# Is pretty much everyone's life really hard? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 16, 2015, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973 "2015-01-16T12:57:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/21 "2015-01-16T16:50:03Z")
I’ll put a plug in for clinical depression (which needs a better name.) Everything could be hunky dory. You could be raking in cash, on top of your profession, married to a gorgeous and devoted spouse: but depression _doesn’t give a crap_. It will tear you down and cast you into the darkest pit of misery any human mind has ever experienced. Not everyone suffers from depression, of course, but it’s pretty common, and can be deadly. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/22 "2015-01-16T16:53:24Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Not at any given moment, but do most people’s lives include, in their own opinion, extremely difficult circumstances? You could always make a poll. My worst days set the tone for when my best days came along later, as in they served their purpose. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/23 "2015-01-16T16:56:08Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Sonja: > > > [@](#): > > > > To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down. The Lover’s Paradox, eh? ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/24 "2015-01-16T18:53:28Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > I think the 30-year-old single dudes living with their parents rent-free and eating Doritos and playing video games all day don’t have it so hard. I dunno about that. There are a lot of these dudes posting on Reddit, and they’ve got all kinds of blues. > [@Knorf](#): > > Desire leads to suffering. Not everyone desires to the same extent, so it makes sense that people experience different levels of suffering. A person who has little but desires nothing is in much better shape than a person who has a lot but desires everything. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Kane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Kane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Kane)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2015, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/25 "2015-01-16T19:04:36Z")
I was discussing this with a friend just the other day. I think everyone’s life is hard. I don’t think your problem is _equally_ as hard as the next persons’ problem but I do think that people’s perceptions of their problems are. A privileged person’s small problem is perhaps as dramatic as a homeless guys huge problem. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/26 "2015-01-17T14:01:37Z")
I think it can be objectively stated, though, that the average person has a much easier life _now_ than at any other time in the past. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/27 "2015-01-17T14:14:22Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > I think it can be objectively stated, though, that the average person has a much easier life _now_ than at any other time in the past. But if you look at “happiness indexes” between first world countries and third world countries, people in third world countries report being happier. So maybe, in spite of living easier lives, we’re less happy than we were in the past. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/28 "2015-01-17T14:20:50Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > I think it can be objectively stated, though, that the average person has a much easier life _now_ than at any other time in the past. I don’t know about that. People don’t miss technology that hasn’t been invented yet. Yes, it seems much easier to open my refrigerator or drive to the store to get food instead of gathering up crude hand-weapons and a couple friends to go out for a hunt, but if I had never heard of a store or refrigerator and going for a hunt was how I normally got food, would I think of it as any more of a burden than the unpleasant chore of grocery shopping? Maybe I’d enjoy the camaraderie and excitement of tracking and slaughtering dinner with my group. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/29 "2015-01-17T15:00:28Z")
Of course everyone has low lows. Most people’s lives are cyclical to some degree - highs and lows, some of them very high some of them very low. I’m going through a lull myself and it absolutely, positively sucks. I’ve spent the past several days feeling like I’m being crushed under a weight of stress and pain. But I know that things can get worse. They can get much worse. But in comparison with what people in the rest of the world are going through, it’s not that bad. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/30 "2015-01-17T15:12:43Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Not at any given moment, but do most people’s lives include, **in their own opinion** , extremely difficult circumstances? Bolding mine. And there’s the rub. ‘In their own opinion’. It’s what you make of it. We will all experience difficult times. It’s to be expected. I know is cliché, but the saying ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ is sort of true. Not to minimize past burdens, they are there, and they teach us how to deal with life. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/31 "2015-01-17T15:26:33Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > I don’t know about that. People don’t miss technology that hasn’t been invented yet. > Yes, it seems much easier to open my refrigerator or drive to the store to get food instead of gathering up crude hand-weapons and a couple friends to go out for a hunt, but if I had never heard of a store or refrigerator and going for a hunt was how I normally got food, would I think of it as any more of a burden than the unpleasant chore of grocery shopping? > Maybe I’d enjoy the camaraderie and excitement of tracking and slaughtering dinner with my group. The conveniences and pleasures of modern life also come with downsides that our ancestors didn’t have to deal with. I can imagine our ancestors were more stoic than we are just because they were used to a lot more shit. If everyone’s grieving over a dead baby, then your dead baby doesn’t seem like the cruelest fate in the world. Especially if you’ve got ten others to love, hate, and feed. Being a sustenance farmer is a hard life. But the farmer doesn’t have to navigate through an hour of stressful rush hour traffic every morning, nor worry about being fired over the smallest infractions (like showing up five minutes late after being caught in traffic). There wasn’t universal education in ancient times. But the amount of material students had to master was a lot slimmer back then than it is now. The stakes of failure were also a lot lower. I don’t think our cave men ancestors were flinging themselves over cliff tops because their cave drawings didn’t measure up. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/32 "2015-01-17T15:45:41Z")
> [@Knorf](#): > > Desire leads to suffering. Desire can also lead to happiness. Suffering is almost inevitable; happiness is not. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/33 "2015-01-17T16:07:59Z")
Everybody’s life has problems all the time. And you can survive every single one of them. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/34 "2015-01-17T16:11:11Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Desire can also lead to happiness. Suffering is almost inevitable; happiness is not. Have a chat with the Buddha. 😛 I’m not really a Buddhist, but it always has seemed to be, truthfully, that deliberately seeking happiness might be the worst method to achieve it. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/35 "2015-01-17T16:12:04Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Everybody’s life has problems all the time. And you can survive every single one of them. No, you can’t. Trust me. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/36 "2015-01-17T16:14:00Z")
Some more than others. I think some people are lucky and have pretty good lives. I’d say those people have very resilient minds and bodies (mostly due to genetics) which let them withstand and bounce back from most of lifes problems. Everyone has problems but some people are able to organize their lives enough to avoid more of them, and are more resilient when they come. Some people are very fragile. I believe with things like health problems, those don’t really affect quality of life once you get used to them. But if you have a chronic mental condition with lots of daily negative emotions or lots of daily physical pain that will sap your quality of life right out. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/37 "2015-01-17T16:18:48Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > The conveniences and pleasures of modern life also come with downsides that our ancestors didn’t have to deal with. I can imagine our ancestors were more stoic than we are just because they were used to a lot more shit. If everyone’s grieving over a dead baby, then your dead baby doesn’t seem like the cruelest fate in the world. Especially if you’ve got ten others to love, hate, and feed. > > Being a sustenance farmer is a hard life. But the farmer doesn’t have to navigate through an hour of stressful rush hour traffic every morning, nor worry about being fired over the smallest infractions (like showing up five minutes late after being caught in traffic). There wasn’t universal education in ancient times. But the amount of material students had to master was a lot slimmer back then than it is now. The stakes of failure were also a lot lower. I don’t think our cave men ancestors were flinging themselves over cliff tops because their cave drawings didn’t measure up. As a counterpoint, the fact that we’ve eliminated so much suffering makes us nicer. According to Steven Pinker the world is much nicer and safer than in the past. Stuff that in the past was considered normal (domestic violence against women and children, torture, oppression, slavery, bigotry) offends us now and is viewed as something to stamp out. It is easy to be loving when life is going well, once life sucks people turn into assholes. The fact that we’ve made life suck 75% less than 500 years ago means people are far less cruel towards each other. Neurotic nice people aren’t perfect but they are a step up from evil, cruel cave people. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/38 "2015-01-17T16:21:20Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Some more than others. I think some people are lucky and have pretty good lives. I’d say those people have very resilient minds and bodies (mostly due to genetics) which let them withstand and bounce back from most of lifes problems. > > Some people are very fragile. I believe with things like health problems, those don’t really affect quality of life once you get used to them. But if you have a chronic mental condition with lots of daily negative emotions or lots of daily physical pain that will sap your quality of life right out. This. Some people seem to suffer inordinately from trivial (or no) problems, while others are hardly bothered by objectively destructive events. And some people draw meaning and philosophy from their adverse experiences; other people just become rampant assholes. Resilience and emotional style are bigger factors in subjective experience of difficulty than specific events. I don’t agree that everyone has “very high highs” and “very low lows.” Some people are just very even keeled in their emotional style. I think you can choose and learn a different style, but we all have our natural inclinations to work with/against. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/39 "2015-01-17T16:37:40Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Everybody’s life has problems all the time. And you can survive every single one of them. Not the last one. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2015, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973/40 "2015-01-17T17:24:35Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > This. > > Some people seem to suffer inordinately from trivial (or no) problems, while others are hardly bothered by objectively destructive events. And some people draw meaning and philosophy from their adverse experiences; other people just become rampant assholes. > > Resilience and emotional style are bigger factors in subjective experience of difficulty than specific events. I don’t agree that everyone has “very high highs” and “very low lows.” Some people are just very even keeled in their emotional style. I think you can choose and learn a different style, but we all have our natural inclinations to work with/against. This. But it is also true that objective events (AKA luck) differs between people. Some folks happily keep their factory job for decades. Others have several factories in a row bought out & closed, costing them their jobs each time through no fault of their own. Some folks have their spouses die early; some have that happen more than once. Others don’t. The same thing can happen with kids. Or both. Or not. Some folks have the good fortune to have the stock market boom for years just before they reach retirement age. Others have a 5-year recession & stock market bust in their final pre-retirement years. I strongly disagree with the posters that say everyone is suffering all the time. Or that everyone is suffering just now because this particular week / month / year is particularly hard. Somebody wise once said “happiness is the excess of reality over expectations.” The practical corollary to that is “Manage your expectations to manage your happiness.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-pretty-much-everyones-life-really-hard/709973.md?page=3)