# Is "no offense" offensive to you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 18, 2005, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-no-offense-offensive-to-you/312930 "2005-07-18T01:22:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-no-offense-offensive-to-you/312930/21 "2005-07-18T15:07:09Z")
Here in the South, the phrase used is 'bless her/his heart." It is usually used to accompany snarky comments/insults when speaking to a third party. Example: "She’s just a big fat cow, look at her killing herself…bless her heart. " “He’s dumber than a box of hair, bless his heart.” "Bless his heart, that’s the ugliest child I’ve ever seen. Maybe his momma had a dalliance with a llama. etc. Anyway, suffice it to say, neither this or ‘no offense’ tend to blunt any of the offensiveness of insults- in fact, it heightens it. of course, I also tend to think that people that feel the need to ‘tell it like it is’ or ‘tell truth’ are, without exception, assholes. ---
**Author:** ![furlibusea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@furlibusea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furlibusea)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-no-offense-offensive-to-you/312930/22 "2005-07-18T15:09:45Z")
Most of the time when “no offense” is used before saying something it says to me that the user knows what s/he is about to say is rude and possibly hurtful, and not only doesn’t s/he have the maners to keep quiet, but wants to make it your fault if your fealings get hurt. I think it is far ruder and much more dishonest than just saying what is on your mind. I don’t want to spend time with a person that figures he can say nasty stuff at whim and have no fallout from it because of course the other person is just oversensitive. ---
**Author:** ![sleeepy2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@sleeepy2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleeepy2)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-no-offense-offensive-to-you/312930/23 "2005-07-18T16:14:16Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > Indeed. I’m reminded of a 5-year-old I know (well, he’s older by now) who learned the phrase “Just kidding” and understood it to mean that you could say any untrue thing (usually likely to incite action in the hearer) and get away with it by following up with “Just kidding!” and a laugh. > > “My brother just fell off the roof! . . . Just kidding.” > > “Somebody’s at the door! . . . Just kidding.” > > It got to be mighty annoying . . . just like the situation in the OP. My sister and I still do this at family get-togethers, “You’re an obnoxious moron…Kidding!” Hilarity ensues. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-no-offense-offensive-to-you/312930/24 "2005-07-18T23:32:16Z")
> [@dwc1970](#): > > As I am acutely sensitive to criticism, I hate it when people say “no offense” or its evil cousin “don’t take this the wrong way.” When someone says it beforehand, it puts me on the defensive and I know the person is going to say something that will likely piss me off. If it is said afterwards, it’s too late. Saying this does little to repair the damage. If the person apologizes, I’ll usually forgive them, but it doesn’t change the fact that what was said in the first place was, in fact, offensive. I actually said one of these yesterday… After returning to the hardware store to get a second thing when the first didn’t work, I said to the clerk who had helped me both times “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I really hope I don’t see you again today.” He laughed, so I take it that he wasn’t offended. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-no-offense-offensive-to-you/312930/25 "2005-07-18T23:49:27Z")
I find that in general, I’m not offended by the phrase “no offense,” but I’m almost always offended by whatever is said right after it. I find that “no offense” = “I know I’m about to say something offensive, but I’m going to say it anyway, and I don’t want any negative consequences, 'kay?” My usual response is to interrupt to say, “Hey, if you’re about to say something offensive, maybe you shouldn’t.” Not very polite, I know, but better than what I’d have to say afterward. ---
**Author:** ![Pythian\_Habenero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a6a055/32.png) [@Pythian\_Habenero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pythian_Habenero)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-no-offense-offensive-to-you/312930/26 "2005-07-19T04:23:20Z")
In my experience, “No Offense” is used mostly by people who genuinely don’t mean any offense, but are aware that what they’re about to say could be misinterpreted. Same with “don’t take this the wrong way”. This is probably because most of the time I hear them coming from a certain friend with a longstanding habit of saying offensive things and not meaning them offensively. Surprisingly enough, the effect of this is that when he says “No offense”, I _don’t take offense_. Amazing how words can actually have their intended effect sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-no-offense-offensive-to-you/312930/27 "2005-07-19T11:40:50Z")
I suffered a co-worker for about 6 months that produced scenes like this: I’ve been out of Spain for about 9 months. I’m sitting at someone else’s computer, teaching that someone and 5 other people how to create a Production Order in the new computer system we’re testing. This guy comes up and says “not meaning to bother you, but why do Spaniards think it’s bad that the Prince’s fiancee is a plebeian?” _blink blink_ I turn around to another Spaniard, who has been out of the country for only 48 hours, and ask “we’re finally marrying him away?” The Spaniard says “yup, some chick who used to be on TV news, cute blonde” I say “oh, oh good, bloody time he got hitched”, then turn around to the guy with the question and say “excuse me, what was your question?” He kept doing that. The busier you were, the more likely he was to come up to you “not meaning to bother you” and the more irrelevant the question. Another guy I know will say things like “no offense, but how come your mom didn’t just kill you, with that face?” I know people who genuinely say “ok, what I want to say is kind of complicated so I hope I’ll be able to do it in a clear way and without pissing any of you guys off”. But yes, I also know many people whose “no offense” means “I’m about to slap you”. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-no-offense-offensive-to-you/312930/28 "2005-07-19T12:53:28Z")
I think it depends on the situation and the people involved, and how well you know them. A man whom I don’t know very well saying “No offense, but …” and following it up with a snarky comment about women being terrible drivers would ping high on my sour meter. My good friend, with whom I have many pleasant yet animated conversations about football, saying “No offense, but you are HIGH if you think Payton Manning is going to crash and burn once he hits the NFL” (yes, I actually said that, so apparently I _was_ high) … then it’s just an expression used to distance personal feelings from a heated conversation. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-no-offense-offensive-to-you/312930/29 "2005-07-19T12:57:08Z")
A very wise teacher of mine once said that any denial at the beginning of a statement is false. For instance: “No offense” means the person is about to say something offensive. "I don’t mean to be rude, but… " means the person intends to say something rude. “I don’t want to interrupt, but…” means the person is interrupting And so on. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-no-offense-offensive-to-you/312930/30 "2005-07-19T13:30:20Z")
> [@C K Dexter Haven](#): > > A very wise teacher of mine once said that any denial at the beginning of a statement is false. > For instance: > “No offense” means the person is about to say something offensive. > "I don’t mean to be rude, but… " means the person intends to say something rude. Maybe, but sometimes one almost has to say things which could be offensive. I work for local government and I frequently cross paths with people who need a good dose of reality; ideology in national politics ain’t nothing compared to the ideology of What I Can Do With My Property. So one may not actually be saying anything offensive; however, when one is speaking to a true believer, one may wish to be sure the true believer understands this right up front. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-no-offense-offensive-to-you/312930/31 "2005-07-19T14:31:17Z")
My guilty pleasure for many months was watching “Elimidate.” One of my favorite lines _ever_ used on that show was: “It’s nothing personal. I just don’t like you.” Said in deadly earnest. I laughed for a looong time about that one. Count me in the camp that it’s usually used by people who want a get out of jail free card for whatever jackass comment occurs to them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-no-offense-offensive-to-you/312930.md?page=1)