# Is it unfair to expect your wife to do a larger share of chores...

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unfair-to-expect-your-wife-to-do-a-larger-share-of-chores/49666>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [January 12, 2001, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unfair-to-expect-your-wife-to-do-a-larger-share-of-chores/49666 "2001-01-12T07:06:56Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\
**Post date:** [January 13, 2001, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unfair-to-expect-your-wife-to-do-a-larger-share-of-chores/49666/21 "2001-01-13T03:38:41Z")

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From my personal experience, what matters is not dividing the chores exactly in half, or even that both of us expend the same effort ( and money shouldn’t have anything to do with it). What matters is free time.I don’t start feeling taken advantage of when I spend more time doing housework (and child care)or even when I do more of the physically taxing work than my husband. What gets me annoyed ( sometimes,if it goes on long enough, almost to the point of leaving) is when he spends hours watching TV, or going bowling,playing golf, etc and I can’t get an hour uninterrupted by a chore of some sort,whether it’s folding laundry while watching TV ( a concept that never occurs to him), or taking one of the kids to some activity.

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**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\
**Post date:** [January 13, 2001, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unfair-to-expect-your-wife-to-do-a-larger-share-of-chores/49666/22 "2001-01-13T04:40:29Z")

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I think that running a household leads to inevitable inequities. As others have said, there are several reasons why: it’s too damned hard to figure out an exact 50/50 split; it’s unfair to impose a particular standard of cleanliness or towel-folding on someone who doesn’t care to the same degree; partners contribute in ways that are hard to measure (or deceptively easy to measure, such as amount of paycheck). I think making perfect chore equality a goal is a path to madness and marital discord.

However, the fact that it’s bothering your SO can’t be ignored. Maybe there needs to be an “even-ing out” of chores. Just as likely, however, maybe there needs to be a recognition of what both of you do, or there needs to be more appreciation expressed.

There have been some times when I’ve been ready to bitch about how much “more” I am doing. Most of the time, however, I am able to remember that my spouse walks the dog 4 times a day, does the trash each week, and all sorts of other things that I forget to count. What I also realize is that I tend to feel this way when I’m feeling very short on personal time (excellent post, doreen) or when I just haven’t heard “Thank you” enough. I don’t mind doing 95% of the cooking even though I work more than my husband _as long as he makes a big enough fuss about it each night_. If I can see an improvement in those two areas, I don’t need to draw up a chores sheet and divide it down the middle.

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