# Is it "wrong" to prefer untouched girls? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [August 31, 2003, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740 "2003-08-31T02:52:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Colinmarshall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Colinmarshall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colinmarshall)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/21 "2003-08-31T04:11:32Z")
Polycarp: How does this make me “bad news” as a prospective significant other? I don’t get angry. I listen. I remember anniversaries. I’m always available to talk to. I don’t cheat. I’ve always put forth my best effort to be an enjoyable SO. This, I have found, is more than can be said for many guys. Squink: I have yet to get a knee in the crotch. Guinastasia: Then I don’t consider her. Zoe: The ones I’ve “gotten it on” with have always been more than labels. Why would you assume this is the only criteria I have? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/22 "2003-08-31T04:21:04Z")
This only pushes the old myth of guys who get laid=studs girls who get laid=sluts Heaven forbid a girl should have had a past relationship. What difference does it make-she’s with YOU now. ---
**Author:** ![Colinmarshall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Colinmarshall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colinmarshall)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/23 "2003-08-31T04:27:30Z")
I don’t consider myself a “stud,” nor do I consider these women “sluts.” They’ve just made choices that turn me off, same as tattoos and platform sandals would. I believe that any girl who disapproves of used men is more than free to rule me out as well. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/24 "2003-08-31T04:29:15Z")
A girl who has had sex is not a “used woman”. I find that phrase extremely insulting. ---
**Author:** ![TonyJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9c0ed/32.png) [@TonyJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonyJ)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/25 "2003-08-31T04:30:58Z")
De gustibus non est disputandum, so as far as I’m concerned it’s fine - as long as your pursuits toward the “untouched girl” don’t lead to underaged girls. This is why one should note that as one ages - and if sexual freedom increases, as it seems to be - it’ll be slim pickins when trying to find an “untouched” peer. I suppose this is why some have said the criteria is unrealistic. It’s probably not the deepest thing I’ve ever heard of, either, but there’s always one thing or another that people will not tolerate in a significant other. I would never go out with a pretentious girl, for example - which is probably why my girlfriend is pretty down-to-earth. Jumping on you for your tastes would be hypocritical of me. One more thing: this criteria could be a form of prejudice. Consider your feelings and experiences with non-“untouched” girls, and make sure you’re not being unduly influenced by them. Why? - because you’d be working off of a false notion. ---
**Author:** ![Colinmarshall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Colinmarshall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colinmarshall)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/26 "2003-08-31T04:32:19Z")
I’m unclear as to why, exactly, the phrase “used woman” is offensive. I’m a “used man,” I admit to it, and any girl who doesn’t like it can find someone else. Perhaps “previously viewed?” ---
**Author:** ![TonyJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9c0ed/32.png) [@TonyJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonyJ)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/27 "2003-08-31T04:35:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Colinmarshall \* > \*\*I’m unclear as to why, exactly, the phrase “used woman” is offensive. I’m a “used man,” I admit to it, and any girl who doesn’t like it can find someone else. > > Perhaps “previously viewed?” \*\* It’s all semantics. It’s good to stick to objective, hard-to-argue phrases, even if they’re cumbersome. Perhaps “non-virgins”? That’s a good question, actually: can you yourself create an objective label that acurately describes the women you don’t like? It might clear up some things. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Joe\_Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Random)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/28 "2003-08-31T04:37:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Colinmarshall \* > \*\*I’m unclear as to why, exactly, the phrase “used woman” is offensive. \*\* Because it’s objectifying. The only time the adjective “used” is normally attached to a noun is when it is an object that has a specific purpose for which it has been used. So to call a woman “used” is to imply that women exist as sex objects. Further, “used” has a vaguely negative connotation. Put both of those together, and calling a person “used” because they have had prior sexual experience is quit insulting, actually. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/29 "2003-08-31T04:39:49Z")
**Colinmarshall** , I really don’t know what to say. On the one hand I’d like to condemn you as an insensitive lowlife, but are you responsible that your sexual orientation is toward inexperienced women? I just wonder what age group of females you are comfortable with. It must be very difficult for you when your “friends” think of you as an asshole. Perhaps you might want to see a therapist. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/30 "2003-08-31T04:44:15Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m unclear as to why, exactly, the phrase “used woman” is offensive. That’s why it’s offensive. I hope you and your hand will be very happy together. I tend to doubt that you will ever find a woman who will possess both the chastity you desire and the lack of self-esteem that would she would require in order to date you. ---
**Author:** ![Colinmarshall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Colinmarshall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colinmarshall)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/31 "2003-08-31T04:45:49Z")
Why in the world does having a preference like this make me a “lowlife?” Would I have the same label hung on me if I said I prefer asian girls over all others? Or is it simply wrong to have personal guidelines when it comes to prosepective significant others? I’m not angry or anything, but I expected more than to be called names when my initial question was indeed a real one. From what I’ve seen, many perceive this sort of preference as “bad,” but why is it necessary to call the holder of the preference a bad person? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/32 "2003-08-31T04:48:17Z")
Because it seems as if you’re saying what’s good for the gander isn’t good for the goose. It’s okay for YOU to fool around, but your girls better be chaste. Sorry, pal. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/33 "2003-08-31T04:48:28Z")
I can really understand where your friends are coming from. ---
**Author:** ![Colinmarshall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Colinmarshall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colinmarshall)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/34 "2003-08-31T04:51:01Z")
To clear things up: I’m not mean to anyone, significant others especially, nor am I possessed of any serious psychological problems, nor do I have to “rely on my hand” for companionship. I have always tried very hard to be a fun, attentive boyfriend. I’m not a sleaze. I do not chase underage girls. Why would these things be assumed about me? ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Joe\_Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Random)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/35 "2003-08-31T05:07:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Colinmarshall \* > \*\*Why would these things be assumed about me? \*\* Probably because your fixation on chaste women is really strange. You can’t compare it to preferring certain hair color or personality traits. This is more like, say, finding the perfect woman, beautiful with a great personality, but suddenly losing interest when you find out that she’s ridden a roller coaster before. Sex is an activity that many people enjoy, and it is not indicative of any character flaw that should make a prospective lover lose interest. I still say it sounds like you are insecure (maybe even on a subconscious level) about having a woman compare you to her previous lover(s). Because otherwise, whether or not a woman has had sex should have no bearing on anything. Consider, for example, the possibility of you getting back together with a previous girlfriend, with whom you have already had sex. Suppose you are about to get intimate, and she decides to tell you that she has had sex with someone else after you two broke up. Would you suddenly lose interest in her? Remember that this is someone with whom you have had sex with previously, and whom you were just about to have sex with again. What changed about her to make her unattractive to you? It can’t be the sexual experience itself, because she already had that experience with you, so there’s nothing new there. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/36 "2003-08-31T05:15:54Z")
> [@](#): > > **ColinMarshall** : > > The ones I’ve “gotten it on” with have always been more than labels. Why would you assume this is the only criteria I have? The shallowness of your OP and the dated and slanted language you use in the many objectifications you make. ---
**Author:** ![leander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bcef8e/32.png) [@leander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leander)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/37 "2003-08-31T05:16:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Colinmarshall \* > \*\*To clear things up: > > I’m not mean to anyone, significant others especially, nor am I possessed of any serious psychological problems, nor do I have to “rely on my hand” for companionship. I have always tried very hard to be a fun, attentive boyfriend. I’m not a sleaze. I do not chase underage girls. > > Why would these things be assumed about me? \*\* Okay, I’ll take what you say at face value. But then I think you need to ask yourself, Why exactly do you prefer “untouched girls”? What is it about a woman who has had some experience that bothers you? Doesn’t necessarily mean you have “serious psychological problems”, but it does make one think that you may have issues with women and women’s sexuality. Personally, I agree that it has to do with insecurity and immaturity – and I do not mean that in a nasty way. Just my 2 cents, and perhaps something to think about… ---
**Author:** ![Colinmarshall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Colinmarshall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colinmarshall)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/38 "2003-08-31T05:18:38Z")
Joe: The scenario you describe has already happened. I had to bow out of the relationship in the end, mostly because I’m not into “giving things a second go,” but the extra used-ness was a major factor as well. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/39 "2003-08-31T05:27:26Z")
> [@](#): > > **ColinMarshall** : I do not chase underage girls. > > Why would these things be assumed about me? Your many references to _girls_ for one thing. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Joe\_Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Random)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2003, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740/40 "2003-08-31T05:27:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Colinmarshall \* > \*\*but the extra used-ness was a major factor as well. \*\* So the burning question is, “why”? What is it about a woman having had sex with someone other than yourself that so completely turns you off? How are they any different from a woman who hasn’t had sex, or a woman who has had sex only with you? There’s definitely something more to this than simply not finding “experienced” women attractive. According to your original post, an incredibly attractive woman with a great personality will suddenly become completely undesirable based solely on the fact that she’s had sex before. That’s a rather severe reaction for you to have, and I think you should try to take a closer look and try to figure out _why_, because this is obviously based on something much deeper than, say, being attracted to blonds more then brunettes. Your reaction is about as reasonable as rejecting an incredibly attractive woman with a great personality because she’s ridden a roller coaster before. Which is to say, not reasonable at all. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-prefer-untouched-girls/198740.md?page=3)