# Is it rude to call an old woman "Young lady" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 3, 2009, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791 "2009-09-03T20:14:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2009, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/21 "2009-09-04T02:00:51Z")
> [@Brainiac](#): > > I know a clerk that does this all the time. She thinks it’s clever. Is it? Not unless she’s at least a generation older than them. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2009, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/22 "2009-09-04T05:26:53Z")
If the person saying it is older than them, meh. But if the person saying it is younger then it’s just stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2009, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/23 "2009-09-04T06:00:04Z")
If it’s not rude than it’s definately condescending. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2009, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/24 "2009-09-04T13:55:05Z")
Do younger people call older men “young man”? Or “sonny”? I don’t think I’ve ever heard geezers referred to as “young man” or “sonny”, probably because it sounds stupid and condescending. It’s OK to call old women “young lady”, though, since they’re vain, easily flattered, and like the attention (so they might, say, leave a big tip.:rolleyes:) Is this related to the using-first-names business? “The doctor will see you now, Debby”. How about, “The doctor will see you now, Billy.” Does that happen? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2009, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/25 "2009-09-04T16:48:48Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > It’s OK to call old women “young lady”, though, since they’re vain, easily flattered, and like the attention (so they might, say, leave a big tip.:rolleyes:) Exactly. It only makes sense if you believe that it is a given that “young” is better than “old,” so that anybody would be oh so flattered and happy to be called “young,” even if they were 100 years old and looked every day of it. Gimme a break. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2009, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/26 "2009-09-04T17:12:10Z")
I’m looking forward to being an old lady, so that when anyone says anything that smugly condescending to me, I can whack them with my bag or my cane and swear a blue streak at them, and people will just think it’s cute that I’m so feisty! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/27 "2009-09-04T18:55:12Z")
I worked in Florida for about 18 years, as an engineer, and I had machinists, mechanics, and welders calling me “young lady” - and I only tolerated it because my boss explained that it was a southern thing. To me, it’s how you address a 4-year-old who’s getting sassy. I do not find it flirty or flattering. It just pisses me off. And at 55, I still get it, even tho I’ve left the south. _grrrrrr_ I hate it almost as the inclusive “you guys” as in “Are you guys ready to order?” I guess “you” no longer works as plural, huh? Go ahead and call me ma’am. It works. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2009, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/28 "2009-09-04T19:22:12Z")
I’m 32 and a male clerk (who looked 30-something as well) called me “young lady” just the other day. It annoyed me because it sounded like something an adult would tell a child, not an equal. It would never occur to me to address a man my age as “young man” unless I was playing around and being ironic with a friend. If I were elderly, “young lady” would bother me, but for a different reason. I would think anyone calling me that was making fun of me in a condescending fashion. Kind of like it would be to call a little boy “mister”. ---
**Author:** ![Jettboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85e7bf/32.png) [@Jettboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jettboy)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2009, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/29 "2009-09-04T19:22:21Z")
I usually go with “baby” or “sweetheart”. ---
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2009, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/30 "2009-09-05T03:31:14Z")
> [@Jettboy](#): > > I usually go with “baby” or “sweetheart”. “Mommy-O” here. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2009, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/31 "2009-09-05T13:15:37Z")
My 50-year old friend brought his mother to the states a few years ago and I picked them up at the airport. I was amazed to see how young she looked, and she could have actually been his sister. I delivered the corny “so, introduce me to your sister” line and she was visibly delighted in that delicate demure Asian woman sort of way, turning away with an embarrassed smile and slightly blushing. If she had been holding the stereotypical paper fan, she would have held it up to her face to hide her display of delight. I felt like I had just made her day. Since then, in the 3 or 4 times I’ve seen them both together I continue to “mistake” her for his sister. She is tickled pink each time. So excuse me for bringing a tiny moment of delight into an elderly woman’s day once in a while. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2009, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/32 "2009-09-05T13:23:56Z")
> [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](#): > > So excuse me for bringing a tiny moment of delight into an elderly woman’s day once in a while. That’s different than calling her a “young lady”, though. She visibly is similar in looks to a 50-year-old, not to a child or teenager. If you’d called her his daughter or granddaughter the reaction may not have been a sincere one. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2009, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/33 "2009-09-05T14:21:45Z")
I second patronizing & condescending. Obnoxiously cutesy. Not “rude” necessarily. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2009, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/34 "2009-09-05T15:40:52Z")
> [@JuliaSqueezer](#): > > I’m the same age as Auntie Pam and I find such greetings to be cringe-inducing and awkward. > > I’d practice making a withering, sneering half-smile in the mirror, but most people who’d talk to me that way are probably just too socially clueless to recognize the meaning of that kind of facial expression. They’d probably think I’d had a stroke. Just want to say 😃 that’s hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2009, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/35 "2009-09-05T22:00:00Z")
It’s not clever and definitely condescending. Still, I think it’s funny as hell. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2009, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/36 "2009-09-06T17:04:25Z")
There is one fella that I know that uses it with me and he can get away with it until our last day. I can’t remember not knowing him and I sat behind him through the better part of twelve years of school. We didn’t escape each other even on Sundays. We’ve seen each other every few years over the forty-eight years since graduation. I don’t remember when he began using “young lady,” but he certainly wasn’t trying to fool anyone. If anything, it has become an acknowledgement between us of “look how far we’ve come!” I also know that in him there is a guy who sees past an old lady with rounded shoulders and a thinly disguised turkey neck to the girl that I was – with oily skin, too much hair and an overbite. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2009, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/37 "2009-09-06T17:17:07Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > I worked in Florida for about 18 years, as an engineer, and I had machinists, mechanics, and welders calling me “young lady” - and I only tolerated it because my boss explained that it was a southern thing. To me, it’s how you address a 4-year-old who’s getting sassy. I do not find it flirty or flattering. It just pisses me off. And at 55, I still get it, even tho I’ve left the south. _grrrrrr_ > > I hate it almost as the inclusive “you guys” as in “Are you guys ready to order?” I guess “you” no longer works as plural, huh? > > Go ahead and call me ma’am. It works. I grew up in the South, and yes, “young lady” is just something we say to be friendly. I mean no offense, and still say this. I’ve never been hit but was once (ONCE!) scolded, for which I apologized and explained that it was a colloquialism commonly used where I was raised. I also have a tendency to call people “brother”, “sister”, “sir”, “ma’am”, and “friend”. [shrug] If you are taking offense at those things, wait until I’m actually trying to offend; you’ll pop a vein. And everyone knows that the plural of “you” is not “you guys”, it’s “y’all”. ---
**Author:** ![Silvorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Silvorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silvorange)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2009, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/38 "2009-09-07T01:45:01Z")
I’m 36 and hate being called “young lady.” What I hear is, “You look old enough that it should be flattering to you if I pretend that you look younger.” ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2009, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/39 "2009-09-07T03:43:54Z")
As a long-time professional cook, I’ve worked with plenty of waitresses who liked to call their older (retirement-age and older) male customers “young man”, and I have yet to see one of these men who didn’t appear to get a kick out of it. Granted, though, these were regular, every day customers. For older women who are annoyed by being called “young lady”, I have an idea: start showing up at that place of business in a plaid schoolgirl skirt, thigh-high stockings, and pigtails. I’m willing to bet somebody there will say to themselves, “Uh, maybe I should stop calling her that …” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JuliaSqueezer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/82dd89/32.png) [@JuliaSqueezer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JuliaSqueezer)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2009, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791/40 "2009-09-07T15:10:49Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > For older women who are annoyed by being called “young lady”, I have an idea: start showing up at that place of business in a plaid schoolgirl skirt, thigh-high stockings, and pigtails. …😃 You go first! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-call-an-old-woman-young-lady/508791.md?page=3)