# Is It Worth It To Say Something? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 4, 2011, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146 "2011-02-04T14:18:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/1 "2011-02-04T14:18:03Z")
Let’s say you meet someone and it’s likely the only time you’ll hang out w/ them. You find they pepper their speech w/ words that not only you disapprove of but would not flatter them in most social circles. The words don’t affect their actions, they’re just saying them but not acting on them. Their kids might mimic them and say them, for example, but no one’s strapping on the jackboots to go stomping. Do you even bother ‘correcting’ them if you may never interact w/ them again? Is it worth it to tell them what they say doesn’t flatter them in your opinion and may hinder them in polite society? What’s your responsibility here? For our purposes, those words are \*\*gay \*\*and \*\*retarded \*\*used as insults, \*\*cracker \*\*and ‘the N word’. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/2 "2011-02-04T14:20:26Z")
I think you shouldn’t mention it. Also, I don’t know if you’re talking about swearing/profanity, or expressing views that you don’t agree with. Either way around, there’s no way I’d correct a stranger. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/3 "2011-02-04T14:29:01Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > I think you shouldn’t mention it. > > Also, I don’t know if you’re talking about swearing/profanity, or expressing views that you don’t agree with. Either way around, there’s no way I’d correct a stranger. I had a co-worker who made homophobic ‘jokes’ from the start of my acquaintance w/ him. After about a year I felt comfortable enough, and had seen enough reactions from others to back me up, to go to him and say, “I know your reputation is important to you so I think you should know that when you say these things, it doesn’t flatter you.” He wasn’t happy about it (quietly chagrined, I’d call it) but I never heard him make those remarks again in the few more years I worked w/ him. The person I’m posting about may or may not play a part in my life later on. That’s what makes this somewhat sticky for me. Correct someone I wind up never seeing again? Or seem to agree w/ words I don’t agree w/ b/c I don’t correct them? ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/4 "2011-02-04T14:32:33Z")
Expressing your feelings to your cow-orker, not “correcting” him, after a year was okay. I still wouldn’t say anything to a person I’m meeting for the first time, no matter what. Not a way to make friends. ---
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/5 "2011-02-04T14:33:00Z")
For me, it would depend on the words. I they’re using expletives, I wouldn’t comment and just be happy that they’re someone I don’t have to hang around with very often. If they’re saying something that’s considered a racial or sexual slur, I’d explain that I’m not comfortable with that language and attempt to remove myself from the situation. I don’t think I’d burn the cycles trying to explain to them what’s socially acceptable. If they’re relatively mature and older than their early twenties, I’d say they’re pretty much a lost cause at that point. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/6 "2011-02-04T15:09:04Z")
“I’m not comfortable with what you’re saying.” It doesn’t have to be any bigger confrontation than that. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/7 "2011-02-04T16:44:00Z")
Or, if you’re standing in a group: You look at the offender kind of sternly. “Not everyone here is comfortable with that language”. :: offender looks down at his shoes :: You pat him on the back and say graciously “But I’m sure you didn’t mean any harm”. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/8 "2011-02-04T17:18:41Z")
If they stood too close or spit on me when they talked, I would say something as gently as possible. Not to be confrontational, just to stop the unpleasantness. Same thing when they use well known shock words. I might say “I don’t use that word” if he tried it more than once. When I grew up I could have heard my dad and/or many of his friends speak that way. So completely ordinary that nobody would think to complain but the truth is, everybody knew that was not the proper way to speak - its like cussing. Over the years my dad learned to not speak that way by that fact that his words fell flat or were commented upon unfavorable by the people around him. It’s a long slow process and it starts with the situation in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/9 "2011-02-04T17:36:58Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > For our purposes, those words are \*\*gay \*\*and \*\*retarded \*\*used as insults, \*\*cracker \*\*and ‘the N word’. Is this hypothetical or real? Generally I wouldn’t say anything but if someone dropped all of those bombs in one conversation the very first time you met them, that’s pretty fucked up. I wouldn’t be very cordial with such a person. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/10 "2011-02-04T17:40:54Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > For our purposes, those words are \*\*gay \*\*and \*\*retarded \*\*used as insults, \*\*cracker \*\*and ‘the N word’. Actually, if someone uses the phrase ‘the N word’, I’ll ask them straight out, “Do you mean nigger?” It’s a word. Use it when appropriate. I hate political correctness, and I am much more likely to say something to someone who is trying to be politically correct. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/11 "2011-02-04T17:51:57Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > “I’m not comfortable with what you’re saying.” It doesn’t have to be any bigger confrontation than that. > [@NinetyWt](#): > > Or, if you’re standing in a group: > > You look at the offender kind of sternly. “Not everyone here is comfortable with that language”. > > :: offender looks down at his shoes :: > > You pat him on the back and say graciously “But I’m sure you didn’t mean any harm”. Both of these are pretty concise and not confrontational. I’d go with either of them because I don’t think I could let that sort of talk go. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/12 "2011-02-04T18:37:59Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > Is this hypothetical or real? Generally I wouldn’t say anything but if someone dropped all of those bombs in one conversation the very first time you met them, that’s pretty fucked up. I wouldn’t be very cordial with such a person. It’s real and they were all used at least once over the space of 24 hours of hanging out w/ this person in various settings where they felt very comfortable. However, I may never see them again and that was my main reason for not saying anything. They grew up in an insulated situation (abroad w/ a missionary family) and now live in a different insulated situation (military). The challenge for me is that I was trying to make a good impression as this is a person who could become family, sort of; that cemented keeping my mouth shut for now. I want to add that I know _what_ to say, it’s the when and to whom that’s the variable here for me. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/13 "2011-02-04T18:51:24Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > Do you even bother ‘correcting’ them if you may never interact w/ them again? Is it worth it to tell them what they say doesn’t flatter them in your opinion and may hinder them in polite society? What’s your responsibility here? No I wouldn’t bother to “correct” them. If their language offended me, I might call them out for being disrespectful, but I don’t consider that correcting them as much as just letting know that not everyone is down with their discourse, so STFU. If someone goes around talking like an insensitive, crass, and/or bigoted blockhead, I assume that’s the look they are going for. It’s not my responsibility to persuade them to act like something they aren’t. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/14 "2011-02-04T18:58:51Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > Or, if you’re standing in a group: > > You look at the offender kind of sternly. “Not everyone here is comfortable with that language”. > > :: offender looks down at his shoes :: > > You pat him on the back and say graciously “But I’m sure you didn’t mean any harm”. What if line 3 becomes: :: Offender looks you in the eye and says “I don’t give a fuck what you’re comfortable with.” :: ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/15 "2011-02-04T19:04:57Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > What if line 3 becomes: > > :: Offender looks you in the eye and says “I don’t give a fuck what you’re comfortable with.” :: We weren’t certain before, now we all know the guy is a douchebag. No need to say anything at that point, just walk away and ignore him. Unless you want to have some fun. Then you can say, “That’s because you’re a douchebag.” ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/16 "2011-02-04T19:18:51Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > We weren’t certain before, now we all know the guy is a douchebag. No need to say anything at that point, just walk away and ignore him. > > Unless you want to have some fun. Then you can say, “That’s because you’re a douchebag.” In my scenario, it’s a female and she wouldn’t say that, she’s not confrontational at all. She’s a pushover whose defense in a situation is to remove herself and never return, no second chances or retries. Also, I like what **you with the face wrote** , b/c it takes the onus off me. She also uses \*\*ghetto \*\*a lot but even though I was raised in Detroit that I couldn’t use that word down here in the South it’s inoffensive to most. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/17 "2011-02-04T19:58:18Z")
I would only state my disapproval if I was in a public situation and others thought I might somehow share the same thoughts as Ms. Bigot. Otherwise I wouldn’t waste my breath. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2011, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/18 "2011-02-05T01:44:15Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > What if line 3 becomes: > > :: Offender looks you in the eye and says “I don’t give a fuck what you’re comfortable with.” :: You smile pleasantly and say “Ain’t that niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.” Everybody else gives him the stinkeye, of course. And like shiftless said, now we _all_ know he’s a douche. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2011, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/19 "2011-02-05T02:55:19Z")
I don’t tolerate hate speech. I do not hang around with people who would tolerate hate speech anymore. So I don’t see it being an issue. But yeah, I would say something if I had no means of removing myself or the offender from the situation. Something like “you know, you’re really not as clever as you seem to think you are.” ---
**Author:** ![Ladymarmalade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f05b48/32.png) [@Ladymarmalade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ladymarmalade)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146/20 "2011-02-07T02:56:28Z")
Who cares if you are offended. Making fun of people is excellent. 🙂 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-worth-it-to-say-something/570146.md?page=2)