# Is masturbation cheating? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 1, 2001, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298 "2001-12-01T11:27:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2001, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/21 "2001-12-02T10:37:44Z")
My husband masturbates quite frequently. I only mind when he leaves a porn tape in the VCR (especially one of the unlabelled ones. Grr!) or if he uses my sex toys. ---
**Author:** ![jaimest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/48db29/32.png) [@jaimest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaimest)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2001, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/22 "2001-12-02T11:33:38Z")
I masturbate and currently have no significant other (big damn shock ther eh?). Now if I were to meet a nice girl, hit it off, and make wild passionate love to her on a Friday night…I would be cheating on me right? After all I was rather seriously involved with myself when she entered the picture! Well that makes no sense, but that’s the same logic that would say that a married or otherwise attached guy who masturbates is a “cheater”? At least thats how I see it. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2001, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/23 "2001-12-02T11:35:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OpalCat \* > \*\*My husband masturbates quite frequently. I only mind when he leaves a porn tape in the VCR (especially one of the unlabelled ones. Grr!) or if he uses my sex toys. \*\* Uses one of my sex toys? Ewe… too much information…😉 ---
**Author:** ![MrO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/50afbb/32.png) [@MrO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrO)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2001, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/24 "2001-12-02T13:03:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chupacabra \* > **As Phil Donahue once said, “99% of men in America masturbate and the other 1% are lying”.** An old guy I used to work with used to say that there were two kinds of liars when it came to masturbation: those who claimed they never did, and those who claimed they used to but they quit. ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2001, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/25 "2001-12-02T15:21:08Z")
IMNSHO, it’s not cheating. But I will say I was uncomfortable with it for most of my life. If the man I was involved with did it I always it was because I wasn’t enough for him. Or that he didn’t desire me. In the past few years I have started to understand I was wrong. Again IMNSHO I think there are times when people want an orgasm without having to worry about pleasing anyone but themselves. It was always hard for me to do it because of the guilt afterward. (It still is sometimes.) And because unless I’m so horney that I’m going nuts and there is no hope of _getting some_ right away, (because hubby is at work or not feeling well or whatever) it’s just not worth it for me. Even then the guilt eats at me. I like contact with another person, feeling skin on skin. And kissing, I like kissing. You can’t kiss if you are alone. And just the whole emotional connection to my spouse makes making love with him much better than masturbation. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2001, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/26 "2001-12-02T15:53:54Z")
> [@](#): > > Yes, if you are masturbating someone besides your partner that would not be fair to your partner. \*\* You can FONDLE someone else, I’d even say you could JERK OFF someone else, but I don’t think you can MASTURBATE someone else, by definition. Any language purists out there willing to spout off about masturbation? Bill Clinton, if you’re one of the dopers, could you provide some of your world-renowned expertise in this area? ---
**Author:** ![RedFury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ec9cab/32.png) [@RedFury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedFury)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2001, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/27 "2001-12-02T21:59:34Z")
I think the foundatiuon for any healthy relationship is honesty. As long as your are honest about anything you do, whether it’s masturbating, cyber, phone, or any other fantasy you’d like to see come true, nothing wrong with it. It’s sex, its fun, no one gets hurt as long as you both agree. Problems start when you can’t reconcile the agendas – or won’t even try to. ---
**Author:** ![ejolen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce7236/32.png) [@ejolen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ejolen)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2001, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/28 "2001-12-02T23:42:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RedFury \* > **I think the foundatiuon for any healthy relationship is honesty. As long as your are honest about anything you do, whether it’s masturbating, cyber, phone, or any other fantasy you’d like to see come true, nothing wrong with it. It’s sex, its fun, no one gets hurt as long as you both agree.** Bingo! Whatever you’re into, masturbating, three-way, porn, farm animals, whatever- the point is honesty, understanding, and that neither partners’ feelings are being slighted. Now as far as cheating and masturbation goes, the very idea is irrational. Unless you’re really good at it, you’re masturbating to something unspeakable, or because you’re so good at it you leave out your partner. You know there is something I’ve been meaning to do today… Back in a flash! ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2001, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/29 "2001-12-02T23:59:53Z")
Of course not! That said, I will say this: I don’t appreciate it when he does it so consistently that he depletes his sexual interest, and becomes less likely to want to have sex with me. That bugs me. ---
**Author:** ![Jen\_Jen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eada6e/32.png) [@Jen\_Jen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jen_Jen)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2001, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/30 "2001-12-03T06:13:40Z")
Masturbation is not cheating… I masturbate, my SO masturbates, we have fun together, everyone’s happy. Plus masturbation can be personal, most of the time it has nothing to with him and everything to do with me. One thing I have thought about though is why don’t more girls masturbate? I am 22 and have masturbated for almost as long as I can remember. Whenever the topic comes up amongst girlfriends, no one admits anything, I’m the only one! What’s up?! ---
**Author:** ![Palve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a698b9/32.png) [@Palve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palve)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2001, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/31 "2001-12-03T06:39:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Torgo \* > \*\*It may not be cheating but according to Sister Joachim, my childhood Catechism teacher, it’s mass murder. Every little sperm that goes to its’ demise (just so you can have a few moments pleasure) represents one potential human life. So that’s it, case closed. Everytime you toss one off, you’re killing millions of people. Hope you’re happy. \*\* Erm…if you don’t masturbate, the sperm die anyway. Either they are mixed in with urine or you have a nocturnal emission. If you don’t masturbate, it’s not like you’re going to have millions of children, is it? ---
**Author:** ![Major\_Feelgud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3be4f8/32.png) [@Major\_Feelgud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Major_Feelgud)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2001, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/32 "2001-12-03T07:18:44Z")
What if you are masturbating to a picture of someone real, like your co-worker, or her sister or her best friend. Now is that considered cheating? ---
**Author:** ![Major\_Feelgud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3be4f8/32.png) [@Major\_Feelgud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Major_Feelgud)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2001, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/33 "2001-12-03T07:24:07Z")
Let’s get technical here. Assuming you’re not going to have nekkid pictures of anyone, what if you were caught masturbating with a picture of your wife’s friend’s: face clothed full body shot extremities articles of clothing picture but with about 30 other people in it at a company picnic? Any of those considered cheating? ---
**Author:** ![SlickUSA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@SlickUSA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlickUSA)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2001, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/34 "2001-12-03T14:26:37Z")
What if you’re beating your meat while thinking about someone who is not your SO? ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2001, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/35 "2001-12-03T17:04:00Z")
SlickUSA, remember Pres Carter (?), ‘lust in my heart’ or something?..that said plenty for the times. ---
**Author:** ![GeorgeBushTheSecond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ccd318/32.png) [@GeorgeBushTheSecond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GeorgeBushTheSecond)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2001, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/36 "2001-12-03T17:25:53Z")
The guys who pay my bills tell me it works like this: If I’m doing it and thinking about Jessica Biel or Yasmine Bleeth, it’s cheating. If Laura’s doing it and thinking about Kevin Spacey or the Incredible Hulk, it’s masturbation. If Jenna’s thinking about doing it, she’s going straight to hell. Hey, and for the last time, I won. ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2001, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/37 "2001-12-03T17:41:53Z")
I don’t mind it at all in my S.O., and she doesn’t mind if I do. A good friend of mine, however, FIRMLY considers it to be cheating, and nothing makes her angrier at her boyfriend. I just don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2001, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/38 "2001-12-03T18:31:58Z")
IMO, there’s nothing sexier than watching my wife do a little clam digging…and I’ve been known to wash a few future presidents down the shower drain myself. No way is it cheating. Now, all this talk has made the blood leave my brain, and I gotta go smack the flesh ketchup bottle. ---
**Author:** ![Rally\_Vincent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c37758/32.png) [@Rally\_Vincent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rally_Vincent)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2001, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/39 "2001-12-03T19:04:12Z")
I am a married woman and I masturbate. Yes, it keeps the pump primed. I don’t know why people would think it would be cheating. I agree that if one or both partners is masturbating in lieu of dealing with problems between them, that’s not a good thing. If you weren’t in a relationship and you were masturbating, what would that be? would you rather find out that your partner was masturbating or that your partner was having an affair? (those are just rhetorical questions I thought up based on this thread) ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2001, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298/40 "2001-12-03T19:05:32Z")
**Major Feelgud** , I personally don’t think any of the things you mentioned are cheating. They might be _problems_, but IMO unless there is actual intimate physical contact with another person, it isn’t cheating. If my SO is masturbating to the extent that he isn’t paying attention to me in bed (and wearing me out as required :D), then, yeah, the masturbation is a problem, but definitely NOT cheating. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-masturbation-cheating/96298.md?page=3)