# Is my friend hitting on me, messing with me, or are men just getting more comfortable w/ each other? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 4, 2014, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788 "2014-08-04T14:27:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/41 "2014-08-05T00:09:03Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Anecdotal observations and personal conclusions warning issued: > > These kids I’m describing aren’t gay. At least most of them are not. They are playing a game which seems exactly the one the OP describes. It’s a game where each plays as close to that line that crosses from straight male to gay male and wait until their buddy flinches. At least most of them appear to be playing at it. Some are probably exploring their own sexuality to see what feels normal for them. But most come across as being completely flippant and dishonest about the bromantic notions and sentiments they pitch at one another so obviously. So in that sense I find it sophomoric and obnoxious and I hope they grow the fuck out of it. Be straight, be gay, be bi. I don’t really care what you are. But quit making a mockery of it. Well yes, games of ‘gay chicken’ happen. But contrary to the belief of a lot of the guys here, there are many straight guys that don’t think of platonic physical intimacy with a male buddy as something to avoid at all costs. I’ll always remember one of my straight friends who is that way with everyone. Male, female, gay, straight, whatever. After we had known each other quite a while he pulled me aside to let me know that he had just realized that I was gay. He wanted to make sure that his behavior wasn’t offensive to me. Of course it wasn’t, I like having friends that I can hug, sit with, lay with my head on their lap (or theirs on mine) without it being anything more than a couple of friends who don’t think touching each other is taboo or a sign of the friendship being anything more. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/42 "2014-08-05T00:17:00Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > WTF, Nazi Germany? Oh, totally. Those Germans are something else. [Germans](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1Xgw0Us1wHQ/Ufqgu0UWfDI/AAAAAAAAHKg/HIvJph7MwwA/s1600/Nackt+Hitlerjugend+-+Germany+-+1930+-+Occult+History+Third+Reich++-+Deutschla.jpg) (slightly NSFW). [Germans](http://frieze-magazin.de/uploads/images/general/4_riebicke_5maenner_CMYK.jpg) (still slightly NSFW). [Germans](http://mabvisions.de/shop/images/product_images/popup_images/29_0_fkk.jpg) (still… oh, you get idea). I think they’re [still at it](http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02881/munich-nude_2881637k.jpg) (yes, more German dudes in the buff), too. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/43 "2014-08-05T00:32:53Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > If I asked my wife to cuddle, she’d think I was gay. Straight guys don’t say “cuddle”! What about “snuggle”? Better? Worse? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/44 "2014-08-05T03:45:12Z")
'Hail fellow well met" physical back slapping or brief shoulder squeezing is acceptable behavior in a US male context, but moving toward more intimate touching akin to what a woman and man engage in is trending gay. And it’s not the ass slapping but more the head on shoulder and arm touching. That’s usually (in a US context) man-woman stuff. > [@](#): > > Lately he’s gone a little further. He’s laid his head on my shoulder. He would put his hand on my arm. He also slaps my ass. I wouldn’t say I’m a homophobe, but I am kind of weirded out by men who touch me in a ‘more than friendly’ way. So yes, it sounds like he’s attracted to you. [Bromance levels](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wide_YnNzhA) ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/45 "2014-08-05T03:45:54Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > Sorry, I don’t get this. > > It might be a joke because when he asked to cuddle the fist time 😃 ---
**Author:** ![seodoa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@seodoa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seodoa)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/46 "2014-08-05T05:24:57Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Here’s a fun game: try to find a more disturbing euphemism for the phenomenon that **Licentious Ectopmorph** is describing than “skin hunger.” > > Betcha can’t! How about a less disturbing euphemism? Here in Japan it’s fairly common to see young, teenage, and young adult boys cuddling each other, sitting on each other’s laps, etc. Older men do too, but usually only in very relaxed social situations like while drinking. The word used here is the rather delightful portmanteau of “_sukinshippu_” (skinship). ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/47 "2014-08-05T07:34:31Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Blowing him would narrow it down even more. Rookie mistake. I once blew a guy, then let him put his penis in my anus. Then I discovered that many cultures do not consider it gay to be the “top”, so I was still left with a nagging doubt. So my advice is, make sure you’re the top; then you’ll know if your suspicions about your friend are right. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/48 "2014-08-05T10:59:36Z")
> [@seodoa](#): > > Older men do too, but usually only in very relaxed social situations like while drinking. Ha, I read this as “while driving.” Very different image. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/49 "2014-08-05T12:14:35Z")
It must be an age related thing. Among my friends (50s - 60s) if someone mentioned a desire to cuddle it would get very quiet. Then one by one dudes would move on to whatever was next on their agenda, eventually leaving only “cuddles” sitting alone. Yet overall it’s a gay-friendly group, with many of us having gay children/grandchildren/friends/etc. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/50 "2014-08-05T12:15:24Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > They’re not gay. They’re EUROPEAN! “Fashionable.” ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/51 "2014-08-05T12:23:09Z")
The guy is a weirdo. Even if he does subscribe to some subculture of hetero masculinity where platonic cuddling is acceptable, you clearly don’t. For him to keep bringing it up is crossing some, if not many boundaries. Also, there’s a world’s difference between friends you make off the street and the people you literally go to world with. Then there’s yet another world’s difference between posing for a picture and hugging each other solely because of skin-hunger. ---
**Author:** ![jfreakofkorn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecc23a/32.png) [@jfreakofkorn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jfreakofkorn)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/52 "2014-08-05T13:33:07Z")
he just feels comfortable in your presence(s) … have you seem him act differently around other(s) …?? i mean, who would know you better than your best friend … ---
**Author:** ![nate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nate/32/13085_2.png) [@nate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nate)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/53 "2014-08-05T13:39:23Z")
I can’t imagine any straight male wanting to cuddle with another man. It just doesn’t happen in my experience. Your friend is either joking or gay. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/54 "2014-08-05T13:57:56Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > [These guys don’t look all that cold.](http://u1.ipernity.com/13/19/12/6601912.d83114a5.640.jpg?r2) Something tells me that this isn’t a candid shot, and is somewhat contrived. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/55 "2014-08-05T15:43:18Z")
> [@nate](#): > > I can’t imagine any straight male wanting to cuddle with another man. It just doesn’t happen in my experience. Your friend is either joking or gay. I agree. And if he’s joking, he’s kinda being an asshole about it. **OP** : Did you show him this thread? What was his reaction? ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/56 "2014-08-05T16:55:16Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > I agree. And if he’s joking, he’s kinda being an asshole about it. > > **OP** : Did you show him this thread? What was his reaction? Yes I did. I think he’s pissed off at me. He hasn’t talked to me at all today. He might just be busy, but if he is pissed, I don’t care. I think he MIGHT feel a little embarrassed that I told my story on the internet. If he is, well… payback’s a bitch. It’s not as if I can go to anyone I know with this issue, then his cover would really be blown. I asked him if he was mad, and he said yes. Well, perhaps he should have stopped when I told him to. Whether he’s kidding or not. But, he might have been being sarcastic when he said he was pissed. In which case, I have no problem with him, and still consider him a friend. But seriously, he has no right to be mad, (if he is mad). ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/57 "2014-08-05T17:04:45Z")
Sounds like a lover’s quarrel. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/58 "2014-08-05T17:09:27Z")
He’s mad because this thread is telling him what many others have told him and which he has continually denied all his life: He’s gay. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/59 "2014-08-05T17:17:14Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > He’s mad because this thread is telling him what many others have told him and which he has continually denied all his life: > > He’s gay. If he’s into men at all, he’s bisexual. But I wouldn’t go so far as to call him that, (he might have been trying to make me feel uncomfortable, in which case, HE MIGHT now feel uncomfortable, and I did nothing he hasn’t done to me). I really don’t know what his deal is. Nor do I care. It’s not as if I haven’t tried to talk to him about this. He asked me why I didn’t talk to him about it before talking about it on the internet… I told him I have and he’s sarcastic about it. If I did confront him again, he would just do it more and more most likely. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/60 "2014-08-05T17:25:21Z")
Oddly enough, one of the Seinfeld reruns last night was [The Boyfriend.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Boyfriend_(Seinfeld)) Part 1. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788.md?page=4)