# Is it wrong to deceive the dying for their peace of mind? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 23, 2014, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-deceive-the-dying-for-their-peace-of-mind/696328 "2014-08-23T23:45:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-deceive-the-dying-for-their-peace-of-mind/696328/41 "2014-08-28T00:06:10Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Probably not. But so what? You’re basically asking if I would have behaved differently if the circumstances had been different. The morality of a given action depends on its context, not by slavish adherence to rules. > > I once got into a shoving match with a crazy homeless guy because he was attacking a little dog that was tied up outside a Walgreens near my apartment. I wouldn’t have gotten physical with him if he hadn’t been hurting the dog, or if I hadn’t been bigger and stronger than he. Different circumstances, different reaction. > > Telling my cousin the truth about our aunt & uncle hurt him to absolutely no purpose. Lying to him made him happy for a few minutes at a time, until he forgot about the earlier question & answer, at which point it was time to lie to him again and make him briefly happy. We couldn’t do much else for him, but we could do that. Well ok, it just seems that many in this thread are answering that they would lie to a loved one on their death bed but under the caveat that they had also suffered some degree of mental deterioration. I think most people would probably agree with such circumstances, they don’t really present much of a moral dilemma at all. When a person on their death bed isn’t in full control of their mental faculties, you aren’t really interacting with your loved one. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-deceive-the-dying-for-their-peace-of-mind/696328/42 "2014-08-28T00:12:15Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Probably not. But so what? You’re basically asking if I would have behaved differently if the circumstances had been different. The morality of a given action depends on its context, not by slavish adherence to rules. > > I once got into a shoving match with a crazy homeless guy because he was attacking a little dog that was tied up outside a Walgreens near my apartment. I wouldn’t have gotten physical with him if he hadn’t been hurting the dog, or if I hadn’t been bigger and stronger than he. Different circumstances, different reaction. > > Telling my cousin the truth about our aunt & uncle hurt him to absolutely no purpose. Lying to him made him happy for a few minutes at a time, until he forgot about the earlier question & answer, at which point it was time to lie to him again and make him briefly happy. We couldn’t do much else for him, but we could do that. Well ok, it just seems that many in this thread are answering that they would lie to a loved one on their death bed but under the caveat that they had also suffered some degree of mental deterioration. I think most people would probably agree with such circumstances, they don’t really present much of a moral dilemma at all. When a person on their death bed isn’t in full control of their mental faculties, you aren’t really interacting with your loved one. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-deceive-the-dying-for-their-peace-of-mind/696328/43 "2014-08-28T00:51:43Z")
I wouldn’t outright lie just because someone was dying I wanted them to be happy. For starters, we never really know how long someone will live. There are people who survive injuries or illness despite all odds, and others who die in routine treatment from that 1/10,000 risk of complications. If I’ve lied to them and they don’t die, then there’s some real harm done to the trust between me and my loved one. Trust is a valuable thing. On the other hand, there are always options to sugar-coat things or simply omit it entirely. Using Israel-Palestine as an example, I could always say “There’s a new peace initiative being discussed,” and with cancer I could always say there’s some new cure. Even with family issues. I have a relative starting divorce proceedings. If that would upset a dying relative, I could quite honestly 1) avoid it entirely 2) say “They’re having some relationship problems” without disclosing divorce or 3) say “I don’t really know what’s happening. You should talk to X.” All of them allow me to be basically honest without having to come right out and say the worst. Someone brought up an example about the another person in an accident who died. In that case, I’d say “We’ll find out more from the doctors soon.” Again, it’s basically true in just about any situation. Frankly, I have a hard time even lying to people who have dementia or similar problems. I know there’s no point in upsetting them when they won’t understand and won’t remember. So I go along, but it rubs me the wrong way. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2014, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-deceive-the-dying-for-their-peace-of-mind/696328/44 "2014-08-28T00:57:20Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Probably not. But so what? You’re basically asking if I would have behaved differently if the circumstances had been different. The morality of a given action depends on its context, not by slavish adherence to rules. The OP specified the context though, and it was that the dying person is lucid and the lie is about progress being made with some cause that this person cares about. I don’t want to put words in **Dallas Jones** ’s mouth, but since his “What if it were you?” post was directed at **iiandyiiii** he was presumably inviting **iiandyiiii** to imagine himself in the same situation that **iiandyiiii** had described in the OP. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-deceive-the-dying-for-their-peace-of-mind/696328.md?page=2)