# Is it rude to make a party an "adults only" affair? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 11, 2006, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085 "2006-07-11T21:03:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![dbuzman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de0a6/32.png) [@dbuzman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dbuzman)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/21 "2006-07-11T22:53:10Z")
I don’t think it is rude but you will have to be explicit as politely as possible because there are lots of clueless people out there. Also, keep in mind that no matter how explicit you are about it being no kids, at least 1 invitee will probably show up with the little ones anyway. “Oh, but we always take them with us.” So you will have to be ready for the possibility of asking someone to leave. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/22 "2006-07-11T23:08:08Z")
I suppose it’s out of the question to mention on the invitation that “We will be providing a special damp, stuffy dungeon-room in which all uninvited guests will be asked to remain, unfed and chained to the wall, for the duration of the party”? If someone calls you up and asks if you’re serious, you can tell them to bring their kids and find out. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/23 "2006-07-11T23:12:51Z")
“Due to profanity and adult situations, this party will not be suitable for attendees under the age of 18.” (Depending on what kind of parties you throw, you may want to change the first part to also include “strong sexual content”.) ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/24 "2006-07-11T23:14:19Z")
[QUOTE=Giraffe] “Due to profanity and adult situations, this party will not be suitable for attendees under the age of 18.” (Depending on what kind of parties you throw, you may want to change the first part to also include “strong sexual content”.) [/QUOTE] Judging by the attendence of some movies I’ve been to, that would be far to subtle for some folks. ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/25 "2006-07-11T23:16:42Z")
:smack: Make that “to **o** subtle…” ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/26 "2006-07-11T23:22:26Z")
[QUOTE=Kizarvexius] Okay, call me a doofus, a barbarian, a hick, or whatever kind of name you want. Or chalk it up to the fact that I don’t go to cocktail parties. But if I get an invitation to a party (even if it’s addressed just to me) and do not receive what I regard as clear notice that I shouldn’t bring my 7 year-old daughter, I assume she’s welcome. [/quote] You’re a doofus, a barbarian and a hick. The “clear notice” that you shouldn’t bring your daughter is that her name isn’t on the invitation. [guote=Kizarvexius]I’m a single dad without much of a social life, but when I do hang out with my grown-up friends (none of whom have kids, BTW), my daughter comes along and usually behaves impeccably. [/quote] There’s a big difference between informally “hanging out with friends” who presumably understand and accept that as part of your particular group’s social norms your daughter comes along and bringing your daughter who hasn’t been invited to a formal, written invitation dinner/drinks/dancing party at a hotel. > [@Kizarvexius](#): > > I recognize that not everyone loves having kids around, and that some social functions are more enjoyable for all when the smalls are left at home, but I would hope that the host of any such event to which I am being invited would make that clear to me. They’re making it clear by not putting her name on the invitation. ---
**Author:** ![tashabot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tashabot/32/6250_2.png) [@tashabot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tashabot)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/27 "2006-07-12T00:34:18Z")
If you’re going to be drinking, it’s not acceptable for children to be there anyway. And you should put that in the invitation. Make sound like you’re just concerned for the children, but make it firm that they aren’t allowed. (A glass of wine with dinner is one thing. Drinking after dinner? Not so much) Plus, there’s always the chance that the five-year-old will somehow snag someone’s martini and then you’ll have a drunk five year old to explain. Yeah, not fun. And irresponsible of the parents that want to bring their kids. ~Tasha ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/28 "2006-07-12T01:35:03Z")
Miss Manners be damned, you have to be explicit. When my husband and I recently married we had a no-kids rule. Even though it was explicitly noted on an additional card in the invite (with other information such as the fact that we were providing a coach service for those that preferred not to drive) and still my Aunty phoned and said ‘But I can bring Chloe, can’t I?’. Some people were miffed that their kids weren’t invited but we held firm. So, not only do you need to note it on the invite, you also need to confirm when people RSVP. The party sounds fun - what’s the occassion if you don’t mind me asking? ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/29 "2006-07-12T11:11:35Z")
[QUOTE=tashabot] If you’re going to be drinking, it’s not acceptable for children to be there anyway. And you should put that in the invitation. Make sound like you’re just concerned for the children, but make it firm that they aren’t allowed. (A glass of wine with dinner is one thing. Drinking after dinner? Not so much) Plus, there’s always the chance that the five-year-old will somehow snag someone’s martini and then you’ll have a drunk five year old to explain. Yeah, not fun. And irresponsible of the parents that want to bring their kids. ~Tasha [/QUOTE] Since when? It’s pretty common around here to get together with friends and family, kids included, and have a party where there’s drinking. As long as the kids are invited, I don’t see how it’s irresponsible or not acceptable. I’m not talking about big loud parties where people are getting smashed. But dinner and a few drinks afterwards at a kid-friendly place or someone’s home? No problem. Wedding receptions where the kids were invited and drinks are served? Not a big deal in my circle. I’m firmly of the belief that if you shield your kids from normal adult style socializing and drinking, you’re creating a mystique around alcohol that will eventually backfire. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/30 "2006-07-12T11:20:40Z")
[QUOTE=Athena] Since when? It’s pretty common around here to get together with friends and family, kids included, and have a party where there’s drinking. As long as the kids are invited, I don’t see how it’s irresponsible or not acceptable. I’m not talking about big loud parties where people are getting smashed. But dinner and a few drinks afterwards at a kid-friendly place or someone’s home? No problem. Wedding receptions where the kids were invited and drinks are served? Not a big deal in my circle. I’m firmly of the belief that if you shield your kids from normal adult style socializing and drinking, you’re creating a mystique around alcohol that will eventually backfire. [/QUOTE] Agreed. Let us not forget that kids + adults + booze = weddings. I’ve never heard of the “drinking = no kids” rule. Be explicit on the invite. I like the idea of having a room and a couple responsible sitters to watch kids if your guests can’t come up with their own sitter. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/31 "2006-07-12T11:32:58Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] the idea of having a room and a couple responsible sitters to watch kids if your guests can’t come up with their own sitter. [/QUOTE] I don’t get this. How is this the responsibilty of the person throwing the party to take care of the guests’ kids? It’s not enough to be crystal-clear that kids aren’t invited? The host has to provide baby-sitting services? How about if I don’t have kids, but I DO have an incontinent morphine-addicted grandma I’d like to bring? Is the host then responsible for hiring a physician specialising in addictions, and supplied with plenty of Depends, so grandma is okay during the bash? Jeez. Get your own goddamn sitter, wouldja? Or say you can’t attend. Give me a break. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/32 "2006-07-12T11:37:09Z")
Could you do this in a way that sounds helpful? Such as, “for those that will be needing to organise babysitting, the event is expected to run between 6.30 and 11pm…” or something like that? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/33 "2006-07-12T11:41:33Z")
[QUOTE=pseudotriton ruber ruber] I don’t get this. How is this the responsibilty of the person throwing the party to take care of the guests’ kids? It’s not enough to be crystal-clear that kids aren’t invited? The host has to provide baby-sitting services? How about if I don’t have kids, but I DO have an incontinent morphine-addicted grandma I’d like to bring? Is the host then responsible for hiring a physician specialising in addictions, and supplied with plenty of Depends, so grandma is okay during the bash? Jeez. Get your own goddamn sitter, wouldja? Or say you can’t attend. Give me a break. [/QUOTE] Its a nice plus and a way to make sure your party doesn’t become something you don’t want it to be - either a family party, or a ghost town when parents can’ find (or don’t choose to find) a sitter. I don’t think it HAS to be done, but it is one way to handle the inevitable if you have friends with kids a certain age. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/34 "2006-07-12T11:42:27Z")
[QUOTE=Dangerosa] Its a nice plus and a way to make sure your party doesn’t become something you don’t want it to be - either a family party, or a ghost town when parents can’ find (or don’t choose to find) a sitter. I don’t think it HAS to be done, but it is one way to handle the inevitable if you have friends with kids a certain age. [/QUOTE] How about grandma? ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/35 "2006-07-12T11:43:42Z")
[QUOTE=pseudotriton ruber ruber] How about grandma? [/QUOTE] Also, I’ve got a big epileptic Great Dane I don’t like leaving alone in the house. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/36 "2006-07-12T11:44:29Z")
[QUOTE=Girl From Mars] Could you do this in a way that sounds helpful? Such as, “for those that will be needing to organise babysitting, the event is expected to run between 6.30 and 11pm…” or something like that? [/QUOTE] That sounds like an excellent idea. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/37 "2006-07-12T11:46:26Z")
[QUOTE=dbuzman] I don’t think it is rude but you will have to be explicit as politely as possible because there are lots of clueless people out there. Also, keep in mind that no matter how explicit you are about it being no kids, at least 1 invitee will probably show up with the little ones anyway. “Oh, but we always take them with us.” So you will have to be ready for the possibility of asking someone to leave. [/QUOTE] I HATE this one. Some people go through contortions and a lot of money to hire a sitter, and then Bob and Janice show up with little Austin. “Oh, we didn’t want to hire a sitter, he’s such a good kid, and we won’t stay long.” How do these people think that EVERY OTHER PARENT in the room feels, having shelled out $50 for the evening for a sitter only to have you show up with your little one - and claim that yours is somehow superior. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/38 "2006-07-12T11:56:05Z")
Just write “Clothing Optional” on the invitations. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/39 "2006-07-12T12:01:31Z")
[QUOTE=pseudotriton ruber ruber] How about grandma? [/QUOTE] My crew (literally – a 22 person canoe racing crew) are mostly grandmothers, and a couple are great grandmothers. They are a blast at parties. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2006, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085/40 "2006-07-12T12:12:30Z")
[QUOTE=sandra\_nz] The party sounds fun - what’s the occassion if you don’t mind me asking? [/QUOTE] I don’t mind- it’s a surprise birthday party for my wife. About half of the guests will be family, and many of the other half will be my wife’s friends that she knows through the playgroups my daughters belong to, and parents of the kids that my daughter goes go school with. Which is to say, I haven’t met most of them. All of the playgroups meet during the week, when I’m at work. Even to get their mailing addresses is taking a bit of sleuthing on my part. I like a lot of the suggestions everyone has provided, particularly **Girl From Mars’**. And just to be clear, I ordinarily love having kids around, and when we have parties at our house- like a summer barbeque or something- kids are always welcome. But sometimes you just need to do things as an adult, ya know? [QUOTE=Muffin] Just write “Clothing Optional” on the invitations [/QUOTE] Since I’m inviting both my parents and my wife’s, I don’t even want to consider that. \ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-make-a-party-an-adults-only-affair/364085.md?page=3)