# Is it rude to... \[re: food preferences\]
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [December 22, 2008, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380 "2008-12-22T22:50:29Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Basandre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Basandre)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2008, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/1 "2008-12-22T22:50:29Z")
Is it rude to offer someone food that you know they don’t like? For instance, let’s say your aunt hates tuna, and one day when she’s visiting you, you say “It’s getting towards lunchtime, how about we have tuna salad sandwiches?” How about repeatedly offering said food? Maybe the last time you saw your aunt you offered to take her out to McTuna’s (“All tuna, all the time!”). And the time before that, you gave her your tuna casserole recipe. Again, you know and haven’t forgotten the food preference, you just feel that any day now she might change her mind.
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### Author:  [@Unsquare\_Dance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unsquare_Dance)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2008, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/2 "2008-12-22T23:00:46Z")
I hear a whooshing sound…
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### Author:  [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2008, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/3 "2008-12-22T23:02:03Z")
Rude? Depends. It’s certainly Inconsiderate.
If you try to force it on them or don’t take NO for an answer, then you’re definitely rude.
But for some reason, people keep doing it. I don’t get it. I come to dinner, they offer me something, I say that I can’t eat it (green peppers, onions) or that I don’t like it (eggplant, lima beans) and _they just keep pushing it at me!_ Like I’m suddenly going to change my mind and decide that I love it!
_“Oh come on (Chimera), my Lima Bean and Eggplant Quiche with green peppers and onions is the best thing on Earth! You can’t turn it down! It’s rude to turn down food!”_
😕
(No sorry, it’s rude to demand that I eat food that’s going to destroy my digestive system for the next 12 hours and make me a very unhappy and unpleasant guest.)
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### Author:  [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2008, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/4 "2008-12-22T23:47:00Z")
Yes, I can see how it would be kinda rude. Even if you aren’t forcing it on them, you’re trying to convert them and not showing that you’re very thoughtful or intelligent.
However, I make an exeption for someone who has a long “I don’t like” list. A coworker of mine has one. I swear, everything she sees people eating, she’s got to make a negative comment (which is rude). It doesn’t help that there’s always an “if, then” qualification to each preference. As in, if the peanuts are intact and singular, she’ll eat them. But if they’re mashed up into peanut butter, then OMG GROSS!!!
So if she sees me eating something, I’ll offer her some, knowing good and well it has something in it that she doesn’t like. She once told me that was rude behavior. Well, that may be true. But I feel like it’s even more rude to eat something and not offer someone some of it, especially if I’m giving it away to others (which often happens at work with stuff like candy and popcorn…people will go from office to office asking “Would you like some?”) It’s not my job to commit to memory her complicated “I don’t like” list. But I do admit that I probably would be more considerate if her list was religious or health motivated.
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### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [December 22, 2008, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/5 "2008-12-22T23:58:55Z")
The OP - yup, that’s rude. You don’t like it, you don’t want it, they know it, and they are being dicks about it.
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### Author:  [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2008, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/6 "2008-12-23T00:14:58Z")
I cannot imagine a scenario where it would not be rude, if it’s based on “…that you know they don’t like”.
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### Author:  [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2008, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/7 "2008-12-23T00:30:31Z")
I actually do this to most of my friends, but it’s always teasing. For example, one friend of mine hates ginger ale (which my house always has), so inevitably the first drink I offer is just that. For some reason, she never accepts it! 😕
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### Author:  [@MadPansy64](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPansy64)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2008, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/8 "2008-12-23T00:59:34Z")
> [@Unsquare\_Dance](#):
>
> I hear a whooshing sound…
Maybe. More likely, 'tis the season for relatives to be at their most obnoxious.
Says she who has hated Frog-eye Salad and Pizelles for almost 35 years now, and is offered them 87 bazillion times every December. Hell, there is one person who MAILS a big box of pizelles to me every year.
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### Author:  [@cuberdon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuberdon)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2008, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/9 "2008-12-23T01:37:32Z")
> [@Basandre](#):
>
> Is it rude to offer someone food that you know they don’t like? For instance, let’s say your aunt hates tuna, and one day when she’s visiting you, you say “It’s getting towards lunchtime, how about we have tuna salad sandwiches?” How about repeatedly offering said food? Maybe the last time you saw your aunt you offered to take her out to McTuna’s (“All tuna, all the time!”). And the time before that, you gave her your tuna casserole recipe. Again, you know and haven’t forgotten the food preference, you just feel that any day now she might change her mind.
Someone tried to get me to play canasta using this method. I might have been willing, if they had asked once to plant the idea then backed off. But the “are we there yet?” method of getting me to do something resulted in me being unwilling to play the game even now 20 years later.
I hate to be nagged. It doesn’t get me to change my mind, it just hardens my original opinion. And if tuna or canasta gets mentioned at Every Single Visit, then visits will become much shorter and less frequent.
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### Author:  [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2008, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/10 "2008-12-23T01:59:13Z")
I second the ‘WTF?!’.
Why on earth, unless you were stubbornly trying to be an ass, would you constantly badger someone with something you knew they didn’t like. How would you like it if the roles were reversed?
Duh.
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### Author:  [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2008, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/11 "2008-12-23T02:10:56Z")
> [@Basandre](#):
>
> Again, you know and haven’t forgotten the food preference, you just feel that any day now she might change her mind.
If you saw your aunt once a week, and offered her tuna once a year, it’s just a brain fart. But offering food you know she does not like every time you see her is rude bordering on _weird_. Are you trying to get your aunt to stop visiting?
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### Author:  [@MadPansy64](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPansy64)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2008, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/12 "2008-12-23T02:19:01Z")
> [@MadPansy64](#):
>
> Says she who has hated Frog-eye Salad and Pizelles for almost 35 years now, and is offered them 87 bazillion times every December. Hell, there is one person who MAILS a big box of pizelles to me every year.
Forgot to state clearly: Yes, as stated in the OP, it’s rude.
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2008, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/13 "2008-12-23T02:21:49Z")
Incredibly rude, and sorry to say…incredibly pointless and stupid. (Not that I’m calling YOU stupid-just saying that to DO what you’re suggesting is stupid)
Besides…if they refuse-more for me, as I always say!
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### Author:  [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2008, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/14 "2008-12-23T03:04:48Z")
That would be incredibly rude. If it is an occasional brain fart that you forgot she doesn’t like tuna that is one thing, but to constantly offer despite the fact that you know she hates it is a good way to make sure she hates visiting you. It is the equivalent of saying, “I don’t support your choices because I know what you need better than you do.” Would you constantly set your lesbian cousin up with attractive men or buy a dog person a kitty? If you wouldn’t do those things why would you try to force hated foods onto your loved ones?
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### Author:  [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2008, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/15 "2008-12-23T05:23:22Z")
How about the following situations:
1. I bake cookies in my (non halal / kosher) kitchen, take them to my office and offer them around to colleagues. Do I
a) Offer them to Muslem colleague, informing that baked in non-halal kitchen (thereby asking her to refuse to be “good”)
b) Not even offer, thereby being rude and making the decision for colleague
c) Say something to the effect, how colleague, I would offer but I know you are muselm so…
2. A friend that cannot eat food A interrupts me preparing a dish of food, and I want to continue to eat (short lunch hour for example) what is the best option? If I offer I feel like an insensitive bigot, if I don’t offer I feel like an insensitive ass.
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### Author:  [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2008, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/16 "2008-12-23T05:37:29Z")
Pushy is rude.
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### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [December 23, 2008, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/17 "2008-12-23T12:20:03Z")
> [@bengangmo](#):
>
> How about the following situations:
>
> 1. I bake cookies in my (non halal / kosher) kitchen, take them to my office and offer them around to colleagues. Do I
> a) Offer them to Muslem colleague, informing that baked in non-halal kitchen (thereby asking her to refuse to be “good”)
> b) Not even offer, thereby being rude and making the decision for colleague
> c) Say something to the effect, how colleague, I would offer but I know you are muselm so…
>
> 2. A friend that cannot eat food A interrupts me preparing a dish of food, and I want to continue to eat (short lunch hour for example) what is the best option? If I offer I feel like an insensitive bigot, if I don’t offer I feel like an insensitive ass.
For #1, if you know for certain she only eats halal-prepared food, then C. (Though if you make food a whole lot and are starting to sound like a broken record, I’d switch to B eventually. She’s gotten the idea by now that you don’t cook halal.) If she’s not so strict about that, then A.
For #2 I’d say something like, “I’d offer you some (food) but it’s got (yucky food) in it.”
If it makes you feel any better, the people on the other side of the equation probably have their own worries. I’m a vegetarian (eating dairy and eggs, no seafood, no food prepared with meat broth, etc.; however you could be eating veal in front of me and I wouldn’t complain) and developed a food allergy in the last year, so I understand. People with certain food-related restrictions/extreme dislikes should understand that not every random food item will be something they can eat, and if they’re sensible they will understand this.
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### Author:  [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)
#### Post date: [December 24, 2008, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/18 "2008-12-24T02:24:53Z")
What is Frog-Eye Salad? And can you forward your pizelles to me? (Seriously, who doesn’t like pizelles? Have you tried them? Go on, just try one! They’re good, really!;))
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### Author:  [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)
#### Post date: [December 24, 2008, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/19 "2008-12-24T02:35:53Z")
> [@Basandre](#):
>
> Is it rude to offer someone food that you know they don’t like? For instance, let’s say your aunt hates tuna, and one day when she’s visiting you, you say “It’s getting towards lunchtime, how about we have tuna salad sandwiches?” How about repeatedly offering said food? Maybe the last time you saw your aunt you offered to take her out to McTuna’s (“All tuna, all the time!”). And the time before that, you gave her your tuna casserole recipe. Again, you know and haven’t forgotten the food preference, you just feel that any day now she might change her mind.
I get the impression that _you_ are the aunt in this scenario.
Yeah, it’s annoying. Passive aggression is.
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### Author:  [@MadPansy64](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPansy64)
#### Post date: [December 25, 2008, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-re-food-preferences/478380/20 "2008-12-25T03:36:36Z")
> [@Alan\_Smithee](#):
>
> What is Frog-Eye Salad? And can you forward your pizelles to me? (Seriously, who doesn’t like pizelles? Have you tried them? Go on, just try one! They’re good, really!;))
Frog eye Salad is a cool-whip laden mushy dessert-ish thing. Think Jello Salad but with nasty soggy tiny pasta blobs instead of Jello. It looks better than it tastes.
As for the Pizelles, I’ll need your shipping address! 😉
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