# Is it rude to remind adults to say 'Please' ? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 24, 2012, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172 "2012-06-24T19:39:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/21 "2012-06-25T11:37:59Z")
It depends on the person and situation. My husband was pretty much raised by wolves. His stepfather would bark orders, and his mother would race to do whatever it was. My husband does know how to say please and thank you, but he often doesn’t bother. So if we’re eating out, and someone refills our tea, I’ll say “thank you” when both glasses are filled. And then I’ll tell him, privately, that he needs to remember to do this. When we’re at home, and he falls into Caveman Mode and barks an order at me, I say “no”. He’ll ask why not, and I’ll explain that between his tone and omitting to say please, I don’t feel like it, and he can damn well get his own \. And if I bring him something, and he doesn’t say “thank you”, I’ll remind him that he needs to say this, or I’m less likely to bring him a treat next time. But I don’t do this in front of other people, except for our daughter. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/22 "2012-06-25T11:51:08Z")
“Wouldja pass the salt?” “You didn’t say pleeeease!” “Fuck you, I’ll get it myself.” ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/23 "2012-06-25T11:55:34Z")
Yes, its rude for an adult to correct the manners of another adult - or of any child over whom they do not have responsibility. Kids get treated with the same respect as other adults and unless you job is to raise or help raise those kids, don’t correct their manners. Not that being rude doesn’t have its time and place. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/24 "2012-06-25T12:39:05Z")
Reminding an adult to say please? Yep, it’s rude. But I can’t ever see someone doing that to another adult unless the requester was being a jerk in the way they were asking. ---
**Author:** ![listedmia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e0b2c6/32.png) [@listedmia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/listedmia)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/25 "2012-06-25T12:48:37Z")
> [@oreally](#): > > I DO think a lot of adults need to be reminded of the words “excuse me” though, like when cutting in front of you in a store/etc. “Thank you” is also being forgotten when you do something as simple as holding a door for someone. More than once after getting no response I muttered “you’re welcome” as they walked by. > > Nobody has taken issue with it yet. 🙂 This has happened to me twice lately. The first time, I had strep throat and couldn’t have talked if I wanted to. The old lady saying “You’re _welcome!_” in a pissed off tone of voice made me feel even crappier than I already did. The second time, I was about to say thank you, but the guy interjected another angry “You’re welcome!” before I got the chance to take a breath. Now I’m sure there have been times when I’ve forgotten a “Thank you” or two, and I’ve been trying to work on that, but fighting rudeness with rudeness is just ridiculous. Doesn’t accomplish much. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/26 "2012-06-25T12:55:50Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Not that being rude doesn’t have its time and place. That’s what I think. Which is why I categorized the matter in question as rude. But I’m not sure how to describe the situation I see often, the world can be a rude place, and sometimes rudeness is the way to navigate it. Is it really rude anymore when rudeness is appropriate for the situation, or do the rules change in that case? ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/27 "2012-06-25T13:01:46Z")
> [@](#): > > I DO think a lot of adults need to be reminded of the words “excuse me” though, like when cutting in front of you in a store/etc. I don’t think that saying “Excuse me” makes it OK to cut in front of someone. I think it’s a request for that person to move aside. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/28 "2012-06-25T13:06:40Z")
> [@chizzuk](#): > > Yes. I once politely asked someone, “Could you grab [nearby object] for me?” An older woman was nearby and admonished me for not saying please when making the request. I’m sorry, lady, I’m 24 years old and you’re not my mother (who wouldn’t have corrected me in public like that anyway at this age). I don’t need you monitoring my manners. I asked nicely, I don’t find it necessary to append “please” to every piddling question, it was implied in my tone. Meddling busybody. > > Can you tell I was really annoyed? ^^ That! When I was younger, I had friends actually work to train me not to say please with everything! :smack: To their way of thinking, as friends the please wasn’t always needed, and to use it implied distance. :o ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/29 "2012-06-25T13:21:39Z")
I was brought up to be pretty liberal with a please or a thank you. So I get things like at the shop: “Could I have a box matches please.” On being handed them - “Thank you.” Hand over money, get change - “Thank you.” But that’s just me. I don’t think I’d tell anyone else to say please or thank you. I don’t know that I even made much effort to teach my kids, they just learned by observation. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/30 "2012-06-25T13:26:56Z")
Although on looking back up the thread **kayaker** ’s alternative is appealing. ---
**Author:** ![minlokwat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/minlokwat/32/2844_2.png) [@minlokwat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minlokwat)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/31 "2012-06-25T13:30:32Z")
Relevant / Obligatory… > [@](#): > > Vincent: A “please” would be nice. > > The Wolf: Come again? > > Vincent: I said a “please” would be nice. > > The Wolf: Set it straight, buster. I’m not here to say “please”. I’m here to tell you what to do. And if self-preservation is an instinct you possess, you better fucking do it and do it quick. I’m here to help. If my help’s not appreciated, lotsa luck gentlemen. > > Jules: It ain’t that way Mr. Wolf. Your help is definitely appreciated. > > Vincent: I don’t mean any disrespect. I just don’t like people barking orders at me. > > The Wolf: If I’m curt with you, it’s because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you guys to act fast if you want to get out of this. So pretty please, with sugar on top, clean the fucking car. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/32 "2012-06-25T13:42:40Z")
> [@minlokwat](#): > > Relevant / Obligatory… Where did that quote come from? 😕 Attribution, please? ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/33 "2012-06-25T13:58:46Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Okay. Who the heck is then? Those green guys from Roswell with the probes? Etiquette says that we do not note breaches of etiquette by others. Exceptions exist for parents who are supposed to educate their children, teachers who must pick up the slack when parents fail, and those like Miss Manners and Emily Post who are tasked with being repositories of general knowledge on etiquette. And note that they do not, as a rule, rebuke people for bad etiquette, unless the person has already asked for their opinion in the matter. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/34 "2012-06-25T14:00:29Z")
> [@Zabali\_Clawbane](#): > > Where did that quote come from? 😕 Attribution, please? **Pulp Fiction**. My favorite documentary of all time. ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/35 "2012-06-25T14:44:59Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Etiquette says that we do not note breaches of etiquette by others. But if someone breaches that do we not note **that** breach of etiquette as well? ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/36 "2012-06-25T14:48:52Z")
Not if we want to be polite. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/37 "2012-06-25T15:08:26Z")
Thanks for all the responses and views, I have found them very helpful. As astounded as I am by the number of those who believe as long as they are not barking at you, the politeness is ‘implied’ by the ‘tone’, I certainly understand better why it’s falling into disuse. We live in changing times. Of course, I’m in Canada, where someone not saying ‘Please’, stands out a little more, I think. (Myself, if I fall out of the habit, while I may feel initially chagrin, on being reminded, in short order I would be grateful for correction. But clearly, that is just me!) ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/38 "2012-06-25T15:24:09Z")
> [@Zabali\_Clawbane](#): > > ^^ That! When I was younger, I had friends actually work to train me not to say please with everything! :smack: To their way of thinking, as friends the please wasn’t always needed, and to use it implied distance. :o I habitually use “Sir” or “Ma’am” without thinking about it. It’s not all the time, but it’s a common verbal tic for me. When I was in Basic, a couple of the guys in my flight claimed that calling them “Sir” was rude, for the same reason. One guy almost got belligerent with me over the issue, telling me that he’d start to get mad if I kept calling him “Sir”. So I asked him if I should call him “Asshole” instead. For some reason, the two of us never got along.:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Pixel\_Dent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@Pixel\_Dent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixel_Dent)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/39 "2012-06-25T15:25:18Z")
Even Miss Manners says it’s rude to correct another person’s manners. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2012, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172/40 "2012-06-25T16:25:58Z")
> [@Raguleader](#): > > I habitually use “Sir” or “Ma’am” without thinking about it. It’s not all the time, but it’s a common verbal tic for me. When I was in Basic, a couple of the guys in my flight claimed that calling them “Sir” was rude, for the same reason. > > One guy almost got belligerent with me over the issue, telling me that he’d start to get mad if I kept calling him “Sir”. > > So I asked him if I should call him “Asshole” instead. > > For some reason, the two of us never got along.:rolleyes: My baby sister, in her early 30s now, frequently calls me sir. The ten-year age difference probably has something to do with it; she doesn’t feel as if we’re really the same generation. Oddly enough, she also says she appreciates the fact that I’m the only one among our siblings who doesn’t treat her as if she’s twelve. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-rude-to-remind-adults-to-say-please/626172.md?page=3)