# Is oral sex...sex? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 23, 2000, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514 "2000-07-23T02:50:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2000, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/61 "2000-07-24T04:02:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ricepad \* > Did he change his assessment of oral sex? I can see it now: > > “Ah…well…hmm…perhaps it’s not _the_ vilest…in fact…uh…I musta been thinking about something else. Yeah, that’s it. Never mind.” \*\* Yes, he did. He was shocked that people would think it wrong. His grandmother had a saying, “If it feels right, it is right.” To be fair, he also changed his opinions on things that did not directly benefit him so much. Like homosexuality, gay rights, and religion. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2000, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/62 "2000-07-24T08:34:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lanna \* > \*\* > I can just see it now… > > “ **Welcome to Wal\*Mart! How are you today? We’re having a sale on aisle 4, yarn is in a bin up front, 50% off, and our food court is making especially delicious lunches today. Is there anything I can help you with? Finding a certain item? A blow job, perhaps? Just let me know!** ” > -Lanna \*\* You know, maybe I’m not the shameless flirt that I think I am, because IF Lanna (and presumably her friends) weren’t a minor, I’d join the crowd in making Wall Mart jokes and propositions: Something to the effect of asking where I get my “bulk rate discounts”, or “preferred shopper cards”. Alas… Re the OP: With all due respect, what Hamadryad said. And I can’t see that it would make much of a difference to me to distinguish between the two. I wouldn’t want to find out that my SO claimed that she was a virgin before she met me, only to find out that she “didn’t count oral sex”. (Not that her being a virgin is at all important to me, but you get the idea). And I DEFINITELY CONSIDER oral sex with someone other than your SO as cheating. ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/63 "2000-07-31T07:22:05Z")
Robin Williams said this… “Georgia, the only state where you will be thrown into jail for sodomy only to be sodomized by a large black man named Bubba (saying) come here… you’re my puppy now…” Put this under laws that make no sense… ---
**Author:** ![Baglady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Baglady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baglady)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/64 "2000-07-31T07:50:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lanna \* > Teenagers today seem to look at oral sex pretty casually. At parties, conversations my friends have go something like, “Hey. Nice to meet you. Mind if I give you a blow job?” Occasionally, they bother to get the other person’s name first. None of those girls have ever had sex though, nor do they intend to any time soon. A higher value is placed upon losing their virginity, which would require vaginal penetration. Anal doesn’t count. 1. Do the boys reciprocate? If not, why not? 2. Do any of your girlfriends think it might be a bit unfair that the boys get blow jobs, but the women don’t get to be on the receiving end of oral sex? 3. You can’t get pregnant by swallowing, but you can swallow a whole lot of other stuff, like syphyllis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, or worse, incurables like herpes or hepatitis. How many girls use condoms for blow jobs? Sorry, I have a couple of issues with this, as you can tell. ---
**Author:** ![labdude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5fc32e/32.png) [@labdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/labdude)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2000, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/65 "2000-07-31T08:25:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Baglady \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Lanna \* > > Teenagers today seem to look at oral sex pretty casually. At parties, conversations my friends have go something like, “Hey. Nice to meet you. Mind if I give you a blow job?” Occasionally, they bother to get the other person’s name first. None of those girls have ever had sex though, nor do they intend to any time soon. A higher value is placed upon losing their virginity, which would require vaginal penetration. Anal doesn’t count. > > 1. Do the boys reciprocate? If not, why not? > 2. Do any of your girlfriends think it might be a bit unfair that the boys get blow jobs, but the women don’t get to be on the receiving end of oral sex? > 3. You can’t get pregnant by swallowing, but you can swallow a whole lot of other stuff, like syphyllis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, or worse, incurables like herpes or hepatitis. How many girls use condoms for blow jobs? > > Sorry, I have a couple of issues with this, as you can tell. \*\* I agree that you can catch stuff from oral sex, but I think its not the swallowing part. Think about it. Gonorrhea plus stomach acid dosen’t give you gonorrhea stomach, it gives you a stomach full of dead gonorrhea. Stomach acid is not a friendly growth medium. ---
**Author:** ![Lanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85e7bf/32.png) [@Lanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanna)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/66 "2000-08-19T04:40:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Baglady \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Lanna \* > > Teenagers today seem to look at oral sex pretty casually. At parties, conversations my friends have go something like, “Hey. Nice to meet you. Mind if I give you a blow job?” Occasionally, they bother to get the other person’s name first. None of those girls have ever had sex though, nor do they intend to any time soon. A higher value is placed upon losing their virginity, which would require vaginal penetration. Anal doesn’t count. > > 1. Do the boys reciprocate? If not, why not? > 2. Do any of your girlfriends think it might be a bit unfair that the boys get blow jobs, but the women don’t get to be on the receiving end of oral sex? > 3. You can’t get pregnant by swallowing, but you can swallow a whole lot of other stuff, like syphyllis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, or worse, incurables like herpes or hepatitis. How many girls use condoms for blow jobs? > > Sorry, I have a couple of issues with this, as you can tell. \*\* 1. Occasionally. If not, they’re either a) passed out or b) have some sort of phobia of such a thing. 2. Yes, they do, and complain quite freely. But then they go right back into a situation where they’ll be giving, and have no chance of getting anything in return. 3. Not nearly enough. They are my friends, and I love them dearly, but they can be astoundingly stupid at time. -Lanna ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/67 "2000-08-19T05:18:21Z")
Weighing in from the lesbian perspective… Um… I actually don’t know when I lost my virginity. (Boy, that sounds really bad.) It’s just that with lesbianism, there’s only so far you can go without breaking out the sex toys, and I’m just not gonna go there. Quiet girl and I have two dates where we concievably lost “it”, whatever that is. There’s a great lesbian debate as to weather fingers/oral sex counts as sex. The way I figure it, if there’s (more or less) naked fun that leads to/has the potential to lead to orgasms going on, it’s sex. (Okay, a little more complicated that that, but… ya know.) There’s a great gay/lesbian button: Technical virgin. I saw it a a pride fest once. ---
**Author:** ![Chief\_Crunch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@Chief\_Crunch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chief_Crunch)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/68 "2000-08-19T07:14:19Z")
The term “virgin” actually in it’s initial and literal sense means “an unmarried woman” or “a woman who isn’t ‘owned’ by any man”, the sexual component wasn’t added until much later. So, I guess that in the strict sense of the word, men can never be virgins and women, who have had sex, but aren’t married, are still virgins. The word is archaic and superfluous in modern society, yet I don’t understand why people put so much meaning behind it. ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/69 "2000-08-19T15:58:36Z")
I’ve never JUST given a blowjob to a guy, that’s always happened in the context of other sexual activity going on between us, but if I did then no, I wouldn’t say we “had sex”. There’s been a few guys I’ve done just about everything short of actual intercourse with - I suppose they would go on my “list”, but only with an asterisk. My most recent sexual encounter was of that sort but I still really consider the last person I had sex with (yonks ago :() to be the last person I had _intercourse_ with. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/70 "2000-08-19T16:31:56Z")
Oral sex is called oral **sex** …not oral massage, oral figure skating, or oral anything else. Of course it’s sex. Masturbation is more of a gray area, but in my book any genital stimulation (done on purpose) is sex of some kind. My how times have changed! When I was a teenager(in the 70’s), girls rarely even **said** the word _blowjob_, much less engaged in the act…or at least they wouldn’t dare admit it. It was considered extremely slutty, much worse than intercourse. Of course, this was in Chattanooga, TN…so it have been different elseswhere. Oh, to be young again! I mean now. ---
**Author:** ![Althea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@Althea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Althea)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2000, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/71 "2000-08-19T20:26:04Z")
I’m right where you are, sweetcan. The only men on my list are the ones with whom I’ve had intercourse, but all of the women are on it. I’ve had this debate before with some friends of mine, and I have to concede the double standard, but redoing my list for compliance would be a hell of a task. Besides, it’s MY damn list, and I don’t consider a blowjob listworthy. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2000, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/72 "2000-08-20T22:21:30Z")
Hell, I’ve had _kisses_ that were listworthy! ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/73 "2000-08-21T00:57:30Z")
> [@](#): > > I look at it this way. Would you be pissed if your SO was giving or receiving oral sex with someone else. Would your SO be pissed if you were. If you answer yes then it’s sex. Um… no. But then, my husband wouldn’t be pissed if I had intercourse either. So that means that no kind of sex counts as sex? Does that make me a virgin? As far as answering the OP, I think that oral sex mostly counts as sex. I haven’t really thought about it though, as there has never been someone I went that far with who I didn’t go the rest of the way with. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/74 "2000-08-21T02:17:28Z")
I’ve seen several references to the idea that cunnilingus is not sex. Could have fooled me. On a few occasions I did the “orating” and did not receive direct genital contact myself. I enjoyed it as much as the gals did… and they _certainly_ seemed to enjoy it. So what if I didn’t actually insert my penis into an orifice? It was _definitely_ what I’d call “sex.” Yum. ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/75 "2000-08-21T02:26:15Z")
I agree with andygirl: anything that tweaks/titillates/incites response/addresses your sexuality in a way that may involve orgasms qualifies as a sexual experience. Contact with the genitals is a pretty good way of doing this. But then is masturbation sex? I think it is, thoug for the life of me I can’t understand why people are getting so worked up on this definition. ---
**Author:** ![TN\_hippie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TN\_hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TN_hippie)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/76 "2000-08-21T02:32:44Z")
Because it’s just fun to say “sex.” ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/77 "2000-08-21T04:30:46Z")
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex! You’re right–it _is_ fun! ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/78 "2000-08-21T05:24:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*Weighing in from the lesbian perspective… > \ > > There’s a great lesbian debate as to weather fingers/oral sex counts as sex. The way I figure it, if there’s (more or less) naked fun that leads to/has the potential to lead to orgasms going on, it’s sex. (Okay, a little more complicated that that, but… ya know.) > > There’s a great gay/lesbian button: Technical virgin. I saw it a a pride fest once. \*\* What about two women who bring each other to orgasm without removing any clothes or using any toys? Does there have to be nudity? ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514/79 "2000-08-21T06:52:28Z")
I don’t even know if sex is sex. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-oral-sex-sex/26514.md?page=3)