# Is it wrong I love my cat more than my boyfriend? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 1, 2010, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281 "2010-01-01T10:24:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2010, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/21 "2010-01-01T17:14:19Z")
I feel like I just walked into a [beer commercial](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhJ_Gp4YFUA). (And not in a good way.) ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2010, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/22 "2010-01-01T17:28:10Z")
All I know is my heart melts and turns over at the sight of my cat. I love him unconditionally. If anyone I used to date said they had allergies, or they showed they just didn’t like my pets (being jealous = controlling assholes), I dropped them immediately. There was no question. We here in the Sali household are all fanatical cat lovers forever and ever. People are on a whole other level from animals, of course, but very few have touched my heart the way my pets have. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2010, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/23 "2010-01-01T17:40:56Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > I mean, I’m crazy about my own cats, but I have no desire to have sex with them, even leaving aside the problems of size and such. They have mouths, don’t they? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2010, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/24 "2010-01-01T17:42:15Z")
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Your cats are a constant in your life. Your boyfriend, not so much. You’re still pretty young, right? (sorry if I’m wrong about that.) You’re probably testing the waters with boyfriends while you’ve settled into a comfortable relationship with the cats. All the people saying “Your boyfriend is a human! Your cat is an animal! I shall take to the internet to denounce you!” are being pretty silly, IMO. We’re talking about a person’s emotional attachment to something, not where people or animals rate on some rational ethical scale. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/25 "2010-01-01T17:48:32Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Your cats are a constant in your life. Your boyfriend, not so much. You’re still pretty young, right? (sorry if I’m wrong about that.) You’re probably testing the waters with boyfriends while you’ve settled into a comfortable relationship with the cats. > > All the people saying “Your boyfriend is a human! Your cat is an animal! I shall take to the internet to denounce you!” are being pretty silly, IMO. We’re talking about a person’s emotional attachment to something, not where people or animals rate on some rational ethical scale. That’s the way I was interpreting this too. Cats are there, constantly and unconditionally. It’s easier to feel closer in that context. Once there’s someone in your life you feel that way about, it won’t be a question in your mind. Your cats are dependent on you for everything, that extra compassion feels like love. If it helps, I love my cats a lot more than I love your boyfriend, but if I had to choose between pulling him or one of them out of a burning building I’d save the human, as much as I know it would hurt me personally. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Have\_Hippos\_In\_My\_Garden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4491bb/32.png) [@I\_Have\_Hippos\_In\_My\_Garden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Have_Hippos_In_My_Garden)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2010, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/26 "2010-01-01T19:56:12Z")
> [@](#): > > You’re still pretty young, right? (sorry if I’m wrong about that.) Yes, still young and live at home with my parents 🙂 On reflection I really shouldn’t have compared an animal to my boyfriend because it may make me sound like a very shallow person. I was, however, using the example as a way trying to explain I have different types of love for different people or things…and the whole OP just came out very wrong. This year I haven’t seen my boyfriend very much because I have been travelling around the world for 3months, and also he has been living in a different part of the country, which makes seeing each other hard. My cat, however, lives with me and I have seen everyday while I’ve been at home. These differences in the two relationships have created a very different kind of love that I have for the two of them. It was wrong to question if I have more love for one or the other. Besides, the title and last question were meant to come across jokingly. Obviously they didn’t! My mistake. And so I wondered if other Doper’s have different love from different relationships and why this is…I wasn’t seriously questioning my own relationships. ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/27 "2010-01-01T20:49:29Z")
So what are you going to say if your boyfriend says he has stronger feelings for you cat than he does for you? At that point, he loves your pussy more than he loves your pussy. Lost by a whisker! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2010, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/28 "2010-01-01T22:57:37Z")
Years ago my then-bf and I were thinking about getting a place together. He told me he would live with me only if I got rid of my 2 cats. That’s when he became my ex. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2010, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/29 "2010-01-01T23:05:48Z")
I would say it’s not “wrong,” so much as shows there’s something with the relationship that is “wrong.” A boyfriend is a person and your husband/wife/kids should have first priority in your life. If a cat is taking first place over them, well I’d look close at your relationship. Just remember you can love someone very deeply, without actually LIKING them. Liking someone and loving someone are different. You could easily like your dog or cat more than your spouse. ---
**Author:** ![Hilary\_Algar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilary_algar/32/4282_2.png) [@Hilary\_Algar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilary_Algar)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/30 "2010-01-01T23:41:39Z")
It would depend on the cat and the boyfriend. Greatest cat in the world vs. lousiest boyfriend in the world might not be so weird. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2010, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/31 "2010-01-02T01:35:27Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > I would say it’s not “wrong,” so much as shows there’s something with the relationship that is “wrong.” > > A boyfriend is a person and your husband/wife/kids should have first priority in your life. A “boyfriend” is not a husband or a kid. In the context discussed, “boyfriend” is a pretty casual relationship with no established long term commitment. There’s nothing wrong with having a boyfriend (or girlfriend) you don’t have especially strong feelings for or commitment to. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2010, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/32 "2010-01-02T06:12:09Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > A “boyfriend” is not a husband or a kid. QFT. People are really getting their thongs in a knot over nothing. **Hippos** has, presumably, had the cat longer than the guy, and it’s _normal_ for a not-necessarily-serious romantic relationship to not be as…emotionally vested as a friendship of longer standing than said relationship. There’s a hell of a lot of excluded middle between “some guy I’ve dated a few times” and “the man I want to spend the rest of my life with,” and relationships at various points on that continuum are going to have different places on the hierarchy. If you’re routinely loving someone you’ve dated a few weeks more than a pet or other friend you’ve had for years, that’s just plain not healthy. I think when you love your pet more than your SO, it’s not necessarily a sign the relationship is wrong. It might be wrong, or it just might not have had time to ripen that much just yet. It was a few years before **DoctorJ** outranked the dog I’d had since I was 16, or the friends I’d had since childhood. It took a few more years before he outranked Mom and Dad. It’s just the nature of how relationships grow over time. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2010, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/33 "2010-01-02T10:11:33Z")
I knew a girl who would constantly post on Facebook about her cat. She once referred to him as “the love of her life.” I jokingly asked her if her boyfriend knew, and she told me that she told him when they first started the relationship that, if she had to pick between him and the cat, the cat would win. They’re now engaged. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2010, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/34 "2010-01-02T10:26:30Z")
How do you get engaged to a cat? ---
**Author:** ![BestWifeEver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/838e76/32.png) [@BestWifeEver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BestWifeEver)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2010, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/35 "2010-01-02T10:32:31Z")
I completely understand about the different types of love. The bond with a pet is different than bonding with a human. The unconditional love of a cherished pet is a wonderful thing to have and it is natural to crave it, even when in a committed human-human relationship. For example: My hubby and I are very much in love. When we adopted two cats a few years ago, they chose to latch onto me and not to him which hurt him a little. Despite being loved by me, he really wanted to have that special pet-human relationship. 3 days ago we adopted a dog that he can give all love to and get that unconditional pet love in return. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2010, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/36 "2010-01-02T14:56:07Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > How do you get engaged to a cat? Sizing a ring is tricky, getting it on their little toes is even trickier, and you have to be prepared for the cat to remove the ring, play with it, and lose it down a heating vent. Don’t ask me how I know. Lynn Not having sex with cats since…none of your business ---
**Author:** ![I\_Have\_Hippos\_In\_My\_Garden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4491bb/32.png) [@I\_Have\_Hippos\_In\_My\_Garden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Have_Hippos_In_My_Garden)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2010, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/37 "2010-01-02T20:52:00Z")
> [@](#): > > People are really getting their thongs in a knot over nothing I quite agree 🙂 My boyfriend is not a SO, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him, or that there is something wrong with our relationship. And besides, as I have repeatedly said, this wasn’t meant to be about my relationship with my boyfriend. Or my cat! ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2010, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/38 "2010-01-03T05:51:31Z")
I have, at times, loved a cat more than a significant other because the cat is always the first one to apologize when we have an argument, while the s/o will continue to play the hurt dejected victim for days on end. Usually within minutes after an argument with my cat, there she is purring and rubbing up against my legs saying “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! Feed me and rub my belly?” So adorable. But after an argument with the s/o, he will speak to me when he’s damn ready and certain that I’ve learned my lesson. Screw that. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2010, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/39 "2010-01-03T07:21:09Z")
> [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](#): > > Usually within minutes after an argument with my cat, there she is purring and rubbing up against my legs saying “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! Feed me and rub my belly?” So adorable. When you and the cat argue, who wins, generally? ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2010, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281/40 "2010-01-03T08:37:58Z")
Meh. I had a friend who admitted to loving her pug more than her fiance. We went on vacation together and she took a picture of the dog with her and set it up by her bedside every night. Before you ask, there was no pix of the fiance. They got married and have, I think, at least two kids. Haven’t heard from her in ages so I don’t know if they’re still married but I do know that the pug died about a year and a half into marriage. I suspect foul play… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-i-love-my-cat-more-than-my-boyfriend/523281.md?page=3)