# Is it wrong to go to church to meet people? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [April 20, 2001, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702 "2001-04-20T17:53:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/1 "2001-04-20T17:53:19Z")
Some friends of mine and I were recently discussing my unmarried, unattached status. One suggested “Go to church. There are lots of nice girls there!” (I prefer **women,** but I get the idea.) Since I’m not a Christian, this seems to me a bad idea – and pretty disrespectful; I’d hate to turn someone’s church into a meat market. So I will not be attending church functions “on the make.” Am I missing out here, or am I doing the right thing? ---
**Author:** ![dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f19dbf/32.png) [@dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dude)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/2 "2001-04-20T18:10:33Z")
Bad idea, no point pretending. The research shows that ‘like’ people get on best so just expand your hobbies and interests i.e. night classes, groups, clubs. Whatever you do ‘fate’ seems to strike when you least expect it ! Alternatively… get really fit down the gym, put on some nice clothes and get down the disco. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/3 "2001-04-20T18:35:57Z")
AlbertRose wrote: > [@](#): > > Some friends of mine and I were recently discussing my unmarried, unattached status. One suggested “Go to church. There are lots of nice girls there!” Well, yeah, there are. But for some reason that science simply cannot explain, most of the girls you meet in a Christian church will be – get ready for a shocker here – _Christians!_ ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/4 "2001-04-20T19:43:40Z")
A church CAN be a great place to meet women (I know, because I met my wife through our church), but why in the world would an atheist/agnostic go to a church to meet women? Seems to me, the great danger is that he may FIND one! Would he really want to get seriously involved with someone he’s so incompatible with (or she with him)? I mean, if a single Baptist female heard that the local Freethinkers’ Club was filled with dashingly handsome, studly young men (highly unlikely, but you get the idea!), would you advise her to go there in search of an appropriate husband? On the other hand, if a single, devout Christian has been attending St. Sheldon’s Church for years, but has heard that St. Murray’s across town provides a lot more activities for young single folks, I’d say St. Murray’s is well worth checking out. Point is, your best bet is to look where there are people who share your interest and values. If you’re a Christian, the Church is a great place to look. If not, look elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/5 "2001-04-20T22:25:30Z")
As a fairly devout Christian here’s my take on the OP. I think it would be okay to go to church to meet someone. Just because you and they might not share the same values, or be alike as two peas in a pod(to coin a phrase) is no reason to back off. Not all happy couples share all the same beliefs. And hey, if you do attend church, even if it IS just to meet someone, you just might hear something there that will bring you back for other reasons. My maternal grandmother, a pillar of her congregation, wasn’t a churchgoer when she first was courting with my grandfather. I think I would try and welcome any visitor, for any reason. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/6 "2001-04-20T22:28:46Z")
Are we talking about going to the actual church services, or are we talking about joining church-organized groups that are also open to other members of the community? If it’s the former, I vote no. If the latter, go to it! ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/7 "2001-04-20T23:50:33Z")
as the _purpose_ for going to church is to nurture and explore our individual relationships with the Divine, and as the _purpose_ for more fully experiencing our relationships with the Divine is to _train_ is, if you will to perfect our relationships with each other, thel following statement could be defnded rather easily: **It’s wrong to go to church for the express purpose of _avoiding_ meeting people**. Just a thought. ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/8 "2001-04-21T00:16:15Z")
> [@](#): > > _originally posted by kunilou_ > **Are we talking about going to the actual church services, or are we talking about joining church-organized groups that are also open to other members of the community?** I’d actually like to get involved with some of the church-organized groups, especially the youth groups (many of my students at our HS attend these). But that’s more to help the kids out than to meet sweeties. I think my friend was suggesting going to the services, Sunday school, family night suppers, and so on. As I said earlier, I wouldn’t feel right doing that. It seems too cynical – almost as if I were _using_ the church to find a partner instead of _gathering_ at the church to find God. Red light! On the other hand, to be purely selfish here, Christian women are really, really wonderful people. Who wouldn’t want to fall for a wonderful lady? Meeting her shouldn’t be based on dishonesty, though. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/9 "2001-04-21T00:35:22Z")
Baker wrote: [QUOTEAnd hey, if you do attend church, even if it IS just to meet someone, you just might hear something there that will bring you back for other reasons. My maternal grandmother, a pillar of her congregation, wasn’t a churchgoer when she first was courting with my grandfather.[/QUOTE] But was your grandmother decidedly non-Christian before this, like the OP is? ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/10 "2001-04-21T00:56:40Z")
> [@](#): > > I mean, if a single Baptist female heard that the local Freethinkers’ Club was filled with dashingly handsome, studly young men (highly unlikely, but you get the idea!), would you advise her to go there in search of an appropriate husband? Hey! What’s so highly unlikely about that? [sub]I mean, at my local freethought society, _some_ of us have to practically beat the sex-starved Baptist babes off with a stick…[/sub] As to the OP: Yeah, it seems like a bad idea to me. It depends somewhat on just what you mean by “not a Christian”. If you’re a militant atheist, it would definitely be a bad idea. If you’re just “not religious”, but would probably be the sort to join a church after you got married and had kids in order to give them a place where they’ll learn “good moral values” and so on (even if you yourself were still always “not very religious”), it might be different. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/11 "2001-04-21T02:22:49Z")
I know several marriages between Christian women and Atheists that are working quite well - although they all all Christian in the general sense, not in the “Jesus, help me choose a new coat” sense. But I wouldn’t go looking at church. That’s kind of like meeting a guy at a bookstore who is browsing the Jane Austen shelf, and then discovering he doesn’t read. Volunteering to help with the kids is a great idea, though. And then you can casually mention that you’d really like to meet someone, its so hard to meet someone nic. In no time, someone will be setting you up - maybe with a nice Christian woman and you can work out the details between you. ---
**Author:** ![E.J.Fudd\_Millionaire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a183cd/32.png) [@E.J.Fudd\_Millionaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.J.Fudd_Millionaire)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/12 "2001-04-21T03:59:33Z")
> [@](#): > > _Posted by Dangerosa_ > But I wouldn’t go looking at church. That’s kind of like meeting a guy at a bookstore who is browsing the Jane Austen shelf, and then discovering he doesn’t read. I agree, but the church dinners might not be such a bad idea. Many of my friends who had gotten involved with churches tried to get me to come to weekly dinners and such. These functions might take place in the church, but they were not tricky ways to get the unconverted to tread on holy ground. The people talked about church (which was the single shared experience for many), but they did not badger or interrogate me. I didn’t have to pretend to be religious because they respected me enough not to ask. I like the idea about the youth groups and such. Such community-centered organizations will include folks from across the religious spectrum from community-minded heretic to community-minded zealot. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/13 "2001-04-21T06:04:31Z")
\ So tell me, **E.J. Fudd – Millionaire** … _do_ you own a mansion and a yacht? \ ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/14 "2001-04-21T14:21:47Z")
Well, I did meet Mrs. Shodan at church, but both of us were/are Christians before we met. If the question is “is it wrong for _Christians_ to go to church to meet people”, no. What other posters have said about the high likelihood of meeting Christians at church is quite correct. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/15 "2001-04-21T19:00:25Z")
I’m sorry, this image just strikes me as really funny. \*man enters church walks up aisle gets to the front, genuflects turns to right, leans on pew\* “So, how ya doin’?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SirRay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@SirRay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirRay)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/16 "2001-04-21T19:25:51Z")
Typical cycle in a typical Roman Catholic Church: Child goes to mass with parents Child becomes pre-teen, goes to mass with friends Pre-teen becomes teen, starts skipping mass During/After college, mass-going ends\* Wait state for 10-20 years… Former teen, now parent, resumes mass-going with his/her spouse and children. Repeat cycle. [\*This does not apply in all cases, but it seems as it might as well] The masses at the RC churches in my area much more resemble retirement homes than swinging single scenes. You have been warned. ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/17 "2001-04-21T19:27:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*originally posted by **Cervaise** > > man enters church > > walks up aisle > > gets to the front, genuflects > > turns to right, leans on pew > > “So, how ya doin’?”\* That’s funny! I keep getting a similar image now, of the same guy wetting his hair with holy water, or slamming home a shot of Communion Wine. “Hey momma, let…us…play!” > [@](#): > > _originally posted by **MEBuckner** _ > If you’re a militant atheist, it would definitely be a bad idea. Agreed. I’m not an Atheist, but I’m not a Christian either. (Not anymore – I was raised Presbyterian.) Of course, sometimes I think I _act_ more Christian than a lot of Christians I’ve met. But I have no intention of converting back to “The Way.” Has anyone met his/her SO in church? Are you both of similar spirituality? ---
**Author:** ![Sagasumono](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Sagasumono](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sagasumono)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/18 "2001-04-21T20:23:24Z")
Humm…well per se, that is what a church is,a place to go and meet other Christians and fellowship. Always has been that way,always will. Face it, God isin’t gonna love you any less if you don’t go (as long as your relationship with him is right). The curch was created for one purpose. Fellowship with others of the same faith. And back then in the early church it was important because of the persecution. There was a church on eery street corner like now,so if you were Christians it was something you had to beleong to. Now a days,it’s almost like a club same as the Elks lodge (wow me reducing the church to an Elks lodge,go figure 😃 ) Of course we go there to learn more ways of increasing our faith, some info we didn’t know (if it’s a good church) ect. So in a spirtual sense it’s very helpful. However more than anything now it is based on fellowship with others for motivation or just for good times. So shoud you go to church to meet people,make new friend ect? By all means, it’s partially what it’s for! But shoud you go there to pick up women? N-O. Now I’m not saying that there may not be a chance you future bride is there,but don’t go romanin round the service like it’s a singles bar. To be honest at my church it is practally impossibile to get a womean,even the ratio of women to men is 7:6. It’s like they ALL have issures or battle scars r something. It’s funny because no one at all has hooked up in my church at the one time someone did and it went sour,there was a controversy bigger than Jesse Jacksons recent problems. So be careful cuz you may end up in a “no dating” church like mine. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/19 "2001-04-21T20:30:20Z")
AlbertRose: I suppose you could always give the Unitarians a shot. And now I have this picture of the priest bringing a cup full of communion wine over to an attractive woman and saying “Compliments of the gentleman at the far end of the pew”. ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702/20 "2001-04-21T21:53:59Z")
Not only do I think there is no problem with the idea in the OP, my (limited) experience leads me to believe that many churches/synagogues would and/or do actively encourage it. My former roommate ran his synagogue’s young adult social group. The synagogue actively encouraged non-practicing Jews to attend the group’s activities. There are special considerations in Judaism, particularly the mandate to marry fellow Jews, but the general feeling was that participation of non-practicing Jews in these events was more likely to result in NPJ’s coming back to synagogue than the practicing members to be lured away. When you get right down to it, it’s win/win for everyone. The atheist/agnostic gets to meet singles, and the church/synagogue gets the opportunity, through quiet example and immersion in the religious atmosphere, to bring wayward folks back into the fold. Sua [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-go-to-church-to-meet-people/62702.md?page=2)