# Is my brother lying? (Money) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 24, 2015, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363 "2015-06-24T15:25:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/1 "2015-06-24T15:25:58Z")
My brother has had a string of bad luck recently, in the last 8 months he’s; [ul] [li]Had ‘someone’ take £200 from his bank account regularly and has had to wait three months for them to sort it out[/li] [li]Then he owed £700 to a credit card company[/li] [li]Not paid his TV license fee so paid £1000 before paying his rent,[/li][/ul] [ul] [li]Then he couldn’t pay his rent, so then he was in an altercation with his landlord who he claimed threatened him and so he had a fight with him. And now my mum had an email forwarded to her from him stating this.[/li][/ul] > [@](#): > > \*I need your help desperately. > > I fucked up and have got in debt with a dealer for 2k. I owe 700gbp rent to my new landlord and I only get paid 1600gbp this month. > > The 2k is from last month. He let me off so I could move out of that flat on T\*\*\* Road on the understanding I pay him this month on Fri 26.06. If I don’t then the next time you see me I will be in hospital with two broken legs and arms and nowhere to live. > > No one will give me a 1000gbp loan. I have applied with everyone and they won’t lend it me. I have even asked work for a 1000gbp advance and they don’t do advances. I have asked some of my mates if they can lend me 1000gbp between them as I can pay it them back at the end of July but they can’t. > > I don’t know what to do or who to turn to, I know I have fucked up. I feel sick I don’t know what to do. I have 4 days to find it. > \* I personally don’t believe him, I just think he hasn’t got any money and wants someone to bail him out, which has happened many times before, he’s 32, and I said to my mum that he needed to be cut off so he could learn some coping skills in regards to money, because he’s terrible at budgeting, I think, because there’s always someone to bail him out. My other brother went to lengths to find him a new place, and he didn’t want to move, and now all of a sudden, he’s moved out. What do you guys think? I said I’d ask you guys to see what’s what. I wish for lots of advice to impart to my mum 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/2 "2015-06-24T15:31:14Z")
To be clear, is he £2,000 in debt to a drug dealer? Or is dealer a term for landlord that I haven’t heard about before? ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/3 "2015-06-24T15:32:47Z")
Drug dealer ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/4 "2015-06-24T15:35:28Z")
If she bails him out, he will never learn. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/5 "2015-06-24T15:40:58Z")
This never works out. Owed debt to a drug dealer may get cleared, but I notice there isn’t a word about NOT BUYING MORE. Money thrown after this will only result in this person trying harder to game the system so they can buy more drugs and pay off the bare bones minimum debt to not get killed, arrested or thrown out of their apartment. Bottom line, the money most likely won’t get used how it should, there are no guarantees that he won’t simply use it to buy more drugs, and you will not ever get repaid. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/6 "2015-06-24T15:50:11Z")
Back in 1993, I was your brother (given the limited information, and making some huge assumptions). Giving me money was a huge mistake a few of my family members made. I did end up paying them all back (step 9 cost me some serious cash…), but giving me money did not help me. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/7 "2015-06-24T15:52:16Z")
What about non-monetary items like food, or clothing ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/8 "2015-06-24T16:03:15Z")
This was my sister, we helped her for a bit, nothing helped until she spent the better part of 3 years in jail. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/9 "2015-06-24T16:21:39Z")
Tell him to say goodbye to his thumbs ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/10 "2015-06-24T16:34:02Z")
I’m not saying this with certainty, but it sure sounds like he is an addict, which pretty much by definition means he’s lying. Before you go helping him out, read up about codependency. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/11 "2015-06-24T16:59:07Z")
I used to live with him, I’ll always remember when we both set out the bills right at the beginning of us living in a new apartment, and after 6 months, he was indebted again, not that I was perfect, but it seems to be a recurring pattern, is it fundamentally psychological, I mean, would him talking to a therapist turn this attitude towards money/responsibility around? ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/12 "2015-06-24T17:03:53Z")
If he gets his legs and thumbs broken and lands in the hospital, at least he’ll have a free bed and meals for a bit. Maybe they’ll also make him get clean. ---
**Author:** ![peedin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peedin/32/14095_2.png) [@peedin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peedin)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/13 "2015-06-24T17:15:58Z")
Just from the thread’s title, I answered “yes, your brother is lying.” I had one of those, too. My brother was always in some trouble (drugs, alcohol, stealing) and was always bailed out by my parents. Yes, he was an addict with a personality disorder. Those sorts of people never turn themselves around. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/14 "2015-06-24T17:17:19Z")
When I’ve been in debt, I found ways to earn money. In my 20s and early 30s I typically had either two full time jobs or one full time and one or more part time. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/15 "2015-06-24T17:32:35Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > I used to live with him, I’ll always remember when we both set out the bills right at the beginning of us living in a new apartment, and after 6 months, he was indebted again, not that I was perfect, but it seems to be a recurring pattern, is it fundamentally psychological, I mean, would him talking to a therapist turn this attitude towards money/responsibility around? Why in the world would he want to talk to a therapist? Talking to a therapist isn’t going to get him drugs, or get his bills paid. That’s what talking to mom is for. And it’s probably working for him, since you’re here posting this question. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/16 "2015-06-24T17:39:16Z")
“You cannot help someone by doing for them, what they could or should do for themselves.” I know this by heart because it was pinned to my bathroom mirror, (where I would see it every day!), for a couple of years. (I too have a brother!) But eventually it sunk in deep enough for me to live it. Maybe your Mom should consider something similar? It worked for me! Ask her if her children ever tried to manipulate her when they were children. (Yes, at some point they all did!) She probably didn’t cave to it then. Ask her why it was important to her, not to? She needs to exhibit the same fortitude now, and for the same reason. Only this time her son’s life may hang in the balance. Wishing your family Good Luck with this hard road you must travel! ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/17 "2015-06-24T19:02:20Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > Drug dealer She should just buy the drugs for him directly. Maybe even roll the joints for him, or help him inject or snort or whatever. Basically, he just wants someone to buy drugs for him. ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/18 "2015-06-24T19:10:10Z")
Based solely on the title of the thread, my answer was “Yes, of course he’s lying”. Having read the OP, I’d say it’s 50/50. But it doesn’t matter; nobody should give him any money. Give him 2 grand today, and the only thing that will accomplish is to let him know that someone will always bail him out of trouble. As he said, he fucked up. Now he needs to face the consequences. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/19 "2015-06-24T19:12:58Z")
How long of a high can you get for 2000gbp? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/20 "2015-06-24T19:14:18Z")
Asking for opinions so moving it to IMHO. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363.md?page=2)