# Is my marriage about to explode? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 25, 2012, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223 "2012-06-25T07:31:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/61 "2012-06-26T16:27:13Z")
**BeSpectacled** , your hubby has to be a man and suck it up. He thinks he’s miserable now, in a job he hates? Fast forward to December, if he were to quit now and then isn’t able to generate income, if he thinks he’s miserable now we’ll see about then. No matter how bad he thinks things are, they can be worse. He needs to change his outlook and not dwell on the crappy things, at least until he knows for sure he has another income-producing job lined up. Then and only then should he tell the boss to take this job and shove it. Wanting to quit a steady job for a dream that isn’t well researched and planned is not only highly risky but could just be plain dumb. For every story of a Bill Gates or a Mark Zuckerberg, there are hundreds if not thousands of people collecting unemployment for 6, 9, 12 months or more. Man up, hubby. And yes, get counseling now. He needs to man up and not “come home and kick the dog” (referring to you here, and not to equate you with a dog). The marital situation is not solely his fault, it’s both of you who define this situation. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/62 "2012-06-26T18:19:00Z")
> [@echo7tango](#): > > … For every story of a Bill Gates or a Mark Zuckerberg, there are hundreds if not thousands of people collecting unemployment for 6, 9, 12 months or more… Not to mention, in many states, this isn’t even an option. Your unemployment checks simply … stop coming. Vanish. That’s it - no more money. That is a very, very terrible place to be, believe you me. Good luck, and come back and let us know how you’re doing. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/63 "2012-06-26T18:33:02Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Not to mention, in many states, this isn’t even an option. Your unemployment checks simply … stop coming. Vanish. That’s it - no more money. That is a very, very terrible place to be, believe you me. > > Good luck, and come back and let us know how you’re doing. Don’t you only get unemployment when you’re involuntarily terminated? If he quits his job, he might not get anything at all. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/64 "2012-06-26T18:45:13Z")
I have no advice, but I wanted to say that your description of your husband sounds just like my father. I really feel for you and your kids, and I’m rooting for you. ---
**Author:** ![jem\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@jem\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jem_1)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/65 "2012-06-26T19:46:18Z")
> [@](#): > > When I show him my artwork or tell him about something that excites me, he nods or raises his eyebrows or says , “Oh-kay.” If he seems upset with me I often have to guess what I have done wrong or badger him until he tells me. He says, “If you don’t already know, why should I tell you?” It typically is something like, I have forgotten to do something or have had to put something off until the next day that can truly wait. He never tells me I look nice, that something I have cooked is delicious, or that he is proud of me or happy to be with me. It must be pretty upsetting for you to be reading our opinions. I feel for you, it is a sad situation for everyone involved. A loving spouse would not be reacting to your excitement with “Oh-kay.” It just seems so unfeeling to me. He sounds passive-aggressive. I think you should quit apologizing all the time. (women tend to say “sorry” so casually that people don’t believe it then when they are truly sorry!) My husband has been self-employed for 30 years, and he wouldn’t be successful if he didn’t have people skills, and this is with the construction trade where he has valuable knowledge. A business where you are dealing with weddings and nervous brides-to-be? - it doesn’t seem like your husband has the necessary friendly, people-pleasing personality. Or, is he just negative with you? I wish only the best for you and your family. Take care. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2012, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/66 "2012-06-26T22:47:41Z")
> [@Antigen](#): > > You guys need counseling, pronto. > > If he’s calling you stupid and selfish, that’s a huge problem. Name-calling is a bad sign. A bad job, small kids, living with the in-laws… that’s a whole lot of stress on the marriage and it wouldn’t hurt to find someone you guys could talk to, together, and who could help you each to see the other’s perspective. It doesn’t sound like either of you has a good idea of the other’s difficulties and needs, and it’s probably only going to get worse. > [@Skammer](#): > > I think you need to seek out a trained marriage counselor and not a bunch of strangers on the internet. I see room for compromise for both of you on the job issue, but that’s really only a symptom of the problems you’re having with your husband. If you both want the marriage to last, please see a counselor. Go by yourself if he won’t go with you. > [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > I think that counseling is really important in this situation. Also, you getting a job would help support the family and take some of the load off of your husband. I’d be very cautious of starting an undefined business in this economic climate. A business requires written planning and experience. He sounds like he is under a lot of pressure from work, and having his resume in order and knowing where to look for other work may help him out. > > Your parents were out of line in interfering, and they probably know that already, but they have to stay out of disagreements and stresses in the marriage. They want to help. They can help by helping with the children when they can, which is a bit easier in the same house. > > Best wishes. > [@elbows](#): > > Professional counseling is your only hope, in my opinion. You both come off as pretty emotionally immature (taking the kids and not telling you, calling each other names, going to his Mom with your problems, both too stubborn to compromise!), in your explanation. You conveniently overlooked taking any ownership, or willingness to work. After 2 kids, you say you think perhaps you should have discussed some of this stuff earlier. This all screams immaturity to me, much easier to understand in a 23yr old than a 30 something. > > The both of you clearly get something out of the dysfunction or you wouldn’t both keep doing it, I think. You both may want to keep ‘boning’ and claim ‘love’ still. But this isn’t what love looks or feels like. People who love each other don’t call each other ‘moron’, rat their spouse out to the parents, or stubbornly stand in the way of the others dreams/needs. > > It sounds like you could benefit from financial counseling as well. You lost your house to a short sale, have been at your parents 1-2 yrs, and are facing more financial stress should your husband quit his job. Financials don’t seem your strong suit, get some help. Be prepared you’ll be told to get a job. > > I wish you nothing but luck. I think you’re going to need a boatload of it to turn this trainwreck around, Good Luck to you both! Marriage counseling BEFORE making any big decisions. I also would like to remind other posters not to jump to conclusions about the husband…this is only one side of the story. I am not excusing the behavior he is displaying towards the OP, but if she’s not getting the full explanation from him in a controlled and safe environment with an unbiased third party with the sole interest of helping them communicate better, then we are not getting the full explanation either. > [@echo7tango](#): > > **BeSpectacled** , your hubby has to be a man and suck it up. He thinks he’s miserable now, in a job he hates? Fast forward to December, if he were to quit now and then isn’t able to generate income, if he thinks he’s miserable now we’ll see about then. No matter how bad he thinks things are, they can be worse. He needs to change his outlook and not dwell on the crappy things, at least until he knows for sure he has another income-producing job lined up. Then and only then should he tell the boss to take this job and shove it. > > Wanting to quit a steady job for a dream that isn’t well researched and planned is not only highly risky but could just be plain dumb. For every story of a Bill Gates or a Mark Zuckerberg, there are hundreds if not thousands of people collecting unemployment for 6, 9, 12 months or more. > > Man up, hubby. > > And yes, get counseling now. He needs to man up and not “come home and kick the dog” (referring to you here, and not to equate you with a dog). The marital situation is not solely his fault, it’s both of you who define this situation. Yeah, you could tell him to “Man up”, but that would only convey the notion to stop communicating and just stick to the grind and bottle up his feelings inside…until he can’t keep it bottled no more. That’s will surely make things worse in the future. There might be something that he’s withholding from her that might be a legitimate concern at his job that would compel any rational person want to leave that job, but may be too embarrassed or doesn’t feel safe enough to tell her. Hence, a marriage counselor (which you did point out). Plus, setting up goals and the order of them would be quite helpful…Move out first, or get a different job first? ---
**Author:** ![al27052](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/41988e/32.png) [@al27052](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/al27052)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/67 "2012-06-27T02:52:48Z")
> [@BeSpectacled](#): > > He has been talking about starting his own business for years, but his idea has changed many times. Right now, he wants to set up a wedding planning/equipment rental business. He has not attempted to research or plan his business ideas in the years he has been talking about starting one. Two weeks ago, he suddenly said he wants to put in his two-week’s notice and jump into the business, I reminded him that I have offered to help him write a business plan. (It’s difficult to do that when the idea is constantly changing.) I even bought the Business Plans Kit for Dummies for him for Father’s Day, telling him I would be happy to help him. He said, “That doesn’t solve the problem of me wanting to quit my job.” I want to help him do this slowly and gradually, but he insists that if he doesn’t up and leave his job NOW he will never start his own business Is there anyone’s opinion that he respects? It would be a good thing if someone could take some sense into him. Most successful small business owners work for YEARS in the industry, for ANOTHER company, before they start their own business. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/68 "2012-06-27T03:37:12Z")
To you OP: 1)Definitely go into counseling! Like, yesterday. 2)Get a job, because you’ll need the $$ in the (likely) event your hubby doesn’t take my advice and you kick him to the curb To DH: 1)Suck it up! You CHOSE to marry and have young kids, presumably you also CHOSE to buy a house you couldn’t afford (if you could afford it, you’d still be living in it). Once you have kids, you’re life isn’t yours for the next 18 years. You’re miserable in your job? TOUGH S$\*T! Be grateful you HAVE a job that puts food on your table, and glasses on your kid. Thank your starts your in-laws took you in. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/69 "2012-06-27T04:53:43Z")
You definitely need to get into counseling. Your husband sounds like a dick – BUT – we are hearing only your side of the story. I’ve had marital problems in the past and could make my husband sound like the bad guy, but in truth we both were to blame. Your situation is probably no different. Counseling really, really helped us. I don’t think your marriage is beyond help, provided you both compromise. You need to try to make it work, you have 2 kids, and I don’t care what anyone says couples who have kids are MORE tied to each other than those who don’t, and they certainly have more of a reason to try to save their marriage. Both of you are gonna have to grow up. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/70 "2012-06-27T07:42:28Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > To you OP: > 1)Definitely go into counseling! Like, yesterday. > 2)Get a job, because you’ll need the $$ in the (likely) event your hubby doesn’t take my advice and you kick him to the curb > > To DH: > 1)Suck it up! You CHOSE to marry and have young kids, presumably you also CHOSE to buy a house you couldn’t afford (if you could afford it, you’d still be living in it). Once you have kids, you’re life isn’t yours for the next 18 years. You’re miserable in your job? TOUGH S$\*T! Be grateful you HAVE a job that puts food on your table, and glasses on your kid. Thank your starts your in-laws took you in. Your “advice” is absolute horseshit. As multiple posters have pointed out, we’re getting one side of the story and it’s human nature for people to paint themselves as the injured party and the other person as the Bad Guy. Does this mean that’s what the OP is doing? No, not for sure, but this is the sort of retarded critical-thinking deficit that leads to people being sucked in by trolls, as we’ve seen so much of lately. The OP’s husband could be a whiny fucktard. Or he could be someone suffering a significant depressive episode, and/or a nervous breakdown or some other emotional/biochemical disturbance. He could be calling her a stupid moron every single second of every single day, or he could have said in exasperation once that she’s an idiot, and her recollection of the issue is faulty because she’s convinced herself that she’s the one being injured here. Your “advice” is nothing of the sort. It’s a sanctimonious rant at someone who you don’t even know in a second-hand fashion. There’s no suggestions there for the OP to actually try and address the issues she’s having with her husband. I hope that next time YOU have an anxiety issue or a depressive episode someone doesn’t turn around and just shout and scream at you to just BE GRATEFUL and HARDEN THE FUCK UP and that it’s TOUGH SHIT that you’re in [that] situation. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/71 "2012-06-27T11:26:33Z")
I don’t think people should have to suck everything up for their kids. If the difference between staying in a bad place and not staying are a nervous breakdown and/or suicide, then he should leave, for goodness sake. If he wants to quit just because he doesn’t like his hours, maybe that’s something he should think long and hard about. But if he’s getting shat on and abused? Slavery ended back in the 1800s. The OP needs to sit down with her husband–if she’s serious about staying with this guy–and help him figure out how he can bail out of this job successfully. Maybe starting his business seems like the logical next step because that’s something he has control over (in his mind), while lining up another job that he’ll like seems like the more impossible task. She needs to work with him through this delusion rather than telling him his thought processes are all wrong. That obviously isn’t working. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/72 "2012-06-27T15:15:17Z")
**Sierra** -The OP showed NO evidence that her husband is clinically depressed! Every piece of evidence she gave indicates that he’s a man who made bad decisions, and is now taking it out on his wife. If she wanted us to sympathize with him, she would’ve had HIM write the OP. He’s made his bed, he needs to own up to the consequences. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/73 "2012-06-27T15:18:57Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I don’t think people should have to suck everything up for their kids. If the difference between staying in a bad place and not staying are a nervous breakdown and/or suicide, then he should leave, for goodness sake. > > If he wants to quit just because he doesn’t like his hours, maybe that’s something he should think long and hard about. But if he’s getting shat on and abused? Slavery ended back in the 1800s. The OP needs to sit down with her husband–if she’s serious about staying with this guy–and help him figure out how he can bail out of this job successfully. Maybe starting his business seems like the logical next step because that’s something he has control over (in his mind), while lining up another job that he’ll like seems like the more impossible task. She needs to work with him through this delusion rather than telling him his thought processes are all wrong. That obviously isn’t working. She says she has tried and he refuses to talk to her about it. If he thinks she’s too dumb to help, why would he ask her? ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/74 "2012-06-27T15:32:59Z")
**monstro** -Part of being a parent is providing for them, and one major sacrifice is giving up the “ideal” and settling for the “good”. The moment you become a parent, it is no longer about you, it’s ALL about your children. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/75 "2012-06-27T16:27:29Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > **monstro** -Part of being a parent is providing for them, and one major sacrifice is giving up the “ideal” and settling for the “good”. The moment you become a parent, it is no longer about you, it’s ALL about your children. You know, there is some middle ground. The idea that you should never, ever make any decision that benefits you over your kids is an impossible standard that results in every parent feeling horrible guilt pangs if they ever feel a glimmer of joy. I mean, by that logic, I’m a bad parent because I am sitting here posting while the baby naps. He’s learned to sleep in his crib, but he’d really be happier to sleep in my arms, and it’s physically possible for one of us to make time to hold him every time he needs to nap or sleep. It’d be bad on our marriage because we could never sleep in the same bed, and I’d be going insane with frustration because I could never get anything done, and the house would sink into squalor, but hey, the baby would be a little happier with his lot in life. It’d be easier if we could live by absolute standards like “The kids always come first in every way”. But in the real world, it’s more like “Providing the kids with a comfortable, stable and healthy environment comes first, but some tradeoffs in terms of comfort and happiness are also acceptable if it provides a strong benefit to other members of the household.” I mean, you should stick in a job you hate if it’s what you have to do to feed your kids. But you don’t have to stick in a job you hate to keep them in dance lessons and vacations. The tricky bit is figuring out the balance and what falls on which side of the line. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/76 "2012-06-27T16:44:15Z")
Another thing crossed my mind while thinking about the husband in this thread: when you start your own business, income doesn’t usually start flowing in on Day 1. Unless it’s a business that involves essentially zero expenditure for equipment, promotion, anything, it’s going to be a money-_loser_ for some weeks or months while it gets off the ground. The first thing you need to do before striking out on your own and starting a new business is to SAVE, to get that cushion to live off of while the business isn’t making enough to support you, and may well be actually losing money. And that’s assuming that this business eventually does get off the ground and turns into a viable business. Most startups fail, of course. And that likelihood only goes up when the person starting the business hasn’t had an aptitude for and experience in a particular area that he wants to turn into a business but, we’re told, seems to be in love with the idea of starting a business in general, without a focus on a particular line of business. If the OP’s situation is as the OP describes it, she needs to be preparing for a future in which her husband isn’t bringing in any income. She needs to find a job, preferably one with opportunities for promotion, and do whatever she needs to do to get to a point where she can support herself and her kids. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/77 "2012-06-27T16:47:18Z")
Don’t they say 50% of new startups fail? Wouldn’t we all like to work for ourselves and no boss? It’s just not happening for most of us though! ---
**Author:** ![FeAudrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7feea3/32.png) [@FeAudrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FeAudrey)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/78 "2012-06-27T17:07:33Z")
For posters advising the OP to get a job: What kind of job do you have in mind? It’s a tough economy. The OP has been out of the market since the birth of her first child, four years ago. “artistic aspirations” doesn’t sound like she has the kind of skills that command high wages. Whatever she earns will be added to her husband’s income and taxed at at least whatever the highest rate is for that. She’ll have to pay for child care – “have someone else do it for free or cut-price” isn’t something she can rely on. Plus, she’ll have transportation and maybe wardrobe expenses. She’s not going to be clearing much. A better strategy might be for her to go to school to acquire a marketable skill. A community college would be my recommendation. Most schools have some kind of daycare for students. At the very least, she’ll be better prepared to return to paid employment when her children reach school age. At worst, she’ll be on-track to support the kids herself, alone. Which she’s going to be doing if her husband makes a kamikaze leap into running his own business, without capital and without experience. This is a guy who can’t even keep a roof over his children’s heads. He’s not going to be making a success of this “own business” thing. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/79 "2012-06-27T22:10:41Z")
**Audrey** -You’re 100% on the money with the “go back to school” suggestion. 4 years out of the workforce is forever. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2012, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223/80 "2012-06-27T22:30:46Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > **Sierra** -The OP showed NO evidence that her husband is clinically depressed! Every piece of evidence she gave indicates that he’s a man who made bad decisions, and is now taking it out on his wife. If she wanted us to sympathize with him, she would’ve had HIM write the OP. He’s made his bed, he needs to own up to the consequences. Again, horseshit. Do you even read what you’re posting? What sort of “evidence” would provide sufficiently through text that someone is clinically depressed? She has given no “evidence” whatsoever. She’s given her side of a two-sided story, where _by your own admission_ she’s written it to make HER look like the sympathetic side. And my point still stands. Your advice was not advice at all. Your “advice” was chastising someone for what you see as a moral failing, based on the biased testimony of a non-objective party. If you’re speaking about someone making their own bed, so has the OP. _She_ also chose to get married. _She_ also chose to remain pregnant and bear the children. _She_ also chose to buy a house they couldn’t afford on a single salary. The husband didn’t do any of these things in a vacuum. So why should HE be the one to man up and keep bearing 100% of the financial burden alone as people scream “GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF” at him? I said that it’s possible the husband could be a whining shit. But it’s equally possible he COULD be clincially depressed or having a nervous breakdown. When I had a nervous breakdown in 2007, I went through a lot of the same things - irrational ideation of a ridiculous plan (starting my own business so I don’t have to work for someone else and can spend more time with my family! Awesome idea), mood-swings, inability to see any other course of action as being feasible because I was trapped by my own fear and anxiety. Neither you nor I are a psychologist or a psychiatrist. The difference here is you’ve already judged the husband sight unseen as a selfish shithead on the word of someone who has it in their best interests for sympathy purposes to make themselves out to be the injured innocent, and to browbeat the man accordingly. I’m saying consider that it could be more complex than just “My husband is having a tantrum” and that if it is, you help nobody by getting holier than thou and trying to couch your lecture as “advice”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-my-marriage-about-to-explode/626223.md?page=5)