# Is my FIL an asshole, or am I overreacting due to Preggo brain. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 28, 2010, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098 "2010-03-28T10:35:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/61 "2010-03-29T06:25:51Z")
Yeah, he’s an ass. Tell him you’ve bought a huge insurance policy for the baby and if it dies you’re set for life. And you’ve recently rescued several of Michael Vick’s pit bulls. Really, just shock him into silence. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/62 "2010-03-29T08:02:56Z")
OK, so I voted for number 3. Yes, he was a jerk asshole for phrasing it like he did. However, his point might have been that the “supposedly” 24 hour observational care might be better for a baby, so there is not a single minute that the child is not being watched. At least in theory, should something horrible happen, a nurse or doctor could rush in to take care of the child. That is what has traditionally been the case. Now whether someone is actually standing nearby in such cases is another story, and I have to agree that the “new” concept sounds better, your FIL was only basing his idea off traditional care methods. Your FIL is still an idiot for phrasing it as he did. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/63 "2010-03-29T08:53:45Z")
Anyone who upsets **Alice\_in\_Wonderland** is a douche. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/64 "2010-03-29T12:06:49Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Well, I’m not much interested in picking a fight with the man. Really, hitting someone seems like a rather odd method to try to diffuse a situation, which is why option ‘A’ in the poll wasn’t 'You’re right - lay a WWE style smackdown on FIL." I am not in your situation, and you seem to be a sensible person who knows the best way to deal with the family dynamics. My advice wasn’t to diffuse the situation; it was to get him to stop. Two different things, and I misinterpreted it. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/65 "2010-03-29T13:32:52Z")
Frankly, being 5 months pregnant myself, I commend you for holding back - I’m not sure I would’ve been able to. He’s an ass, who really thinks it’s a grand idea to suggest to a pregnant women her baby is going to drop dead while still in the hospital? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/66 "2010-03-29T17:27:13Z")
> [@badbadrubberpiggy](#): > > Frankly, being 5 months pregnant myself, I commend you for holding back - I’m not sure I would’ve been able to. > > He’s an ass, who really thinks it’s a grand idea to suggest to a pregnant women her baby is going to drop dead while still in the hospital? My FIL, apparently. Regarding holding back - as many have surmised, this is not the first time he’s made obnoxious comments - if I responded every time he tried to bait me, I’d be spending all my time yelling at the man. I do thank everyone for their input and suggestions - sometimes it’s tough to know if you’re being reasonable, or if you’re blowing things way out of proportion. FWIW - I think for the time being we’ll continue with status quo - that is, see him seldom, grit my teeth when he makes comments, and thank my lucky starts that hubby takes after his mom and not his dad (well, this is a bit of a non starter - I wouldn’t have even had a second date with him, let alone marrying him if he was like his dad.) Hubby and I are in agreement that if the shit continues after Junior arrives, there will be a stern discussion or Junior will not be spending time with grandpa. I mean, I’m a grown up and if someone says something cruel or thoughtless to me, I can probably handle it, but I’m sure as hell not putting up with someone being nasty to my child. ---
**Author:** ![cmosdes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@cmosdes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmosdes)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/67 "2010-03-29T18:09:59Z")
> [@Gary\_T](#): > > Because she didn’t make the comment out loud to those who would be hurt by it. World of difference. > > It’s daydreaming-type wishing, not something that would ever be acted on, and it’s quite normal. > > You are taking this way too literally and way too seriously. Much more literally and seriously, I’m sure, than **alice.** Might I suggest that some perspective on the thoughts that cross people’s minds when they’re upset would be a good thing for you to acquire? Can’t say I’ve ever wished someone dead, so I guess I’m one of the abnormal ones. Thanks for the suggestion, too. I’ll be sure to give it all due consideration. ---
**Author:** ![BwanaBob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bwanabob/32/2985_2.png) [@BwanaBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BwanaBob)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2010, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/68 "2010-03-29T20:14:40Z")
I find it interesting how quick many of you go with the asshole option. I’ve found in my wanderings that it is the rare bird who is a deliberate asshole. Most people, assholes included, when they act or speak inappropriately, usually mean well or think they are being helpful. Is this the guy’s first grandchild? He’s in new territory just like you. See how he is once the baby is here. If he still repeatedly offends you, well then, the word might fit. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/69 "2010-03-30T00:11:17Z")
> [@BwanaBob](#): > > I find it interesting how quick many of you go with the asshole option. > > I’ve found in my wanderings that it is the rare bird who is a deliberate asshole. Most people, assholes included, when they act or speak inappropriately, usually mean well or think they are being helpful. Is this the guy’s first grandchild? > He’s in new territory just like you. See how he is once the baby is here. If he still repeatedly offends you, well then, the word might fit. Did you read the thread? He _has_ repeatedly offended her. From all I can see, he is a true blue asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/70 "2010-03-30T00:19:34Z")
I voted “asshole, but get over it,” but that’s not quite what I feel. If this behavior is typical of him, you should spend as little time as possible in his company. If not, give him a pass but be wary. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/71 "2010-03-30T02:43:08Z")
> [@cmosdes](#): > > Can’t say I’ve ever wished someone dead, so I guess I’m one of the abnormal ones. > > Thanks for the suggestion, too. I’ll be sure to give it all due consideration. This makes me giggle. Guy who takes an angry comment too seriously makes an angry comment because someone calls him on it. Newsflash: In your anger you didn’t even remotely logically argue against what was said. Just because you have never done something has nothing to do with whether everyone else has done something. And you still didn’t argue against the main contention that saying something mean to someone is worse than saying something mean about someone in an anonymous fashion. The former actually can hurt the person, while the latter almost certainly will never get around to that person. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/72 "2010-03-30T03:38:25Z")
Your FIL can be right and wrong at the same time. I’m not going to argue whether he is medically correct but this falls under the “no you don’t look fat” category. The best way to handle it is to point out that pregnant women don’t want to hear the words “dead baby” in a sentence… glares at FIL with one eyebrow raised and holding onto MIL for moral support. “Men”. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/73 "2010-03-30T04:42:58Z")
If he gets to you, stay away from him, at least while you are pregnant. I found it much harder to just filter out assholery when I was pregnant and it got worse as I got closer to my due date. It affected my health, so I found I had to just not be around certain people. You may find it easier to tolerate, but only you know what you can handle. Saying “I wish I married an orphan” is not the same as wishing ones current in laws to be dead, no more than saying “I wish I married a man who could dance” means that one actually wants to trade hubby in for a current day Fred Astaire. ---
**Author:** ![cmosdes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@cmosdes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmosdes)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/74 "2010-03-30T14:46:08Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > This makes me giggle. Guy who takes an angry comment too seriously makes an angry comment because someone calls him on it. > > Newsflash: In your anger you didn’t even remotely logically argue against what was said. Just because you have never done something has nothing to do with whether everyone else has done something. > > And you still didn’t argue against the main contention that saying something mean to someone is worse than saying something mean about someone in an anonymous fashion. The former actually can hurt the person, while the latter almost certainly will never get around to that person. Rather than continue this hijack, I’m going to smile, wave bye-bye to this thread and be done. If you want to discuss this further, start a pit-thread. **Alice** , best of luck to you with your obviously challenging FIL. Parenthood, starting from pregnancy, is difficult but also pretty amazing. There are always going to be people that will try to leverage your role as a parent, it is just unfortunate your FIL is one of them. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/75 "2010-03-30T16:47:04Z")
What an ass! I would see no problem actively avoiding him, at least while you’re pregnant. This thread made me think…why are people always trying to scare or upset pregnant women? They either give bad advice, or share the worst stories they ever heard about pregnancy/childbirth. Do these people really think they’re being helpful? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/76 "2010-03-30T17:12:19Z")
> [@WolfpackJeep](#): > > What an ass! I would see no problem actively avoiding him, at least while you’re pregnant. > > This thread made me think…why are people always trying to scare or upset pregnant women? They either give bad advice, or share the worst stories they ever heard about pregnancy/childbirth. Do these people really think they’re being helpful? Dunno - I do know that anytime I complain about something (sore back, huge belly, puking my damn face off) every woman I know who’s had kids gets a werid look on their face and goes 'AND IT’S JUST GOING TO GET WORSE!!!, MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Jesus - shut the fuck up bitches!!! (I don’t actually say THAT, exactly.) ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/77 "2010-03-30T18:56:04Z")
Bloody Hell, if my dad had said something like that to \*\*MrsDibble \*\*when she was gravid, I’d have had some very angry words with him. ---
**Author:** ![ready29003](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@ready29003](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ready29003)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/78 "2010-03-30T20:34:05Z")
He does sound a bit abrasive. That’s the annoying thing about relatives. When you can’t stand someone, you are often still forced to be around them. I spend less time with any relative that annoy me. And expect them to say things that annoy me and not fret over it. That’s who they are. As for that statement, he may have a small point. Would your baby be more carefully observed in the nursery than in your room? It’s not the most outlandish opinion to have, even if he expressed it rather bluntly. ---
**Author:** ![ready29003](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@ready29003](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ready29003)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/79 "2010-03-30T20:35:44Z")
Oh…and yes he sounds like a jerk. And yes, you sound like someone who blows things out of proportion. A great combination for your husband 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2010, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098/80 "2010-03-30T21:24:48Z")
> [@ready29003](#): > > As for that statement, he may have a small point. Would your baby be more carefully observed in the nursery than in your room? It’s not the most outlandish opinion to have, even if he expressed it rather bluntly. I don’t know: In room: 1 Mother, 1 Baby In nursery: 1 Nurse, 25 Babies. I think room may squeek ahead… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-fil-an-asshole-or-am-i-overreacting-due-to-preggo-brain/534098.md?page=5)