# Is it too manipulative/inappropriate for a beggar to approach you while you are dining outside? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 23, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-too-manipulative-inappropriate-for-a-beggar-to-approach-you-while-you-are-dining-outside/669518 "2013-09-23T15:20:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Roy\_Batty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Roy\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roy_Batty)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2017, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-too-manipulative-inappropriate-for-a-beggar-to-approach-you-while-you-are-dining-outside/669518/61 "2017-11-14T05:07:41Z")
It is definitely manipulative for panhandlers to approach you & ask for money while you sitting down eating, in a drive through in your car, and on public transportation - i.e., anywhere where you can’t easily escape them (i.e., by walking away). These people intentionally do this so that they can “guilt” you into giving them money, since they know that you’re more or less stationary & it will be difficult for you to leave the situation. Any restaurant that continuously allows panhandlers to bother the customers will probably soon find itself with less customers. ---
**Author:** ![Mnemnosyne](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mnemnosyne/32/3347_2.png) [@Mnemnosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnemnosyne)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2017, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-too-manipulative-inappropriate-for-a-beggar-to-approach-you-while-you-are-dining-outside/669518/62 "2017-11-14T05:35:42Z")
> [@AdmiralQ](#): > > This scam always gets a chuckle out of me. So you had enough money to buy the gas can, but didn’t have any for the actual gas? Gas cans aren’t cheap, usually $20 or so for a small one… Heck, the one time I needed gas for my boat and the marina pumps were closed, I found a milk jug in the garbage at a gas station on the river and shuttled gas in it back and forth from the gas station to the boat, jumping a fence along the river each time. I’m surprised they let you fill up a milk jug, although I guess these days gas stations in most states don’t tend to have anyone working outside that can see. Back when both full and self service was common, I recall it was prohibited to fill any container except a proper gas can with gasoline, because of safety reasons. I assume the same rules are still in place, just hard to enforce since nobody’s outside to watch. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2017, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-too-manipulative-inappropriate-for-a-beggar-to-approach-you-while-you-are-dining-outside/669518/63 "2017-11-14T05:47:59Z")
I always carry some extra brains in my car in paper bags, in case I run into zombies begging on the medians. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2017, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-too-manipulative-inappropriate-for-a-beggar-to-approach-you-while-you-are-dining-outside/669518/64 "2017-11-14T06:16:50Z")
> [@Roy\_Batty](#): > > It is definitely manipulative for panhandlers to approach you & ask for money while you sitting down eating, in a drive through in your car, and on public transportation - i.e., anywhere where you can’t easily escape them (i.e., by walking away). These people intentionally do this so that they can “guilt” you into giving them money, since they know that you’re more or less stationary & it will be difficult for you to leave the situation. > > Any restaurant that continuously allows panhandlers to bother the customers will probably soon find itself with less customers. OK, we get it, in multiple threads, that you don’t like panhandlers. And it’s “FEWER customers.” ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2017, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-too-manipulative-inappropriate-for-a-beggar-to-approach-you-while-you-are-dining-outside/669518/65 "2017-11-14T13:36:41Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > I assume anyone begging with a kid is using him/her as a prop and you can bet that the beggar knew exactly what she was doing by causing you to feel maximum guilt. I never give money to beggars but do give money to charities that help the homeless. I also never make eye contact or respond to begging. Giving to beggars just continues the cycle. I give money to beggars in really poor countries, but not often in the US. (Sometimes I do here- I’m more likely to if I’ve just been drinking at the bar and am in a good mood, or whatever, or if I’m about to go into or come out of a store and have ‘money’ on my mind). ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2017, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-too-manipulative-inappropriate-for-a-beggar-to-approach-you-while-you-are-dining-outside/669518/66 "2017-11-14T13:37:42Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > The person in front of me in any given case is part of a group. This group has a very high percentage of scammers in it. > > I give money to various charities, and I’m careful about which charities I give to. If I have a budget of $100 for charity, I’d rather that most of that money went to people who actually need it, rather than people who find it easier to stand at an intersection and hold up a sign than to work. Yes, I might refuse to help someone who approaches me who is generally needy, but with my system, more of my money goes to people who need it, rather than people who are good at telling a sad story. With my method, about $75 of my $100 goes to people who need it. If I just hand out money to people who approach me, perhaps $5 out of that $100 will go to someone who actually needs the money. this is really the best way to do it, by far. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2017, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-too-manipulative-inappropriate-for-a-beggar-to-approach-you-while-you-are-dining-outside/669518/67 "2017-11-14T14:37:26Z")
To a homeless zombie, anyone with BRAIIINNNNNZZZZZZ is always dining out. ---
**Author:** ![molten](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ec9cab/32.png) [@molten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/molten)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2017, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-too-manipulative-inappropriate-for-a-beggar-to-approach-you-while-you-are-dining-outside/669518/68 "2017-11-15T00:01:14Z")
Where I live now there are so many homeless… I have mainly women who are homeless near where I live. One time I was going back home from the store with bags and a woman approached me and asked for money, I said I don’t have any so she says - “Give me some of your food in the bags”, I said something like “I can’t” and left. When I first moved to this area I gave some money, and one time I was walking back home at night when I hear someone shouting “sir sir, wait sir!” and I thought I forgot something on the bus so she was bringing it back to me so I stand and wait for her to catch up. She then starts some confusing, long and boring story about clearly wanting cash for the bus… So being tired from a long day I stop her and say “so how much money do you want/need?”, she asks for X and I say I will give you 1 dollar and another person will give you the rest… So I open my wallet and she grabs it with her hands and tries to pull out bills by force… So we are standing there fighting for my wallet… Eventually she realizes I am stronger and lets go… she got away with 1 or 2 dollars which I felt angry about, I just turned around and walked away… Ever since I have given nothing to noone apart from one time I bought a really bad smoothie and I gave it to a guy in the street, cause I was about to bin it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2017, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-too-manipulative-inappropriate-for-a-beggar-to-approach-you-while-you-are-dining-outside/669518/69 "2017-11-15T20:24:11Z")
Anytime you hear, “Sir, sir,” ignore them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-too-manipulative-inappropriate-for-a-beggar-to-approach-you-while-you-are-dining-outside/669518.md?page=3)