# Is it racist to not be attracted to people of different races? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 26, 2013, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726 "2013-09-26T15:18:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![truthSeeker2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7cd45c/32.png) [@truthSeeker2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthSeeker2)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/101 "2013-09-30T06:34:18Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > Then why care whether someone is “limited” and needs to “improve” the set of people they’re attracted to? I am saying one can very well have the perspective of post#88 without having a feeling of guilt, owing, entitlement, forcefulness and without the dilution of fun aspect of dating/relationship. If thats not the case with you, you are best advised to keep believing what you believe. ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/102 "2013-09-30T06:37:41Z")
> [@truthSeeker2](#): > > I am saying one can very well have the perspective of post#88 without having a feeling of guilt, owing, entitlement, forcefulness and without the dilution of fun aspect of dating/relationship. > > If thats not the case with you, you are best advised to keep believing what you believe. You didn’t answer my question. Why care who other people are attracted to? ---
**Author:** ![truthSeeker2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7cd45c/32.png) [@truthSeeker2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthSeeker2)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/103 "2013-09-30T06:47:23Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > You didn’t answer my question. Why care who other people are attracted to? Where is the question of bother? I am giving my perspective on the subject. ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/104 "2013-09-30T06:56:00Z")
> [@truthSeeker2](#): > > Where is the question of bother? I am giving my perspective on the subject. The words “limitation” and “improve” stand out. As does “immature”. It implies that one set of preferences is better - more mature - than another. But then the question becomes - why care who other people are attracted to? I can almost see being concerned for someone if they’re only attracted to people of a certain race, and there aren’t many people of that race where they live. But otherwise? ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/105 "2013-09-30T07:01:04Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > _groan_ > > All kidding aside, there are presumably people out there who would otherwise be suitable for me, but that I would reject simply for being female. Is that more valid than rejecting someone of another race who would otherwise be suitable for me? Why or why not? (And does the answer change if we’re talking about homosexuals who reject otherwise suitable people of the opposite sex?) It’s not the same because, and we can discuss whether gender-ism is a good thing or not as much as you want after we agree on this point, gender is not a superficial feature. Race is. > [@OleOneEye](#): > > Dating and relationships are supposed to be at least a little bit fun. This discussion makes them sound as much fun as being told to eat your vegetables. > > To the people who are advocating trying to change preferences, would you want to be someone else’s “vegetables” - someone they don’t really want to date, but will because it’s The Right Thing To do? Would I want to date somebody who rejects me without knowing me at all because of the colour of my skin? Well, no. That sounds like a terrible date. And that’s because her personality is not a superficial feature, while my race is. And if the point of the thread was “Should racists start dating people from other races?” you would have a point. It’s not. The point of the thread is asking whether or not not being attracted to other races is racist. ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/106 "2013-09-30T07:06:30Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > The words “limitation” and “improve” stand out. As does “immature”. It implies that one set of preferences is better - more mature - than another. > > But then the question becomes - why care who other people are attracted to? > > I can almost see being concerned for someone if they’re only attracted to people of a certain race, and there aren’t many people of that race where they live. But otherwise? I don’t think that anybody here is trying to butt into your personal life and your business. I, frankly, only see people trying to see whether an attitude can be classified within the definition of a word. It’s a discussion about semantics, not a rally to force you to date outside your race. ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/107 "2013-09-30T07:19:22Z")
> [@Sr\_Siete](#): > > It’s not the same because, and we can discuss whether gender-ism is a good thing or not as much as you want after we agree on this point, gender is not a superficial feature. Race is. I can’t agree. There’s enough variation within a sex, that in edge cases it can become a superficial feature. And race has its own share of cultural baggage - I don’t want to have to deal with that on a date. I want someone whose background I can identify with. > [@](#): > > And if the point of the thread was “Should racists start dating people from other races?” you would have a point. The point I was responding to was more along the lines of “people who aren’t attracted to a race are limited and should try to improve their preferences.” It came across as condescending. I can’t even agree that making private choices based on these preferences is racism. ---
**Author:** ![truthSeeker2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7cd45c/32.png) [@truthSeeker2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthSeeker2)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/108 "2013-09-30T07:24:00Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > The words “limitation” and “improve” stand out. You missed the word “maybe/perhaps”. I am suggesting a possibility… a strong possibility. > [@](#): > > As does “immature”. It implies that one set of preferences is better - more mature Broadcasting your racial preferences for dating/relationships is definitely immature imo. > [@](#): > > But then the question becomes - why care who other people are attracted to? > > I can almost see being concerned for someone if they’re only attracted to people of a certain race, and there aren’t many people of that race where they live. But otherwise? Thats not the case.🙂 Women are attractive to me, dont think about their race… ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/109 "2013-09-30T07:33:02Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > The point I was responding to was more along the lines of “people who aren’t attracted to a race are limited and should try to improve their preferences.” It came across as condescending. I can’t even agree that making private choices based on these preferences is racism. Maybe your life would improve greatly by suddenly having billions of new people to date at your disposal. It’s still not anybody’s business if you don’t care, and I will defend your right to not care. What we are discussing here, however, is a word. And outright dismissing every single member of one or several races is racist. And that’s all right, we all are prejudiced in some way or another, and as long as you don’t harm anybody, it’s still your business whether you want to confront that or not. But the definition of a word, is the definition of a word. And that doesn’t change. ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/110 "2013-09-30T07:38:06Z")
> [@Sr\_Siete](#): > > and as long as you don’t harm anybody But isn’t harm a necessary element of racism? ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/111 "2013-09-30T07:39:43Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > But isn’t harm a necessary element of racism? Good point. As long as you don’t harm anybody outside of your own self, I meant. ---
**Author:** ![truthSeeker2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7cd45c/32.png) [@truthSeeker2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthSeeker2)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/112 "2013-09-30T07:48:36Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > But isn’t harm a necessary element of **racism**? “Discrimination based on race” would be an appropriate phrase. ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/113 "2013-09-30T07:58:35Z")
> [@truthSeeker2](#): > > “Discrimination based on race” would be an appropriate phrase. I guess the problem is that I wouldn’t apply the word “discrimination” to such a private decision. You could make it fit, I suppose, but I tend to hear that word applied in public life - civil rights or commerce. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/114 "2013-09-30T08:43:29Z")
> [@Sr\_Siete](#): > > Maybe your life would improve greatly by suddenly having billions of new people to date at your disposal. Dating people you’re not attracted to is anything but fun. Every time I’ve tried to “give a chance” to someone I wasn’t attracted to, it was horrible. And then when they try to get physical what are you supposed to say? “Sorry, I’m not attracted to you yet so that would be gross, but I’m just seeing if I can be eventually. How about a nice handshake instead?” Either that or lie to them. ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/115 "2013-09-30T08:51:53Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Dating people you’re not attracted to is anything but fun. Every time I’ve tried to “give a chance” to someone I wasn’t attracted to, it was horrible. And then when they try to get physical what are you supposed to say? “Sorry, I’m not attracted to you yet so that would be gross, but I’m just seeing if I can be eventually. How about a nice handshake instead?” Either that or lie to them. You are still painting with the same brush every situation that makes you not attracted to somebody. There are plenty of deep and meaningful reasons that make somebody unappealing, and that’s fair, and plenty of random superficial features that shouldn’t influence you unless you are prejudiced, and prejudice is a flaw on your character. Your flaw, and nobody else’s business, but a flaw. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/116 "2013-09-30T08:58:14Z")
> [@Sr\_Siete](#): > > You are still painting with the same brush every situation that makes you not attracted to somebody. There are plenty of deep and meaningful reasons that make somebody unappealing, and that’s fair, and plenty of random superficial features that shouldn’t influence you unless you are prejudiced, and prejudice is a flaw on your character. Your flaw, and nobody else’s business, but a flaw. Like I said, everyone is attracted to and not attracted to people for a variety of superficial reasons. It can’t be a flaw if it’s everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/117 "2013-09-30T09:08:42Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Like I said, everyone is attracted to and not attracted to people for a variety of superficial reasons. It can’t be a flaw if it’s everyone. How so? Everybody’s flawed. That doesn’t mean that flaws don’t exist, it just means that perfection is an unattainable goal. But the fact that everybody’s full of prejudices by nature, it doesn’t mean that we can’t judge prejudice, particularly when they become extreme. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/118 "2013-09-30T09:44:45Z")
> [@Sr\_Siete](#): > > How so? Everybody’s flawed. That doesn’t mean that flaws don’t exist, it just means that perfection is an unattainable goal. > > But the fact that everybody’s full of prejudices by nature, it doesn’t mean that we can’t judge prejudice, particularly when they become extreme. I don’t get how it’s even a prejudice. I’m not judging anyone I’m not attracted to, I’m just not attracted to them. Of course it COULD be a prejudice, if you’re not into people of some race because you think they’re stupid or something. But it doesn’t have to be. ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/119 "2013-09-30T10:01:27Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I don’t get how it’s even a prejudice. I’m not judging anyone I’m not attracted to, I’m just not attracted to them. > > Of course it COULD be a prejudice, if you’re not into people of some race because you think they’re stupid or something. But it doesn’t have to be. How is believing that a group of people is unattractive not a judgement? It may not be the more conscious of judgements, but it is one nonetheless. ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2013, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726/120 "2013-09-30T10:02:59Z")
> [@Sr\_Siete](#): > > How is believing that a group of people is unattractive not a judgement? It may not be the more conscious of judgements, but it is one nonetheless. Do heterosexuals believe that people of their own sex are unattractive? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-racist-to-not-be-attracted-to-people-of-different-races/669726.md?page=7)