# Is it racist to not be attracted to people of different races? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 26, 2013, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726 "2013-09-26T15:18:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Phil\_CostaMesa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Phil\_CostaMesa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phil_CostaMesa)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/61 "2013-09-27T20:17:09Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > One day you’re going to start a thread that doesn’t make me want to punch something. I have faith in you. A friend of mine might say you have anger issues, which then negates your opinion somehow He said that to me, so I kicked him in the nuts. (Just kidding) ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/62 "2013-09-27T20:33:40Z")
You have a right to date (or not date) anyone you wish. It’s only racist if you don’t want other people to date people of other races. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/63 "2013-09-27T21:20:20Z")
I’m married to someone who doesn’t allow me to date women of other races. Does that make us both racist? ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/64 "2013-09-27T21:34:59Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I’m married to someone who doesn’t allow me to date women of other races. Does that make us both racist? Which race does she allow you to date? ---
**Author:** ![randomface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@randomface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randomface)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/65 "2013-09-27T21:45:46Z")
I put other. Sometimes it can be, sometimes it isn’t. I’m not a big believer in shaming people for the traits they find attractive. Do men/women/tall/short/fat/skinny/black/white/hispanic/blonde/brunette people turn you on? Go ask them out and consensually get it on. If you had asked me a few years ago if I though black women were attractive, I would have said no. Fast forward, and I’m currently dating a black woman that I find incredibly attractive, and not even due to having “white” features or anything like that. She just clicks for me. If you find them attractive physically but you wouldn’t date them just because of their race, that’s racist, and there are people out there that are like this. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/66 "2013-09-27T21:48:40Z")
Okay, here’s a shameful but true anecdote. When I was little kid (like six or seven, in the early 80s) I told my mum that I thought white dolls were prettier than black dolls. I said it was just my opinion, personal preference, so why was that wrong? And my mum, who is great, informed me that perhaps this was because I the television and magazines etc showed me images of white girls being good and pretty all the time. So, this is a slightly patronising way to make that point that, even if I completely agree you cannot influence (much) who you are attracted to, it is kind of useful to ask yourself where this attraction or lack thereof is coming from. And yes, part of it might be random like liking a hair colour or stature, but a lot of stuff includes things like what you think a certain race will be like and often social status as well. It might not be conscious racism, and I’m not going to say that you are to feel guilty for it - but that doesn’t mean there is no racist element. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2013, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/67 "2013-09-27T21:54:18Z")
Also, I think **Anaamika’s** point of culture is important in the context of actually having a relationship with someone, rather than just finding them attractive. I do reserve the right to not want to date too far outside of my own culture. Where I live, 90% of black people are recent immigrants from various African countries, and to be honest, I’m not overly keen on dating them because in my experience intercultural dating is just very hard. It’s not true all of the time, but I’d at least go in very warily. Whereas when I was living in England, where colour says much less about your cultural background, I’d move more freely. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/68 "2013-09-28T00:39:54Z")
> [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > . . . people here tend to be relatively intellectual debaters. Are you new here? ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/69 "2013-09-28T01:17:31Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > Also, I think **Anaamika’s** point of culture is important in the context of actually having a relationship with someone, rather than just finding them attractive. I do reserve the right to not want to date too far outside of my own culture. Where I live, 90% of black people are recent immigrants from various African countries, and to be honest, I’m not overly keen on dating them because in my experience intercultural dating is just very hard. It’s not true all of the time, but I’d at least go in very warily. Whereas when I was living in England, where colour says much less about your cultural background, I’d move more freely. Yes, cultural differences can be a major issue in a relationship. When I was much younger, preparing to spend some time overseas, an acquaintance cautioned me that it can be hard to make an international relationship work. And he was an Australian married to an American! (Both white, both blonde, same religion.) At the time, being naive and idealistic, I thought “sure, but love conquers all, right?” Now I’m married out of my cultural and living in another country, and it’s been _hard_, both on me and my wife. We still love each other, but we both agree we were very naive when we got married. So, I couldn’t fault someone for not wanting to marry out of their culture. It just depends on the reason. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/70 "2013-09-28T02:04:31Z")
And now the advertisement on this page is telling me “find your pretty Asian woman today.” Thanks. Didn’t know I’d lost her. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/71 "2013-09-28T05:03:32Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Assuming want2befree is white, are you seriously saying that a white dude with a “slanted eyes” fetish is breaking barriers? I think want2befree is a white woman. And then yes, that is breaking barriers. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/72 "2013-09-28T06:16:32Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Dude, don’t you know that using your irony meter on the Internet voids its warranty? Sure way to make the thing explode. Yeah, looks like you were right. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/73 "2013-09-28T06:59:29Z")
No, not unless male homosexuals are misogynists. I personally prefer East Asiatic and European women. ---
**Author:** ![truthSeeker2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7cd45c/32.png) [@truthSeeker2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthSeeker2)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/74 "2013-09-28T07:31:16Z")
> [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > **No, not unless male homosexuals are misogynists.** > > I personally prefer East Asiatic and European women. Its not like that. Having race preferences for dating/attractive-ness is discriminatory and immature imo. If one has them, one could act according to them but should keep it to himself/herself and not mention them publicly because people from other races may feel undesirable. ---
**Author:** ![truthSeeker2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7cd45c/32.png) [@truthSeeker2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthSeeker2)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/75 "2013-09-28T07:37:27Z")
> [@truthSeeker2](#): > > Its not like that. Having race preferences for dating/attractive-ness is discriminatory and immature imo. If one has them, one could act according to them but should keep it to himself/herself and not mention them publicly because people from other races may feel undesirable. And even the preferred race will get conscious abt race, get false ego or false superiority complex. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/76 "2013-09-28T11:21:37Z")
So if I read a personal ad where a man says ‘black women only’ or ‘white women need not apply’ that is supposed to make me feel undesirable? 😕:rolleyes: So I’m supposed to obsess over whether or not the placer of the ad is racist and how unfair it is and how dare he exclude me without even knowing me:confused: I’m somehow supposed to take it personally? Any more so than when an ad states no children, or Christian only, or nobody under 5’6" or any other criteria 😕 If somebody knows what they want and I don’t meet the criteria why would that make me feel bad? It’s not personal. People want what they want, and it’s not my place or anyone’s to judge them for why they have made that choice. If a person’s ego is so fragile that the requirements in a personal ad would make them feel undesirable (s)he has bigger problems then any implied racism in the ad. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/77 "2013-09-28T11:32:22Z")
Why are there three options which are different ways of saying “Yes, it’s racist”? Of course, the sensible “No, it’s not” still has more votes that the three stupid ones combined. ---
**Author:** ![truthSeeker2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7cd45c/32.png) [@truthSeeker2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthSeeker2)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/78 "2013-09-28T12:09:20Z")
> [@sahirrnee](#): > > : > : > People want what they want, and it’s not my place or anyone’s to judge them for why they have made that choice. > > If a person’s ego is so fragile that the requirements in a personal ad would make them feel undesirable (s)he has bigger problems then any implied racism in the ad. I understand I’ve been idealistic(many may say unreasonable) in this thread. I believe when people define attractiveness based on features which differentiate race such as skin,hair or eyes color rather than based on a combination personality traits(cheerfulness, helpfulness, intelligence etc), its smacks of infatuation/fantasies imo. I include myself also in this criticism if I **consciously** think in those ways. just the other day, i watched a video of a south african couple where the (white)girl said something on the lines that she always wanted a blonde partner for her. This is a country where 90% population is non-blonde, I find making your preferences public quite immature. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/79 "2013-09-28T12:57:54Z")
> [@truthSeeker2](#): > > just the other day, i watched a video of a south african couple where the (white)girl said something on the lines that she always wanted a blonde partner for her. This is a country where 90% population is non-blonde, I find making your preferences public quite immature. I think particularly sharp, astute people might figure out your preferences if you’re always dating people who fits your preference. I don’t see how it would be immature to state obvious facts. Most people do occasionally mention what their physical “type” is. ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2013, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/80 "2013-09-28T13:47:30Z")
> [@sahirrnee](#): > > So if I read a personal ad where a man says ‘black women only’ or ‘white women need not apply’ that is supposed to make me feel undesirable? 😕:rolleyes: > So I’m supposed to obsess over whether or not the placer of the ad is racist and how unfair it is and how dare he exclude me without even knowing me:confused: > I’m somehow supposed to take it personally? > > Any more so than when an ad states no children, or Christian only, or nobody under 5’6" or any other criteria 😕 > If somebody knows what they want and I don’t meet the criteria why would that make me feel bad? It’s not personal. > > People want what they want, and it’s not my place or anyone’s to judge them for why they have made that choice. > > If a person’s ego is so fragile that the requirements in a personal ad would make them feel undesirable (s)he has bigger problems then any implied racism in the ad. Should you feel undesirable because of it? No. Should you think less of them as people for discriminating based on superficial features? No question. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726.md?page=5)