# Is it wrong to have sexual or relationship preferences based on race? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 2, 2016, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295 "2016-06-02T09:04:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Giraffes\_Can\_t\_Dance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/5e9695/32.png) [@Giraffes\_Can\_t\_Dance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffes_Can_t_Dance)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/61 "2016-06-03T12:24:05Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Nope. Not even close. Your response perfectly represents the ignorance, fear and dishonestly that so many express when discussing race. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/62 "2016-06-03T12:28:21Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Nope. Not even close. Yes there are indeed. Unless you’re saying I don’t physically resemble my 1 billion+ fellow Han Chinese. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/63 "2016-06-03T12:41:44Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Yes there are indeed. Unless you’re saying I don’t physically resemble my 1 billion+ fellow Han Chinese. You probably resemble some of them and don’t resemble some of them. You probably have similar looks (by random chance) to some individual Koreans, Japanese, Vietnamese, Indians, Russians, Hungarians, Finns, and even Chileans, Native Americans, and more. But the larger point is that race is a social and not biological construct – most people would call an Andaman Islander, if they saw them on the street, “black”, but Andaman Islanders are genetically much more closely related to Asian populations than to Africans, even though they share dark skin and kinky hair texture with many African people. And there are even “black” African populations which are more closely related to various non-black populations than they are to certain other far-flung “black” African populations. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/64 "2016-06-03T12:43:43Z")
> [@BwanaBob](#): > > Seems like you have a problem with the term Asians as shorthand for a person with epicanthic folds. Mostly, yes. Particularly because it’s shorthand that’s provably inaccurate. Not just 99% right, either. > [@](#): > > Many people I’ve come across are lazy with their spoken words. This isn’t just spoken word laziness, this is brain laziness. > [@](#): > > There’s big difference in sentiment between “I only date Asians”, versus “I would never hire an Asian, or want to live next door to them”. Not really seeing the difference, actually. > [@Giraffes\_Can\_t\_Dance](#): > > Your response perfectly represents the ignorance, fear and dishonestly that so many express when discussing race. :rolleyes: Right, it’s the anti-racists who are ignorant, scared and dishonest. And after that little _ad hominem_, you have no rebuttal to the simple fact that yes, what I said is true. [This is an Asian](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afghan_Girl#/media/File:Sharbat_Gula.jpg). [So’s this](https://c1.staticflickr.com/7/6167/6217368679_f7a8909e68_b.jpg). > [@Velocity](#): > > Yes there are indeed. Unless you’re saying I don’t physically resemble my 1 billion+ fellow Han Chinese. Han Chinese is an ethnicity, not a race. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/65 "2016-06-03T12:57:43Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Yes there are indeed. Unless you’re saying I don’t physically resemble my 1 billion+ fellow Han Chinese. Do you not see a difference between: “I am really attracted to that Han Chinese look” and “I was really attracted to this girl at work and then I discovered she’s only half Han, half Korean and now she’s just meh.” ? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/66 "2016-06-03T13:13:24Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > The only “intellectual contortions” are the ones you’re engaging in, apparently in an attempt to make the terms “sexist” and “racist” so broadly defined as to be effectively meaningless. > > But actually, it’s perfectly consistent to use “sexist” and “racist” to apply to opinions and policies but not to feelings of sexual attraction. I think it depends. I’m sure we can identify some very explicitly racist bases for dating preferences. Sexual preferences are largely different in that there are some specific characteristics that are tied much more closely to biological sex than to social race. But if we use our imaginations, we can think of examples of both racism and sexism on display in dating preferences. Elsewhere in the thread, using race as a shorthand was defended. I think that is really the crux of the matter. Race as shorthand is generally pretty inaccurate and sometimes wildly offensive. Only using “positive” racial stereotypes doesn’t really help. The same is true for gender as shorthand, though sex as shorthand (for sexual, not gender) attributes is slightly safer. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/67 "2016-06-03T13:29:09Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > I like this thread because it exposes the end result of liberal hysteria. But to answer the question, absolutely not. Just because I prefer women as a sexual partner does not make me sexist. If I like blue eyed and blonde haired women, comparisons to Hitler are not apt, nor are accusations of racism. If I prefer a girl of the Christian faith as a long term partner, or alternatively, will only have sex with girls like that because that is what I want in a life partner, that does not make me intolerant of other religions. If I only prefer women from the United States because I fear that the cultural divide will be too much, then I am not a xenophobe. > > I mean, how unmoored have we become from the reason why bigotry is bad? It is not that there are no differences between races, religions, or gender, just like there is a difference between green, blue, or brown eyes. The differences are real and sexual attraction is based upon sometimes silly things. The reason why bigotry is bad is when we treat those different from us as inferior. I think the issue is not so much personal preference, but at a cultural level. Anyone is free to be as discriminatory as they like when dating. You can choose not to date black people, or musicians, or Libertarians, or short people, or people from Nevada, or any other criteria you like. Any guy who’s mainly interested in blond hair blue-eyed women and who’d rather not date a black woman isn’t the issue. Even a lot of guys who are mainly interested in blond hair blue-eyed women and don’t want to date black women are still not bad. But taking the population as a whole, it shows what our culture values and doesn’t value, and it has wider implications that just who is getting dates or not. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the same demographics who are more overlooked than average on dating sites are the same demographics who are more often discriminated against in looking for jobs or housing or other issues. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/68 "2016-06-03T14:01:40Z")
> [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > But taking the population as a whole, it shows what our culture values and doesn’t value, and it has wider implications that just who is getting dates or not. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the same demographics who are more overlooked than average on dating sites are the same demographics who are more often discriminated against in looking for jobs or housing or other issues. I agree that it’s not a coincidence. It doesn’t make me racist if I only want to date blue eyed blondes. But if I investigate, I may discover some biases at work that are deeper than “That’s pretty.” And since we base all sorts of decisions on things like “Is this person attractive?” like whether we hire them, or whether we promote them, or whether we trust them, it’s not just a meaningless exercise. ---
**Author:** ![E-DUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/e-dub/32/403_2.png) [@E-DUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-DUB)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/69 "2016-06-03T14:22:42Z")
Short answer, no. And it doesn’t require you to be racist to have such preferences, although if you already are a racist, you probably do have such preferences. Here’s the diff. I’m a white guy and as a general rule I’m not attracted to black women. However, my “general rule” is subject to instant revision when presented with the appropriate “specific case”. Ditto my preferences for brunette over blond, tall over short, slender over voluptuous, etc. etc. I just won’t budge on the “no dudes” thing. ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/70 "2016-06-03T14:45:18Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > The only “intellectual contortions” are the ones you’re engaging in, apparently in an attempt to make the terms “sexist” and “racist” so broadly defined as to be effectively meaningless. > > But actually, it’s perfectly consistent to use “sexist” and “racist” to apply to opinions and policies but not to feelings of sexual attraction. Your silly hyperbole, on the other hand, would imply a whole raft of logically absurd and misleading misnomers, such as calling non-pedophiles “ageist”. You’re free to indulge in such obscurantist gibberish if you want to, but it’s not in any way logically inconsistent for other people not to go along with it. I agree, and this line of ‘reasoning’ to which you object is particularly mind bending given the common opposite left/PC tendency to define ‘racism’ as other than _anyone_ discriminating based on race. In the other PC definition, ‘racism’ only occurs when the person doing the discriminating is part of a group with (supposed) power, as in ‘black people can’t be racists’. Which is it? The original meaning of racism is a belief in the categorical inferiority of other races. Stretching it to include not dating people you aren’t attracted to is a major stretch, adding to many other past stretches, but again the extenders have to get their story straight. If you believe a dating profile saying ‘no X group’ is ‘racist’, but also claim only people of certain races can be ‘racist’, that’s just too ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffes\_Can\_t\_Dance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/5e9695/32.png) [@Giraffes\_Can\_t\_Dance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffes_Can_t_Dance)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/71 "2016-06-03T14:55:13Z")
I swear, there’s no talking to some of you. You’ve been PC for so long, and so dishonest on matters regarding race, that you can no longer be reasoned with. You are stricken with fear. ALL races have distinct physical features. While said features, of course, do not apply to every person of said race; such features are specific the the majority. Wether it’s hair, eyes or color, differences remain. And that’s okay. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/72 "2016-06-03T15:13:11Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > Okay then, please explain to us how you can consider it “sexist” for a heterosexual man not to be sexually attracted to men, but not consider it “ageist” for a non-pedophile not to be sexually attracted to children. > > You’re the one who’s trying to conflate actual prejudice and discrimination with personal involuntary sexual preferences. I’m just the one pointing out what quagmires of absurdity that approach is leading you into. It is ageist. But that’s the thing, these terms aren’t used merely to describe factual states of mind. These terms are now a rhetorical weapon used to demonize. Want to make welfare recipients look for a job? “Dat’s racist!” You refuse to date a black woman? “I can’t help I think they’re ugly” To me that’s the racist statement. There are many beautiful black women that I’d date if I was in the dating market. I am ageist for I won’t date children. Speciesist in that I won’t date outside humans though llamas do have pretty eyes. And I suppose sexist because even though there are plenty of attractive males I wouldn’t date one. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/73 "2016-06-03T15:29:07Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Confusing appearance for race is one of the fundamental criteria for being a racist, though. Appearance can BE race. “Race” is a social construct, not a biological one. If the accepted definition of “black race” is “Dark skin, curly hair, you know, people who look like Will Smith” then, in that time and place, that’s what “black” is as a race. In other contexts, “race” can be something else. Tutsi and Hutus did not think of each other as the same race though, by the concept of “race” understood by a Canadian like me, there’s nothing to distinguish them. Israelis and Arabs do not consider themselves the same race though genetically speaking neither group is homogenous even within their own groups. In fairly recent history the British considered themselves a “race” that was not the same as, say, Germans or Italians. Giraffes Can’t Dance is not trying to be a jerk; he or she simply has an extremely ingrained concept of what “race” is. I would imagine GCD is an American, and America is a country where race is largely defined by large groupings of people based on appearance; there are White People and Black People, and that’s always been the most important difference and anyone who says they are not two distinct groups in the USA is being dishonest, but now you have Hispanic People, and that’s of greater importance than it used to be, plus you’ve got “Oriental” People, Indians (aboriginal Americans) and then the nebulous, movie-sterotype-informed group of Middle Easterners and South Asians and People Who Maybe Look Like Them. “Jews” are kindof their own thing as well. None of this is based on scientific reality, it’s social and political construct. But it’s _extremely_ ingrained in the social and political culture of the United States and GCD is just reflecting what decades of discussion about race have ingrained in her or him. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/74 "2016-06-03T15:38:09Z")
Let’s substitute the word “friendship” for “romance” and see how that makes the situation different. If someone says, _“I won’t befriend black people. They’re just not my type. You can’t dictate who I want or don’t want to be friends with. If I don’t like a race of people, then I don’t like that race, period. The heart wants what the heart wants.”_ What would be the verdict on that sort of attitude? ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/75 "2016-06-03T15:49:25Z")
I see that as being a dramatically different attitude. To my mind, romance and mere friendship are very far apart. Who I choose to be my partner is enormously different from whom I choose to be friends with. My partner and I have a relationship that is exclusive to us and that is unlike any other relationship I have. Lots of people are my friends, and there are varying levels of friendship. A person who would not even consider being friends with a particular “race” is almost certainly 1. Going to be a complete asshole in many other ways, and 2. Will inevitably treat some people unfairly, unless they live in a place that is remarkably ethnically homogenous. ---
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/76 "2016-06-03T17:03:46Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Appearance can BE race. “Race” is a social construct, not a biological one. If the accepted definition of “black race” is “Dark skin, curly hair, you know, people who look like Will Smith” then, in that time and place, that’s what “black” is as a race. In other contexts, “race” can be something else. Tutsi and Hutus did not think of each other as the same race though, by the concept of “race” understood by a Canadian like me, there’s nothing to distinguish them. Israelis and Arabs do not consider themselves the same race though genetically speaking neither group is homogenous even within their own groups. In fairly recent history the British considered themselves a “race” that was not the same as, say, Germans or Italians. > > Giraffes Can’t Dance is not trying to be a jerk; he or she simply has an extremely ingrained concept of what “race” is. I would imagine GCD is an American, and America is a country where race is largely defined by large groupings of people based on appearance; there are White People and Black People, and that’s always been the most important difference and anyone who says they are not two distinct groups in the USA is being dishonest, but now you have Hispanic People, and that’s of greater importance than it used to be, plus you’ve got “Oriental” People, Indians (aboriginal Americans) and then the nebulous, movie-sterotype-informed group of Middle Easterners and South Asians and People Who Maybe Look Like Them. “Jews” are kindof their own thing as well. None of this is based on scientific reality, it’s social and political construct. But it’s _extremely_ ingrained in the social and political culture of the United States and GCD is just reflecting what decades of discussion about race have ingrained in her or him. I think you perhaps have a certain Canadian tendency to see clear distinctions in US and Canadian societal attitudes that aren’t actually so clear. AFAIK, from plenty of first hand experience, most white folks in Canada and in the upper part of the US have more in common in social attitudes than a lot of the people around where I live, a heavily foreign born urban area in the US, at least in some ways. In other ways there are more typical national characteristics or beliefs. But Canada and the US are about as similar as any other pair of countries in the world. That seems to make some Canadians uncomfortable, and they look to play up minor differences as part of their own image of themselves, whereas Americans typically don’t care how similar the two countries are or not. Anyway I don’t see any categorical difference in US and Canadian attitudes about what ‘race’ is: it varies much more from one person or group to the next in those countries than between them collectively. And same would go for other developed countries. And ‘racism’, not ‘race’ per se is what’s at issue. Of course racism is a ‘social construct’ whether or not race actually is. It’s about how people interact, ie the definition of ‘social’. But although as the thread and many other discussions demonstrate the word ‘racism’ is or has become ambiguous, it’s generally understood now to refer to some form of discrimination, animus or categorization as categorically threatening or inferior applied to some racial, _ethnic or religious_ group. Just because two words have a common root doesn’t mean they relate to one another extremely closely. Maybe in a perfectly logical world they would, but we don’t live in one and never have. In fact some group difference under the rubric ‘racism’ are genetic. Different groups isolated from one another for long periods have some systematic genetic differences, even though they are small relative to whole genome, and even though in other ways the genetic make up of individuals within a group varies more than between groups. But it’s not a ‘social construct’ that my kind of typically Celtic appearance differs from that of people of mainly African ancestry. OTOH some other group differences are not genetic at all, like Muslims v non-Muslims. But IMO it’s pedantic to spend time arguing whether someone calling for expulsion of Muslims from a Western country is a ‘racist’ because Muslim, obviously, is not a race. It’s a categorical judgement that another group is inferior or dangerous and/or doesn’t qualify for the same rights as the speaker. There’s no particular clarity gained by forcing the use of a different term because it isn’t a DNA-wise race in question. There would OTOH be useful clarity IMO by rejecting a nonsensical blanket extension of ‘racism’ to include non-preference for the general appearance characteristics of other groups, which exist in some cases even within actual ‘races’, in selection of a romantic partner. And let common sense rule case by case. As mentioned, it’s generally obvious when somebody is a jerk about such things. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/77 "2016-06-03T17:11:31Z")
> [@Corry\_El](#): > > I think you perhaps have a certain Canadian tendency to see clear distinctions in US and Canadian societal attitudes that aren’t actually so clear. I realize there is nuance to this sort of thing but the limits of the SDMB don’t allow for a 50,000-word dissertation, after all. > [@](#): > > Anyway I don’t see any categorical difference in US and Canadian attitudes about what ‘race’ is I’d agree there is very little, though the political and social implications are in some respects different. They are however much more similar than they would be to most other countries. > [@](#): > > But IMO it’s pedantic to spend time arguing whether someone calling for expulsion of Muslims from a Western country is a ‘racist’ because Muslim, obviously, is not a race. That is not at all obvious to me. Why can Muslims not be a race? They are\* if they are perceived as being so.\* ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/78 "2016-06-03T18:42:17Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > It is ageist. […] I am ageist for I won’t date children. In other words, your insistence that words relating to **prejudice and discrimination** should be considered equally applicable to **feelings of involuntary sexual attraction** has led you into a semantic whiteout where there is no longer any meaningful distinction between the concepts of “ageism” and “not being a pedophile”. I rest my case. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/79 "2016-06-03T19:17:20Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Liking or not liking people based on their appearance is the most fundamental criteria there is in choosing whom to date. Good thing I didn’t say anything about appearance, then, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2016, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295/80 "2016-06-03T19:28:29Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Let’s substitute the word “friendship” for “romance” and see how that makes the situation different. > > If someone says, _“I won’t befriend black people. They’re just not my type. You can’t dictate who I want or don’t want to be friends with. If I don’t like a race of people, then I don’t like that race, period. The heart wants what the heart wants.”_ What would be the verdict on that sort of attitude? I’d say friendship is significantly different from romance. Romance is based in part on sexual attraction, which is something you really can’t achieve by an act of will, and isn’t necessarily based on any rational criteria. Friendship can be based on all sorts of things, and it may even make sense to look for friends who are outside your comfort zone. It is I think unusual for someone to say ‘it is awfully restrictive to only go out with people I’m actually attracted to. Maybe I should broaden my horizons and go out with people I find unattractive.’ Not sure it would even be fair to the other person to do that: ‘I’m going out with you, even though I basically find you unattractive, to broaden my horizons’ isn’t very flattering. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-have-sexual-or-relationship-preferences-based-on-race/756295.md?page=5)