# Is My Boyfriend Crazy? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [December 19, 2008, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917 "2008-12-19T16:01:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![outside\_artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@outside\_artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outside_artist)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/1 "2008-12-19T16:01:24Z")
I have been dating a great guy for 6 months. He had had a circumstantial mental trauma a year ago, and he was placed on anit-depressants and a drug that helps his memory because he was so fucked up about the shit that went down in his life. He told me he recently went to a psychopharmacolocgist who prescribed risperidone and he is so amazed at how it has made him feel like a new man that I had to google it and see what it was. It is an anti-psychotic! WTF??? I am in love with this man and we were planning on getting married next August but now I don’t know. Is is standard operational procedure to apply these drugs to people who are not necessarily mentally ill, but whwo have certain symptoms that are cleared up by the stuff, or should I be worried…very worried? ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/2 "2008-12-19T16:06:15Z")
My current situation is clouding my answer, but I would be worried if you aren’t addressing him directly. Before you get married, make sure that you feel comfortable talking to him about ANYTHING. Don’t get married without being sure that this is the case, otherwise you will be stuck in a situation where you are not able to talk about anything. Hopefully, this is already an open topic with you guys and you are just looking for additional opinions. If not, go talk to him right now. If you are uncomfortable doing this, there is a problem. ---
**Author:** ![outside\_artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@outside\_artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outside_artist)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/3 "2008-12-19T16:10:38Z")
Oh no, no, I can talk to him about anything, it’s just that he does not seem concerned about taking anything prescribed by a doctor and I am just the opposite. I question everything they give me and I am doing so in this case, just on his behalf instead of mine. All I want to know is, do people have this medicine given to them for other reasons besides full blown mental illness? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/4 "2008-12-19T16:19:30Z")
> [@outside\_artist](#): > > I have been dating a great guy for 6 months. He had had a circumstantial mental trauma a year ago, and he was placed on anit-depressants and a drug that helps his memory because he was so fucked up about the shit that went down in his life. > He told me he recently went to a psychopharmacolocgist who prescribed risperidone and he is so amazed at how it has made him feel like a new man that I had to google it and see what it was. It is an anti-psychotic! WTF??? > I am in love with this man and we were planning on getting married next August but now I don’t know. Is is standard operational procedure to apply these drugs to people who are not necessarily mentally ill, but whwo have certain symptoms that are cleared up by the stuff, or should I be worried…very worried? Just a side note - depression is considered a mental illness as well as other more serious ones. It may even be a temporary thing caused by outside events that will pass and may never return, but it’s still a mental illness. That being said, a quick look at a [description of risperidone](http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/druginfo/meds/a694015.html) reveals that it is also used in treatment of depression, anxiety, mania, and bipolar disorder, not just in schizophrenia. I would suggest that if you’re at the point where you’re planning to marry someone, you really need to have a heart-to-heart chat about his illness(es) and any other problems that either of you might have. ---
**Author:** ![Martiju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Martiju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martiju)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/5 "2008-12-19T16:21:53Z")
I think it depends on what you define ‘full blown mental illness’ as. Psychosis is a form of mental illness, and this is clearly a medication designed to limit the effects. Equally, anti-depressants are given to people all the time - and are equally designed to limit the effects of that type and level of mental illness. In other words, I wonder if you know the answer but perhaps you want to know if this is something you should be particularly worried about? ---
**Author:** ![Keeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@Keeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keeve)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/6 "2008-12-19T16:22:07Z")
> [@outside\_artist](#): > > Oh no, no, I can talk to him about anything, it’s just that he does not seem concerned about taking anything prescribed by a doctor and I am just the opposite. I question everything they give me and I am doing so in this case, just on his behalf instead of mine. > All I want to know is, do people have this medicine given to them for other reasons besides full blown mental illness? Can you ask his doctor? ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/7 "2008-12-19T16:22:32Z")
Just because he’s taking an antipsichotic doesn’t mean he was yelling at trash cans and picking off 1st graders with a bb gun before. Just means his brain works differently from most other people and the medicine helps with that. Try thinking about the medicine as a prosthetic device. As long as he takes it he’s reasonably normal and lovable. That said, just as a prosthetic leg is only useful when it’s attached, the medicine is only useful as long as he takes it. And when you start feeling better the natural tendency is to think, “Hey! I’m well! I don’t need this stuff anymore!” The results are as predictable as trying to walk without that wooden leg. ---
**Author:** ![Keeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@Keeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keeve)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/8 "2008-12-19T16:26:09Z")
[Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Risperidone) says that it is prescribed for “schizophrenia … bipolar disorder … autism … anxiety disorders, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder … Tourette syndrome … disruptive behavior disorders in children; and eating disorders, among others.” ---
**Author:** ![Drum\_God](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drum_god/32/44_2.png) [@Drum\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drum_God)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/9 "2008-12-19T16:26:56Z")
I’m glad to read that you can talk to him about this, or any other, issue. Communication is important and not being able to discuss a medical diagnosis would be a red flag to me. However, what alarms me is that you seem to think that his having a mental illness is a deal-breaker. Mental illnesses are illnesses like any other. Suppose instead that he had diabetes. Would you second-guess marrying him then? Diabetes is a serious illness that has quality-of-life consequences. What makes mental illness different? You said that he went to a doctor with a problem and the doctor has prescribed a treatment that helps him feel better. Awesome. Support him in continuing his treatment as long as it is effective for him. If it stops being effective, help him find a new treatment that helps again. “In sickness and in health” and all that. Your tone and even the title of the OP has me more worried that your partner’s mental illness, which you say is under control. Count your blessings. ---
**Author:** ![outside\_artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@outside\_artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outside_artist)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/10 "2008-12-19T16:33:58Z")
Drum god, you make an interesting point. There is an explanation for my somewhat overly cautious approach to this matter. I buried my husband a year ago after a long illness. It was a horrible thing to watch all of the pills, treatments, and ultimately, dialysis be ineffective for him and to have to watch him deteriorate slowly and painfully. So no, I would not marry a sick man. I am sorry if I sound harsh but I will not knowingly do so. ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/11 "2008-12-19T17:07:49Z")
> [@Drum\_God](#): > > However, what alarms me is that you seem to think that his having a mental illness is a deal-breaker. Mental illnesses are illnesses like any other. Exactly. The problem is when people refuse treatment because they read up on their prescription and find it’s used for schizophrenia then decide not to take it because they don’t like the label. There is nothing particularly peculiar about a resperidone prescription and if it makes him feal better all the more reason to take it. This is a mild drug that is used for many things including schizophrenia but not only schizophrenia. ---
**Author:** ![Chief\_Pedant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@Chief\_Pedant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chief_Pedant)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/12 "2008-12-19T17:08:15Z")
You cannot make an accurate assessment–or even a reasonable inference–about his current mental state or his longer-term prognosis from his current medication(s). Many medications are used “off-label” which is a polite way of saying that their use is extended to uses beyond the ones for which clinical efficacy has been shown sufficient for them to become approved for that narrow diagnosis. This is not reassurance that he is psychologically normal, and you won’t be able to evaluate that from advice here, either, as you already know. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/13 "2008-12-19T17:13:07Z")
If you are going to question whether or not your gonna stick by him, it’s not a good idea to persue it anymore. Marriage is for better or for worse, it’s not “until it’s difficult or inconvenient for me.” If the guy had a heart attack would you say “sorry you’re not healthy for me.” I don’t mean it as a rap, if that’s how you are, but do everyone a favour, it’s a lot better to write him off now then later. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/14 "2008-12-19T17:51:20Z")
I’m not a doctor, but here are my thoughts. What is _crazy_? I suffer from chronic low-grade depression and certain chemicals help me suffer less and less-often. He suffers some other symptoms and certain chemicals help him suffer less, and/or less often. I can’t answer your question for you, but from where I sit his problem isn’t too much different than mine, just different symptoms. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/15 "2008-12-19T18:01:13Z")
You can’t categorize people into “crazy” and “non-crazy” that easily. Also, as others have said, risperidone is used for a lot of different reasons. Also, my son takes it, and he is a really wonderful person. You need to understand in detail what kinds of symptoms your fiance has, what has happened to him in the past, what may happen in the future, etc. Also, you need to know what other kind of mental illness may be in his family, if you are planning on having children. None of this should automatically prevent you from marrying him!! But it’s information you should know before you marry each other, just so you are both aware of each other’s background as fully as possible. You also have to be just as open about your own background. After talking with your fiance, making a visit together to whoever prescribes his medication might be a good thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![davekhps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@davekhps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davekhps)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/16 "2008-12-19T18:03:42Z")
I don’t want to chime in to comment on the OP’s situation, but the hypothetical judgments that others are discussing here. OF COURSE mental illness can _and should_ be a dealbreaker for some people. More so than other illnesses, in fact. If my partner/spouse has diabetes but with medication is able to live a normal life, then its not an issue. If my partner/spouse has a terminal illness requiring constant care, then yes, its an issue-- an issue of whether I am strong enough/capable of enough of being involved in a situation that stressful. Doesn’t make me a good or bad person-- only saints are, in fact, required to be saints. With mental illness, however, there is another factor that is distinct from physical aliments-- the illness can affect how my partner/spouse treats _me_. Even with medication, depending on the severity of the illness, a personality change can easily disturb, even destroy, whatever relationship two people had. Is it fair? No, it’s not, but then again, neither is life. But we’re not talking about a person’s appendages, their vital organs-- we’re talking about their mental outlook on life, their personality, their character, their very nature. ESPECIALLY if medication doesn’t return them to “normal.” Basically, “to each their own” I think is the appropriate response to the hypothetical. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/17 "2008-12-19T18:24:38Z")
I think what you want to explore is not “why is he taking this?” or even “what is the name of his diagnosis?” but “what is his long term prognosis?” I sense that what you’re really asking is “Can this drug be prescribed short term, for problems that go away, or is this a chronic lifelong condition that we’ll always be dealing with?” The answer is that his doctor can prescribe any drug he likes for any reason he likes - the aforementioned “off-label” escape clause. The doctor could prescribe, oh, I don’t know, penicillin for pain management. Does it make sense? No. Is it likely? No. Is it good medicine? Probably not. But the doctor could still do it. So none of us can tell you based on the drug what the diagnosis might be or if it’s likely to be a lifelong thing. Only he and his doctor can do that. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/18 "2008-12-19T18:32:43Z")
> [@Keeve](#): > > Can you ask his doctor? Even if she can, (assuming she’s in the US) HIPAA would likely prevent the doctor from answering meaninfully. ---
**Author:** ![Solfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Solfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Solfy)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/19 "2008-12-19T19:19:33Z")
I agree that a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend is necessary. He should know you concerns, and probably knows best how to answer some of your questions. If the medication enables him to function such that you wouldn’t have known he was on it had he not told you, and it continues to work for him and he continues to take it, is that a dealbreaker? (not going to open up the whole “what is the person’s real personality” can of worms here) What if he develops some other health problem, mental or otherwise, after you’ve been married for three years? My spouse had a clean bill of health when we married nine years ago. Three years ago he suffered from depression. It was hard on him, and it was hard on our marriage. He sought medical help and has been on antidepressants since. With the meds, he is the man I married. Without them he is withdrawn and tends to be a jerk. We’ve discussed the fact that he may need to be on them for life, although he would rather wean off them if possible. The choice is his, but I couldn’t stay married to someone who acts the way he did three years ago. I could easily stay married to someone who needs meds for life. The important thing is that he is willing to do what is necessary to tend to his mental health. Your boyfriend appears willing to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917/20 "2008-12-19T19:19:52Z")
The boyfriend could waive any privacy protections, if he chose, and just might do it if it meant keeping a wedding on track. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-crazy/477917.md?page=2)