# Is it strange that I want to go to my friend's baby shower? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 20, 2004, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244 "2004-10-20T17:17:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/1 "2004-10-20T17:17:41Z")
Okay, first of all, I am a man. It has always been my impression that baby showers were for women, but for some reason I want to go to my friend’s shower. She’s one of the few women who I trust enough to be friends with, and I’m very happy for her becasue I know she and her husband had been trying a while to conceive. But a man at a baby shower might be like Andre the Giant at a Munchkin convention. Would asking if I could attend be weird, or just bad form? Should I say something about her letting me know when the shower is so I can buy her a present, and just not saying anything about actually attending, be appropriate? I’ve never placed a lot of stock in most gender stereotypes, but I’ve learned there are some you mess with at your peril. Any thoughts? ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/2 "2004-10-20T17:34:26Z")
A baby shower is not given by the couple themselves, but by a friend or relative, and there can be more than one shower (different people invited). Have you considered _you_ throwing a coed shower for your friend, inviting common acquaintances that might not have been invited to the other showers? I read about a baby shower thrown by a man – the shower was held during a football game and had football-themed decorations. The guest list was based on the couple’s male friends. Of course whatever you do has to have the blessing of the couple. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/3 "2004-10-20T17:37:31Z")
> [@Lizard](#): > > …\… Should I say something about her letting me know when the shower is so I can buy her a present, and just not saying anything about actually attending, be appropriate? > I’ve never placed a lot of stock in most gender stereotypes, but I’ve learned there are some you mess with at your peril. Any thoughts?..\… To the first Q here…yes, that is a good idea. I am assuming you do not have an SO who would be invited, where you could tag along? I went to a baby shower this weekend with my wife, we were both invited, there were several couples there, and no single men. To your second point - Eventhough you do not put a lot of stock into gender stereotypes, our culture is built upon them, and that is a fact. I am not saying it would be bad form to go alone, and I do not think you’d be putting yourself in peril. I would just approach the topic with as much tact as possible, and asking the expectant parents about a gift, would be the best way to get invited. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/4 "2004-10-20T18:05:43Z")
I just had the coolest idea for a shower. The invitees would be a selected group of willing participants, possibly including the couple’s fathers. The shower would be held at the couple’s residence; the guests would show up with the appropriate hardware and tools, and the party would consist of child-proofing the place. This gift would be remembered long after the onesies were outgrown. I apologize for going off on a tangent about _you_ throwing a shower, instead of replying to your original question. I think maybe _I_ need to throw a party to get this enthusiasm out of my system. ---
**Author:** ![gfloyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@gfloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gfloyd)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/5 "2004-10-20T18:12:33Z")
I’m a long way off from having children, but I couldn’t image celebrating such events without my closest friends, half or more of whom are male. But that might just be me. ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/6 "2004-10-20T18:21:57Z")
I would definately put a feeler out for an invite. I’ve been to plenty of baby showers where men were present- usually the dad-to-be and his buddys. If you wind up being the only guy, you can become their “token” and fetch snacks and drinks, etc. Baby showers can be fun! You should go. Of course, you willl be killed afterwards, but don’t let that stop you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/7 "2004-10-20T18:58:04Z")
I’m having a baby shower thrown for me this weekend and we had the same problem. We solved the problem by shortening the shower time to one hour for the girly part of the shower and then designating 3:00 as the “boys and beer” part of the shower when all the boys can show up and turn it into a real party (while I watch with envy and pretend I can still drink and smoke - maybe I’ll sniff a beer. But that’s a different rant). Not being the one throwing this shower, however, you may be out of luck. I think it would be rude to “tag along” on someone else’s invite or go fishing for an invitation. It may seem silly that here in 2004 we have these seeminly archaic girls-only parties, but the shower really isn’t the time or place to make that point. I say throw your own for the couple so it’s fun for all. **laina\_f** - I love that idea!! Now if someone will throw me a “clean everything below knee level because I can’t bend over anymore” party I’ll be in business. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/8 "2004-10-20T19:03:25Z")
I’ve been to my share of baby showers and I find I prefer the ones which included men. Some all-female parties can get a little fussy, others are perfect for adding a few men to the mix. A nice guy or two sort of evens things out in a yin yang sort of way, I believe (and since these days it’s supposed to be both the man and woman raising the kid equally, why alienate the men from the parenting experience?). Definitely see what the hostess thinks about your attending. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/9 "2004-10-20T19:04:20Z")
> [@Ca3799](#): > > Of course, you willl be killed afterwards, but don’t let that stop you. 🙂 Huh?! As to some of the other suggesitons, I’m not sure I could throw my own shower, since she and I know each other professionally, and don’t have any mutual friends to invite that I am aware of. Otherwise, i would liek the idea. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/10 "2004-10-20T19:06:23Z")
What I am leaning toward doing is sending her an e-mail asking to be notified when she has a shower so I can send ehr a present. To me, that is an opportunity to invite me without my seeming pushy. Isn’t it? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/11 "2004-10-20T19:14:28Z")
It’s not strange that you want to go to your friend’s baby shower. It would be strange however if you wanted to shower with your friend’s baby. ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/12 "2004-10-20T19:17:54Z")
Some women treat baby showers as an excuse to trot out gruesome labor and delivery stories. A male presence would head off the worst of them—to the benefit of _all_ attendees, I might add. ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/13 "2004-10-20T19:23:15Z")
No, not at all. My friend C’s shower (more than five years ago) had one male attendee, A. He had been a friend for close to five years at that time, so he expressed an interest in attending and was invited. The baby’s grandma and aunt were sorely affronted by the addition of testosterone to the party, but they didn’t throw it and it wasn’t at their house, so it wasn’t their choice! Just know that you might get some funny looks from tradition-minded guestes, and they may start asking your opinion on interior decorating matters. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/14 "2004-10-20T19:45:22Z")
> [@Podkayne](#): > > Some women treat baby showers as an excuse to trot out gruesome labor and delivery stories. A male presence would head off the worst of them—to the benefit of _all_ attendees, I might add. I can understand what the OP is saying. I can even agree with several of the other members and how it’d probably be okay to go. I’d ask first of course. I’ve been to a couple. **BUT** as Podkayne is saying you might wanna prepare to make an early exit 'cause when the conversation turns to stretch marks and lactating and worse… I doubt I’ll be going to anymore. Matter of fact, my wife had been to one last spring and the rule was NO MEN. I didn’t even ask why. (pictures and video was shown I found out later) ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/15 "2004-10-20T20:22:46Z")
I think the idea of including men in showers is becoming more common. Our group of friends has started having babies and the men have started their own tradition - the ‘dadchelor party.’ It includes games like drinking baby bottles of beer. I know couple’s showers are happening more often too. Your idea of asking about when the shower is so you can send a gift is certainly fine but if someone is set on throwing her a traditional women’s shower I wouldn’t take it personally if you aren’t invited. Some women just assume men would have no interest in coming, or maybe she does want some time with just her girlfriends. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/16 "2004-10-20T20:33:12Z")
> [@Lizard](#): > > What I am leaning toward doing is sending her an e-mail asking to be notified when she has a shower so I can send ehr a present. To me, that is an opportunity to invite me without my seeming pushy. > Isn’t it? 😕 The only problem with that is that you can send a gift, or put one on her desk, without having to actually go to the shower (I hate babyshowers…mine made me nervous). It would be nice if people would just drop the goofiness and invite both guys and girls… ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/17 "2004-10-20T20:33:40Z")
> [@Velma](#): > > It includes games like drinking baby bottles of beer. You’re kidding, right. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/18 "2004-10-20T20:36:53Z")
> [@t-keela](#): > > You’re kidding, right. :dubious: No. Hey, it sounded more fun to me then some of the games I’ve played at showers. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/19 "2004-10-20T21:10:34Z")
Is there a particular shower already scheduled that you would like to attend, or would you just like to attend a shower, or do you just want an opportunity to give a gift? Where I work, it is not uncommon to have small baby showers during work hours. Usually the coworkers contribute to buy a big-ticket gift (like a stroller or changing table), and everyone gets together in a conference room to present the gift and have cake and beverages. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2004, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244/20 "2004-10-20T21:11:23Z")
Well, the first messed up thing about it is the name…\*\*'dadchelor \*\* for some reason it makes me think the guy is single and he’s sitting around getting drunk with his newborn baby. Who knows where Mom is…passed out in the back? I’m kidding okay, it just struck me funny I guess. 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-strange-that-i-want-to-go-to-my-friends-baby-shower/270244.md?page=2)