# Is my co worker interested............? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 19, 2015, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340 "2015-03-19T00:06:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Rossiekerr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6de8d8/32.png) [@Rossiekerr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rossiekerr)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2015, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/61 "2015-03-22T22:59:21Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Our mileage has obviously varied. Most of the places I’ve worked have been paranoid about harassment charges, and I’ve known a couple people who got dismissed for asking a co-worker out. Dismissed for asking a co worker out? wow! did these co worker reported them after being asked out? ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/62 "2015-03-23T01:26:42Z")
> [@48Willys](#): > > As a happily married man, I do not get this. I complement ladies often. My wife & I are secure enough in our relationship to not get upset over this kind of thing. I am definitely not even slightly interested in “hooking up” with them. > > I have been asked out by ladies. I grin & tell them “I am taken, thanks for the compliment though”. I do not feel uncomfortable around them after that. > > As the brother of eight sisters, I often will compliment a lady if she is looking particularly good that day. Sometimes I can tell if one of my coworkers is feeling down. I often will compliment them on something, be it a task that they did well, or the way that they can communicate well with someone who is hard to deal with, or a pretty dress they are wearing that day. It can really brighten their day! Men, I compliment less often. > > As for the OP, I recommend that you first find out if he is taken, or not. In nursing, as in machine shop work, rings are not advised for work attire, or so I have been told. So looking for a ring would not be much help. If this takes too long, ask him out for coffee. The worst he can say is “no way Barnes66’”. Most men will be much kinder. Since you do not see him often in your normal work day, you need not worry too much about being uncomfortable around him. > > IHTH, 48. Remember how Woody Hayes used to say that there were only three things that could happen with a forward pass and two of them were bad? Same thing here. The minute you open your yap, you’re in a lose-lose situation. She might think you’re hitting on her. She might feel insulted if she disagrees. Like if she hates her haircut and you say “nice hair” she might get quite pissy. She might be offended by the idea of a man noticing how she looks. The best thing to say to any woman about her appearance is nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/63 "2015-03-23T01:42:09Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > Remember how Woody Hayes used to say that there were only three things that could happen with a forward pass and two of them were bad? Same thing here. The minute you open your yap, you’re in a lose-lose situation. She might think you’re hitting on her. She might feel insulted if she disagrees. Like if she hates her haircut and you say “nice hair” she might get quite pissy. She might be offended by the idea of a man noticing how she looks. The best thing to say to any woman about her appearance is nothing. That is straight up paranoia right there. Let’s just say a woman was offended that a man dare compliment her on her hair (Not that this would happen with in the realm of reality). What do you think is the worse that could happen? Do you really think said woman could go to HR and said guy would be subsequently fired? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/64 "2015-03-23T12:58:53Z")
> [@Barnes66](#): > > Dismissed for asking a co worker out? wow! did these co worker reported them after being asked out? I’d assume so. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/65 "2015-03-23T14:45:49Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > That is straight up paranoia right there. > > Let’s just say a woman was offended that a man dare compliment her on her hair (Not that this would happen with in the realm of reality). What do you think is the worse that could happen? Do you really think said woman could go to HR and said guy would be subsequently fired? Most women wouldn’t go that far but I can see it straining a professional relationship. I think any comments on hair, grooming, and clothing are best left to those of the same gender. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/66 "2015-03-23T17:02:15Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > That is straight up paranoia right there. > > Let’s just say a woman was offended that a man dare compliment her on her hair (Not that this would happen with in the realm of reality). What do you think is the worse that could happen? Do you really think said woman could go to HR and said guy would be subsequently fired? If a guy tells a woman (or a man) “nice presentation” there is clearly no issue. The difference is that the woman’s appearance has nothing to do with his professional interaction with her (unless she is a model or actress or something like that.) No one is going to get fired for doing this once. Keeping on doing it when told she doesn’t like it is another matter. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/67 "2015-03-23T17:37:24Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > If a guy tells a woman (or a man) “nice presentation” there is clearly no issue. Unless she just dropped some papers and is kneeling down, picking them up. “Whoa, nice presentation!” takes on a whole new meaning. ---
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/68 "2015-03-23T17:56:53Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I can’t imagine any man saying to a woman “So you did your make up today, you look good” without having ulterior motives. That’s not the kind of casual conversation one has without being interested. Good to know. I’ve complimented several coworkers of the opposite/my preferred gender in the past, just because I was pretty convinced they’d appreciate it, trying to make their day a little better. And i t seemed to work as I thought I intended it to. I was under the misconception that I didn’t have any ulterior motives, but now I’ve been told what my real motives were, I guess I’d better confess to my wife right now. ---
**Author:** ![Donald\_Rump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Donald\_Rump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Donald_Rump)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/69 "2015-03-23T17:58:41Z")
> [@Barnes66](#): > > Thanks everyone for your answers.However I am now more confused because some of are saying he is intrested and some of are saying he is not.I guess the chances of me getting rejected are 50/50. > > I really want to make a move so that way I know where I stand .The only thing I am worried about theawkwardness if he declines my coffie invatation. It’s impossible for you to know for sure if he’s interested based solely on the exchange you described. Hence, it is even less than impossible for any Internet person on a message board to know if he’s interested. I would suggest not fretting too much about potential awkwardness. As long as you leave room for an “out,” nothing should be too awkward at this stage. Leaving an out means: - Not presenting it as a “date.” Just, “Hey, do you want to grab a coffee this afternoon?” Not, “How would you like to go out for dinner and a movie?” or, worse, “Would you like to come over to my house for dinner?” - Invite him to a specific activity at a specific time. It’s much easier and less awkward to say “no” if the question is, “Do you want to grab a coffee this afternoon?” than if the question is, “Do you want to hang out sometime?” If you ask the latter question and the answer is flat-out “no,” that’s awkward. But if you ask the former question, he can always say, “Oh, I’d love to but I’m not free.” And then if he doesn’t bother trying to set up a different time to hang out, you’ll know he’s probably not interested. You move on, and you really haven’t lost face or anything like that. I would also advise remembering, not only do you not know if HE’S interested, but you also don’t know how interested YOU are. Presumably you feel some attraction toward him. But there are lots of blank spaces in your conception of this person which, if you’re like everyone else who’s ever had a crush on someone, you’re probably filling in with only positive traits. Finally, not to throw cold water over the whole thing, but in my personal experience it is a supremely bad idea to become romantically involved with anyone at work unless a) it’s a large enough organization that, at worst, you could arrange to almost never cross paths by getting transferred b) the other person is a temp or c) you’re prepared to leave the organization if need be. When workplace relationships don’t work out, things can become unbearably distracting, awkward, and complicated, and can basically ruin your work life. ---
**Author:** ![Rossiekerr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6de8d8/32.png) [@Rossiekerr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rossiekerr)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/70 "2015-03-23T18:47:59Z")
> [@Norse](#): > > Good to know. I’ve complimented several coworkers of the opposite/my preferred gender in the past, just because I was pretty convinced they’d appreciate it, trying to make their day a little better. And i t seemed to work as I thought I intended it to. I was under the misconception that I didn’t have any ulterior motives, but now I’ve been told what my real motives were, I guess I’d better confess to my wife right now. Lol did you commented on these women looks ? or were your copliments more casual like hair cuts, clothing etc.I agree with the other person. I woudnt tell a guy that he looks handsome or good because I woudnt want him to get the wrong idea unless if I fancy the guy. I would say something like "that shirt looks great on you "or "your hair looks nice"Most of the time I don’t notice or care enough to say something.That’s just me though ---
**Author:** ![Rossiekerr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6de8d8/32.png) [@Rossiekerr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rossiekerr)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/71 "2015-03-23T18:52:12Z")
> [@Norse](#): > > Good to know. I’ve complimented several coworkers of the opposite/my preferred gender in the past, just because I was pretty convinced they’d appreciate it, trying to make their day a little better. And i t seemed to work as I thought I intended it to. I was under the misconception that I didn’t have any ulterior motives, but now I’ve been told what my real motives were, I guess I’d better confess to my wife right now. Lol did you commented on these women looks ? or were your copliments more casual like hair cuts, clothing etc.I agree with the other person. I woudnt tell a guy that he looks handsome or good because I woudnt want him to get the wrong idea unless if I fancy the guy. I would say something like "that shirt looks great on you "or "your hair looks nice"Most of the time I don’t notice or care enough to say something if i have zero interest in the guy.That’s just me though ---
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/72 "2015-03-23T19:18:38Z")
> [@Barnes66](#): > > Lol did you commented on these women looks ? If “you look great today” qualifies, yes. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/73 "2015-03-23T19:46:14Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Unless she just dropped some papers and is kneeling down, picking them up. “Whoa, nice presentation!” takes on a whole new meaning. “Nice bottom line” :: eyebrow waggle ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/74 "2015-03-23T21:38:12Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Unless she just dropped some papers and is kneeling down, picking them up. “Whoa, nice presentation!” takes on a whole new meaning. I’m saving that for the day before I retire. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/75 "2015-03-23T21:48:39Z")
> [@Norse](#): > > Good to know. I’ve complimented several coworkers of the opposite/my preferred gender in the past, just because I was pretty convinced they’d appreciate it, trying to make their day a little better. And i t seemed to work as I thought I intended it to. I was under the misconception that I didn’t have any ulterior motives, but now I’ve been told what my real motives were, I guess I’d better confess to my wife right now. It is not how you intend it, it is how it is received. There are certainly cases where it would be fine, but if some woman said something similar to me (not that that’s likely) I’d wonder what was going on. If she said it more than once I’d really wonder. Being male I wouldn’t do anything about it except raise my eyebrows. While your motives might be pure, anyone who would want to hit on a woman at work would probably start exactly the same way. ---
**Author:** ![CaptainAmerica\_1987](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@CaptainAmerica\_1987](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptainAmerica_1987)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/76 "2015-03-23T23:26:16Z")
IT’S A TRAP!!!:eek: ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2015, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/77 "2015-03-27T00:54:01Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Our mileage has obviously varied. Most of the places I’ve worked have been paranoid about harassment charges, and I’ve known a couple people who got dismissed for asking a co-worker out. Yes, \*asking \*them out. Not, for \*going \*out. I suspect there was a complaint, rather than a coupling. Could be wrong, tho. ---
**Author:** ![Rossiekerr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6de8d8/32.png) [@Rossiekerr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rossiekerr)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2015, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/78 "2015-03-29T20:26:12Z")
UPDATE for those who care for it Well I started noticing that he wasn’t coming to work everyday for the last week or so.So I knew something was up in his personal life. Well today he worked on the floor I regularly work on weekends. (its not his regular floor) his face lit up when saw me .He smiled at me and seemed excited to see me.Then later on during the shift he was talking to the dietry aide and few of my co workers.Then he went in his office. I then decided to go and get soup for the resident then one of these ladies said that he hd just told her that the reason why he hasn’t came to work was because his girlfriend has been sick so he has been staying at home taking care of her.He looked tired and stressed out. I felt numb and disapointed now that I know that he is taken and nothing will come out it.Maybe I misinterpreted this whole thing because of my crush .Oh well to the next ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2015, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/79 "2015-03-29T20:42:11Z")
Sorry to hear that. Been following your story. Remembering back to the time, I just want to say: Crushes are great. Crushes are terrific! Crushes make the world seem like a wonderful and amazing place. It is. Yay you! ---
**Author:** ![Rossiekerr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6de8d8/32.png) [@Rossiekerr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rossiekerr)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2015, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340/80 "2015-03-29T21:45:54Z")
> [@jimbuff314](#): > > Sorry to hear that. Been following your story. Remembering back to the time, I just want to say: > > Crushes are great. Crushes are terrific! Crushes make the world seem like a wonderful and amazing place. It is. Yay you! 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-co-worker-interested/715340.md?page=5)