# Is my friend a perv? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 2, 2004, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151 "2004-10-02T04:22:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Duderdude2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@Duderdude2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duderdude2)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/21 "2004-10-02T19:42:53Z")
> [@Ruby](#): > > No matter what you may think, a 15-year-old is going to be flattered that an older person is making advances at them. A hormone-raging 15-year-old is not going to make the best possible decisions in that situation. In some states 15 years old is old enough to drive. If they have the capabilities to operate a potentially deadly weapon, they most certainly are capable of making sexual decisions. So long as it doesn’t interfere with my well-being, I couldn’t care less the outcome of their decision. I too was 15 at one point, and was fully aware of the consequences of my actions. In fact, I had an older woman come onto me (est. 20, 21), though I was not interested in her at all (mainly due to age). I felt it to be a rational decision and it’s certainly not one of the harder ones I had made at that age (whether sexually related or not). I’ll also add that I’ve seen individuals far older than me make worse decisions than most of my peers. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/22 "2004-10-02T19:42:56Z")
I don’t see a problem. She’s 21 and acting like it but since she’s a) female and b) openly bisexual, she seems to be catching more flak for it than a straight guy would. I don’t think giving a fifteen year old hickeys is that bad either but I’ve never really cared much for laws governing sex amongst the consenting anyway. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/23 "2004-10-02T20:24:26Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > I don’t see a problem. She’s 21 and acting like it but since she’s a) female and b) openly bisexual, she seems to be catching more flak for it than a straight guy would. 😕 I see where people have comment it she were a guy no one would think she was anything but a creep (well, I wouldn’t think that but that’s been the comments) but where has anyone given her _more_ flak for being female and/or bi? ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/24 "2004-10-02T20:38:57Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > b) openly bisexual, she seems to be catching more flak for it than a straight guy would. This one I have to disagree with. If it were a guy around here he’d prolly catch a black eye as well as universal scorn.Whereas people seem to be either titillated by or indifferent to her actions. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/25 "2004-10-02T20:45:34Z")
> [@](#): > > She’s 21 and is very attractive, she’s like five-foot-nothing and petite, so she looks younger than 21.\*\* Oh BTW she’s bi-sexual \*\* and likes 'em young.I overheard a conversation between her and a 15 yr old girl. Apparently she gave the 15yr old a few hickeys. **Oh and when she’s in my car she’ll whistle at young females**. If it were a male friend doing this, he’d be labeled a “Chester” and would’nt be my friend for long. IYHO is she pervy? I think she is. Those highlighted sections of your post are unneccesary except to draw attention to the fact that she’s bi and it seems to me that you were trying to draw undue attention to it. Just my opinion though. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/26 "2004-10-02T22:42:18Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > Those highlighted sections of your post are unneccesary except to draw attention to the fact that she’s bi and it seems to me that you were trying to draw undue attention to it. > > Just my opinion though. 😕 Now I’m really confused. The post itself is about her and her sexual behavior…how do you get around noting her sexual orientation? Part and parcel. And the part about whistling at girls was part of noting her "pervy’ behaviour. How is that undue? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/27 "2004-10-02T23:14:58Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > That’s not pedophilia. It’s barely even ephebophilia. It’s just breaking a law. Right. It’s not being a “perv” it’s being a “criminal”. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/28 "2004-10-02T23:21:39Z")
Whistling at 15 year olds is fine. When I was 15 I loved thinking I was attractive to “adults”. The hickeys I’m not sure about. For a 15 year old it’s like a badge of honor. They love getting “caught” with a hickey. The fact that your friend “likes 'em _young_” is potentially creepy. Will she always like girls who are six years younger? Not a problem. Will she always like 15 year olds? That’s creepy. I guess in other words, does she like 'em younger, or _young_? Man, if there were no people who liked 'em younger, I’d have never gotten laid my entire life. Well, except in high school. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/29 "2004-10-02T23:31:15Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > Those highlighted sections of your post are unneccesary except to draw attention to the fact that she’s bi and it seems to me that you were trying to draw undue attention to it. > > Just my opinion though. No. Mentioning someone is bisexual in a question about their sexuality is perfectly normal and isn’t undue attention. Saying otherwise is being oversensitive. And to the OP: yes, she’s pretty pervy. 15 and 21 just ain’t cool. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/30 "2004-10-02T23:56:10Z")
Wait, _you’re_ accusing \*me \*of being oversensitive? That’s, well … I don’t even know where to begin so I won’t. **Betenoir** , I think the post could have been made without the issue of her being bi pointed out. While I admit the second portion of the OP I highlighted is innocuous and didn’t deserve any comment, the first one just seemed too out there. Almost as if he were saying “and as if that wasn’t bad enough, she’s _bi_”. I am not intending to attack the OP or anyone else in this thread by my comments… I am just stating my own opinions in regards to the situation and how the OP was worded. In retrospect, my own reply could have been worded better as well. Nothing more was intended. ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2004, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/31 "2004-10-02T23:58:02Z")
> [@Tony Montana](#): > > She’s 21 and is very attractive, she’s like five-foot-nothing and petite, so she looks younger than 21. Oh BTW she’s bi-sexual and likes 'em _young_.I overheard a conversation between her and a 15 yr old girl. Apparently she gave the 15yr old a few hickeys.Oh and when she’s in my car she’ll whistle at young females. If it were a male friend doing this, he’d be labeled a “Chester” and would’nt be _my_ friend for long. IYHO is she pervy? I think she is. SInce my name _is_ Chester, should I take offense at this? Just curious ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/32 "2004-10-03T00:00:12Z")
Another vote for creepy. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/33 "2004-10-03T00:17:40Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > Wait, _you’re_ accusing _me_ of being oversensitive? That’s, well … I don’t even know where to begin so I won’t. 😃 That’s pretty funny. ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/34 "2004-10-03T00:24:04Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > Almost as if he were saying “and as if that wasn’t bad enough, she’s _bi_”. I re-read my OP and I’m not getting that, and certainly didn’t mean it that way. Bill O’Reilly/ Am I wrong people?Lets let them decide. /Bill O’Reilly ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/35 "2004-10-03T00:54:38Z")
> [@Tony Montana](#): > > This one I have to disagree with. If it were a guy around here he’d prolly catch a black eye as well as universal scorn.Whereas people seem to be either titillated by or indifferent to her actions. I freely admit that it is a double standard, but it is for this one practical reason: the 15 year old girl isn’t going to be impregnated by another female. ---
**Author:** ![CBCD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@CBCD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBCD)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/36 "2004-10-03T01:46:09Z")
I am the mother of a 15 year old girl. What your friend is doing is wrong, creepy, and illegal. Perhaps your friend is going through a phase of ‘youthful exuberance’ in coming to terms with her sexuality. Maybe she’s testing limits. She can do what she wants with other 21 year olds. When it comes to minors, that’s a different ball game. A fifteen year old girl is a child. Society can be pretty harsh, and rightly so, on an adult who makes sexual advances to a child. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/37 "2004-10-03T02:50:31Z")
> [@Blalron](#): > > I freely admit that it is a double standard, but it is for this one practical reason: the 15 year old girl isn’t going to be impregnated by another female. I completely disagree. If this is right, then it’s okay for an adult man who is sterile to go for a 15-year-old. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2004, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/38 "2004-10-03T16:33:45Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > **Betenoir** , I think the post could have been made without the issue of her being bi pointed out. While I admit the second portion of the OP I highlighted is innocuous and didn’t deserve any comment, the first one just seemed too out there. Almost as if he were saying “and as if that wasn’t bad enough, she’s _bi_”. Not really, because people would be wondering “wtf, why is she whistling at teenage girls?” It also makes the distinction that apparently she’s not also doing this to teenage boys, even though she’s bi, ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/39 "2004-10-04T11:34:00Z")
I wouldn’t call her “pervy” because it is natural to be attracted to people who are physically sexually mature. Because her behavior goes beyond mere attraction, however, she is definately innappropriate. I would say the same about a 21 year old of either sex or sexual persuasion behaving so to any 15 year old, BTW. Creepy and predatory. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2004, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151/40 "2004-10-04T13:55:07Z")
I think its kind of messed up because she is in a position to get close to 15-year olds (since her size makes her possibly resemble someone of that age) and takes advantage of it. Also, while I am confident most Dopers would exert common sense in this situation (which they have mostly demonstrated in this thread) I can’t help but be concerned that this would go under the radar for most people because she is a girl. I used to like a girl that was only 3 years younger than me, and I caught all kinds of flack for it. Gender stereotyping sucks. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-a-perv/267151.md?page=3)