# Is "proposing" on your knees really a thing in the US? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 18, 2026, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790 "2026-01-18T14:44:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/41 "2026-01-19T00:07:58Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > I’d find that ridiculous, and I don’t understand the American obsession about marriage and its rituals. it starts way earlier … I always found the whole american “dating rules/expectations” very formulaic … so yeah … in a way, it fits the pattern … on the other hand, I find Love outside the USA way more anarchistic … (do what you see fit)… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/42 "2026-01-19T00:10:55Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > I’d find that ridiculous, and I don’t understand the American obsession about marriage and its rituals. For what it’s worth (and, of course, this is an older-skewing board), marriage rates have declined substantially in the U.S. in recent decades: [as of this study from 2021](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/06/28/a-record-high-share-of-40-year-olds-in-the-us-have-never-been-married/), one out of four American 40-year-olds has never been married, up from 6% in 1980. It wasn’t that long ago that getting married (and buying a house) was seen as an important, maybe essential, part of entering adulthood in the U.S. That’s no longer the case, and for a variety of reasons, younger Americans often wait longer before finally getting married, cohabitate without marriage, or aren’t in relationships at all. But, yes, marriage – and maybe even moreso, weddings – are still highly romanticized in American culture. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/43 "2026-01-19T00:11:18Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Personally I find it surprising that you assume this is a uniquely American obsession. Oh, I never said it isn’t done in other countries too, even by some people here in Germany, but I think all things marriage are over stressed in the US, and FWIW the OP asked especially about the US customs. But I tell you an example: about 20 or 25 years ago, I read a review about a Hollywood comedy called “The Wedding Planer” or some such. That’s when I first heard about such a profession. I’m sure there now are wedding planers in Germany too, but only for the wealthy, common people don’t need shit like that. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/44 "2026-01-19T00:13:06Z")
Wedding planners, not wedding planers. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/45 "2026-01-19T00:14:34Z")
Ouch, that makes a difference 😉. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/46 "2026-01-19T00:19:44Z")
Though a wedding planer is useful for smoothing out roughness in the wedding plans. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/47 "2026-01-19T00:21:41Z")
Webster’s Dictionary defines “wedding” as “the joining of two metals at high temperatures”… ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/48 "2026-01-19T00:22:14Z")
My former husband and I got together in April. June we moved in together. I think Nov he said, lets get married. We did in Dec. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/49 "2026-01-19T00:23:05Z")
And now it’s your former husband. Was it all too fast? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/50 "2026-01-19T00:25:05Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > it would have been a matter of mutual discussions about the pros and cons, and then a decision between both of us, Well, we did all that too. But we wanted the ritual along with it. There were zero surprises that day, except perhaps how our housemate made a beautiful bow out of a garbage bag. Looking back twenty years, I’m still impressed with that bow. Anyway, we were 22 years old. While the tradition is man asking woman, it doesn’t have to be a gendered thing. When my sister-in-law proposed to her wife, she did it on one knee. ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/51 "2026-01-19T00:25:18Z")
yep, if you want a really polished wedding … there is no way around them ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/52 "2026-01-19T00:26:01Z")
Ha. No, this was 30 some years ago. He is no more. ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/53 "2026-01-19T00:30:21Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > Oh, I never said it isn’t done in other countries too, even by some people here in Germany, but I think all things marriage are over stressed in the US, and FWIW the OP asked especially about the US customs. well, now that we have established, that - depending on geography and micro-culture - they are a real thing in the USof A… let’s expand the Q: **how about in other countries? ..**. Esp. “commonwealth” ones (UK, CN, AUS, NZ, ZA) - is it also a thing? I dare say, in central/western europe that is historically not a thing (maybe today it’s creeping in like halloween or so …) **[snip from @Spice_Weasel]** **While the tradition is man asking woman, it doesn’t have to be a gendered thing. When my sister-in-law proposed to her wife, she did it on one knee.** but I do not (ever?) see any where the woman asks the man … (maybe some vid’s done in a man-bites-dog kinda feeling) ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/54 "2026-01-19T00:37:03Z")
I’ve only been present at one marriage proposal: when I proposed to my wife. I did not get on my knees. Seems to have worked out anyway, given that that was over 36 years ago and we haven’t killed each other yet. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/55 "2026-01-19T00:45:56Z")
I like that. Yet. ---
**Author:** ![Ellecram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellecram/32/18948_2.png) [@Ellecram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellecram)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/56 "2026-01-19T00:47:24Z")
I got married by the Toledo Justice of the Peace in 1982 while on leave from the Navy. There was no wedding party and even my parents in PA did not attend. It was a one and done thing. Just a night in a hotel and then I took a plane back to Guantanamo Bay where I was stationed at the time. I never wanted any kind of wedding ritual and that included the reception party. Seemed like a waste of time and money. But we are all different and I always enjoy attending wedding receptions. I just didn’t want one for me. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/57 "2026-01-19T00:56:08Z")
No rituals for me either. Not sure how much actual discussion there even was - I think it was more conversations that assumed we were going to get married. I don’t think I know anyone who had the stereotypical surprise proposal, on one knee or not. My daughter claimed that she and her husband simultaneously decided to propose to each other one Christmas without pre-planning, but no one believes that. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/58 "2026-01-19T01:12:00Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > I’m sure there now are wedding planers in Germany too, but only for the wealthy, common people don’t need shit like that. It’s really not a matter of wealthy or not - it has more has to do with the type of wedding. When I got married in 1987, wedding planners weren’t common yet. Not even for large weddings. There weren’t even coordinators that work for the venue. So 23 year-old me got to plan a party for 200 or so people- when I hadn’t planned anything bigger than a birthday party before. It wasn’t a problem in my mother’s day - in those days the wedding planner was also known as “the bride’s mother”. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/59 "2026-01-19T01:20:09Z")
Back in the era of flip phones, before posting everything in your life became a thing, my wife and I were enjoying a blessed night away from our children at a moderately priced Italian restaurant. The couple at the table next to us looked like a couple of high school kids dressed up for their big date. Suddenly the boy dropped down on one knee, pulled out a ring with a microscopic diamond in it, and proposed. The girl squealed and accepted, and my wife an I both stifled our urge to scream, **“NO! STOP! YOU’RE TOO YOUNG!”** Instead, we quietly told the waiter, who brought the happy couple a free dessert while the girl called all her friends. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2026, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790/60 "2026-01-19T01:43:16Z")
At my age, if I were to propose on my knees, I’d need help getting up again. If no one else was around, said help would have to be provided by the prospective new wife. Which I imagine would detract from some of the romance! 😁 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-proposing-on-your-knees-really-a-thing-in-the-us/1026790.md?page=4)