# Is it so wrong for a girl to ask a guy out? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 19, 2000, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823 "2000-06-19T04:58:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/21 "2000-06-19T16:06:05Z")
Well, being a girl doesn’t make it any easier. Trust me, I am the shyest person around some people while I am not shy **at all** around others. I am really bad at the asking out thing, but I’m trying. At least I haven’t gotten rejected in my couple of attempts so far. Just try it a few times, it’s the hardest thing on earth at first, but it gets easier as you go along. rejection isn’t a bad thing, and if they reject you it’s probably nto because of something you did. If you want, i can tell you about one time that I was really shy and a friend helped me out with this while embarassing me. ---
**Author:** ![justwannano](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ab992/32.png) [@justwannano](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justwannano)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/22 "2000-06-19T16:30:06Z")
See Homeslice how shy handy is. Another thing. How far do you want her to go in being the aggressive one of the relationship.Yea you’ll say All the way. It goes further than sex.But I guess that some guys like domineering women. Not that she would be but the purpose of dating is to “weed out the undesirable”. That is a little blunt but to the point. ---
**Author:** ![jubei2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a87d85/32.png) [@jubei2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jubei2k)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/23 "2000-06-19T16:36:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Well, unless you are part of a singles group or something, there is your problem. Never “ask a girl out”. Try coffee, or lunch or something NON-date, get the #, call, chat, get her to talk about HER\*, then another meet, more chat, then say “hey, maybe we could do dinner at …, you know, a real ‘date’ date”, and if you don’t know the answer will be YES, then you’re a total naif. > \*\* Yeah, I totally agree with this. If you ask someone out, don’t make a big deal about. Don’t inviter her out for dinner at 8:00 or something like that. Just say, “Hey, why don’t we go to lunch sometime.” This will put a girl at ease and since its a day-time date, there won’t be as much pressure. Also, if a girl’s hedging about going out with you, she’ll be more likely to say yes to a cup of coffee than dinner and a movie. Keep it light. Regarding the OP, there’s nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out, but if you’re counting on her making the first move, you might be waiting awhile… ---
**Author:** ![Catfood\_Purrito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Catfood\_Purrito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catfood_Purrito)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/24 "2000-06-19T20:49:37Z")
I get horribly nervous when I ask a man out, which is why I’ve done it once in the past 3 years. (Well, twice if you count me asking the putz out for the second and last date, but by then it wasn’t nearly as frightening since he had already said yes once.) So, I ended up having to take two shots of vodka before I could even pick up the phone. In this case, though, the nervousness was worse, the guy is kind of a local celebrity, and 10 years older than me, and blah, blah, blah. He said yes, though. (At which point I nearly fell off my chair from shock.) I’m still totally and completely amazed at myself for actually going through with it, I’m usually way too shy to even remotely show interest in a man. (which is why I never date, I suppose.) ---
**Author:** ![horowitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@horowitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/horowitz)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/25 "2000-06-19T21:20:40Z")
Nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out, but I think there may be a problem if the man has to be asked out by a woman. In general you should avoid looking and being week and desperate. Nobody wants this. Don’t be one of those people that are constantly “looking” for a girlfriend. This is a quick way to make yourself crazy. Just go out and do stuff that you’re interested in and that girls happen to be interested in. Have fun with the activity first. Believe me when you look fun you look more interesting. Don’t pounce allover a girl when you do talk to one. Give it some time so you both will be comfortable. I meet more women when I am out doing something I like and having a good time. When I am out with the boys just trying to get laid it never works. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/26 "2000-06-19T22:10:53Z")
Having never been asked out and having never asked anyone out (yes, I do have a life) . . . IRL, that is. I had a friend a few years ago with whom I was _bit_ more than casual friends, but not much. I asked her to a dance online (and even that was really hard, but doable) and she did the same a few weeks later. Then stuff happened and I couldn’t handle being close to her because of the kind of person she was. So we broke up (we weren’t much more than friends anyway). Oh goody. Depression is so much fun. Oh well. You have to face life or it’ll keep on building up until you can’t not face it. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/27 "2000-06-19T22:43:57Z")
The trick is not to make it so direct that is the other oarty says no you feel rejected. Rather than “do you want to go out with me tomorrow for dinner?” sort of test the waters with something less compromising like “you know how I told you I like to do X? I was thinking you might like to go with me sometime to this place where they do this blah blah blah… do you think you would enjoy that sometime?” If he immediately says “yes!” you can make definite plans. If he does not seem interested you just leave it at that and move on the conversation. A very indirect sounding question will not get you a frontal rejection if that is what you are afraid of. And remember that, what others think of you is not so important as you might feel. If you are a good and decent person you can be very proud of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Eposia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Eposia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eposia)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/28 "2000-06-19T23:04:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Rather than “do you want to go out with me tomorrow for dinner?” sort of test the waters with something less compromising like "you know how I told you I like to do X? I was thinking you might like to go with me sometime to this place where they do this blah blah blah… do you think you \*\* Hmm, interesting…Miss Manners says to do the opposite…i.e., You should ask “Would you like to go to a movie Friday?”, rather than “do you want to go out sometime?”, since rejection of the first could be a conflict of schedules, where as a rejection of the second is a definite putdown. (Of course she also says that three rejections using the first tactic equal the second rejection meaning.) 🙂 Since all my group of friends does a lot of “haning out” together, rather than asking out, I don’t know for sure, but I’m curious : what are other people’s thoughts? Is sailor right, or Miss Manners? ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/29 "2000-06-19T23:19:05Z")
’ “Would you like to go to a movie Friday?” Ohhhhh, too passive. I prefer to try: ‘Would you like to go for a walk friday at noon or 2pm?’ ---
**Author:** ![justwannano](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ab992/32.png) [@justwannano](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justwannano)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/30 "2000-06-19T23:29:12Z")
Or better yet ask her to go to lunch with the crowd you hang with . Then you don’t have to think of something to talk about all of the time.Something I had a problem with. As a matter of fact Mrs J.W.N. said OK to that one. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2000, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/31 "2000-06-19T23:53:53Z")
TN\*hippie wrote: > [@](#): > > \*\* > Ladies, by all means, YES! _Please_ ask me out! > \*\* If I take you out for dinner and a movie, what do I get in return? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/32 "2000-06-20T00:28:36Z")
Hey, Homey! I’ve asked guys out (I’ve also proposed to the man I’m now married to, but that’s another story) and my favorite “line” was “Would you like to go out for a beer?” This was great because A. Beer is WAY cheaper than dinner and B. I weeded out the under-21-year-olds this way. If beer isn’t your thing, try going out for coffee or ice cream. The latter should really loosen things up - who can be serious while they’re scarfing down a banana split? Just my two cents. Patty ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/33 "2000-06-20T00:55:46Z")
I’ve been asked out as often as I’ve asked out girls. It never seemed unusual to me, although it did to certain inescapably pedestrian members of my family. ---
**Author:** ![single\_files](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@single\_files](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/single_files)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/34 "2000-06-20T01:59:53Z")
I am currently dating a guy that takes shy to a whole new level. Cracks me up, but I will share his tactic. Took him three years to do this, but it was effective. Take a business card if you have one and draw a tic tac toe on the back. Fill in an X and hand it to the girl in question. If you get it back with an O filled in, it gives you another opportunity to approach her. Nobody’s gonna win, but you get to pass it back and forth nine times, and by then you should be talking, or at least laughing. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823/35 "2000-06-20T04:23:25Z")
Asking a person out to do something you enjoy is a good idea too. I like to play pool, and the guys I like tend to frequent arcades. Usually, where you find pool tables, you’ll find some arcade games, right? What I do is I challenge them to some nine ball. Not only do I get to spend time with the guy, but by doing something I’m good at, it gives me confidence and lets me block out my nervousness. He’s happy too, since after we play, he can hit the Tekken machine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-so-wrong-for-a-girl-to-ask-a-guy-out/22823.md?page=1)