# Is it really that weird to stop masturbating once you're in a committed relationship? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 12, 2021, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344 "2021-10-12T04:49:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/1 "2021-10-12T04:49:41Z")
I’ve had people call me a liar when I said I rarely ever masturbate now that I’m married. My simple explanation was “I now have sex almost every single day or every other day, there’s really no point in me masturbating anymore”. And it’s not like I didn’t masturbate before, I did so frequently but I feel (which I think is uncontroversial) that masturbation is the store brand version of sex, and why use it when I can afford the real brand name? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/2 "2021-10-12T05:03:55Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > …I feel (which I think is uncontroversial) that masturbation is the store brand version of sex… I think this is very controversial. I’ve been in a committed relationship since 1987, and we still have totally awesome tantric sex. Yet we both still masturbate, often together. It’s like, if you had a steady diet of filet mignon, you’d still love cheeseburgers. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/3 "2021-10-12T05:22:46Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > I’ve had people call me a liar when I said I rarely ever masturbate now that I’m married. Does this topic come up often in casual conversation? ---
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/4 "2021-10-12T05:36:34Z")
Yes between men when you’re drunk. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/5 "2021-10-12T05:51:05Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Yet we both still masturbate, often together. It’s like, if you had a steady diet of filet mignon, you’d still love cheeseburgers. I don’t know, isn’t that a little like using filet mignon to make your cheeseburger? ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/6 "2021-10-12T06:41:11Z")
I don’t think it’s weird. It’s probably uncommon, though. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/7 "2021-10-12T10:00:01Z")
Two observations: 1. Would you stop making yourself the occasional sandwich if you married an amazing chef who loved cooking for you? 2. When having sex, at least some (if not most) of you attention is on pleasing your partner. When you go solo, you can focus on yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Toxylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f05b48/32.png) [@Toxylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxylon)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/8 "2021-10-12T10:07:43Z")
Haven’t done any surveys, but I find the OP’s situation decidedly non-weird. In the relationships I’ve been in, I’ve pretty much stopped masturbating, simply because I have all the sex I want, with another person. The only time I’ve felt the urge the masturbate when in a relationship, is when my partner is for whatever reason unavailable for more than 3-5 days. Then I might spank the monkey and feel great for doing it, but typically, there’s zero need for that. Belly full of filet mignon etc. Oh, and I think masturbating with someone else is NOT masturbating but having sex with someone. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/9 "2021-10-12T12:08:09Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > My simple explanation was “I now have sex almost every single day or every other day, there’s really no point in me masturbating anymore”. > [@panache45](#): > > It’s like, if you had a steady diet of filet mignon, you’d still love cheeseburgers. I am very happy for the OP, but I assume your marriage is a relatively young one (if not, good for you guys!). But the reality is at some point, your wife is going to stop serving you filet mignon almost every single day, and you might have to resort to cooking up your own cheeseburger every now and then. I mean, I love my wife and I think we have a great relationship, but after 20 years and two kids it’s not a life of daily filet mignon anymore. ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/10 "2021-10-12T12:52:51Z")
Back when we were in our 20s, a married friend claimed that he was having sex multiple times a day with his wife _and_ masturbating every morning. A hard guy to be around, frankly, as he had this frantic, nervous energy. He was just full of spunk. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/11 "2021-10-12T13:46:54Z")
(mis)assuming this thread is about relationships and not just about liquidating inventory: once in a committed relationship, we’re responsible _to_ our partner’s needs (in general, including sexual), but not _for_ them. Also, we still bear the responsibility for our own needs. Negating this personal responsibility can only result in frustration and burnout. Two quotations apply: **Zorba the Greek** if a man leaves a woman unsatisfied, on judgement day she will heave a sigh that casts that man’s soul into Hell. **Norman Mailer** sometimes a man should let his wife get her rest. Not OT: what then if she insists on resting for months on end? Not to advocate cheating, but monogamy is not the natural enforcement of celibacy, but rather the right of first refusal. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/12 "2021-10-12T13:58:25Z")
> [@solost](#): > > But the reality is at some point, your wife is going to stop serving you filet mignon almost every single day, and you might have to resort to cooking up your own cheeseburger every now and then. Shoot, after 20+ years of marriage, if I didn’t clean out the pipes myself, they’d almost NEVER get cleaned-out. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/13 "2021-10-12T14:00:10Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > He was just full of spunk. So to speak. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/14 "2021-10-12T15:31:36Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > …He was just full of spunk. I _hate_ spunk. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/15 "2021-10-12T15:36:48Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > masturbation is the store brand version of sex, and why use it when I can afford the real brand name? Red light special, aisle three!! ETA: Cleanup, aisle three. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/16 "2021-10-12T20:03:31Z")
> [@BlankSlate](#): > > He was just full of spunk. Actually I think he would be pretty _drained_ of it. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/17 "2021-10-12T20:36:34Z")
Sometimes it’s just a matter of convenience or practicality. Like I’m not going to bother my wife if we both have to be at work in 30 minutes. Just do my thing in the shower and be done with it. And sometimes I’m just lazy, I just want to get over with and go to sleep. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/18 "2021-10-12T21:57:09Z")
> [@snowthx](#): > > Shoot, after 20+ years of marriage, if I didn’t clean out the pipes myself, they’d almost NEVER get cleaned-out. I’m lucky. We’ve been together 34 years, and we’re still like horny teenagers in love. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/19 "2021-10-12T23:46:24Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Does this topic come up often in casual conversation? “I’m telling everyone.” ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2021, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344/20 "2021-10-13T00:21:13Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Does this topic come up often in casual conversation? > [@Asuka](#): > > Yes between men when you’re drunk. Another reason to cut myself off after a couple. Listening to others talk/brag about their sex lives is not my idea of a fun evening… Example: I don’t think I’d want to go out with this guy: > [@BlankSlate](#): > > …a married friend claimed that he was having sex multiple times a day with his wife _and_ masturbating every morning. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-really-that-weird-to-stop-masturbating-once-youre-in-a-committed-relationship/952344.md?page=2)