# Is it possible to have unwanted phone sex? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 12, 2023, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984 "2023-09-12T13:56:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2023, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/75 "2023-10-02T22:19:32Z")
This attitude is sadly all too common. And it often leads to discrimination against women, not allowing them the kind of friendly leeway they would get it they were a man. It’s like some people believe a woman can only be interested in a man if she wants to fuck him. That’s evidently what the Coach believed. I have copious amounts of male friends and my husband has copious amounts of female friends, he even spent the night with one of them while traveling for interviews, and it’s never been an issue with anyone, including his wife. People need to get with the times. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2023, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/76 "2023-10-04T21:49:50Z")
If you were the coach having a completely confidential relationship, why would _you_ delete it? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2023, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/77 "2023-10-04T22:08:29Z")
I thought she counseled rape victims or something. I can think of a lot of things she might have on her phone that she wouldn’t want discovered. That is, she might have wanted to protect other people, despite the risk to herself. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2023, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/78 "2023-10-04T22:42:55Z")
Is she in a job that requires keeping all texts as a matter of record? If not, why would you keep all of them? I keep some texts and emails, either because I might want the info or because I didn’t bother to get rid of them; but I delete quite a lot of them just on the grounds that I’m done with them. (And did she delete texts? Or did just that one person say that she did? I don’t even know that.) ---
**Author:** ![Jay\_Z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Jay\_Z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jay_Z)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2023, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/79 "2023-10-05T01:47:32Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > If you were the coach having a completely confidential relationship, why would _you_ delete it? Because I’m married? ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2023, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/80 "2023-10-05T22:07:51Z")
His lawyers are presenting new evidence. > **[Mel Tucker’s lawyer presents hundreds of Brenda Tracy texts as new evidence...](https://www.clickondetroit.com/sports/2023/10/05/mel-tuckers-lawyer-presents-hundreds-of-brenda-tracy-texts-as-new-evidence-he-was-wrongly-fired/)** > > Mel Tucker’s attorney revealed hundreds of previously unreleased text messages from Brenda Tracy, presenting them as new evidence that undermines Michigan State’s decision to fire the head football coach. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2023, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/81 "2023-10-05T22:25:24Z")
I don’t see anything in this evidence that suggests there was an existing sexual relationship with the Coach. And a lot of the stuff backs up her claims. Texts like: > “Coach Tucker told me he loved me last night,” Tracy texted Alvarado at 9:43 p.m. Jan. 15, 2022. “It wasn’t weird tho. He made sure I knew it was about being a friend.” It sure seems like she had a platonic relationship with that fellow. The article uses dodgy language like “consensual relationships with married men” to make it sound like it’s something sexual when there’s no evidence describing that in this article. The stuff on her trying to get money, she said she wants him to be punished, which would be consistent with her viewing herself as a victim. As far as the unnamed witness who claims the phone sex was consensual, I guess we’ll have to see. Most of this is just random attempts at character assassination that really don’t have a bearing on whether or not she was sexually assaulted. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2023, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/82 "2023-10-05T23:45:42Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > As far as the unnamed witness who claims the phone sex was consensual, I guess we’ll have to see. Who the fuck “witnesses” phone sex? 🤢 ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2023, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/83 "2023-10-05T23:48:43Z")
[![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/7KfI7m8zQ58/maxresdefault.jpg "Operator (That’s Not the Way It Feels)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KfI7m8zQ58) ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2023, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/84 "2023-10-06T10:54:32Z")
Or who witnesses a sexual assault via telephone conversation and does nothing to stop it Or if there are witnesses to sexual assault via telephone conversation were they also sexually assaulted? ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2023, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/85 "2023-10-06T11:22:10Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > According to that, the phone call had been going on for some time before it became clearly sexual; so we’re not talking about 36 minutes, but only about “several” minutes at the end of the call. Yes, it is sudden, out of the blue, and totally unexpected. About 3 weeks ago, I got a call from a father who wanted to register his 2 kids. The requirements are specific and a little arduous, so I always ask for an email address and send the directions via email. I ended the conversation the way I always do: “When you have the pictures of all those documents on your phone, call me, and we can get this done in 30 minutes. My hours are 6 am to 2:30 pm. I suggest the earlier the better because you’ll be sure to get me and my undivided attention.” Did he interpret that in a way that wasn’t intended? Anyway, about 2 or 3 days later, I got a call at 6:15 am from that dad. We did the business and then, before the call ended, he asked me how long I have been working here, etc. As he talked, his voice got a “bedroom tone” to it, and his breathing became rapid and shallow; almost rasping. Suddenly, I was in a situation I was totally unprepared for. Fortunately, I was able to extricate myself because the business end of the deal was finished. Still, I can sympathize with her because she was definitely experiencing a shock factor that probably completely derailed her mentally and emotionally. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2023, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/86 "2023-10-06T13:51:48Z")
Oh, ick. That must have been really disturbing. I’m sorry that happened to you. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2023, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/87 "2023-10-06T13:56:46Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > The article uses dodgy language like “consensual relationships with married men” to make it sound like it’s something sexual when there’s no evidence describing that I don’t get why his being married makes her case somehow weaker. Personally, i consider married men LESS likely to be interested in a sexual relationship with me. It certainly makes HIM more of a jerk. He’s not only allegedly assaulting her, he’s also cheating on his wife. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2023, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/88 "2023-10-06T13:57:57Z")
Seconding @puzzlegal --what a gross experience, and I’m sorry. > [@puzzlegal](#): > > I don’t get why his being married makes her case somehow weaker. Personally, i consider married men LESS likely to be interested in a sexual relationship with me. It certainly makes HIM more of a jerk. He’s not only allegedly assaulting her, he’s also cheating on his wife. My takeaway from people who keep repeating “With a _married man!_” is that they’re putting the blame on her. She’s not a victim of sexual assault/harrassment; she’s a homewrecker and a hussy! Super obnoxious. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2023, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/89 "2023-10-06T13:58:24Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > Oh, ick. That must have been really disturbing. I’m sorry that happened to you. Thanks, hon. It helps me to understand Brenda Tracy’s reactions to what she was going through, which was much worse. People look back at things and pick things apart and make all kinds of judgments about things they never experienced themselves. It really isn’t fair. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2023, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/90 "2023-10-06T13:59:03Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > Did he interpret that in a way that wasn’t intended? Anyway, about 2 or 3 days later, I got a call at 6:15 am from that dad. We did the business and then, before the call ended, he asked me how long I have been working here, etc. As he talked, his voice got a “bedroom tone” to it, and his breathing became rapid and shallow; almost rasping. Suddenly, I was in a situation I was totally unprepared for. Fortunately, I was able to extricate myself because the business end of the deal was finished. Still, I can sympathize with her because she was definitely experiencing a shock factor that probably completely derailed her mentally and emotionally. Yuck, some people are just _sick_. While dealing with business for his kids, too - some people have no fucking shame. Like Puzzlegal, I’m sorry you went through that. > [@puzzlegal](#): > > I don’t get why his being married makes her case somehow weaker. Because in the minds of some (minds best left in the 19th century but I digress) a woman shouldn’t be going around and tempting married men by doing wicked things like “talking to them” or “entering their field of view” or “existing in their presence”. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2023, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/91 "2023-10-06T14:41:48Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > Thanks, hon. It helps me to understand Brenda Tracy’s reactions to what she was going through, which was much worse. People look back at things and pick things apart and make all kinds of judgments about things they never experienced themselves. It really isn’t fair. What a gross experience. Thank you for sharing. Hopefully it goes a little way to dispel ignorance on this topic. The whole thing has this tenor of “That’s not what a _real_ victim would do!” While there may be some generalizations we can make about responses to trauma, each person is an individual and may react in ways we don’t expect, for reasons we may never understand. But in my opinion all these new texts undermine the defense’s case. They show that she believed she had a platonic relationship with the Coach, she didn’t think an NDA was a fair punishment and wanted him to be punished by paying money to her organization that helps rape victims. That seems like a pretty good way to pay restitution in my book - let your bad actions lead to something good. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2023, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/92 "2023-10-06T14:57:29Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > While there may be some generalizations we can make about responses to trauma, each person is an individual and may react in ways we don’t expect, for reasons we may never understand. Well said. I don’t even understand my own experience much less anyone else’s. For example, I haven’t nor ever will tell anyone here at work about mine despite the fact that my boss is very supportive and wants to know about any problems we might have be they tech or otherwise. I can’t even tell you why not exactly. I have feelings of embarrassment and of wanting it to just disappear as if it had never happened. I know for a fact we have a few people here who don’t view me as a tech with the same respect they view the male members of the department despite the fact that I’m actually the only one in the department with an A+ Certification as an IT technician. They’d probably think, “This type of thing wouldn’t have happened with a guy.” It’s okay, it’ll just become a quiet memory. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2023, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/93 "2023-10-06T15:28:11Z")
I came home I’ve day to find a swastika written in the dust on my car. I cleaned away the dust there and then. I didn’t tell anyone but my husband for years. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2023, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984/94 "2023-10-06T15:54:27Z")
That is just so awful! 😠 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-have-unwanted-phone-sex/989984.md?page=5)