# Is MILF an insult or a compliment? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 9, 2007, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262 "2007-04-09T03:36:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/41 "2007-04-09T17:25:14Z")
It’s not in every case taken as a compliment. The whole “ILF” part of “MILF” makes it pretty damn explicit that the person using the term is sexualizing the person he is referring to. Many women are not complimented to find that men they are at best acquainted with are thinking about them in the crudest sexual terms. My former employing-entity had a sexual harrassment complaint sustained that included the male supervisor referring to the female subordinate (who filed the complaint) as a “MILF.” She was not complimented. As a woman working for the same entity, I had no problem seeing why she was not complimented. So I hope it goes without saying that even if you consider it a “crude compliment” it’s far too crude a compliment to use in a work situation. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/42 "2007-04-09T17:36:15Z")
I don’t know that I’d go as far as to call it an insult, but it certainly is offensive. There’s nothing wrong with a very young man being theoretically appreciative of the physical appearance and sexual attractiveness of a woman old enough to be his mother; properly and tactfully expressed, it could be extremely complimentary. “You’re a mom I’d like to fuck” isn’t a proper or tactful expression, however. Two of my brothers refer to their wives as MILFs and, while my sisters-in-law are unquestionably attractive women, I have to remind the guys that they’re misusing the acronym. For my generation, a MILF would have to be in her 70s to qualify, and probably would be more accurately named a GILF. In any event, I cannot think of any way MILF (or GILF) could be considered a compliment. ---
**Author:** ![Viridiana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Viridiana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Viridiana)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/43 "2007-04-09T18:32:28Z")
I find it icky. Same level as “highly fuckable” - I guess it’s a compliment, but…ew, stay away, creepy sir. So I wouldn’t want any of my real friends saying that to me, were I qualified. I find it demeaning and honestly, it makes me picture wrinkly but highly-made up bored orange county housewives with ‘pearl necklaces’ barking like dogs and grinning stupidly at the camera. _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/44 "2007-04-09T18:49:48Z")
It _is_ a compliment, but it is also crude and, yes, emphasises only the sexuality of ther person being complimented. I’m trying very hard to think of an actual sutuation in my life where I could use it, and I haven’t come up with one. To me, it implies “a woman between 30 and 50 who wears her age with health and grace and beauty, and doesn’t try to fake it or hide it.” I certainly don’t think it _must_ imply “older”, but then I am 43. The women people on these boards describe as ‘soccer moms’ I often find attractive, and many of them are younger than me. A woman to whom “MILF” could be applied would attract favourable attention from me… but I would probably never use the expression. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/45 "2007-04-09T18:55:45Z")
[QUOTE=Indygrrl] It implies older aged women. [/QUOTE] That was initially my impression, but the last couple of times I heard guys use the term they were older guys (40s-ish) commenting on hot young MILFS - say, at school events of such. Guys say all kinds of crude stupid things among themselves. I can’t imagine any guy actually calling a woman a MILF to her face unless he clearly was joking, or thought the lewd approach would get him somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![AngryIrishLass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bbce88/32.png) [@AngryIrishLass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngryIrishLass)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/46 "2007-04-09T19:01:41Z")
Judging from my guy friends, I thought the whole purpose of the MILF statement was only banded about in sophmoric conversation between them so they could, well, pretend they were more manly. Lately though, I have heard it spoken more to the Mom in question or at least said where she may hear it or hear of it (thankfully not by my friends, but by other, younger men). To me, it is almost as if they are testing the waters, looking for that stereotypical loose and lonely wife. I find it a crude, almost icky, compliment if there is not a relationship (long standing preferably). When said to me by my guy friends now, I take it at face value; in other words, thanks for the compliment but you had your chance before the “M” appeared. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/47 "2007-04-09T19:04:07Z")
[QUOTE=LifeOnWry] Methinks we need some less crude version of this - something between MILF and “attractive older woman” (unlike **indygrrl** , I actually am old). And what the hell, let’s come up with one for the guys, too. Saying “stone fox” probably shows my age, huh? [/QUOTE] I like [Red Hot Mama](http://www.jwa.org/discover/comedy/tucker3.jpg) (though Sophie’s pic may not be considered a compliment in today’s ‘Thin-is-In’ age). Or if you don’t mind a classical reference acronym that’s strained like Elvis after a 4 day Peanut Butter & Grilled Cheese Lock-In, I suggest the compliment "You’re a MATER- “a Mother who reminds me that Aphrodite was The mother of ERos”. Or blend mama with amorous to get “You’re mamorous”. For guys I’d just go with “He’s a total Depp”- a Daddy of Erotic Potential & Possibilities- or, if they’re old enough to remember WW2, “He’s a Connery” (no acronym needed). ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/48 "2007-04-09T19:15:12Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] For guys I’d just go with “He’s a total Depp”- a Daddy of Erotic Potential & Possibilities- or, if they’re old enough to remember WW2, “He’s a Connery” (no acronym needed). [/QUOTE] Don’t tell Johnny - but “Depp” is German for “oaf” or “fool” [http://dictionaries.travlang.com/GermanEnglish/dict.cgi?query=depp&max=50](http://dictionaries.travlang.com/GermanEnglish/dict.cgi?query=depp&max=50) Don’t know that I’d want to be referred to as a Total Depp - um, not that there is any danger of that in the sense you mean, anyway… ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/49 "2007-04-09T19:16:08Z")
Or, a MILF is now known, in honor of the [ultimate MILF](http://celebritybabyscoop.typepad.com/celebrity_baby_scoop/images/angelina.jpg), a Momgelina. [QUOTE=WordMan] Don’t tell Johnny - but “Depp” is German for “oaf” or “fool” [/QUOTE] Adds all new dimensions to “Kiss me, you fool…”. This is a DILF [Depp](http://www.freewebs.com/orlianddesti/uw_jd2.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/50 "2007-04-09T19:26:58Z")
I like Red Hot Mama, too 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2007, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/51 "2007-04-09T22:59:04Z")
[QUOTE=Dinsdale] That was initially my impression, but the last couple of times I heard guys use the term they were older guys (40s-ish) commenting on hot young MILFS - say, at school events of such. [/QUOTE] My friend and I had a semiserious debate on this issue. His position was the term was only appropriately used by guys in their teens, twenties, etc., to refer to women old enough to be their own mothers. I countered that the age was irrelevant, and that the “M” in “MILF” simply implied that the woman was _someone’s_ mother. In actual usage I’ve heard it both ways, but I think my friend was probably right— it seems a bit nonsensical to refer to a woman your own age (or even younger) as a “MILF.” In addition to being offensive, I guess, from what all the uptight, frigid bitches in this thread have said.¹ I’ve never heard the term “cougar” before, but based on the definitions offered [here](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cougar) I think I’d be a lot more offended by that than “MILF,” were I a woman. ¹ _Warning: May contain irony._ ---
**Author:** ![SurrenderDorothy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/surrenderdorothy/32/1221_2.png) [@SurrenderDorothy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SurrenderDorothy)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/52 "2007-04-10T01:12:12Z")
This may be naive innocence on my part But I’ve always seen it as kind of vulgar and kind of… watered-down, I guess. Kind of like “wtf” and “what the fuck” literally mean the same thing, but have very slightly different connotations. So it might be my… high-school-ness, but when I hear “MILF” I take it as, “hot older woman” or “hot mother” rather than literally “older woman I would like to have sex with” … even though that’s the literal meaning. Does that make any sense? And I’ve heard it used to refer to both young women you know have children and older women old enough to be your mother. So like, people have called my best friend a MILF even though she’s only seventeen because she’s hugely pregnant (and so obviously a mother-to-be)… and it’s the same for a girl who used to work where I work. She’s had a baby and so is a mother, but she’s only like 22. Before I had met her, when my co-worker was talling me about her, she told me the girl was “really hot. Like a total MILF.” … she, of course, did not literally mean (as far as I know) that she has any ideas at all about having sex with this girl… just that she’s gorgeous and has a kid. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/53 "2007-04-10T05:59:21Z")
Yea! I finally found out what MILF means! Go me! So??? The only place I’ve ever encountered the term is on this message board. And yeah, it seems to me that if you find wolf-whistles and staring at boobs insulting or discomforting, then you should get the same reaction from being called a MILF. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/54 "2007-04-10T11:21:00Z")
Yet another “crude compliment” vote. Are \*\*Projammer \*\* and I the only ones puzzled by this statement from **Largo62** : > [@](#): > > There are some women I might regard as MILFs today. But none for whom I had any respect. To me, that says: (1) “the people I respect and the people I would sleep with form mutually exclusive categories” (a sad state of affairs); and /or 1. "it is the fault of a woman if a man regards her as a MILF. " What, after giving birth you’re not allowed to look attractive? ---
**Author:** ![pokey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ebca7d/32.png) [@pokey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pokey)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262/55 "2007-04-10T13:04:22Z")
I always thought a MILF was a mother I’d like to fuck, not love to fuck. The thing about MILF is that I think it relies on the expected unfuckability of the person you’re saying it about, so it’s easy for it to be backhanded. If you’re talking about one of your friends’ moms, then I think it’s okay because your friends’ moms are still sort of mother-figures to you and you don’t expect to want to fuck them. But when you say it about just any woman who has kids even if she isn’t old enough to be your mom or you don’t know her primarily in her role of mom, then it’s pretty backhanded because it relies on the expected unfuckability of all women with kids, which is insulting. It’s like saying, “You shouldn’t be of any sexual use at all since you have kids but, surprisingly, I think I’d still enjoy gracing you with a fuck.” I used to work with a fairly unattractive guy in his 50s who would sit around calling women in their 30s MILFs and he had a whole classification system including gidilf which meant grandmother he didn’t want to fuck, which isn’t an even an acronym. At least he didn’t have anything for daughter I’d like to fuck. But it’s pretty irritating and insulting to be put into some category of sexual viability by someone who can’t even spell. There wouldn’t be any place on his fuckability spectrum that he could put me where I’d feel flattered. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-milf-an-insult-or-a-compliment/399262.md?page=2)