# Is it rude for adult children to remind their parents of their parenting fails? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 23, 2020, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-for-adult-children-to-remind-their-parents-of-their-parenting-fails/846830 "2020-01-23T02:24:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2020, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-for-adult-children-to-remind-their-parents-of-their-parenting-fails/846830/61 "2020-01-27T18:49:18Z")
What you do is still passive aggressive. And this is not a way to have healthy relationships. You want your parents to engage in healthy behavior and take responsibility for their actions, yet you justify your unhealthy behavior because of theirs. It’s sad. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2020, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-for-adult-children-to-remind-their-parents-of-their-parenting-fails/846830/62 "2020-01-27T19:30:54Z")
I don’t agree it is sad. But OK. Sent from my moto x4 using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2020, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-for-adult-children-to-remind-their-parents-of-their-parenting-fails/846830/63 "2020-01-27T20:19:48Z")
I wonder if someone could turn this into a form of reparation. Like “you did this or that to me and if you dont give me X amount of money now I will always hate you or tell your grandchildren what you did”? I mean is someone wanting simple acknowledgment, remorse, and apology or something bigger like retaliation or even bigger like reparation? ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2020, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-for-adult-children-to-remind-their-parents-of-their-parenting-fails/846830/64 "2020-01-27T22:17:56Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Nope. Nope. Nope. > > You can say this because you didn’t grow up in an abusive home. Are you seriously telling me some parents don’t fuck up? Because that’s the comment you’re saying “nope” to. ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2020, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-for-adult-children-to-remind-their-parents-of-their-parenting-fails/846830/65 "2020-01-27T22:29:38Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > It is more that I feel if they want their kids to avoid certain topics, it is their responsibility to bring closure to those topics. I believe the best way to bring closure to an incident is to acknowledge that an incident happened and to apologize for how it turned out. The worse way to bring closure is to deny it ever happened. > > We don’t bring up “old shit” that our parents have apologized for (at least not in their presence), because that would be cruel. Nor do we bring up “old shit” that would be fall into the category of “good intention but poor execution”. Hmm. Do your parents know this? Do they know that if they apologized that this would bring closure and you would stop bringing up those topics? Has this conversation taken place? Mind you, I also agree with your earlier post that they might not act logically regardless, and if they always did act logically that they wouldn’t have started any of this dysfunction in the first place, but I’m also wondering if they actually do know this. (Not least because for my parents, us apologizing to them about some incident where we were in the wrong _wouldn’t_ stop them bringing it up again. And again.) ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-for-adult-children-to-remind-their-parents-of-their-parenting-fails/846830/66 "2020-01-28T12:28:12Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Are you seriously telling me some parents don’t fuck up? Because that’s the comment you’re saying “nope” to. You state that all parents fuck up. Do you believe that all parents are equally bad and that the mistakes normal parents make are equivalent to the abuse and severe neglect that some parents do? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-for-adult-children-to-remind-their-parents-of-their-parenting-fails/846830.md?page=3)