# Is it silly to reach out after 40 years, out of the blue, to send an apology?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-silly-to-reach-out-after-40-years-out-of-the-blue-to-send-an-apology/923554>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [October 22, 2020, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-silly-to-reach-out-after-40-years-out-of-the-blue-to-send-an-apology/923554 "2020-10-22T02:04:03Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 7

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**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\
**Post date:** [November 3, 2020, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-silly-to-reach-out-after-40-years-out-of-the-blue-to-send-an-apology/923554/121 "2020-11-03T16:38:21Z")

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> [@Green\_Cymbeline](#):
>
> I’d lean towards doing it. What do you have to lose?

What does **she** have to lose? In other words, what might it cost her?

She has been wronged/hurt once. Leave her alone, in whatever peace she has built for herself. It’s presumptuous and selfish to reinsert himself back into her life. He needs to get over himself.

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**Author:** ![velomont](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/8491ac/32.png) [@velomont](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velomont)\
**Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-silly-to-reach-out-after-40-years-out-of-the-blue-to-send-an-apology/923554/122 "2026-08-01T19:05:48Z")

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So maybe this thread now qualifies as a zombie, however, when it first surfaced it caught my attention. Now, three years after an autism diagnosis and the recognition that I had caused a lot of my various relationship issues.

So, last night I sent a quick message to a former girlfriend from 36 years ago, initially to confirm that it was the correct person. Her first response was a rather lifeless response acknowledging that she was the right person and that she remembers me.

I followed up with a message explaining my relatively recent autism diagnosis and the salient symptoms, along with a sincere apology and the explanation that I wasn’t seeking forgiveness or re-entry into her life, and left it at that.

She responded shortly after, warmly thanking me, which led into a long messaging conversation, including her thanking me for allowing her to express thoughts and regrets etc. We are going to renew the friendship part of the relationship. For me, and for her, it was a very warm and rewarding conversation, so I guess it depends. In my situation, my wife and I are thinking of vacationing in her part of the country and may actually get together.

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**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\
**Post date:** [August 1, 2026, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-silly-to-reach-out-after-40-years-out-of-the-blue-to-send-an-apology/923554/123 "2026-08-01T23:38:09Z")

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[For some reason the thread reminded me of this scene.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcNlB2qusVY)

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**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\
**Post date:** [September 9, 2026, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-silly-to-reach-out-after-40-years-out-of-the-blue-to-send-an-apology/923554/124 "2026-09-09T18:19:02Z")

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> [@velomont](#):
>
> In my situation, my wife and I are thinking of vacationing in her part of the country and may actually get together.

Yeah. Don’t do that.

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