# Is it wrong to have sexual or relationship preferences based on race? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 2, 2016, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295 "2016-06-02T09:04:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/41 "2016-06-02T21:01:04Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > I’m sorry but I find this absolutely ludicrous. > . Well, it led you to make what I consider an absolutely ludicrous analogy, so we’re even. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/42 "2016-06-02T21:03:26Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > I’m sorry but I find this absolutely ludicrous. “Racist” means something far more than “choosing according to race.” A racist is a mindset supported by a set of actions that has far greater implications than who you want to date. > > If I were producing a big budget movie based on the life story of Joe Louis, I would naturally want the lead role to be filled by a tall, muscular black actor. I would want the role of Max Schmeling to be played by a big white guy, preferably one with dark hair (he kind of looked like Josh Brolin, actually.) Those are choices made on race; are they racist? Am I wrong in wanting those roles to be filled by people whose appearance fits the race checklists, or am I a racist, and is that wrong? > . If you reject someone to date or for sex merely because of sex or race that is sexist or racist. Now those are terms people want to reserve for the vile _other_ and not themselves so the intellectual contortions are amusing. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/43 "2016-06-02T21:22:01Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > I’m sorry but I find this absolutely ludicrous. “Racist” means something far more than “choosing according to race.” A racist is a mindset supported by a set of actions that has far greater implications than who you want to date. > > If I were producing a big budget movie based on the life story of Joe Louis, I would naturally want the lead role to be filled by a tall, muscular black actor. I would want the role of Max Schmeling to be played by a big white guy, preferably one with dark hair (he kind of looked like Josh Brolin, actually.) Those are choices made on race; are they racist? Am I wrong in wanting those roles to be filled by people whose appearance fits the race checklists, or am I a racist, and is that wrong? The difference there is, you have a reason for not wanting to cast a black person as Max Schmeling that goes beyond, “I just don’t like black people that much.” Whereas, if someone is excluding black people from their dating pool, their justification is almost entirely, “I just don’t like black people that much.” ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2016, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/44 "2016-06-02T21:48:07Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > I only have sex with one particular person . . . Nothing personal, but it’s \*possible \*she may not be that particular. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/45 "2016-06-03T00:03:54Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > If you reject someone to date or for sex merely because of sex or race that is sexist or racist. Now those are terms people want to reserve for the vile _other_ and not themselves so the intellectual contortions are amusing. The only “intellectual contortions” are the ones you’re engaging in, apparently in an attempt to make the terms “sexist” and “racist” so broadly defined as to be effectively meaningless. But actually, it’s perfectly consistent to use “sexist” and “racist” to apply to opinions and policies but not to feelings of sexual attraction. Your silly hyperbole, on the other hand, would imply a whole raft of logically absurd and misleading misnomers, such as calling non-pedophiles “ageist”. You’re free to indulge in such obscurantist gibberish if you want to, but it’s not in any way logically inconsistent for other people not to go along with it. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/46 "2016-06-03T00:13:00Z")
If you were producing a bio pick about a Mexican woman and found a talented Philippina actress who was a dead ringer for her, would it be racist to deny her the part only after discovering she was Asian? ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/47 "2016-06-03T02:51:05Z")
I like this thread because it exposes the end result of liberal hysteria. But to answer the question, absolutely not. Just because I prefer women as a sexual partner does not make me sexist. If I like blue eyed and blonde haired women, comparisons to Hitler are not apt, nor are accusations of racism. If I prefer a girl of the Christian faith as a long term partner, or alternatively, will only have sex with girls like that because that is what I want in a life partner, that does not make me intolerant of other religions. If I only prefer women from the United States because I fear that the cultural divide will be too much, then I am not a xenophobe. I mean, how unmoored have we become from the reason why bigotry is bad? It is not that there are no differences between races, religions, or gender, just like there is a difference between green, blue, or brown eyes. The differences are real and sexual attraction is based upon sometimes silly things. The reason why bigotry is bad is when we treat those different from us as inferior. I might not be sexually attracted to Shaq for the sole reason that he is a big black male, but he can come to my house for a dinner party because those factors aren’t in play for social reasons. This “all things must be equal always and forever” is the necessary result of some of the left’s more recent proclamations, and that side is now reaping what it sowed…at least in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/48 "2016-06-03T03:45:37Z")
It matters the way you express such preferences. There’s nothing inherently wrong with only being attracted to black guys or whatever. After all, if that’s racism, then is only being attracted to one gender _sexism_? But such a preference does need to be expressed respectfully, with no implication that all people of Group X are unattractive. I think in most cases it’s enough to just say what kind of person you’re attracted to, and therefore only exclude other groups by implication. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/49 "2016-06-03T04:10:12Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > The difference there is, you have a reason for not wanting to cast a black person as Max Schmeling that goes beyond, “I just don’t like black people that much.” Whereas, if someone is excluding black people from their dating pool, their justification is almost entirely, “I just don’t like black people that much.” Liking or not liking people based on their appearance is the most fundamental criteria there is in choosing whom to date. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/50 "2016-06-03T04:38:09Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > The only “intellectual contortions” are the ones you’re engaging in, apparently in an attempt to make the terms “sexist” and “racist” so broadly defined as to be effectively meaningless. > > But actually, it’s perfectly consistent to use “sexist” and “racist” to apply to opinions and policies but not to feelings of sexual attraction. Your silly hyperbole, on the other hand, would imply a whole raft of logically absurd and misleading misnomers, such as calling non-pedophiles “ageist”. You’re free to indulge in such obscurantist gibberish if you want to, but it’s not in any way logically inconsistent for other people not to go along with it. How convenient. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/51 "2016-06-03T04:46:02Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Liking or not liking people based on their appearance is the most fundamental criteria there is in choosing whom to date. If you pick one over the other based on racial characteristics you are basically creating a hierarchy of races. Who is going to willingly choose what he or she or xe considers to be inferior? To give this line of thinking a pass because it’s sex doesn’t mean it’s any less discriminatory or exclusive. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/52 "2016-06-03T05:07:42Z")
Yes its racist yes its sexist in the sense that you have “discriminating” tastes but you know what, in the situation of physical attraction its ok because nobody is going to tell me who I should be attracted to or who I should want to stick my penis inside, as long as we are consenting adults, some sad attempt to make someone feel guilty about who they are attracted to would make me laugh in that person’s face and tell them to get a life. Attraction is a personal thing, and no I don’t find all people or all “races” attractive. Boo fucking Hoo:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/53 "2016-06-03T05:19:38Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Liking or not liking people based on their appearance is the most fundamental criteria there is in choosing whom to date. Confusing appearance for race is one of the fundamental criteria for being a racist, though. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffes\_Can\_t\_Dance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/5e9695/32.png) [@Giraffes\_Can\_t\_Dance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffes_Can_t_Dance)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/54 "2016-06-03T05:21:13Z")
> [@adaher](#): > > Another new issue that’s coming up now is straight people’s reluctance to date transgendered. I do really wonder what kind of dating market there is for the transgendered. Seems to me that they are in an impossible situation unless they just deceive. How is it an issue for a straight man not to be attracted to another man? Your premise answers itself. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffes\_Can\_t\_Dance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/5e9695/32.png) [@Giraffes\_Can\_t\_Dance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffes_Can_t_Dance)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/55 "2016-06-03T05:22:44Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Confusing appearance for race is one of the fundamental criteria for being a racist, though. There are distinct appearances for every race. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/56 "2016-06-03T06:28:20Z")
> [@Giraffes\_Can\_t\_Dance](#): > > There are distinct appearances for every race. Well, no, but there’s something like an average appearance for particular regions. And I guess that’s sufficient in this context. If a woman were to say she does not find \ men attractive, then a guy who doesn’t _look_ like a typical \, but actually does self-identify with that group, might still consider it worth a try. IOW he’d interpret it as really a statement about appearance, not about race. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/57 "2016-06-03T06:32:55Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > How convenient. Okay then, please explain to us how you can consider it “sexist” for a heterosexual man not to be sexually attracted to men, but not consider it “ageist” for a non-pedophile not to be sexually attracted to children. You’re the one who’s trying to conflate actual prejudice and discrimination with personal involuntary sexual preferences. I’m just the one pointing out what quagmires of absurdity that approach is leading you into. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/58 "2016-06-03T07:12:40Z")
> [@Giraffes\_Can\_t\_Dance](#): > > There are distinct appearances for every race. Nope. Not even close. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/59 "2016-06-03T07:17:43Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > Well, no, but there’s something like an average appearance for particular regions. Well, yeah, but that’s never how racists use it - nobody’s not wanting to date “West Africans with some European admixture” or lusting after “Yamoto Japanese”, it’s “no Blacks” or “only Asians” ---
**Author:** ![BwanaBob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bwanabob/32/2985_2.png) [@BwanaBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BwanaBob)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/60 "2016-06-03T11:44:58Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > What’s ridiculous is you think [only](http://htl-wireless.com/Khoisan-woman.jpg) [Asians](http://www.svl.no/govat/stuorra/sanna_maria_v..jpg) have epicanthic folds. > > Or that all Asians have them. “I only like Asians with epicanthic folds”. Of course not all Asians have epicanthic folds and not all people with epicanthic folds are Asian. Seems like you have a problem with the term Asians as shorthand for a person with epicanthic folds. So what if it’s not 100% accurate; it’s not being used in a derogatory manner here. Many people I’ve come across are lazy with their spoken words. Leetspeak, acronym-mania; look how many nouns have become verbs because people want to be terse. Ex: I gifted him a phone, rather than I gave him a phone as a gift. Mangling a language to save 2 words. LOL. There’s big difference in sentiment between “I only date Asians”, versus “I would never hire an Asian, or want to live next door to them”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295.md?page=4)