# Is removing a door from its hinges cruel and unusual punnishement for a teenager? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 11, 2010, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089 "2010-05-11T19:48:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/101 "2010-05-18T18:16:13Z")
> [@Lama\_Pacos](#): > > It’s rather irrelevant who here has a kid and who doesn’t. There are just as many bad parents out there as good ones. The fact that you popped a baby out proves that you have a working uterus and figured out how to have sex; congrats on that, I guess, but it doesn’t qualify you more than anyone else to make judgments on which fashions of child-rearing are more or less moral. I’ve never been an i-banker but I’m pretty sure I can determine that corporate theft is wrong. Yes, there are bad parents. But non-parents tend to have all kinds of wonderful theories of child raising, in which they never lose their tempers. Parents, though, know only too well that when Junior is cranky and Mom and Dad are cranky, there’s gonna be tempers flaring all around, and all the theories go out the window. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2010, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/102 "2010-05-18T20:43:11Z")
> [@Lama\_Pacos](#): > > It’s rather irrelevant who here has a kid and who doesn’t. _Points and laughs_ Yeah, you don’t have to be a banker to know that theft is wrong, and you don’t have to be a parent to know that child abuse is wrong. Of course, there’s tons of stuff about being a banker that you DO have to be a banker to know, and there’s also tons of stuff about being a parent. And at least bankers are all dealing with the same SEC. Parents have to adjust to the kid they get. Any time you start thinking that non-parents are just as qualified to judge, keep in mind that some moron is going to come along any minute and scream that taking a teenager’s door off is child abuse. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![aerie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e9a140/32.png) [@aerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerie)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/103 "2010-05-20T19:39:57Z")
Sorry all! I’ve been away. I read the comments and basically, I came off sounding like an ass. I apologize for acting all morally superior and that bullsh_t. I grew up with that “do it because I said so, dammit” & “do as I say don’t ask questions” kind of attitude. Was never allowed to make a decision for myself, grew up on eggshells, lots of guilt, “dad’s the boss, you’re not shit”…I could go on. Plus, I think he got sort of sick entertainment out of seeing me suffer, but’s another story. It left me with some serious mind/decision-making/self-esteem f_ckery that I’m still dealing with at 43. Maybe I’m just a pansy-ass, idk. But I do know that by the time I was 19 or 20 I didn’t have the maturity or decision making abilities that I should’ve/could’ve had. When I finally got away from that “oppression” I went wild, like so many young people do. So when I see or hear _read_ what sounds like that familiar brand of parenting, it’s f\*cks with me. Truthfully, I jumped in ya’ll’s sh_t and I apologize. I don’t know any of you or ya’lls kids, situations, personalities, problems, histories, issues, etc or what goes on b/tw you and your kids. I have NO place to judge anyone, because I’ve done some pretty f_cked sh\*t myself and that’s normally the attitude I carry. I’m not sure what got into me. Anyway… **Truce!** Please!? Maybe I just got lucky with my kids. They’ve always been well-behaved & pretty quiet. **Yes! I have 2 teenage daughters, 16 & 18 who so far, aren’t preggers, flunkies, junkies, or dropouts** Haven’t had to resort to pulling any doors off yet. I’m not holding my breath though because I didn’t get into some deep sh_t until my 30s…so there’s still time. They aren’t perfect, but our house is pretty calm as far as that. I just remember telling myself that would NOT do things the way my parents did. They were over-reactionary & every misstep for me was the end of the f_cking world. But, that’s my baggage, sorry if I threw it all over people here. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/104 "2010-05-20T20:09:43Z")
Well, all right then. I’ll cut your grounding down to one month, and you can do all the dinner dishes this week. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/105 "2010-05-20T20:13:08Z")
Whoa… an apology. _What’s going on?!_ I’m so very scared. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/106 "2010-05-20T20:31:51Z")
Did the dad tell him beforehand that this was a possible consequence? If so, then I have no problem whatsoever with it. If he didn’t warn him in advance, then I have only a teeny tiny problem with it, not enough that I’d consider it my business to tell him how to raise his own kid. ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2010, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/107 "2010-05-20T22:06:50Z")
Yeah, cut it out, **aerie**. You’re making it awfully hard for me to stay all huffy. ---
**Author:** ![aerie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e9a140/32.png) [@aerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerie)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/108 "2010-05-21T00:52:35Z")
🙂 > [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Well, all right then. I’ll cut your grounding down to one month, and you can do all the dinner dishes this week. 🙂 **Doing dishes is considered cruel & unusual punishment for me!** :eek: > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Whoa… an apology. _What’s going on?!_ I’m so very scared. \*\*Nothing going on!..humility & I are old friends, my douchebaggery deserved a reality check \*\*:smack: > [@StuffLikeThatThere](#): > > Yeah, cut it out, **aerie**. You’re making it awfully hard for me to stay all huffy. **Well I was getting a nosebleed from being so high on my moral horse! /joke fail/** ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/109 "2010-05-21T04:37:44Z")
This is probably mostly irrelevant now that **aerie** has apologized, but my biggest problem with parenting advice from nonparents is that they often don’t consider the age of the child. I’ve seen some very reasonable-sounding advice from nonparents in the teenager threads - they generally actually do remember being a teenager. But advice from nonparents in the toddler/preschool/early elementary threads is frequently terrible. The problem I see is that they think about what they remember from early childhood, but it’s rarely from exactly the same age, and most people don’t really remember their day-to-day life at that age, anyway. So they think that _of course_ a four-year-old should be able to control himself all the time, and their mother would have tanned their hides if they acted like that at age four. But in fact, their mother would have tanned their hides if they acted like that at age eight or nine - at four, she was probably just a long-suffering parent like the rest of us. ---
**Author:** ![Jinx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Jinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jinx)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2010, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/110 "2010-05-21T06:23:13Z")
Cruel and unusual? C’mon! Who’s the landlord here? When his son gets into the real world and on his own instead of sponging off his parents, then we can talk. Taking the door of the hinges is called…tough love! America needs more parents like this! These pot-heads think the world owes them a free ride. His son needs an overdose of reality…like chores or hard labor. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2010, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/111 "2010-05-22T13:27:48Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > The only “Rights” a kid has is that they’re properly fed, housed, and educated. \*Not \*that I think taking down a door in a house you own violates this, but I think some rights, such as privacy, legal recourse, freedom from economic, sexual or military exploitation, and freedom of expression and association are just as fundamental as the rights you listed, and IMO should be enforced by society, over the objections of parents. Children are not the property of their parents. The UN happens to agree with me, not that that makes me right, but it’s a data point. Of course, the US isn’t a ratifier of the Convention, even though it was a major developer of the idea, but that’s no surprise to anyone who’s ever studied US policies on things like CO[sub]2[/sub] or landmines. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2010, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/112 "2010-05-22T14:08:00Z")
> [@alphaboi867](#): > > (bolding mine) > > How old is her son? :eek: There’s a sexylosers comic you should read… ---
**Author:** ![aerie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e9a140/32.png) [@aerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerie)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/113 "2010-06-02T17:56:01Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > \*Not \*that I think taking down a door in a house you own violates this, but I think **some rights, such as privacy, legal recourse, freedom from economic, sexual or military exploitation, and freedom of expression and association** are just as fundamental as the rights you listed, and IMO should be enforced by society, over the objections of parents. Children are not the property of their parents. In spite of my apology, in which I was sincere and I will stand by, I agree with you MrDribble. You conveyed it without the ‘emotionality’ and ‘judgementalness’ that I applied to my previous comments. And to clarify, abuse of those rights has consequences, just as they do for all persons. ---
**Author:** ![aerie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e9a140/32.png) [@aerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aerie)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/114 "2010-06-02T18:14:32Z")
> [@Jinx](#): > > …When his son gets into the real world and on his own instead of sponging off his parents, then we can talk. Taking the door of the hinges is called..tough love!.. I don’t think _most_ kids sponge off their parents…beyond what is normal for them to become educated and up & on their own (not sponging)…_some_ do out of laziness, I’m sure. But usually, unknown to many parents, there may be some underlying mental illness going on with a young adult who prefers \*that \*over being independent and self-reliant. It’s not all about being a pothead or a mooch. I disagree with turning a young adult loose at age 18 and expect them to be totally independent. It’s just not possible in our world today…minimum wage is not a living wage, however, nothing wrong with working their way through college, etc. I feel like it’s my job as a parent to provide them with a education so they _won’t_ need my help later on. Barring unforeseen circumstances of course. Maybe each situation needs to be looked at differently individually. There’s been a lot research on the concept of “tough love” which shows that it’s mostly ineffective and only causes more mental/emotional problems. Not all cases, maybe there are some who need ‘hard labor’ or whatever. For example, these teen rehab programs like “Straight”, etc. have proven to be very damaging. I also disagree with the idea of “interventions” like on the A&E show “Intervetion”. I just couldn’t walk away from my child in that situation. But again, I’ve not been in that situation. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089/115 "2010-06-02T19:35:17Z")
Good for him. His kid lost the right to privacy when he got stupid enough to start smoking pot. It’s up to the kid to re-earn it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-removing-a-door-from-its-hinges-cruel-and-unusual-punnishement-for-a-teenager/539089.md?page=5)