# Is it possible to love someone without them loving you back? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 25, 2006, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552 "2006-12-25T20:58:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2006, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/1 "2006-12-25T20:58:05Z")
An acquaintance claimed that. I’m dubious :dubious: but I don’t know anything about love. So, what do you say? ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2006, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/2 "2006-12-25T21:04:03Z")
Of course. It’s so common that it has a name: [unrequited love](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unrequited_love). ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2006, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/3 "2006-12-25T21:17:12Z")
All emotions are personal and individual. As much as we can feel connected to another person, we are, in the end, each our own person and so how someone else feels doesn’t limit our own emotional response. If you thought someone loved you, and then it turned out they were lying, would the feeling you had had before you learned that somehow be retroactivly changed to “not love”? If someone gets senile dementia and no longer recognizes their spouse, does it mean their spouse can’t love them anymore? ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2006, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/4 "2006-12-25T22:07:37Z")
Absolutely. I can’t even figure how you’d think otherwise. Just because you think someone is grand has no bearing on whether that person thinks you are. ---
**Author:** ![Dervorin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2006, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/5 "2006-12-25T23:15:36Z")
Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. I think it’s entirely possible. Of course, it would probably be better and more intense and overall more seen-through-a-pink-glass-ish if they loved you back, but I don’t think you can control your emotions when something like this does happen. ---
**Author:** ![According\_to\_Pliny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@According\_to\_Pliny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/According_to_Pliny)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2006, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/6 "2006-12-25T23:45:38Z")
I think it’s the way all romances start, those that succeed and those that fail. Somebody has to be in love first. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/7 "2006-12-26T00:33:43Z")
To love somebody Who doesn’t love you Is like going to a temple And worshipping the behind Of a wooden statue Of a hungry devil – Lady Kasa Takamochi (eighth-century Japanese poet) ---
**Author:** ![Don26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/edb3f5/32.png) [@Don26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don26)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/8 "2006-12-26T00:45:53Z")
[QUOTE=Q.E.D.] Of course. It’s so common that it has a name: [unrequited love](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unrequited_love). [/QUOTE] Q.E.D. left out one thing: IT SUCKS ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/9 "2006-12-26T04:53:01Z")
[QUOTE=Strinka] . . . I don’t know anything about love. [/QUOTE] You’re right. Actually, I think unrequited love happens much more often than mutual love. ---
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/10 "2006-12-26T06:42:30Z")
[QUOTE=Strinka] An acquaintance claimed that. I’m dubious :dubious: but I don’t know anything about love. So, what do you say? [/QUOTE] You’re dubious about that? Did you never attend highschool? I’m edging up on forty, and as I recall? That’s what highschool WAS. Other large parts of life can be like that too, but I think we all see that young and learn? ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/11 "2006-12-26T07:23:50Z")
[QUOTE=BrassyPhrase] You’re dubious about that? Did you never attend highschool? I’m edging up on forty, and as I recall? That’s what highschool WAS. Other large parts of life can be like that too, but I think we all see that young and learn? [/QUOTE] That’s what highschool is? Love? Seriously? _Love?_ I see highschool as being more crushes. And if that’s the case, then I’m in love right now. And if that’s the case, I can say it is extremely overrated. I mean, I’ve never believed in “One-True-Soulmate” or anything like that, and yeah, this _ahem_ crush I have is certainly very nice, but… This is what Romeo and Juliet died for? This is what countless songs, poems, books, movies, etc. have been written about? Well, damn, what a let-down. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/12 "2006-12-26T08:39:33Z")
**Is it possible to love someone without them loving you back?** Happens all the time - but if you are asking if it is possible to build a relationship upon that, well…every divorce lawyer in the world is rooting for you to get married ASAP. ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/13 "2006-12-26T08:42:29Z")
[QUOTE=Strinka] That’s what highschool is? Love? Seriously? _Love?_ I see highschool as being more crushes. And if that’s the case, then I’m in love right now. And if that’s the case, I can say it is extremely overrated. I mean, I’ve never believed in “One-True-Soulmate” or anything like that, and yeah, this _ahem_ crush I have is certainly very nice, but… This is what Romeo and Juliet died for? This is what countless songs, poems, books, movies, etc. have been written about? Well, damn, what a let-down. [/QUOTE] If you’re not breathless, intoxicated, besotted, and near-obsessed, you’re doing it wrong. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/14 "2006-12-26T08:49:38Z")
“If I love you, what business is it of yours?” - Goethe ---
**Author:** ![Li\_l\_Pluck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee59a6/32.png) [@Li\_l\_Pluck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Li_l_Pluck)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/15 "2006-12-26T10:34:29Z")
[QUOTE=amarinth] “If I love you, what business is it of yours?” - Goethe [/QUOTE] Maybe something is wrong with me, but I think this is beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/16 "2006-12-26T10:38:36Z")
I love Lamp. 😃 I’ll get my coat… ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/17 "2006-12-26T10:46:31Z")
> [@Strinka](#): > > This is what Romeo and Juliet died for? I must remind you that they were in the 12-14 age range IIRC. The idea that we don’t know who we really want to spend our lives with until we’re in our 20s or 30s is relatively new, and entirely a product of human culture (and, indirectly, medicine which allows us to live long enough to wait). Crushes and puppy love kept our species alive until pretty damn recently. ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/18 "2006-12-26T12:38:51Z")
… Well, ok, then. You’ve answered my question. My ignorance is fought. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/19 "2006-12-26T14:25:39Z")
There are lots of kinds of love, too, but if you’re talking about romantic love, it is entirely possible - and, in fact, frequent - for someone to fall in love with one of their friends (so that we’re not talking about those “love” at first sight crushes that may or may not develop into a more mature love) and yet have it entirely unreturned. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2006, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552/20 "2006-12-26T15:43:01Z")
unrequited love = obsession. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-possible-to-love-someone-without-them-loving-you-back/385552.md?page=2)