# Is it rude to keep my seat in a bar when women are standing? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 18, 2011, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100 "2011-03-18T01:37:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/21 "2011-03-18T12:26:09Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > If they’re friends and wearing very high heels, go ahead and offer. If they’re strangers, or friends in flats, no need. Just MHO. It’s funny to see one of the most rabid Fayminayst on the Left Dope say that. Well, like I always say, it ain’t sexist/racist when it benefits the Minority™®©. ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/22 "2011-03-18T12:49:13Z")
> [@Khaki\_Campbell](#): > > It’s funny to see one of the most rabid Fayminayst on the Left Dope say that. > > Well, like I always say, it ain’t sexist/racist when it benefits the Minority™®©. What? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/23 "2011-03-18T13:12:19Z")
Good heavens, Cat Fight, you are a rabid Fayminayst? Why didn’t you tell me? I joined the club last week! And like others have said, remain seated unless you’re looking to get laid, in which case, go over and talk to her. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/24 "2011-03-18T13:21:00Z")
If you’re looking to get laid you should talk to her without getting up from your seat. Unless she’s as old as the average Doper, in which case I’m sure she’ll go for that kind of thing. Though really, in that case, it’s pretty improper for her to be out at a bar. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/25 "2011-03-18T15:20:57Z")
No. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/26 "2011-03-18T20:48:08Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > If you’re looking to get laid you should talk to her without getting up from your seat. > > Unless she’s as old as the average Doper, in which case I’m sure she’ll go for that kind of thing. Though really, in that case, it’s pretty improper for her to be out at a bar. Did you just call us old? Or young? Now I’m confused. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/27 "2011-03-18T20:52:31Z")
If you are there looking to meet/hook up with the ladies its an easy opener that makes you look like a good guy right off the bat. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/28 "2011-03-19T01:10:32Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Are you trying to get laid, or trying to get drunk? I think this is the best answer. 😃 Last I checked, being a woman is not a disability. If she appears to be wearing uncomfortable shoes (and she probably is) it might be nice to offer, but you have no obligation. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/29 "2011-03-19T01:20:48Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > I think this is the best answer. 😃 > > Last I checked, being a woman is not a disability. If she appears to be wearing uncomfortable shoes (and she probably is) it might be nice to offer, but you have no obligation. And guys, if you do offer? For god’s sake, don’t snap your fingers, or act like you are otherwise calling a dog over, or make faces if she doesn’t want your chair. (And yes, I’ve been the recipient of this sort of “chivalrous” behavior. Maddening.) ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/30 "2011-03-19T13:35:14Z")
There are exactly two reasons to offer your seat to anyone in a bar. 1. Because they are, for reasons of disability or drunkenness, incapable of standing 2. Because you want to talk the them If neither of these is the case, keep your seat. It’s a bar, not a bus, the only reason to be there is because you want to. Anyone not content to stand can go somewhere else. ---
**Author:** ![Borzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/43a26b/32.png) [@Borzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borzo)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/31 "2011-03-19T13:43:16Z")
> [@drachillix](#): > > If you are there looking to meet/hook up with the ladies its an easy opener that makes you look like a good guy right off the bat. I can’t help but feel that giving a strange woman your seat might actually REDUCE your chances of getting laid. If you’re there to make non-sexual female friends (aka be the “nice guy”), then yes, give her your seat. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/32 "2011-03-19T14:07:21Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > Women have an ability to stand that equals that of men. ``` Gloria: [to Jay and Manny, about learning to ride a bike] You two have fun. I pass. It makes no sense. There's no reason that thing should stay upright. Jay: There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works. ``` ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/33 "2011-03-19T14:32:52Z")
I would say that if you are comfortable standing, it’s polite not to hog a seat all night, especially within a group: male or female, at some point go to the bathroom or something and give your seat to someone else in the group. Sitting time ought to be fairly evenly distributed. Of course, if you have difficulty standing for whatever reason (my husband has a degenerative bone disease and simply can’t stand for extended periods of time), then keep your seat. But I am picturing a group of 8 people clustered around a table with four stools. At an actual bar? Hell if I know. I never figured out the knack of socializing at an actual bar, where you seem really limited in your ability to talk to other people no matter what. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/34 "2011-03-19T14:59:24Z")
Thanks for the replies, all. So, it seems the consensus (with some objections) is that it isn’t use to keep my seat, but giving it up may be helpful in, ah, other ways. Makes sense. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/35 "2011-03-19T15:17:49Z")
I wouldn’t give up my seat, nor would I take the last empty seat at the bar. Usually the last empty seat is the same every time the bar fills up. There’s a reason nobody wants that seat. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/36 "2011-03-19T17:03:26Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > And by that exact principle, it should be offered to a man in those conditions. It’s a matter of need, not physical gender (or whatever the correct term is these days). Agreed. But that wasn’t the question I was answering. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/37 "2011-03-19T17:20:26Z")
It’s not necessary, says the feminist in me. It’s really quite endearing when my husband does it, says the irrational part of me. It’s the same part of my being that compels me to rip off his clothes when we get home. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/38 "2011-03-19T17:25:34Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > It’s not necessary, says the feminist in me. > > It’s really quite endearing when my husband does it, says the irrational part of me. It’s the same part of my being that compels me to rip off his clothes when we get home. So you find it hot when your husband hits on chicks in bars? Dang, what a luck son of a bitch! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/39 "2011-03-19T17:33:20Z")
[Cheech Marin] Here, let me clear you a place to sit…[wipes face] [/Cheech] In all seriousness, if she’s not disabled or pregnant or 80 years old, then she’s no more entitled to a seat than a man is. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100/40 "2011-03-20T08:05:18Z")
Stand up, turn the bar stool upside down, and then offer a seat to the closest hot little number nearby. Oh, don’t forget the unmistakable hand gesture and wink. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-keep-my-seat-in-a-bar-when-women-are-standing/575100.md?page=3)