# Is it racist to not be attracted to people of different races? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 26, 2013, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726 "2013-09-26T15:18:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![the\_apples\_fell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@the\_apples\_fell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_apples_fell)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/1 "2013-09-26T15:18:03Z")
This is a subject that there is much debate about. Some people think that it’s no different than preferring blonde to brunette, or brown eyes to blue. Others think that these preferences are societally ingrained, and therefore if you flat out are not attracted to other races, or if you are, are not attracted to a specific race, then you are being racist whether you know it or not. What I have noticed is, most of the people who are calling others “racist” for their dating preferences are men who are unhappy that they were rejected by a woman or man of their desire, and berate them for it, regardless of the reason. I’ve had it happen to me, too, as if insulting me would make me want him any more than I did to start with. I personally don’t think we should extend Affirmative Action to the bedroom and shame people for their sexual preferences… I don’t think it’s more racist if I was to hypothetically say I am not attracted to black men, than it would be sexist for a straight man to say he is not attracted to men. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/2 "2013-09-26T15:21:30Z")
One day you’re going to start a thread that doesn’t make me want to punch something. I have faith in you. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/3 "2013-09-26T15:23:55Z")
I think it’s just a matter of how you define the word “racist.” Do you care to explain what the word means in your poll? ---
**Author:** ![the\_apples\_fell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@the\_apples\_fell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_apples_fell)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/4 "2013-09-26T15:24:38Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > One day you’re going to start a thread that doesn’t make me want to punch something. I have faith in you. What’s wrong with this one? It’s a genuine question. > [@brazil84](#): > > I think it’s just a matter of how you define the word “racist.” > > Do you care to explain what the word means in your poll? I mean, do you guys think that being unattracted to people of certain races means you inherently think you’re better than them/is there a power dynamic behind it? If you’re forcing me to define “racist” I guess I’d say do you see it as discriminatory. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/5 "2013-09-26T15:25:55Z")
> [@brazil84](#): > > I think it’s just a matter of how you define the word “racist.” > > Do you care to explain what the word means in your poll? I foresee a productive debate here. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/6 "2013-09-26T15:34:26Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > One day you’re going to start a thread that doesn’t make me want to punch something. I have faith in you. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![the\_apples\_fell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@the\_apples\_fell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_apples_fell)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/7 "2013-09-26T15:35:51Z")
I posted it because people here tend to be relatively intellectual debaters… and I figured most of you would have anecdotes or personal stories or some other sort of insight. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/8 "2013-09-26T15:37:36Z")
I think if you are never attracted to anyone not of your race you might want to look at yourself a little bit. I mean, really? This isn’t about marriage, is it? You never found someone of a different race attractive? However if you don’t find members of a particular race attractive that is probably as much cultural as anything else, and I don’t really have a problem with that. And TBH even the races I have never dated I have still found specimens I find attractive…but I wouldn’t date them for cultural reasons. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/9 "2013-09-26T15:40:16Z")
> [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > I posted it because people here tend to be relatively intellectual debaters… and I figured most of you would have anecdotes or personal stories or some other sort of insight. I’m Mexican/Irish and was stabbed by my black/German ex-girlfriend. Which race should I blame? ---
**Author:** ![the\_apples\_fell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@the\_apples\_fell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_apples_fell)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/10 "2013-09-26T15:41:07Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I think if you are never attracted to anyone not of your race you might want to look at yourself a little bit. I mean, really? This isn’t about marriage, is it? You never found someone of a different race attractive? > > However if you don’t find members of a particular race attractive that is probably as much cultural as anything else, and I don’t really have a problem with that. I have found men of races other than my own attractive, and with some there is just as high of likelihood that I’ll be attracted to them as I will a white man. But there are races for which I can count on one hand the number of men I’ve been sexually attracted to. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/11 "2013-09-26T15:41:34Z")
Attractive people come in all sizes, shapes and colours: so do ugly people. So, excluding an entire race of people from your attractiveness list based entirely on race alone sounds completely racist to me. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/12 "2013-09-26T15:43:44Z")
> [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > I have found men of races other than my own attractive, and with some there is just as high of likelihood that I’ll be attracted to them as I will a white man. But there are races for which I can count on one hand the number of men I’ve been sexually attracted to. I wouldn’t worry about it. ---
**Author:** ![the\_apples\_fell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@the\_apples\_fell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_apples_fell)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/13 "2013-09-26T15:45:10Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Attractive people come in all sizes, shapes and colours: so do ugly people. > > So, excluding an entire race of people from your attractiveness list based entirely on race alone sounds completely racist to me. What if YOU don’t find them attractive? Attractive to someone, yes. But everyone is not going to be attracted to every combination of “attractive” features. I can appreciate someone being good looking without being sexually attracted. I don’t think you can call it racist if a certain group just does not get you aroused. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/14 "2013-09-26T15:45:30Z")
> [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > If you’re forcing me to define “racist” I guess I’d say do you see it as discriminatory. Lol, what do you mean by “discriminatory?” ---
**Author:** ![the\_apples\_fell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@the\_apples\_fell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_apples_fell)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/15 "2013-09-26T15:46:58Z")
I think, though, what is racist is to think you aren’t attracted to a certain race, find someone of that race attractive, but deny the attraction because of their race. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/16 "2013-09-26T15:47:51Z")
I said other. It depends why. If the reason you won’t date a certain race is to maintain racial purity or something, it’s racist. Otherwise, it’s preference. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/17 "2013-09-26T15:49:07Z")
> [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > I think, though, what is racist is to think you aren’t attracted to a certain race, find someone of that race attractive, but deny the attraction because of their race. Yes, that would be racist. ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/18 "2013-09-26T16:10:34Z")
You didn’t define your term. As the [Wikipedia article points out](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racism), there is disagreement as to what is or is not racist, in context. With no common understanding before offering an opinion we are left to our own interpretations and/or life experiences of what we each think racism may or may not be, then answering the poll. Granted this isn’t in GD so one shouldn’t expect this level of definition and introspection. FWIW, imo it isn’t racism. My preference for one does not disenfranchise nor denigrate the other. My preference for one has no adverse impact upon the other. Having been involved with federal civil rights programs for more than 30 years, entertaining the notion presented is silly. It’s carrying it to the extreme. One can intellectualize this ad infinitum but most people never even go there in their day to day lives. It’s a level of picking nits that cause me to question the rationality of the argument. BTW, I prefer chocolate over vanilla, dark chocolate over milk chocolate and chocolate chip cookies over Oreo cookies. As to human preferences, beauty is skin deep, ugly is to the bone, but you can’t fix stupid. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/19 "2013-09-26T16:13:53Z")
I think we can step above the term racism in things like this by simply looking closer at the other races and learning to appreciate the differences in features. When I was younger I did not find black woman attractive. Gradually I started finding more that I was attracted to but they had more white features or hair etc. As time went on and I included more blacks into my social circle I started finding black woman more and more attractive. Now I appreciate the african features, the hair, the butts, the lips and all other aspects. I think attraction is more perception than anything else. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2013, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/20 "2013-09-26T16:16:40Z")
I’m attracted to women regardless of their race. However, I’m _only_ attracted to women. Men do not arouse me at all. Am I sexist or homophobic? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726.md?page=2)