > _…dessert pizza?_. What th’ holy hell…? Fairly common in pizza places with buffets. Think of a regular pizza crust except instead of cheese and standard toppings it’s topped with pie filling, commonly in apple but sometimes in cherry. Or a standard pizza crust turned into a cinnamon sugar concoction with or without icing. A pizza place here in Little Rock has cherry pie, blueberry pie, chocolate, peanut butter chocolate, Bavarian cream, and cinnamon stick dessert pizzas. ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2019, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/73 "2019-09-28T12:52:36Z")
The OP describes a prior situation where his wife found out there would be oyster soup, advised the waitstaff that she did not like oysters and they offered to substitute a different soup. That seems to me to be how things should work. Also it is not always true that > [@](#): > > People with real allergies don’t play Russian roulette As Broomstick points out, people can be stupid. Case in point-a patient of mine whose date made dinner and she didn’t want to make him upset by telling him about her allergy assuming he probably would not cook with it. She woke up in the ICU on a ventilator 3 days later. Luckily she survived but I don’t think the relationship did. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2019, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/74 "2019-09-29T19:48:18Z")
> [@psychobunny](#): > > The OP describes a prior situation where his wife found out there would be oyster soup, advised the waitstaff that she did not like oysters and they offered to substitute a different soup. That seems to me to be how things should work. > > Also it is not always true that > As Broomstick points out, people can be stupid. Case in point-a patient of mine whose date made dinner and she didn’t want to make him upset by telling him about her allergy assuming he probably would not cook with it. She woke up in the ICU on a ventilator 3 days later. Luckily she survived but I don’t think the relationship did. Or when my cousin was a kid, she was allergic to chocolate. Nothing major, it just gave her this nasty rash on her face. But like most kids, she loved chocolate, so she’d try and sneak it. Fortunately for her sake, she grew out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2019, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759/75 "2019-09-30T03:37:43Z")
I had a customer once tell me he was mildly allergic to chocolate; that it wasn’t life-threatening but that he would get hives. I pointed out his non-chocolate options on the dessert menu, but he decided to split a tiramisu (with shaved chocolate on top) with his girlfriend. He didn’t look so good after but said it was worth it. I was just a dumb college kid and didn’t know allergies can become more serious over time, sometimes rather suddenly and unexpectedly. In retrospect I should have gotten the manager involved to protect myself. Then again, I think I might have the mildest eggplant allergy ever; sometimes it makes the roof of my mouth itch. I occasionally order eggplant anyway and just don’t bring it up. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-okay-to-tell-a-restaurant-youre-allergic-to-oysters-if-you-arent/840759.md?page=3)