# Is it unethical for a single young woman to trade sex for services? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 22, 2013, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225 "2013-07-22T18:32:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/61 "2013-07-23T15:37:52Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I have spent many years as a mechanic and am known locally as a pretty good handyman. More than once a girl has stopped by the house for a “visit” that turned into a little more and then casually mentioned something they needed and just didn’t know how they were going to get the money to do it. Kind of hard to say no once they do you. I have been negotiating incorrectly at my car repair shop for years. I am so delighted to have this information. To the OP: I think it’s ethical, but it’s probably not legal, in most states. I don’t even think it’s exploitative if the woman in question has made the choice to make this deal of her own free will and nobody is coercing or blackmailing her into it. Personally, I’d strip for extra cash before I’d prostitute myself, but hey. You do what you gotta. To those who think it’s only ethical if she propositions the mechanic: I don’t know about that. I think if he proposed the deal, she said no, and then her refused to fix the car (for some other form of payment) or blackmailed/coerced/forced her into it, that would be unethical on his part. But proposing a commodity for payment isn’t unethical. Having sex with a woman doesn’t take anything away from her. He could just as easily propose that she give him $300 to fix the car instead of giving him head. As long as she’s free to turn down the deal, I fail to see why this would be unethical on his part. Unless he’s trying to make the deal from behind the counter of a repair shop, in which case, a cash transaction should be proposed first. My assumption is this is a shade-tree mechanic deal: just two people bartering services. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/62 "2013-07-23T15:43:47Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Hehe you said “under the counter”. > > Seriously, though - I think it is unethical if he asks her, but if she’s offering, provided it’s not because she’s completely desperate and normally wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot pole, I have a hard time not seeing it as a gray area. > > **Malacandra** women don’t just not sleep with men because they are not attracted to them. We also don’t just sleep with men because we are attracted to them. Many, many complicating factors. Want to discuss this further, or do you think “It’s complicated” is enough explanation? ---
**Author:** ![doorhinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@doorhinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doorhinge)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/63 "2013-07-23T16:11:59Z")
Warning - old joke ahead. A lady decides to fix her broken bedroom door. She goes to a hardware store, explains what her problem is, and the clerk tells her she needs a new hinge. She picks up a hinge and heads for the checkout counter. The clerk yells after her, “Do you want a screw for that hinge?” The lady stops, walks back and says, “No, but I’ll blow you for a toaster.” Meanwhile, if this sexual/mechanical transaction takes place at a private residence then it’s no harm/no foul. If the mechanic is using company time, tools, or parts to fulfill his part of the bargain, and he doesn’t replace or make good the companies contribution, that’s considered theft. Is it worth losing your job? There are also the issues of disease, pregnancy, and blackmail to consider. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/64 "2013-07-23T16:30:10Z")
It’s a bit of a hijack, so apologies: > [@Malacandra](#): > > Want to discuss this further, or do you think “It’s complicated” is enough explanation? Well…I may think you’re very attractive and sexy, but might not sleep with you because: - I don’t want you to think I’m a slut or easy. Like it or not, the standards are still different for men or women. - I really like you and don’t want you to just sleep with me and leave me. - I only think you’re hot but you have a horrible personality. - I meet you in an environment that is not suitable for making my wants known. For example, I have an ironclad rule against dating ANYONE I meet through work. So if I meet someone I really like I won’t pursue it. I don’t need my coworkers gossiping about it. - I may think you’re hot but may think that other guy over there is hotter and if I sleep with you then I won’t get him. - I may think you’re hot…but casual sex doesn’t really do it for me, and a lot of women are in this situation. I’ve heard men say “bad sex is still sex”…for women, bad sex is often horrible. If I am going to risk disease, pregnancy, and whatever else, I’d like to at least have an orgasm, and that is not guaranteed with casual sex. There’s probably more but that’s what springs to mind. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/65 "2013-07-23T16:41:15Z")
California Rules of Professional Conduct for lawyers prohibit the exchange of legal services for sex. As for auto mechanics and women needing car repairs, I’d say the issue is one of morality, not ethics. And it is none of my business. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/66 "2013-07-23T17:17:08Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > It’s a bit of a hijack, so apologies: > > Well…I may think you’re very attractive and sexy, but might not sleep with you because: > > - I don’t want you to think I’m a slut or easy. Like it or not, the standards are still different for men or women. > - I really like you and don’t want you to just sleep with me and leave me. > - I only think you’re hot but you have a horrible personality. > - I meet you in an environment that is not suitable for making my wants known. For example, I have an ironclad rule against dating ANYONE I meet through work. So if I meet someone I really like I won’t pursue it. I don’t need my coworkers gossiping about it. > - I may think you’re hot but may think that other guy over there is hotter and if I sleep with you then I won’t get him. > - I may think you’re hot…but casual sex doesn’t really do it for me, and a lot of women are in this situation. I’ve heard men say “bad sex is still sex”…for women, bad sex is often horrible. If I am going to risk disease, pregnancy, and whatever else, I’d like to at least have an orgasm, and that is not guaranteed with casual sex. > > There’s probably more but that’s what springs to mind. I don’t think it’s that much of a hijack, really. His attractiveness or lack of isn’t necessarily a key plank of my argument - the point is that the only difference between last week’s “Uh-uh, ain’t gonna happen, no way Jose” and this week’s compliance is that this week she wants to score a sizeable chunk of free stuff. That rather leads me to go :dubious: at the validity of whatever excuse was being offered last week. (But on a definite hijack, let me assure you that _some_ men are perfectly well acquainted with bad sex being unredeemed bad sex tyvm.) ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/67 "2013-07-23T17:51:32Z")
Some issues: -What if the woman welches on the deal? The man doesnt have much recourse if they initally agreed repairs/help/etc for sex but the woman changes her mind. Whats he going to do, take her to small claims court? -Even if the sex is gonna happen, what gets included under ‘sex’? A man’s offer might be, “I will paint your living room. I’ll bring my own paint, drop cloths, and brushes.”. But “sex” is kind of vague. Do I get sex for the same amount of time? Is it intercourse? Anal? Clothes on or off? Is she going to lay there like a dead fish or actively participate? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/68 "2013-07-23T18:07:36Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > I don’t think it’s that much of a hijack, really. His attractiveness or lack of isn’t necessarily a key plank of my argument - the point is that the only difference between last week’s “Uh-uh, ain’t gonna happen, no way Jose” and this week’s compliance is that this week she wants to score a sizeable chunk of free stuff. That rather leads me to go :dubious: at the validity of whatever excuse was being offered last week. That makes no sense. How does that make the excuse last week dubious? Week 1: I don’t want to have sex with him because X. Week 2: I really need something done. He is willing to do it for sex. I have something I can trade. He does, too. It doesn’t change the validity of last week, and SURPRISE! Women can change their minds about sex! Hell what if last week’s excuse was “I am in a relationship” and this week’s excuse is “He dumped my ass and I desperately need these repairs and can’t afford it.” ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/69 "2013-07-23T18:18:52Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > … the point is that the only difference between last week’s “Uh-uh, ain’t gonna happen, no way Jose” and this week’s compliance is that this week she wants to score a sizeable chunk of free stuff. That rather leads me to go :dubious: at the validity of whatever excuse was being offered last week. Nothing has changed. She wasn’t attracted to him enough last week to have sex with him, and she isn’t this week, either, but she’ll do it for money. That’s how prostitution works, doesn’t it? If they gave it away for free to every man who asked, they wouldn’t get paid. Prostitutes are paid to have sex with men they wouldn’t otherwise have sex with for free. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/70 "2013-07-23T18:27:44Z")
I don’t understand why we have to be so consistent anyway! I should never, ever change my opinion or it might make my previous opinion wrong? Maybe if I am changing it every week! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/71 "2013-07-23T19:01:57Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Nothing has changed. She wasn’t attracted to him enough last week to have sex with him, and she isn’t this week, either, but she’ll do it for money. That’s how prostitution works, doesn’t it? If they gave it away for free to every man who asked, they wouldn’t get paid. Prostitutes are paid to have sex with men they wouldn’t otherwise have sex with for free. Yes, I understand that. See post #54 for why I don’t see where this is such a great deal for Mr Mechanic, still less why accepting would make him a sleazeball. Mr Mechanic: “Here’s what it’ll cost ya. How about you peddle that tail on the open market, where you’ll get a better idea of what it’s worth, and I’ll spend what you pay me how I like - such as helping me get in the pants of someone who’ll enjoy it?” > [@Anaamika](#): > > I don’t understand why we have to be so consistent anyway! I should never, ever change my opinion or it might make my previous opinion wrong? Maybe if I am changing it every week! And I trust you’ll be consistent in your view that women should be viewed as flighty flibbertigibbets? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/72 "2013-07-23T19:14:53Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Yes, I understand that. See post #54 for why I don’t see where this is such a great deal for Mr Mechanic, still less why accepting would make him a sleazeball. > > Mr Mechanic: “Here’s what it’ll cost ya. How about you peddle that tail on the open market, where you’ll get a better idea of what it’s worth, and I’ll spend what you pay me how I like - such as helping me get in the pants of someone who’ll enjoy it?” Yeah, I understood you the first time. But many men, maybe most men who would accept such a deal are far more concerned with the attractiveness of the damsel in distress. So far you’re the only man who mentioned unpleasant reality of the deal? But prostitution has been around forever, proving that some men aren’t concerned with being mutually desired. Vagina is a product, and in the case of this transaction, that’s all it’s required to be. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/73 "2013-07-23T19:25:05Z")
Look,whataya say I throw in the trucoat? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/74 "2013-07-23T19:36:30Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Yeah, I understood you the first time. But many men, maybe most men who would accept such a deal are far more concerned with the attractiveness of the damsel in distress. So far you’re the only man who mentioned unpleasant reality of the deal? But prostitution has been around forever, proving that some men aren’t concerned with being mutually desired. Vagina is a product, and in the case of this transaction, that’s all it’s required to be. We men are but puppets. It’s just I’m old and grumpy enough to see the strings. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/75 "2013-07-23T19:38:47Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > And I trust you’ll be consistent in your view that women should be viewed as flighty flibbertigibbets? 😛 So…men never ever change their mind? Please explain to me in little tiny words why changing my mind makes me a flighty flibbertigibbet. Hell, in that case, I should still be with my first boyfriend! Cuz I changed my mind about sleeping with him! And that makes me a flighty flibbertigibbet! Even though I’ve been with my SO for…seventeen years now. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/76 "2013-07-23T19:52:00Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > We men are but puppets. I disagree. That seems like it is a personal problem. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/77 "2013-07-23T20:00:01Z")
In theory I’m fine with a mutally-agreed arrangement. In practice, the circumstances under which such an arrangement involves no power imbalance, duress or coercion are severely limited. And I’m including “I need to get my car fixed and I can’t afford it except via sex” as a form of power imbalance. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/78 "2013-07-23T21:42:57Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > So…men never ever change their mind? > > Please explain to me in little tiny words why changing my mind makes me a flighty flibbertigibbet. > > Hell, in that case, I should still be with my first boyfriend! Cuz I changed my mind about sleeping with him! And that makes me a flighty flibbertigibbet! Even though I’ve been with my SO for…seventeen years now. You’re starting to remind me of a character in a book I read years ago. Three people are stranded on a desert island and the man is trying to persuade one of the women that they should light a signal fire… Melody: There’s no point. There aren’t any ships there to see it. Jim: There aren’t any ships _at the moment_. But… Melody: How do you know there aren’t any ships at the moment? There could be one on the other side of the island right now, where we can’t see it! Jim: :rolleyes: Melody: Don’t you dare roll your eyes at me when I’m right, or I’ll throw this bowl of stew in your face! 😛 > [@colander](#): > > I disagree. That seems like it is a personal problem. Thanks for the driveby. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2013, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/79 "2013-07-23T22:03:12Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Thanks for the driveby. My sentiment is hardly less accurate for its brevity. Your posts in this thread reveal a marked inability to keep your personal issues regarding women and their perceived inadequacies from influencing the way in which you interpret the words of other posters. It makes for a read that is at once depressing and amusing. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2013, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225/80 "2013-07-24T00:46:12Z")
Man, I only work on my _own cars_ and I can’t even get this sweet deal! 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unethical-for-a-single-young-woman-to-trade-sex-for-services/664225.md?page=5)