# is my boyfriend gay or repressed? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 27, 2001, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411 "2001-11-27T01:07:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![pati12812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@pati12812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pati12812)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/101 "2012-01-09T09:35:38Z")
My kids dad, my ex…was indeed there for me, after my mom died. He stayed with me for days, helping me. One thing led to another, and I soon found out I was pregnant. I moved back with the ex, and tried my best to work in same office with Joe, but not rub it in his face that I was pregnant that quickly after our ‘immaculate’ relationship had ended. He eventually found out…and he was livid. We didn’t speak again…until after I came back to work after having baby. Well, I brought the baby in to show the coworkers, Joe had tears in his eyes. Eventually Joe and I regained cordial speaking status. Not long though after that, the company I worked for for 10 years (with Joe) sold. I lost my job. Things spiraled downward fast. The house of my kids dad, that we had refinanced when I got pregnant and moved back in…was quickly slipping into foreclosure. During these months, Joe had been coming around and paying me to do odd ‘design’ jobs for him…He loved hanging out with my young son Dillon too. Anyways, long stort short, Joe financially helped get me out of foreclosure not once but twice. The third time it happened, we got an offer to walk away, to avoid the foreclosure…and we took the offer. Joe in the meantime, did indeed find out the inevitable. his colitis had progressed into colon cancer. chemo wasnt an option…he had to have colon removed entire. Joe, was once again, pulling the ‘sitting outside waiting to speak to me 3 hours’ crap. This time it was tears and regret, he was about to die, and still no intimacy in his life. He told be he blew it, and would do anything to have me back. etc etc…it was uncomfortable and awkward. The doctors decided on a trial thing, to utilize part of the intestine and form a makeshift colon…whatever they tried it, it worked. Joe lived…I eventually left kids dad, for good. Joe, remains to this day, my best friend, and my pillar of everything. I needed a place to stay, when I left the kids dad. Joe offered to pay motel rooms weekly, rather than let me move into one of the 4 rooms in his empty home.Joe still to this day helps me financially, and emotionally. Hahaah, still no sex that I can see in Joes life. BUT, I did clean his house one day, and found bottle of prescribed viagra. (almost empty bottle) . So, I suppose he does indeed have ‘some sort of stirring in his loins’ but, I tend to think any and all sexual activity on his part, iis by himself. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/102 "2012-01-09T10:21:02Z")
So the update is that the relationship ended and he’s still not sexually active as far as you can tell, with the Viagra discovery implying that he’s not gay, but instead struggling with impotency issues. I have the worst case of SDMB blue balls ever. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Mondegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@Lord\_Mondegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Mondegreen)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/103 "2012-01-09T13:07:39Z")
> [@pati12812](#): > > And I will say this much, I am appalled at the spelling (and grammatical) errors I made ten years ago! For someone who makes a solid effort to always spell correctly, I can’t even believe those are my posts! But besides that, revisiting this thread is such a looking glass experience, and it is so cool! I hate doing this, but despite what you stated here, your latest post is not the clearest pieces of writing in history. For example: > [@](#): > > Joe in the meantime, did indeed find out the inevitable. his colitis had progressed into colon cancer. chemo wasnt an option…he had to have colon removed entire. Joe, was once again, pulling the ‘sitting outside waiting to speak to me 3 hours’ crap. This time it was tears and regret, he was about to die, and still no intimacy in his life. He told be he blew it, and would do anything to have me back. etc etc…it was uncomfortable and awkward. The doctors decided on a trial thing, to utilize part of the intestine and form a makeshift colon…whatever they tried it, it worked. Joe lived…I eventually left kids dad, for good. Joe, remains to this day, my best friend, and my pillar of everything. Sure, it’s slightly clearer than your OP ten years ago, but it’s still a mess. Disregarding the medical issues, this stuff is still going on after _10 years_? It sounds like teenage stuff, but according to the OP “Joe” is 52. However I’m in no position to judge anyone else’s life, so I hope you are happy. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/104 "2012-01-09T13:13:08Z")
I dated that guy…with a less/more happy ending. I dated and married my husband and had two kids (more happy) and I’ve seen my ex once since (I’m not sure that is less happy, its great that you got a best friend out of it - I’m pretty content with Mr. “You don’t really want to break up with me, I know whats best for us, my preferences regarding sex - or lack thereof - are the only ones that matter” out of my life.) And he apparently married and had kids, so eventually he had sex. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/105 "2012-01-09T13:53:29Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > 10 years is not fast. This is The Last Judgment of troll threads. > [@Rigamarole](#): > > It may very well be the most epic trolling of all time. > [@boytyperanma](#): > > both ‘yes’ and ‘no’ are really easy to type. you could have easily answered several posts ago but you’ve chose to keep leading us on. You are playing a game. You are leading us on, and this has to be the longest troll in the boars history. OK, people. While the unfolding of events here has been somewhat protracted and dramatic, accusations of trolling (outside the pit) are still against the rules. Stop doing it. **pati12812** , welcome back. You may wish to refresh yourself of our rules here; they may be found in the [About this Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=2) forum. Our guiding principle is “don’t be a jerk,” and while you haven’t, really, you do seem to have put some effort into stringing people along with your tale. Please play nice from here on out. **Ellen Cherry IMHO Moderator** ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/106 "2012-01-09T15:13:04Z")
I can’t help but think there’s some kind of message in a story about an asexual minor league baseball player with colitis. Like, a map to buried treasure! ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/107 "2012-01-09T16:06:26Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I can’t help but think there’s some kind of message in a story about an asexual minor league baseball player with colitis. Like, a map to buried treasure! I’ve read that _Asexual Minor League Baseball Player With Colitis_ was the title of _A League of Their Own_, but can’t provide proof (because I don’t speak Chinese). ---
**Author:** ![Renie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecae2f/32.png) [@Renie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renie)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/108 "2012-01-09T16:17:34Z")
Actually, the way I understand it, the medical community seems to think people with colitis only have a higher percentage rate of colon cancer becasue they tend to have colonoscopies more often…hence the cancer is caught more often than in people who don’t get scopes once a year (or more sometimes) as many colitis sufferers do. Anyone with active colitis that doesn’t see a doctor doesn’t deserve pity, There are drugs that can and do help, though none is a cure. If he was or is not even trying to help himself, then I can’t feel sorry for him. Also counseling with a dietician is recommended to figure out what you can and should be eating. The surgery to remove the large intestines is fairly common with this disease, and in no way rare or experimental. He played you on that one for sure. He was actually a lucky one that could reconnect with his smaller intestines doing the work of the larger, (my best friend from childhood had this surgery) though then you have what is called “short-gut syndrome” where your body digestes food faster, as it doesn’t have the (how many feet or yards) large intestines to go through. Some people can’t be reconnected for what ever reason and end up with an ilsotomy bag (sp?) and have the waste go into a bag literally attached to their side that needs emptied daily. (nice, huh?) Another friend of mine has that, and lives a very normal life…you would never know she has the bag on her side. I myself have colitis, and am a Catholic and in no way am I sexually repressed. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/109 "2012-01-09T16:19:33Z")
Heartless as I am, I started snickering when the OP said Joe was having his entire colon removed and then resumed that “sitting and waiting 3 hours crap.” Clearly, he needed better aftercare instructions. I find myself wondering whether the colon cancer story he told was ever true. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/110 "2012-01-09T16:32:10Z")
> [@pati12812](#): > > One thing led to another, and I soon found out I was pregnant. > > … > > Anyways, long stort short, Joe financially helped get me out of foreclosure not once but twice. > > … > > I eventually left kids dad, for good. Joe, remains to this day, my best friend, and my pillar of everything. I needed a place to stay, when I left the kids dad. Joe offered to pay motel rooms weekly, rather than let me move into one of the 4 rooms in his empty home.Joe still to this day helps me financially, and emotionally. So to summarize: she was fucking some other dude all along, but she managed to sucker “Joe” into supporting her without ever having to give it up to him. Cool story. ---
**Author:** ![pati12812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@pati12812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pati12812)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/111 "2012-01-10T05:23:52Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > So to summarize: she was fucking some other dude all along, but she managed to sucker “Joe” into supporting her without ever having to give it up to him. Cool story. THAT is actually not even close to accurate! I shall correct you! I did not start sleeping with my ex until the demise of my relationship with Joe! Secondly, Joe was not supporting me, I did indeed say he has helped me out financially…but that was long after we were together. And ‘helped’ is the key word here! Incidentally the ‘help’ was through loans, which I have paid back! ---
**Author:** ![pati12812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@pati12812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pati12812)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/112 "2012-01-10T05:28:20Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > Heartless as I am, I started snickering when the OP said Joe was having his entire colon removed and then resumed that “sitting and waiting 3 hours crap.” Clearly, he needed better aftercare instructions. > > I find myself wondering whether the colon cancer story he told was ever true. Ok the peculiar pun was unintended! And as for the cancer, I believe it was true. He clearly is a different guy now that his colon/colitis is gone ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/113 "2012-01-10T05:31:53Z")
It sounds to me as if Joe is mad as a hatter. **Tom Tildrum** , you should be proud! And, what is this “He is a different now that his colon/colitis is gone” business??? ---
**Author:** ![pati12812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@pati12812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pati12812)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/114 "2012-01-10T05:37:28Z")
> [@Renie](#): > > . > The surgery to remove the large intestines is fairly common with this disease, and in no way rare or experimental. He played you on that one for sure.. Oh wow! Haha, ya he had me thinking it was an uncommon and almost trial procedure! ---
**Author:** ![pati12812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@pati12812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pati12812)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/115 "2012-01-10T05:41:29Z")
> [@sampiro](#): > > i’ve read that _asexual minor league baseball player with colitis_ was the title of _a league of their own_, but can’t provide proof (because i don’t speak chinese). [color=“magenta”] hahaha ---
**Author:** ![pati12812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@pati12812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pati12812)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/116 "2012-01-10T05:47:41Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > So the update is that the relationship ended and he’s still not sexually active as far as you can tell, with the Viagra discovery implying that he’s not gay, but instead struggling with impotency issues. > > I have the worst case of SDMB blue balls ever. Not necessarily! The finding of the Viagra proves only that he isn’t completely asexual. It indicates that there is some activity in his nether region, but it doesn’t tell us what gender preference he has. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/117 "2012-01-10T05:48:49Z")
I never thought I’d say this but I’m feeling a sudden desire to campaign for stripped down black only post editors for people who prove they can’t handle the responsibility. ---
**Author:** ![pati12812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@pati12812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pati12812)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/118 "2012-01-10T06:12:14Z")
> [@Lord\_Mondegreen](#): > > I hate doing this, but despite what you stated here, your latest post is not the clearest pieces of writing in history. For example: > > Sure, it’s slightly clearer than your OP ten years ago, but it’s still a mess. > > Disregarding the medical issues, this stuff is still going on after _10 years_? It sounds like teenage stuff, but according to the OP “Joe” is 52. > > However I’m in no position to judge anyone else’s life, so I hope you are happy. WHOA! Ok, granted I am not a scholar, not only that it isn’t like I was writing for a shot at the Pulitzer Prize! BUT, holy cow! Let’s not go that far! I commented only on the blatant & glaring spelling errors, but I never said it was that bad! Sheesh! And what? The medical issues are over…and what sounds teenage after 10 years? There is nothing still going on after 10 years…except a friendship! No one said there was still anguish here! And yes I believe he is 52. And I am now 44. ---
**Author:** ![pati12812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@pati12812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pati12812)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/119 "2012-01-10T06:14:12Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > I never thought I’d say this but I’m feeling a sudden desire to campaign for stripped down black only post editors for people who prove they can’t handle the responsibility. Haha sorry! I usually only do that to post a reply when I have quoted a post! I will stop with the circus act then! ---
**Author:** ![pati12812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@pati12812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pati12812)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411/120 "2012-01-10T06:15:37Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > It sounds to me as if Joe is mad as a hatter. > **Tom Tildrum** , you should be proud! > > And, what is this “He is a different now that his colon/colitis is gone” business??? He is definitely out of discomfort…and it is obvious! That’s all I meant, no ‘business’. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-gay-or-repressed/95411.md?page=7)