# Is my friend hitting on me, messing with me, or are men just getting more comfortable w/ each other? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 4, 2014, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788 "2014-08-04T14:27:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2014, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/101 "2014-08-17T18:15:20Z")
Between this and the feminism thread, I’m thinking there’s a phrase that the OP could really benefit from. [“I’m not gay, but I’ll learn.”](http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_me9lvhKyzF1qggthno1_1280.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2014, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/102 "2014-08-17T19:26:13Z")
This thread is fascinating. ---
**Author:** ![7e42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/7/51bf81/32.png) [@7e42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/7e42)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2014, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/103 "2014-08-17T21:12:21Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Between this and the feminism thread, I’m thinking there’s a phrase that the OP could really benefit from. [“I’m not gay, but I’ll learn.”](http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_me9lvhKyzF1qggthno1_1280.jpg) sounds like he is defintely bi-curious ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2014, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/104 "2014-08-17T21:38:07Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > I’m guessing the OP is gay or very bi and the younger guy senses it. You learn something about yourself every day… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2014, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/105 "2014-08-18T11:59:27Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > You learn something about yourself every day… > > :rolleyes: Correct! Today I learned I was done with this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2014, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/106 "2014-08-18T15:59:35Z")
All I know is that I guess I need to make some phonecalls and let some guys know that they’re actually gay since they’ve engaged in same-sex cuddling on occasion. Their wives are going to be so surprised. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2014, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/107 "2014-08-18T16:44:29Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Correct! Today I learned I was done with this thread. I guess I am too, but just curious… did I say anything that upset you? Or is it just that the thread’s run it’s course? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2014, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/108 "2014-08-18T17:32:12Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > I guess I am too, but just curious… did I say anything that upset you? Or is it just that the thread’s run it’s course? Run its course. All the good jokes been done.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2014, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/109 "2014-08-18T19:43:13Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > All I know is that I guess I need to make some phonecalls and let some guys know that they’re actually gay since they’ve engaged in same-sex cuddling on occasion. Their wives are going to be so surprised. I don’t get this “cuddling” thing. Like how? Spooning on the couch? I totally get that guys can be straight and touch one another in non sexual ways. But “cuddling” seems a bit much. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2014, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/110 "2014-08-18T21:22:35Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > I totally get that guys can be straight and touch one another in non sexual ways. See, for me anything beyond a fist-bump is kinda creepy. Maybe a personal shortcoming, but if so I’ve got plenty of company. (We’re the group over here avoiding one another’s personal space)😃 ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2014, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/111 "2014-08-18T21:55:56Z")
I’ve noticed on British TV there sometimes seems to be a bi-positive vibe going on. Maybe it’s just a generational pop-culture thing. It used to be you never, ever wanted anyone to think you might be gay and these days guys figure the way to show you’re secure in your masculinity and confidently not gay is to nonchalantly hang all over your guy pals. Seems healthy, whatever the reason. Besides, chicks dig it. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blue_blistering_barnacle/32/3386_2.png) [@Blue\_Blistering\_Barnacle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Blistering_Barnacle)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2014, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/112 "2014-08-18T21:56:43Z")
> [@flight](#): > > Asking to cuddle is an odd thing in our current culture. It just really isn’t done. Your friend knows that. So, either he is into you or messing with you. Based on your OP he could tell you were uncomfortable and he continues to ask. When other people showed they were not uncomfortable with the idea (said yes) he stopped asking them but never got around to cuddling. > > We in the male community have a term for this. It is called “fucking with you.” > > It can be funny to say things that are considered beyond generally acceptable. Among close male friends showing you are upset by this is generally an open invitation to ribbing. The correct response is, “Only if I get to be the big spoon,” or “there damn well better be a reach around,” or “I’m not falling for that one again Father O’Maley.” I concur, he’s messin’ with you. (I just wish I was clever enough to come up with those comebacks on my own! 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2014, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/113 "2014-08-18T23:53:29Z")
I’m only a few years older than your friend and hang out with some guys who are a few years younger (one only turned 21 this year). None of the guys are gay, it’s not that we’re homophobic, it’s just coincidence. If one of them were to say to me, “Hey, bro, want to cuddle?” I would shoot back with, “you gotta buy me dinner first,” or something sarcastic about my hairy man-boobs. Then we would all laugh about it. Your buddy there is unusual. Or he’s messing with you. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2014, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788/114 "2014-08-21T09:20:17Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > That sounds like something Ed Gein would invite Jeffrey Dahmer over for. > > FWIW, I sometimes cuddle on the couch while watching TV with my cousins, who I’ve been cuddling with since I was a little kid, or my aunt, who has been like my mother, and when I was in high school, all my friends used to cuddle a lot, girls and boys. Sometimes just girls, and sometimes boys and girls together, but never just boys alone. If you just mean sorta holding each other or being smooshed together on the couch, I’d call that snuggling, not cuddling. It’s less intimate. Cuddling is done while laying down, which makes it more intimate. While I wouldn’t do it with a guy, I’ll gladly do it with women I’m not romantically interested in. Men just seem to have a wider personal space bubble that I’d not want to intrude upon in that manner, while some women don’t so much once you get to know them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-friend-hitting-on-me-messing-with-me-or-are-men-just-getting-more-comfortable-w-each-other/694788.md?page=5)