# Is it unusual to not care whether someone likes you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 3, 2018, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065 "2018-08-03T19:20:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2018, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/1 "2018-08-03T19:20:11Z")
This has happened to me a few times – a friend or acquaintance will tell me something like, “Hey, that new guy / gal doesn’t particularly care for you.” I just shrug it off, and they will think that it is odd. It has never been that important to me that everybody needs to like me. If they aren’t actively plotting my death, who cares? Is that attitude unusual? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2018, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/2 "2018-08-03T19:24:45Z")
No, it isn’t unusual at all. In fact, it is a problem if everyone likes you. You aren’t a Golden Retriever. Some people just don’t get along no matter what. What matters is the ratio. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2018, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/3 "2018-08-03T20:09:21Z")
Does the person not liking you affect you in any way? If not, then no, it’s not important. It does seem to be an unusual attitude though, but one I share. ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2018, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/4 "2018-08-03T20:22:41Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Does the person not liking you affect you in any way? If not, then no, it’s not important. It does seem to be an unusual attitude though, but one I share. No, both times it has happened, it just had no effect on me at all. The persons were simply not in my “inner (or even outer) circle”. ---
**Author:** ![ZonexandScout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zonexandscout/32/544_2.png) [@ZonexandScout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZonexandScout)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2018, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/5 "2018-08-03T20:27:45Z")
Great question, OP. It used to bother me a bit, but then I got older and (hopefully) wiser. If they don’t have any power over me as a supervisor or as a representative of the duly-constituted legal authorities, why would I care? (Theoretically, it shouldn’t matter, but real-life is real-life.) The one exception to this is when I was doing consulting work. It’s very important that people like you when they are paying for your opinion. We often had to change consultants for particular clients because our guy just wasn’t clicking. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2018, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/6 "2018-08-03T20:27:54Z")
I think there’s fine distinction to be made between accepting that not everyone will like you, but also being self-aware enough to consider whether you are doing things that offend people around you in general. In an extreme example, imagine a boorish jerk who cracks sexist jokes, insults his friends, etc. and doesn’t care how people view him because he’s just “keeping it real.” That’s not good. Or, imagine a person who is generally polite, interesting, and friendly, but somebody just doesn’t like their face. That guy has no reason to worry about his detractor; that’s just life. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2018, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/7 "2018-08-03T20:32:58Z")
It’s not my job to make people like me. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2018, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/8 "2018-08-03T20:35:52Z")
If you don’t care that somebody else doesn’t like you, that just means you don’t care about them as people. Whether that’s a problem is up to you. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2018, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/9 "2018-08-03T20:37:42Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > Or, imagine a person who is generally polite, interesting, and friendly, but somebody just doesn’t like their face. That guy has no reason to worry about his detractor; that’s just life. He really should do something about his eyebrows though. Right? ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2018, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/10 "2018-08-03T20:43:07Z")
I’m used to it. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2018, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/11 "2018-08-03T20:50:45Z")
The only reason I can think it would bother me would be if I’d done something to offend that person. I don’t expect everyone to want to be my friend any more than I’d want everyone to be my friend, but I certainly wouldn’t want to hurt someone by deed or neglect. I don’t understand how someone couldn’t instantly love me, but I accept it happens. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2018, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/12 "2018-08-03T21:17:27Z")
I have long been aware that I am not everybody’s cup of tea. I happily point out this realisation to the young folks at work to foster their own attitude of not caring what others think about you. As former heavyweight boxer Ed Latimore says [Not Caring What Other People Think Is A Superpower.](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1542628806/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0) ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2018, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/13 "2018-08-04T01:41:54Z")
> [@ZonexandScout](#): > > The one exception to this is when I was doing consulting work. It’s very important that people like you when they are paying for your opinion. We often had to change consultants for particular clients because our guy just wasn’t clicking. My boss used to tell clients, “Just give kunilou 30 days, and I promise you won’t want anyone else on your account. But you have to give him 30 days to get used to him. Please!” ---
**Author:** ![blob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blob/32/489_2.png) [@blob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blob)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2018, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/14 "2018-08-04T02:05:09Z")
I think the person telling you this doesn’t like you, either. What is the point of letting you know? To answer your question, not everybody is going to like you, it happens. So no, I don’t think it’s unusual not to care. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2018, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/15 "2018-08-04T02:11:21Z")
I don’t spend energy worrying whether people dislike me. I’m sure someone has a bad opinion about me, but it doesn’t keep me up at night because there’s nothing I can do about it. It would worry me if haters were talking so badly about me that other people felt compelled to let me know about it. Because at that point, they are tarnishing my image and reputation and potentially turning others against me. Some of those “others” could be people whose opinions really are important to me. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2018, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/16 "2018-08-04T02:17:49Z")
Is it unusual not to care if others like you? That depends. Do you care about anyone’s opinion or regard of you ever, or does it just happen that you don’t care about certain people in certain situations? It’s not healthy for you to want everyone to like you (but we’re often taught that we should) and it’s probably not healthy to not care about anyone (but we’d need to know more). In between those two extremes is a lot of middle ground. Without knowing more, I’d say you probably have a more healthy attitude towards others than many people, but I could be wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2018, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/17 "2018-08-04T14:34:21Z")
The OP’s attitude would’ve been very frustrating to a former German chancellor (Bernhard von Bülow, who served Kaiser Wilhelm’s government from 1900-1909). von Bülow was a conniving politician who was successful at setting rivals at each other, by the simple expedient of telling one that the other didn’t like him. I can see how this would be a successful strategy in the business world. ---
**Author:** ![Discordian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@Discordian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Discordian)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2018, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/18 "2018-08-04T23:15:35Z")
In the words of Raylan Givens: > [@](#): > > If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole. ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2018, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/19 "2018-08-04T23:25:51Z")
As Louis Jordan put it: “it makes no difference what you think about me, but it makes a whole lot of difference what I think about you.” ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2018, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065/20 "2018-08-04T23:58:02Z")
It’s very normal and healthy, but many other people may find it unusual. Caring too much about what people think is a cause of many disorders. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-unusual-to-not-care-whether-someone-likes-you/819065.md?page=2)