# Is person B being rude in their response? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 8, 2013, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-person-b-being-rude-in-their-response/646458 "2013-01-08T07:06:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-person-b-being-rude-in-their-response/646458/41 "2013-01-08T19:22:42Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > Person A is overly sensitive and Person B should start working out and update his online dating profile. Life is too short to live with someone who gets worked up by non-events. I kind of agree. This kind of micro-analyzation makes my eye twitch. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-person-b-being-rude-in-their-response/646458/42 "2013-01-08T20:04:08Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I’m not sure why anyone wouldn’t unless they were autistic or just being obstinate. Or some kind of android with poor AI. Sometimes I feel like an android with poor AI. Honestly, I suspect A phrased the question poorly. It sounds like A actually meant to ask, “Do you mind if I turn the heat up?” If that’s what the intended question was, the answer might be ambiguous, meaning either, “Please don’t turn the heat up,” or “Turn it up if you’d like, but don’t do it on my account, I’m fine.” But the way the question was phrased in the OP isn’t as clear, and it allows for the answer given without ambiguity. I will say that folks counseling divorce might be overreacting just a smidge. It’s an internet phenomenon similar to Internet Tough Guy Syndrome, only instead of insisting you would issue a beat-down to anyone who declaws their cat or whatever, you think that any silly disagreement between couples is a sign of a doomed relationship. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2013, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-person-b-being-rude-in-their-response/646458/43 "2013-01-08T20:30:14Z")
It could be that people are assuming that no one in their right mind would take action in divorce court based on postings in an anonymous internet forum and thus are making slightly tongue in cheek statements. But, yeah Person A needs to find some real problems to worry about. ---
**Author:** ![Zulema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/db5fbb/32.png) [@Zulema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zulema)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-person-b-being-rude-in-their-response/646458/44 "2013-01-09T01:26:52Z")
I also think B’s answer means no and it may be a little argumentative depending on the tone and normal speaking patterns of B. I don’t know if rude is what I would call it, it is a non-answer. At my house if you non-answer the other person gets to do what they want. In this case A would then say, “OK, I’ll turn the heat on low just in case it gets cold again.” After a few times B would then learn how to say what he/ she prefers. My friend taught me this. She would ask her kids if they wanted something they would say “I don’t care”, then she would say “Well, if you don’t care I won’t bother”. It’s just a lot easier if people say what they want. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-person-b-being-rude-in-their-response/646458/45 "2013-01-09T01:46:19Z")
Person A needs to lighten up. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-person-b-being-rude-in-their-response/646458/46 "2013-01-09T01:57:16Z")
> [@gwendee](#): > > It’s a sore subject with me. If people (and by people I mean the men that I’ve married) could just say what they mean and mean what they say things would all go a lot more smoothly. > . Thats almost the opposite of any stereotype I’ve heard about men in general regarding communications. IME men pretty much mean what they say and say what they mean. It might not be complicated. It might not be nuanced. It might not even be complete. And they might NOT say something that they should say. But they sure as heck IME aint saying they want to go to Walmart unless they actually want to go to Walmart. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-person-b-being-rude-in-their-response/646458/47 "2013-01-09T02:01:40Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I guess I can mentally hear how Person B’s response could sound dismissive, if it’s said less as “Eh, tonight’s not as cold as last night” and more as “Jesus, tonight isn’t THAT cold, you crazy loonpants!” > > But otherwise, I don’t think not giving a yes or no is inherently rude. This was my take, too. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-person-b-being-rude-in-their-response/646458/48 "2013-01-09T02:14:25Z")
> [@Zulema](#): > > I also think B’s answer means no and it may be a little argumentative depending on the tone and normal speaking patterns of B. I don’t know if rude is what I would call it, it is a non-answer. > > At my house if you non-answer the other person gets to do what they want. In this case A would then say, “OK, I’ll turn the heat on low just in case it gets cold again.” After a few times B would then learn how to say what he/ she prefers. > > My friend taught me this. She would ask her kids if they wanted something they would say “I don’t care”, then she would say “Well, if you don’t care I won’t bother”. It’s just a lot easier if people say what they want. That sounds like a good rule. I think there’s enough blame to go around in the OP’s scenario - Person B didn’t really answer the question, but Person A doesn’t have to try to hard to understand what was intended. I think the discussion needed to go a bit further for clarification - “So you’re saying we don’t need the heat tonight?” Nobody has muzzles on; if you’re not sure what someone else is saying, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for clarification. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_I\_Am](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@Sam\_I\_Am](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_I_Am)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-person-b-being-rude-in-their-response/646458/49 "2013-01-09T03:12:10Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > It’s very similar to this: > > Person A: “I’m going to have people over for dinner tonight. How does chili sound?” > Person B: “I had chili for lunch.” > > Person B is giving Person A information, but stopping short of saying, “Don’t do that.” because that implies that his preference is the deciding preference. See, I’d consider that to be a slightly rude response, if you give some potentially swaying information but not an enough to indicate whether it’s remotely important to you or not. I’d be much more likely to say either of these: I had chili for lunch, but I don’t mind eating it again. I had chili for lunch; can I help you make something else instead? Likewise with the heat. B’s response is too ambiguous. Is it meant to be “tonight’s not that cold, I don’t want the heat on”, or “tonight’s not that cold, so I don’t really care”? ---
**Author:** ![Jormungandr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@Jormungandr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jormungandr)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-person-b-being-rude-in-their-response/646458/50 "2013-01-09T11:12:14Z")
I honestly can’t tell by reading the exchange. I’d have to hear person B’s tone to decide whether it was rude. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2013, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-person-b-being-rude-in-their-response/646458/51 "2013-01-11T00:44:02Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I think person A and B have deeper issues than the heat. 🙂 Naturally, because it was only last month that person A was traveling at 12 knots due east, in a leaky boat taking on water at 5.3 liters a minute, while person B was heading due north at 10 knots from a point 4 nautical miles southeast of person A, and had to calculate (1) whether he’d reach Person A in time to rescue him, and (2) how many minutes this would take. I think person A in the OP’s scenario is being way too touchy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-person-b-being-rude-in-their-response/646458.md?page=2)