# Is my boyfriend still attracted to me **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 13, 2016, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680 "2016-05-13T14:50:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/21 "2016-05-13T16:36:02Z")
> [@DrCube](#): > > Anxiety and depression (as well as some medicines for same) can really kill your libido…Which can make the problem worse, because next time sex is initiated all he’ll be thinking about is “can I do it? or is this going to be another awkward failure?” which ramps up the anxiety and increases the chances of just that. Huh. That doesn’t sound too unlike having PTSD. I suspect most sexual dysfunction involves some kind of performance anxiety that reinforces the same dysfunction. OP, it does sound like your boyfriend has ED or some libido issue he is too embarrassed to talk about. This is where you love him unconditionally, reassure him that you are there forever (assuming that is the plan), and tell him your suspicions instead of forcing him to come out and say it. Some things are just really hard to talk about. I suggest you approach this as a problem the two of your are facing together rather than a problem he has or something he is doing to hurt you. He really needs to understand it’s not his fault, and will probably need to hear that a lot. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_Hey\_Paula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hey\_Hey\_Paula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_Hey_Paula)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/22 "2016-05-13T16:37:26Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Maybe he needs some space? > > Really, 24/7? Might be a bit much. Even prisoners get time away from their cellie. Yes, if you are really, literally together 24/7, one or both of you needs to get a hobby. Or a job (and if you both work from home, take your laptops to separate Starbucks locations). ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/23 "2016-05-13T17:09:15Z")
> [@](#): > > No it’s more like; we just moved to a new state, no friends, we don’t know where to go out to. When we lived in the prior state, he was the anglerfish, while he was able to go and be with his friends, he hovered and came with when I saw mine. well, I’d suspect that is the problem. He’s stressed due to the move and the lack of friends. Nothing kills the libido like stress. However, the fact that you’re asking here instead of asking him hints at some deeper issue. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/24 "2016-05-13T17:18:03Z")
> [@Whatsthis](#): > > Weird things: sometimes in the middle of the night he randomly wants to do it. Literally, waking up at like 3am and try’s to do it with me. He can’t very well _choose_ when he’s going to dream about Justin Timberlake, can he? ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/25 "2016-05-13T17:25:50Z")
> [@YogSothoth](#): > > Ask him what his problem is, and don’t settle for “I don’t know” as an answer. Tell him how rejecting you makes you feel. If he cares about you, he should make an effort to correct his behavior or tell you what’s going on with him. Many men are oblivious to obvious sexual initiation, but if even a rock would see the signs if you’re walking around in your underwear and touching him. Something else is going on, its more than just him being oblivious. > > However, if it doesn’t work out, I’m single 😉 Is this really the best time to be hitting her up for her boyfriend’s number? You’re so insensitive. ---
**Author:** ![Me\_Billy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Me\_Billy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Me_Billy)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/26 "2016-05-13T17:40:50Z")
Men want what they can’t have. Never ask him for it. Sometimes say no you are not feeling good when he wants it (once a month). ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/27 "2016-05-13T17:57:41Z")
If you two are talking marriage, live together, move to the same city together, you should be able to talk about sex together. Sex is just sex. Talk to him about it like you would cooking and cleaning. Some chores have to get done. You both have needs it’s okay to honestly share with each other. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/28 "2016-05-13T18:25:15Z")
> [@Me\_Billy](#): > > Men want what they can’t have. Never ask him for it. Sometimes say no you are not feeling good when he wants it (once a month). Wow, so much misogyny in a couple of brief sentences. You’re seriously telling her to play hard to get and blame PMS? OP, talk to the boyfriend and let us know how it goes. You say together 24/7. Do you two not have jobs? ---
**Author:** ![DrCube](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@DrCube](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrCube)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/29 "2016-05-13T18:29:27Z")
> [@Me\_Billy](#): > > Men want what they can’t have. Never ask him for it. Sometimes say no you are not feeling good when he wants it (once a month). This is silly. Many men are still quite attracted to their girlfriend/spouse of any number of years. And many men are attracted to easy sluts. The ease or difficulty of obtaining sex is rarely going to affect someone’s level of attractiveness, except for a few guys who have some sort of fetish for “the chase” or “conquest”. I’d be willing to bet most guys agree with me. You could maybe start a poll. In fact, as far as I’m concerned, being willing (or even better: enthusiastic) to have sex with me is the #1 sexiest trait a woman can have. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/30 "2016-05-13T18:48:05Z")
Maybe he’s just not a sexual person. Just because he’s a guy and just because he’s in his 20s doesn’t mean he’s (insert character from a teen movie here). He might just not be into sex all that particularly much. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t like/love you, or isn’t attracted to you. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/31 "2016-05-13T19:11:18Z")
No. Without even reading the OP, the answer is no. Its always no. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/32 "2016-05-13T19:14:59Z")
> [@Whatsthis](#): > > An anglerfish, that’s cute. Not as cute as registering on a messageboard to spin a tale of slightly titillating romantic travails to a bunch of strangers in order to elicit their advice. That’s super-cute. C’mon, people. Edit: you know, maybe that’s not fair. The OP may not realize that we periodically have a rash of new usernames who do this, who come on to the board with a brand new story about their love life, complete with a few titillating details, and they tend to disappear pretty quickly, giving the appearance that they’re not on the up-and-up. The OP would be well-advised to distinguish herself from these sort of posters (or poster) by instead hanging out for awhile, participating in threads that aren’t all about her, behaving in a manner consistent with someone joining a community. If you then eventually spin your tale of slightly titillating romantic travails for us, it’ll be easier to take it seriously, once we know you. ---
**Author:** ![RedSwinglineOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a9adbd/32.png) [@RedSwinglineOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedSwinglineOne)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/33 "2016-05-13T19:35:20Z")
> [@Whatsthis](#): > > . So what’s going on?? I don’t think we’ll really get to the bottom of this without photos. Lots of photos. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/34 "2016-05-13T19:45:13Z")
Any chance he only performs well when he initiates? Cause that could be your problem, right there! ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/35 "2016-05-13T20:19:08Z")
Others have already said it, but it needs to be stated again: 24/7 is too much for many relationships. It would be for me, and I know that it would be for my partner. Also, watching porn/masturbating shouldn’t kill your sex drive, or desire to be with your SO. I should know. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/36 "2016-05-13T20:32:59Z")
He’s now a pod person. (Don’t fall asleep…!) ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/37 "2016-05-13T21:55:09Z")
> [@LionelHutz405](#): > > He is having ED problems. > When he initiates, it’s because he’s taken a pill. But at age 20? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2016, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/38 "2016-05-13T23:26:25Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > But at age 20? Maybe the OP has ridden the poor boy too hard. ---
**Author:** ![Chief\_Pedant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@Chief\_Pedant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chief_Pedant)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/39 "2016-05-14T10:39:32Z")
This situation will not change. If his diminished/intermittent libido is new, he is getting some elsewhere. If it’s always been this way, it’s how he is wired. Either way, if you are unhappy with the status quo, break up. It will never be different over the long haul. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2016, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680/40 "2016-05-14T14:32:51Z")
He’s bored of you and probably experiencing the quarter-life crisis. It happens a lot and I can guarantee you that pressuring him to spend more time with you (you already spend too much time together) will backfire. He feels trapped and has become apathetic. It really has nothing to do with you, FYI. Guys go through this. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-boyfriend-still-attracted-to-me/754680.md?page=3)