# Is it true that relationships with an age difference of 10+ years rarely work out? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 21, 2013, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544 "2013-06-21T07:07:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2013, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/21 "2013-06-23T16:03:46Z")
When my wife and I met, I was 34, she was 23. That was in 1988. Seems to be working out so far. 🙂 When my dad met his second wife, he was 49, she was 37. This week, they will turn 88 and 76, respectively, and they recently celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary. Obviously there can be problems with the endgame, as the man’s generally the older spouse when there’s a nontrivial age difference, and women have longer life expectancies than men anyway. My father and stepmother are encountering this: she’s very fit for a woman in her mid-70s, but at nearly 88, the ailments of age have really caught up with Dad. Given my wife’s and my relative health, I expect it’ll probably work out more evenly for us at the end, but that’s still a long ways off yet. ---
**Author:** ![Fiendish\_Astronaut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiendish_astronaut/32/3295_2.png) [@Fiendish\_Astronaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiendish_Astronaut)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2013, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/22 "2013-06-23T21:51:20Z")
The usual formula is that ones partner should be at least half your age plus seven. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2013, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/23 "2013-06-23T21:57:26Z")
> [@Fiendish\_Astronaut](#): > > The usual formula is that ones partner should be at least half your age plus seven. Where the hell did that come from anyway? Did somebody just pull that out of their ass or is there any actual validity behind it? ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/24 "2013-06-24T01:40:36Z")
I have a colleague who married her husband when she was 20 and he 40. Fifty five years later they are still married. He actually does have a daughter her age. At this point though he is pretty feeble at 95 and she is fairly spry 75. So you can never tell. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2013, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/25 "2013-06-24T03:14:01Z")
The half-your-age-plus-seven rule was mentioned in a 1951 movie, so it goes back at least that far: > **[Age disparity in sexual relationships](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships)** > > In sexual relationships, concepts of age disparity, including what defines an age disparity, have developed over time and vary among societies. Differences in age preferences for mates can stem from partner availability, gender roles, and evolutionary mating strategies, and age preferences in sexual partners may vary cross-culturally. There are also social theories for age differences in relationships as well as suggested reasons for 'alternative' age-hypogamous relationships. Age-disparate rel... Whether there is any validity to it is a different matter. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/26 "2013-06-26T02:10:48Z")
Pretty sure it was also mentioned by Jane Austin. My father is 17 years older than my mom. They’ve been married over 40 years. Really, the hardest part is now. My father is 85 and has dementia. Mom is ready to retire. She wants to go off and do stuff, and he stopped wanting to do much of anything more than five years ago. Now, his health precludes much of anything. If he’d made better decisions during his life - stopped smoking before he had a stroke, stopped drinking, participated in a social life - he would still be doing stuff and going strong. So, like everyone else has pointed out, it’s really about the individual people. ---
**Author:** ![olfu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@olfu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/olfu)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/27 "2013-06-26T06:08:20Z")
from old fart as me– I never met a woman who can hold conversation, women always have opinions. So, in the end I prefer spring chickens from Thailand, at least they have no problems taking my money in exchange for sex. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/28 "2013-06-26T06:20:55Z")
> [@olfu](#): > > from old fart as me– > I never met a woman who can hold conversation, women always have opinions. > So, in the end I prefer spring chickens from Thailand, at least they have no problems taking my money in exchange for sex. It’s true. Chickens in Thailand have the tightest cloacas and the fewest opinions of all birds. Israeli ducks give better blowjobs, though. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/29 "2013-06-26T09:54:54Z")
I find it unlikely that Jane Austen would have ever advocated the rule that one should only marry someone who is at least half your age plus seven years. In _Sense and Sensibility_, she has Marianne marry Colonel Brandon when she is 17 and he is 35. In _Emma_, she has Emma marry Knightley when she is 21 and he is 37. So there are at least two cases where her characters break that rule. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/30 "2013-06-26T10:23:25Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > When my wife and I met, I was 34, she was 23. That was in 1988. Seems to be working out so far. That’s exactly what I wanted to read when I clicked on this thread. 🙂 I’m 34 and I recently went on a date with a woman who’s 23, and awesome. (I had no idea of her age – I’m a terrible judge of such things – until she casually mentioned the building we were in was made the same year she was born: 1990!) ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/31 "2013-06-26T10:40:26Z")
My daughter’s ex was chronologically 10 years older than she (almost to the day) but his social and emotional development seemed to stagnate in junior high. (It took almost 2 years of marriage for her to finally get fed up with it.) Anyway, that lends credence to the saying that age is a state of mind, and barring an unfortunate accident or disease, I don’t see that age is that big a deal in a relationship. I do reserve the right, however, to think that a senior citizen marrying a sweet young thing/boy toy is kinda pathetic, not that it’s any of my business… ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/32 "2013-06-26T15:23:59Z")
> [@Fiendish\_Astronaut](#): > > The usual formula is that ones partner should be at least half your age plus seven. This is a common criteria. Which sounds about right. So a 10 year old, should not be in a relationship with anyone under the age of 12. 😃 Well I guess it works with most people over the age of 14. My 95 year old grandfather is good to go with anyone over 54. ---
**Author:** ![PapSett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/33 "2013-06-26T16:22:00Z")
My mom and dad met at a bingo of all things, when she was 18 and he was…8. Obviously, they didn’t speak, but Dad said he never forgot her and how beautiful she was. Fast forward 10 years, dad 18 and Mom 28. He pursued her, finally convinced her to go out with him, and when he turned 21 and she 31, they married in 1956. I was born when Mom was 35 and Dad 25. Mom died in 1999 at the age of 74. Dad pretty much stopped living. He made it till 2005 And passed away at the age of 70. When going thru his stuff after he passed, I found many notes he had written to my mom about how much he loved and missed her, and how he couldn’t wait to see her again. I’d say they did alright. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/34 "2013-06-26T16:46:01Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > That’s exactly what I wanted to read when I clicked on this thread. 🙂 > I’m 34 and I recently went on a date with a woman who’s 23, and awesome. I’m happy to have provided an example that exactly fits your situation. Enjoy! > [@Omar\_Little](#): > > This is a common criteria. Which sounds about right. So a 10 year old, should not be in a relationship with anyone under the age of 12. 😃 Under the 1/2 your age + 7 years rule, kids under 14 can’t date _at all_. The rule says they can date someone older than they are (specifically, someone who is at least (their age + 14)/2), but nobody older than they are can date them. And since it takes 2 to tango, they can’t date. And once you’re over 14, strict adherence to the rule would limit your options to persons in a gradually widening cone of ages between half the distance between your age and 14, and twice that distance. For instance, iif you’re 14 years and two months old, then you can date people older than 14 + 1 month, but the rule says anyone older than 14 + 4 months can’t date _you_. IOW, while it’s a handy rule of thumb, you wouldn’t want to get too anal about it. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/35 "2013-06-26T16:48:08Z")
> [@PapSett](#): > > My mom and dad met at a bingo of all things, when she was 18 and he was…8. Obviously, they didn’t speak, but Dad said he never forgot her and how beautiful she was. Fast forward 10 years, dad 18 and Mom 28. He pursued her, finally convinced her to go out with him, and when he turned 21 and she 31, they married in 1956. > > I was born when Mom was 35 and Dad 25. > > Mom died in 1999 at the age of 74. Dad pretty much stopped living. He made it till 2005 And passed away at the age of 70. When going thru his stuff after he passed, I found many notes he had written to my mom about how much he loved and missed her, and how he couldn’t wait to see her again. > > I’d say they did alright. That’s a really, _really_ heartwarming story. Thanks for sharing. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/36 "2013-06-26T18:09:15Z")
When I was 28yrs old, after some bad experiences, I had decided I would no longer date men under 40yrs of age. I was done with bullshit boys. I met a man who had an equally stupid rule, no women over 26yrs old! Maintaining that by that age they’re no fun anymore and too smart for tricking! He was 38yrs old, at the time. We hit it off, both breaking our stupid rules, and have spent nearly 30yrs sharing an awesome adventure together. Rules are bullshit. They are just numbers in the end. People should do what suits them and ignore the rest. (Need I add, I mean, entirely within the law, of course!) ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/37 "2013-06-26T19:22:58Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Where the hell did that come from anyway? Did somebody just pull that out of their ass or is there any actual validity behind it? Prolly came out of someone’s ass, but it’s no less valid than the Mom in the OP making a SWAG that chick was ruining her life. My first wife and I were less than 1 year apart. Ended horribly. My current woman is 13 years younger than me and neither of us knew we could be this happy. And we’ve been married coming up on 5 years. We fit within the formula, by the way. The formula does actually make some sense. It keeps you within a group of people who are more likely to have grown up with at least some common historical memories while allowing for some significantly different ones. I grew up during the Cold War, my gal doesn’t remember much about that, but has introduced me to a lot of new music. And, yes, she relates better to my kids than I do which has come in very handy. The OP topic is more about someone projecting their own squick feelings onto a relationship they know nothing about than about any kind of real wisdom. ---
**Author:** ![Dustin\_the\_Wind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f1d935/32.png) [@Dustin\_the\_Wind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dustin_the_Wind)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/38 "2013-06-26T19:34:03Z")
> [@PapSett](#): > > My mom and dad met at a bingo of all things, when she was 18 and he was…8. Obviously, they didn’t speak, but Dad said he never forgot her and how beautiful she was. Fast forward 10 years, dad 18 and Mom 28. He pursued her, finally convinced her to go out with him, and when he turned 21 and she 31, they married in 1956. > > I was born when Mom was 35 and Dad 25. > > Mom died in 1999 at the age of 74. Dad pretty much stopped living. He made it till 2005 And passed away at the age of 70. When going thru his stuff after he passed, I found many notes he had written to my mom about how much he loved and missed her, and how he couldn’t wait to see her again. > > I’d say they did alright. This is one of the sweetest things I have ever read. I am all misty. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2013, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/39 "2013-06-26T20:04:58Z")
> [@PapSett](#): > > My mom and dad met at a bingo of all things, when she was 18 and he was…8. Your dad’s name wouln’t happen to be Anakin would it? ---
**Author:** ![KermitTheFrig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/47e85d/32.png) [@KermitTheFrig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KermitTheFrig)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2013, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544/40 "2013-06-28T01:56:10Z")
My wife and I are 10.5 years apart and we’ve been married for 15 years and have a great kid who is about to turn 13. I’m in my mid fifties. After my wife, my best friend is a woman who is 21 years younger than me. Compatibility requires shared beliefs and common interests. The only special requirement with an age difference is open mindedness with regard to some things that could be age-sensitive. Musical tastes, for example, knowledge of different historical events, fashion trends, technology. It’s just plain silly to think that someone aged 55 and someone aged 35 or 45 can’t be perfect for each other. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-true-that-relationships-with-an-age-difference-of-10-years-rarely-work-out/661544.md?page=3)