# Is my brother lying? (Money) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 24, 2015, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363 "2015-06-24T15:25:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/41 "2015-06-24T22:12:12Z")
NM ---
**Author:** ![FeAudrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7feea3/32.png) [@FeAudrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FeAudrey)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2015, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/42 "2015-06-24T22:24:33Z")
Would a drug dealer trust this brother for £2,000 worth of merchandise? ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/43 "2015-06-25T01:58:52Z")
> [@Furious\_Marmot](#): > > Yet another person with addict relatives chiming in: > > Of course he’s lying. Words are free and easy to do, and sometimes they make people give you money. Writing an email is not any different than going through the couch for lost change. > > Your (and your mom’s) money will make him happy for a few hours or days, then he’ll be just as miserable and looking for more. Seconded, thirded, whatever. He is my sister, except without the spouse and kid dragged into her downward spiral. Except I think the money generally gets blown on her shopping addiction and she sticks to cheaper drugs. You can’t force people into treatment; my whole family has tried since she was a small child (before the drugs, but other stealing/poor judgment/risk-taking behavior/mental illness/behavioral issues were already apparent) ---
**Author:** ![Furious\_Marmot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dfb087/32.png) [@Furious\_Marmot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Furious_Marmot)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/44 "2015-06-25T02:25:16Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > … > As far as we know he doesn’t do any hard drugs, just Marijuana. I thought that stuff was as addictive as cigarettes. Nicotine is very addictive, IIRC moreso than pot. However, cigs are cheap enough that people don’t typically go broke buying them. It’s concievable that he’s smoking enough pot to wind up begging for money. But, given your suspicion that he’s hiding a more embarrassing problem, my bet is on other drugs, or gambling, or something sex-related. Do you know for sure that he’s still employed? His lack of money could result from simply getting canned for something stupid and not wanting to be ridiculed by the family. So he pretends to be in debt to a violent drug dealer. It’s certainly not good thinking, but it’s far from the craziest sob story I’ve heard. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/45 "2015-06-25T02:42:55Z")
OK - so far we have a) lying about the TV license fee b) lying about dealer because he only does POT (OP thinks) so WTH is he doing. Yes, he’s lying. Like a hound dog in the sun. Like a cheap toupee. Like a rug, son. And burning through serious cash whilst doing so. If there is any chance it is a drug problem, I like the notion of paying the rent for him but NOT giving him any money directly. Discussion of rehab sounds lovely as well. Added bonus, if he’s not doing serious drugs, perhaps the embarrassment of being a total asshat will finally catch up with him, if you can all keep a straight face. Definitely lying. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/46 "2015-06-25T03:47:41Z")
I don’t like the idea of even paying his rent. If you pay the rent, that frees up more of his income to pay the drug dealer. Of course, if you _don’t_ pay the rent, and he winds up evicted, where is he going to go? to Mom’s house, bringing his troubles (and dangerous drug dealer) to her place? To another family member’s place? Honestly, as tough as this is, tough love is the answer here. He can report the drug dealer to the police and maybe they’ll work with him to set up a sting. Dealer gets arrested, is (for a while at least) not a threat. I’m assuming the television fee (or rather, fine) is something he could work out with the authorities, to pay it off in installments - here in the US, you can usually come to a payment plan with the IRS for taxes, for example. Ignoring the whole drug dealer thing: why on earth is he living in a place that costs 700 a month when his income is only 1600? Neither is a huge sum - 1600 gbp is 2500 US per one calculator I tried - but with that low of an income, he should be finding ways to reduce his rent (roommate or whatever). One suggestion hereabouts is that you should only pay up to about 25% of your income in rent. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/47 "2015-06-25T06:19:33Z")
He is in the uk so methadone or suboxone are free, make him go to a nhs doctor and get on it so he won’t have withdrawal and won’t need the dealer. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![yawuntz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a5b964/32.png) [@yawuntz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yawuntz)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/48 "2015-06-25T07:37:39Z")
Food yes, money no. And change all the locks. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/49 "2015-06-25T07:59:13Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > Ignoring the whole drug dealer thing: why on earth is he living in a place that costs 700 a month when his income is only 1600? Neither is a huge sum - 1600 gbp is 2500 US per one calculator I tried - but with that low of an income, he should be finding ways to reduce his rent (roommate or whatever). One suggestion hereabouts is that you should only pay up to about 25% of your income in rent. If he’s living in somewhere like London, say, where the absolute floor for a shoebox studio apartment seems to be around 400 a month he may not realistically be able to go all that much lower. I doubt if rent is all that much of a contributor to this guy’s problems ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/50 "2015-06-25T08:24:27Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > I’m assuming the television fee (or rather, fine) is something he could work out with the authorities, to pay it off in installments - here in the US, you can usually come to a payment plan with the IRS for taxes, for example. If I’ve understood correctly, the narrative is that he already paid the thousand on the TV thing. He could TRY asking for that back, and working out an installment plan, but I doubt that would be successful. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/51 "2015-06-25T08:35:39Z")
> [@Furious\_Marmot](#): > > Nicotine is very addictive, IIRC moreso than pot. However, cigs are cheap enough that people don’t typically go broke buying them. > > It’s concievable that he’s smoking enough pot to wind up begging for money. But, given your suspicion that he’s hiding a more embarrassing problem, my bet is on other drugs, or gambling, or something sex-related. > > Do you know for sure that he’s still employed? His lack of money could result from simply getting canned for something stupid and not wanting to be ridiculed by the family. So he pretends to be in debt to a violent drug dealer. It’s certainly not good thinking, but it’s far from the craziest sob story I’ve heard. He definitely has a job, he’s a functional drug user. The email in the OP was from work. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/52 "2015-06-25T09:05:44Z")
Who the fucks asks their mother for money by email? ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/53 "2015-06-25T09:17:58Z")
> [@Dante](#): > > Back in 1993, I was your brother (given the limited information, and making some huge assumptions). Giving me money was a huge mistake a few of my family members made. I did end up paying them all back (step 9 cost me some serious cash…), but giving me money did not help me. Thanks for sharing that with us. Congratulations to you for moving forward in your life as well! ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/54 "2015-06-25T09:29:43Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > My brother has had a string of bad luck recently, in the last 8 months he’s; > > [ul] > [li]Had ‘someone’ take £200 from his bank account regularly and has had to wait three months for them to sort it out[/li] > [li]Then he owed £700 to a credit card company[/li] > [li]Not paid his TV license fee so paid £1000 before paying his rent,[/li][/ul] > > [ul] > [li]Then he couldn’t pay his rent, so then he was in an altercation with his landlord who he claimed threatened him and so he had a fight with him. And now my mum had an email forwarded to her from him stating this.[/li][/ul] > > I personally don’t believe him, I just think he hasn’t got any money and wants someone to bail him out, which has happened many times before, he’s 32, and I said to my mum that he needed to be cut off so he could learn some coping skills in regards to money, because he’s terrible at budgeting, I think, because there’s always someone to bail him out. > > My other brother went to lengths to find him a new place, and he didn’t want to move, and now all of a sudden, he’s moved out. > > What do you guys think? I said I’d ask you guys to see what’s what. I wish for lots of advice to impart to my mum 🙂 I’m so sorry to hear this about your brother. Everyone has a family member like this. If not an immediate family member then a cousin. Ours is just like your brother. He continued to lie and continued to take drugs and sell them. His parents enabled him entirely. When he didn’t want to work, he claimed he couldn’t find a job, so he lived at home and continued to take drugs. He finally got arrested and charged with possession and distribution of cocaine. He turned into a police informant to avoid jail time. After the group he helped get arrested, they found him and they beat the living hell out of him leaving him with a permanent disability. Fast-forward many years later, I’m sorry to say this is not a happy ending, he continues to lie and take drugs. Everyone in the world is at fault for his problems except himself and he has never admitted to having a problem and refuses to seek treatment. He has cut himself off entirely from the rest of the family and refuses to see anyone or communicate with him. What does your brother need? I imagine a strong intervention by professionals. I would seek their council immediately. I hope the outcome for your brother is not the fate for our “black sheep” of the family. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/55 "2015-06-25T10:46:20Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > As far as we know he doesn’t do any hard drugs, just Marijuana. I thought that stuff was as addictive as cigarettes. I’ve bought a lot of weed from many “dealers”. At least in my neighborhoods you do not get credit. Owing money for marijuana isn’t a thing. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/56 "2015-06-25T10:50:38Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > Psst…post 31. Slow typist here. Well done, Ninja! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Angry\_Badger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b38774/32.png) [@The\_Angry\_Badger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Angry_Badger)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/57 "2015-06-25T12:01:00Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I’ve bought a lot of weed from many “dealers”. At least in my neighborhoods you do not get credit. Owing money for marijuana isn’t a thing. I also have to wonder about the whole ‘broken legs and arms’ thing. That sounds a little bit Hollywood to me, and the (admittedly few) dealers I’ve known wouldn’t do that. Not because they’re soft, but because it’s bad for business. Much better to work out a payment plan and keep them coming back and buying from you than to commit GBH, risk jail, lose a customer and the money they owed. I’m not saying it can’t or doesn’t happen, but it seems unlikely to me. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/58 "2015-06-25T16:54:36Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > Do they have Whooshes in the UK? And don’t get me started on whatever “£” is!?! ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/59 "2015-06-25T17:04:37Z")
> [@grude](#): > > He is in the uk so methadone or suboxone are free, make him go to a nhs doctor and get on it so he won’t have withdrawal and won’t need the dealer. > > Good luck. Methadone for pot addiction would certainly be a novel approach to treatment. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2015, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363/60 "2015-06-25T17:22:26Z")
> [@FeAudrey](#): > > Would a drug dealer trust this brother for £2,000 worth of merchandise? Yeah, this part is really weird. How does he get into a dealer for 2 grand? Looking up prices, that’s probably around 2 pounds of the stuff. Are UK drug dealers really generous enough that he’s not going to get cut off well before that point? (Unless the ‘dealer’ was a supplier and he was dealing himself…but then how does he rack up all the other debts with that sideline?) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-brother-lying-money/723363.md?page=4)