# Is it wrong to use the spiffs my job offers on a date? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 9, 2007, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030 "2007-08-09T16:33:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/21 "2007-08-09T19:54:03Z")
Not on a first date, but twickster’s method is totally cool for followup dates. You can also make it part of the “where shall we go?” discussion. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/22 "2007-08-09T20:50:48Z")
True story about how sensitive I am about someone spending money on me (which I hate, and I will probably start a thread about someday…) My boyfriend at the time got a gift certificate to Steak and Ale for $25. I actually asked if I should bring a calculator to lunch to make sure we didn’t go over the limit. I got a verbal :rolleyes: over that one. (I didn’t want to break his wallet!) [Plus I was barely 20-something, so relatively naive about the dating world.] ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/23 "2007-08-09T20:53:49Z")
[QUOTE=Lunar Saltlick] Well, after a few months, sure, you know each other pretty well, and you can relax some. After 18 years, the sky’s the limit. You can bring home leftovers from a corporate lunch, toss 'em on the table, belch, scratch yourself and say “Honey, I got dinner tonight!” 😉 [/QUOTE] I’ve brought leftovers home from a business dinner to share with the family…after all, I came home late, the least I can do is share my yummy dessert with everyone. (No, it’s not with clients, it’s either with co-workers or vendors, and no, I wasn’t the only one doing it, so don’t hop on your professional high horse with me, missy!) ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/24 "2007-08-09T21:03:37Z")
I join in the chorus of endorsing **twickster’s** advice and I think it’s fine on a first date. It’s a great ice breaker ("I got these coupons. Wanna check this place out?) and it doesn’t cause the date to feel uncomfortable or pressured by an expensive date. It’s just a lark. Any woman who would turn up her nose at the use of job-related perks on a date is not worth dating anyway. ---
**Author:** ![JoeSki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b487fb/32.png) [@JoeSki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoeSki)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/25 "2007-08-09T22:12:40Z")
Thanks all. And yes, the perks are allowed within the company. They actually encourage us to use our conciergeship to our advantage when talking to outside businesses. It’s a win win situation for everyone really. I love my new job. I’d prefer to make the use of the spiffs known, rather than try and hide them. By nature I’m a very open and honest guy. To a oblivious fault according to my new roommate. I’m only 21, so I don’t think using my job to my advantage in a dating situation should be as big a taboo as some people have made it out to be. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/26 "2007-08-09T22:24:01Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] I join in the chorus of endorsing **twickster’s** advice and I think it’s fine on a first date. It’s a great ice breaker ("I got these coupons. Wanna check this place out?) and it doesn’t cause the date to feel uncomfortable or pressured by an expensive date. It’s just a lark. Any woman who would turn up her nose at the use of job-related perks on a date is not worth dating anyway. [/QUOTE] Absolutely. And the best thing is that if the restaurant turns out to be not so hot, you can both laugh about it instead of feeling guilty or defensive over spending so much money. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/27 "2007-08-09T22:30:04Z")
[QUOTE=lisacurl] As long as you’re not violating any rules of your employer by doing so, go for it. [/QUOTE] But if you _are_ violating rules, then I would make that part of the invitation too. “Hey, wanna have a free dinner at Fancy-Schmancy’s and _stick it to the man_ at the same time?” But seriously, I see nothing wrong with using the coupons even on a first date. I would just be honest about it, and don’t try to pretend that you are paying for it if you’re not. “Full disclaimer here, I’m using some perks for work for this dinner, but when we go out again I will be glad to treat you.” ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_I\_Am](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@Sam\_I\_Am](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_I_Am)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2007, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/28 "2007-08-09T22:31:50Z")
the main reason I can think of for not using **twickster’s** advice for the first date, is it could put the recipient in the position of thinking “is this really a date? or did he just ask me because he didn’t want to go to a fancy restaurant alone?”. I think it’s much better for a second date. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/29 "2007-08-10T03:14:00Z")
[QUOTE=JoeSki] \I’d prefer to make the use of the spiffs known, rather than try and hide them. By nature I’m a very open and honest guy. \ [/QUOTE] Go with your nature. You’re not a player, and you don’t want a woman who wants a player. ---
**Author:** ![Li\_l\_Pluck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee59a6/32.png) [@Li\_l\_Pluck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Li_l_Pluck)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/30 "2007-08-10T12:06:57Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] For a girl and _me._ Why are people not using such a fine word? It has purpose. [/QUOTE] I notice that, too. You know that just-sucked-on-a-lemon feeling? Yeah, that’s me. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/31 "2007-08-10T13:02:00Z")
JoeSki, congrats on landing the job… is this the one you interviewed for during the Dopefest? And good luck with the young lady, whichever way you decide to go. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/32 "2007-08-10T13:04:34Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] For a girl and _me._ Why are people not using such a fine word? It has purpose. [/QUOTE] Don’t get me started. “Would you say ‘for I’?? Then why are you saying ‘for a girl and I’?” and the like run through my head so many times a day already. :mad: Anyhoo, I would agree with **twickster** – be up-front about using the coupons. It’s a nice segue into talking about how much you like your job, which is a positive conversation to have. ---
**Author:** ![Lunar\_Saltlick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/977dab/32.png) [@Lunar\_Saltlick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lunar_Saltlick)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/33 "2007-08-10T13:23:50Z")
I wouldn’t use 'em on a first, second or third date. Just doesn’t sit right, and as \*\*Sam I Am \*\* mentions above, it has the effect of turning it into a non-date. If that’s a helpful strategy, however, go for it. On the whole, though, coupons at swank places, I dunno… Oh, I like a good quality restaurant, y’know? Slip the mater dee a buck to get a good table, get some advice from the Somalian wine guy (why are they all from Somalia, those guys?), shovel some es-car-gots down the ol’ trap and, why, yes, gar-kon, I’d like to pay with coupons. (I’m sorry. I’m having a bad day already. I’m an ass. Ignore me.) ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/34 "2007-08-10T16:02:48Z")
[QUOTE=Lunar Saltlick] the Somalian wine guy (why are they all from Somalia, those guys?), [/QUOTE] It’s Somalier, you cretin. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![JoeSki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b487fb/32.png) [@JoeSki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoeSki)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/35 "2007-08-10T16:55:56Z")
[QUOTE=Sam I Am] the main reason I can think of for not using **twickster’s** advice for the first date, is it could put the recipient in the position of thinking “is this really a date? or did he just ask me because he didn’t want to go to a fancy restaurant alone?”. I think it’s much better for a second date. [/QUOTE] Perhaps if there’s no other communication past the invite itself :dubious:. Between body language and the type of questions I’d be asking, I imagine she would pick up a hint of my intentions. Or if not, that’s where the upfront and honest thing would come in at. If things are going well, one of us are bound to say something along the lines of “Oooooh, heeey _that’s_ funny. I _like you_.” [QUOTE=Li’l Pluck] I notice that, too. You know that just-sucked-on-a-lemon feeling? Yeah, that’s me. [/QUOTE] Why would I call a dehydrated grape a girl? Yeah, I don’t know why I chose “date” over “girl”. One seemed just as good as the other. [QUOTE=ShibbOleth] JoeSki, congrats on landing the job… is this the one you interviewed for during the Dopefest? And good luck with the young lady, whichever way you decide to go. [/QUOTE] Oh man, don’t even get me started on that interview. Or the one after it. Or still, the one before either of the two…with the same company (Sears). For what amounted to be an _eight dollar an hour job_. At the end of it all, they told me that they really liked me, and wanted to hire me, but the only job they could offer me that paid what I was looking for was a sales position in the electronics department. But they _really really_ liked me, and wanted me working there, so all three of my interviewers would put in a good word for me with the manager of the electronics department and she’d call me back in a weeks time or so. And she never did. Well good riddance. You know I waited for an average of forty minutes for each one of those interviews? All that time money and gas spent… So my sister suggested I get a job with Expedia since they were hiring concierges. I looked into it and it turned out to be a pretty nice little position. I’m left alone by myself with an open online connection, I have a chair to sit in, I’m allowed to read a book when things settle down, and I actually really like selling what I get commission off of: Restaurants and tickets to attractions. And the people you sell to _like you_, which isn’t something you can say about most sales jobs. And so do the regular resort employees. Just the other day I was invited to dig through a huge bag of tokens they kept behind the counter. Since business had come to a total halt, I started playing air hockey with guests hanging out in the arcade for a good fifteen minutes. Only downside was that I had to move out to Kissimmee for it, which I don’t think is as fun as Orlando. But I’ll deal. [QUOTE=Lunar Saltlick] I wouldn’t use 'em on a first, second or third date. Just doesn’t sit right, and as \*\*Sam I Am \*\* mentions above, it has the effect of turning it into a non-date. If that’s a helpful strategy, however, go for it. On the whole, though, coupons at swank places, I dunno… [/QUOTE] If I really don’t think she knows where I’m coming from, I’ll outright use the word “date”, in the context of “Yes! I was thinking of this as a \_\_\_\_\_!”. Problem solved, albeit perhaps not in the smoothest of ways. Still, I’d just assume be blunt and honest as opposed to smooth and incomprehensible. And I’m a college student dating other college students. I think the people here in this thread are right, they should jibe with the cheapness. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/36 "2007-08-10T17:02:25Z")
Or sommelier? (oops, nitpick there). I liked that “Somalia” joke, though. 🙂 Yes, I say use the coupons, but probably better be fairly honest with the girl that you are doing so. Somehow, I’m getting the feeling that you would be at least as concerned about the “false appearances” aspect as you would be about the supposed meanness of using the coupons. You both get a nice dinner and your girlfriend doesn’t need to feel worried and bad that you may have spent more than you can afford. All happy happy joy joy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lunar\_Saltlick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/977dab/32.png) [@Lunar\_Saltlick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lunar_Saltlick)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/37 "2007-08-10T17:30:15Z")
[QUOTE=JoeSki] …And I’m a college student dating other college students. I think the people here in this thread are right, they should jibe with the cheapness. [/QUOTE] Well, if you’re a student and she’s a student, I guess that changes the dynamic somewhat. Student life is coupon heaven, as I recall it. As a student, you can even stay a night in the Ritz, and next morning pay with those coupons whose fine print says “Monetary value 1/1000 of a cent.” ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/38 "2007-08-10T17:48:07Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] For a girl and _me._ Why are people not using such a fine word? It has purpose. [/QUOTE] **Spiff** is also a very fine word! ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2007, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030/39 "2007-08-10T17:51:36Z")
[QUOTE=ivylass] I’ve brought leftovers home from a business dinner to share with the family…after all, I came home late, the least I can do is share my yummy dessert with everyone. (No, it’s not with clients, it’s either with co-workers or vendors, and no, I wasn’t the only one doing it, so don’t hop on your professional high horse with me, missy!) [/QUOTE] Hey, the vendors bring us lunch at least twice a month. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had deli sandwiches for dinner (and breakfast the next day!). Good times. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-it-wrong-to-use-the-spiffs-my-job-offers-on-a-date/415030.md?page=1)